What I Didn't Know
by ChristinaLacrima
Summary: So what if Brittz and I make out and stuff...it doesn't mean anything, right! I mean, it's not like I'm in love with her or something...god! I just wish she would stop looking at me like that, like she knows something I don't - what the hell? Rated M for later chapters' lady lovin' and of course the unavoidable Lopez-swear-marathons.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys…so this is my first fanfic and I'm kinda nervous. I hope you like it. Please review and tell me what you think

Disclaimer: don't own glee...would be cool though!

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**Chapter 1**

"Whow, whow, whow! What the hell, Britt?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "I aints going to that snor-fest! Not happening!"

I was lying belly-down on my bed, hovering over a people's magazine I had been reading right up till a few minutes ago, when Brittany had come bursting in all excited. She was still jumping up and down, clapping her hands like crazy and beaming down at me.

She could not be serious, could she? A party at Finn's house? I mean he _used_ to be kinda cool. You know like way back when he was still the one and only star-Quarterback and _not_ dating Manhands.

I had even been to some not half-bad parties at his house, but they hadn't been controlled by the most annoying dwarf the world has ever seen. And believe me… there is _no_ way this party wouldn't have the stink of Berry all over it, I don't think Finnderella even breathed without checking with her first.

"Please, please, pleeeeaase!" Brittany hopped onto the bed, which resulted in me getting thrown about a foot into the air and my magazine off the bed.

"Britt!" I half laughed, half huffed while turning around onto my back to keep an eye on Brittany who was bouncing up and down. "Quit it! You're gonna squash me!"

"No I'm no-hot!" Brittany sing-sanged.

She lied down next to me however. In fact she lied down pretty closely and when I looked up into her face I saw that she didn't have that giddy smile anymore.

The smile she was wearing now was quite different. Coy and smug and unbelievingly sexy.

Propped up on her left elbow she bent her head low over mine until she was so close I could feel her breath on my cheek. It sent goose bumps all the way down my spine.

I hated it when that happened. Scratch that… I loved it. I just hated that she had this control over me. Or – to be more precise – I hated that it was so _obvious_ that she had this control over me.

If I didn't watch out everybody would be able to tell soon! They would know that it was really _Brittany_ who called the shots in our friendship most of the time. Like _everybody_! The whole Glee-club for example and … oh my god … my parents! They'd probably all totally draw the wrong conclusions and think I was like whipped or something.

They already suspected Britt and I were more than just friends, just cause Britt had let it slip that we occasionally slept together! _Geez! A girl has needs alright! I mean it's not like this is something serious… she's my best friend for crying out loud!_

Right then however I was jerked out of these exhausting thoughts, when her amazingly soft lips graced my right ear and she whispered in her most seductive voice

"I could do something else to you though. If you wanted me to." _Holy shit, she's hot when she does that! _

Even though it felt like all my breath had left my body I managed to choke out "Stop it, Britt." My attempt at an order sounded less like an order but more like a plea. _Okay, seriously…really, really hate this._

I drew in a shaky breath and cleared my throat. "I know what you're trying to do and I am _not_ gonna give in to your flirting. You can bash your eyelashes all you want, there is just no way in hell you're dragging me to that disaster waiting to happen!"

"Not even if I do this?"

She put her lips to the spot right below my ear and I involuntarily let out a little sigh. _Damn it! She knows me so well. _

The fingers of her right hand had started drawing little patterns on my abs and ribs. The way they lightly trailed over my shirt made me want to rip it off to fully experience her touch on my skin. I couldn't help but lean into her and as I did so my arms snaked around her waist, pulling her closer.

She instantly knew she had won. Smiling victoriously she detached her lips from my neck, only to cover mine with them in a passionate kiss. I shuttered slightly and pulled her even closer wanting there to be no space left between our bodies.

Her left hand was now entangled in my hair, grabbing my neck to hold my head in place as she shifted slightly to position herself on top of me, never breaking our kiss. Her right leg between both of mine and with my hand still on the small of her back, I pressed her body into mine.

My senses were so heightened. I could feel everything. Her warmth radiating from her dancer body, her left hand massaging my neck, her right hand ever so subtly inching up my shirt and her tongue running over my lips, demanding access. I immediately granted it and let out a quiet moan when our tongues found each other.

I had kissed a lot of boys, but none of them kissed like Brittany did. Not one of them. Her soft lips, her warm, skillful tongue and her intoxicating taste. They were the reasons why, from the first kiss on, I had been hooked. Hooked on her. _Well, not really her. Just her kisses. She's a good kisser, that's all._

As our kisses grew more and more passionate her hand pushed my shirt higher up my body until the bottom of my bra was showing. She again trailed figures over my abs, only this time they really _were_ on my bare skin. It burned. Everywhere her fingers touched left my skin burning like it was on fire. It didn't hurt, it just made me feel hot and dizzy.

When she took my lower lip between her teeth and bit me playfully my breath got caught in my throat and I felt another shutter going through my body. My hands that had been travelling up and down her back grabbed fists of her shirt to contain the tension that was building up between my legs. My head started to get cloudy as I thrashed my tongue back into her mouth and felt her body shiver as she moaned eagerly, wanting me to keep going.

But I couldn't. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy our occasional make-out sessions, because I did. God, I _really _did. It was just that lately they hadn't been that _occasional_ anymore. They had actually pretty much been a daily thing and I just couldn't have that. Britt would start to think that they meant something to me, which they didn't. _Well, duuh! It's not like I'm in love with her or something!_

So I gathered up all my remaining will-power – which was hardly any – and stopped my hands from grabbing her ass, directing them to push her off of me instead. I immediately missed the pressure and heat of her body against mine as I wiggled out from under her and landed somewhat ungracefully on the floor next to my bed.

She looked a bit taken aback and maybe even hurt so I hurriedly said "Alright, alright fine! You win. I'll go to the stupid party with you. Now get out of here before I change my mind."

It wasn't exactly nice, but it was what Coach always told us when she wanted to get rid of us but also wanted to let us down easy. And I really needed to get rid of her so I could cool off. I made sure I said it with a smile though, so Brittany would know I didn't mean anything by it. After all, this cooling off business was my problem and not hers and certainly not her fault. Well… of course it was sort of her fault, but I meant not like in a bad way.

Her face lit up and she jumped off the bed and hugged me real tight. _Not helping the cooling off here, Britt!_ I tried to smile while she squealed "Oh my god, yay! We're gonna have sooooo much fun! Promise!" She jumped some more and then she twirled around and ran over to where she had dropped her backpack next to the door and brought it with her to the middle of my room, where she sat down cross-legged and patted the spot by her side for me to join her.

"Britt? Come on seriously I got some stuff to do." I actually didn't, but like I said, I really needed not to be near her as much right now. Her face crumbled up in confusion. "But you said you'd help me study for our math test. You know how I keep mixing stuff up…" her voice trailed off, somewhat sad.

_Oh fuck, right I did promise her that._ "Oh, right. Okay fine... I uum… I can do that stuff I have to do later anyway… "I mumbled hastily. "And you do know how to do it, Britt! You're just all nerves!"

It was true. Most of Brittany's issues with math – or school in general for that matter – had almost entirely to do with her nerves. Whether it was having to write a test or at the blackboard or even just her homework, which the teacher _might_ request to see, Brittany just froze up.

Her mum had told me once that she had always sort of been like that, but that it had gotten worse after this incident that had happened to her in second grade. Her mom hadn't wanted to tell me what it was in case Britt wasn't okay with me knowing, but like a year back, Britt had confided in me and told me all about it.

Like her mom had said, it had happened in second grade. She had been sick this one time but had still gone to school and then when the teacher had called on her to come to the front and speak or something she had puked all over his shoes. Until sixth grade the other students had kept calling her Brittany "Pukes" instead of Brittany Pierce.

So now she hated doing anything of that sort and the fear had turned into habit and at some point she had simply been doing it for too long so that she just hadn't been able to catch up, which had resulted in her getting frustrated and unmotivated and everybody else thinking she was stupid and calling her so.

Well, and the other reason was that Britt just got unbelievably fast distracted. She could seriously be thinking of one thing and be distracted by another thought shooting into her head before the first one had even had the chance to be verbalized.

"Yeah, but still! You promised and even if it is nerves, not studying won't help me then, will it? Plus… I totally dig the whole 'teacher-you'. It's hot." Brittany's reply brought me back to the present. I refocused my eyes on her and watched her giggle in confusion. "What's so funny, Britt?" I asked, raising my left eyebrow at her.

"It's just … that … we were like talking about math, and then I said plus! But I didn't mean the math plus I meant the English plus…you know, the word." At this she stopped giggling and wrinkled her forehead. "Whow…hey San"

"What ?" I asked smirking. I loved her confused face. It was so darn cute.

"I just confused myself. Like when I said I didn't mean math-plus, but the word plus? I just realized that the math-plus is a word too, so how do you explain what the difference is? " She looked up at me expectantly as I was still standing a few feet away from her position on the floor, leaning against my desk chair.

That was a good question. Brittany almost always asked good questions only everybody else was too stupid to get the logic behind them. That really pissed me off at times. I pushed myself off the back of the chair and went over to sit with her.

"Hmmm, good question, Britt. I don't know. Maybe you could say like: the one is the word for the sign you use in math and the other is for the literary use…or something. I don't know. I mean, it sort of means the same thing anyway. That you want to add something. I guess the difference is that one time it is a number and the other time it's a word or an argument, right?"

Brittany had followed my speculations with a highly concentrated look on her face, unconsciously nodding to what I was saying. "You're so smart, San. You're like my mum's kitchen cleaner!"

I decided to let that one go for now.

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Thanks for reading :) do you think i should continue?


	2. Chapter 2

me again! so guys, I'm really excited and happy that you read my story, but i'm also a bit disappointed and discouraged cause i only got 2 reviews. so I wanna thank xXDemiFanForeverXx and amillionyears for telling me what they think:D And I hope you others feel like reviewing this chapter, cause it would mean sooo much to me, honest!

Disclaimer: glee characters aren't mine

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Chapter 2

*~*~* _2 hours later *_~*~*

"That can't be right!" I heard Brittany mumble behind me. "San, could you come look at this? I don't get it. I did everything you said but it still says 'error' on my calculator!"

I stood up from my desk chair and walked over to where Brittany was sprawled out in front of her math books and notes on my floor. She was lying on her belly, held up on both elbows, staring frustrated at the calculator in her hands.

"Haaand it over." I reached out my hand for the calculator while sitting down next to her. "Alright, which problem are you working on?" I leaned forward to look into her book.

Helping Britt with her school work was actually something I enjoyed doing most of the time. It was really cute when she got something. You could literally see the light go on inside her head when it happened, because she'd widen her eyes and grin really big and sometimes she even gave me a kiss as a reward for explaining it to her.

"2b" Brittany answered, pointing at the text. "I've already written down the equation here. But the calculator says it's wrong!" she whined, sliding over her notes for me to check. The equation was only half finished but right so far. I told her and said "Maybe you just put the numbers in wrong." I tried entering the whole equation into the device myself and got a result.

"Now that makes way more sense than 'error'" Brittany had watched me type in the numbers and was now copying the answer into her notes, a tiny smirk on her face.

"Oh my god! You totally did it again, didn't you?" I had recently noticed that Brittany had taken to manipulating me into doing her home work by playing dumb when she didn't feel like doing it herself.

"What, did you just push in random numbers until it said 'error'?" I laughed out disbelievingly.

Nodding enthusiastically Brittany rolled over and put her head in my lab. "Math is boring. I thought you wouldn't mind doing the rest." The blonde smiled.

Shaking my head at my best friend's sneaky behavior I finished her homework while she was playing with my left hand, which was draped over her left shoulder onto her stomach just below the ribs.

Ten minutes later I was done and shut Britt's notebook with a little yawn. I stretched my upper body to glance at the alarm clock on my nightstand. It was 8.20 pm. _When did _that_ happen?_

I looked down at the blonde whose head was still in my lab. She was smiling solemnly up at me with a sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes. She had this look again. This piercing look that made me feel naked. Not the sexy kinda naked. The totally cheesy, she-is-looking-straight-into-my-soul kinda naked.

We were both quietly studying each other's features. So wonderfully familiar and comforting. She lazily lifted her right arm and stroked lightly over my cheek. I reflexively leaned into her touch and closed my eyes. Another yawn escaped my lips. I heard a low chuckle coming from Britt at this. I tried to protest but my "hey!" was modified by yet another big yawn, making it sound more like "hhaaaah".

Grinning broadly, the blonde turned in my lab and snuggled her face into my stomach. She shifted so she could put both arms around my middle and hugged me tightly. I was done yawning but didn't feel the need to defend my tiredness anymore. Instead I smiled and stroked her hair before I took a deep breath and started gathering up her things from the floor, leaning over her strong upper body.

"Hey Brittz, you hungry? Wanna go down and order some pizza or something?" My mum had a lot of great qualities, but cooking wasn't one of them. _Well, I think. I don't really know whether she _could_ cook if she had the time. But she doesn't, so whatever._

It wasn't like we never had warm food in the house, though. My abuela sometimes came over and prepared the most amazing meals for me. Every other Sunday she even taught me how to cook some of her best recipes, Lopez-style, but Britt didn't know I could cook. As far as she knew the only thing I was good at, was baking muffins or cookies. I didn't have the slightest idea why I hadn't told her yet. I just hadn't.

"Yyyhh mma..mmmm..m..mmm" Brittany mumbled into my middle. I chuckled. "What was that? You don't want anything? Alright I'll just order one for myse…"

"NO! I want one, I want one." Britt piped up. "San, I want one with…"

"…extra cheese, onions and capers, I know Britt-Britt. I'm just screwing with you!" I laughed, amused at the shocked look on the blonde's face, whose head had snapped around to look at me at my little joke.

My loud laugh had made my stomach tremble and had pushed Britt's head away from my stomach and further down my legs. When she realized I was making fun of her she turned her head and bit me right in the middle of my left inner thigh.

"OOOOWW! What the fuck, Britt!" I screamed, pushing her head and shoulders off me.

Britt turned around giggling."What?" She asked with an overly innocent look in her eyes. "I was getting hungry. And when you said I wouldn't get any pizza I had to find something else to bite into, didn't I?"

"Oh, whatever!" I shot back, rubbing my sore thigh and huffing dramatically. Ignoring Brittany's ongoing sniggers I stood up from the floor to grab my cell so I could order us some pizza.

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*~*~*_1 hour later_*~*~*

I was so full, I thought I was gonna burst for sure any minute now.

Brittany and I were lazily lying on the couch in my living room. Two empty pizza cartons and the DVD case of the movie we were watching in front of us on the coffee table.

"Once again my life has been saved by the miracle of lasagna!" Brittany spoke along with the cartoon Garfield on the screen. I looked over at my best friend and a smile escaped my lips when I noticed that she had sat up straight.

She did that every time we watched that movie, always at the same scene. Because, although we had seen Garfield fall out of that window and land in the truck full of lasagna about a million times, she still worried he might miss it this time and hurt himself. I loved her for that. _As a friend of course, I mean I love her as a friend!_

Wrapped up in my thoughts I hadn't noticed that Britt had stopped reciting along with the movie. Only when she cracked a smile and turned her head slowly to look at me, my senses kicked in again. I felt my cheeks blush and raised an eyebrow at her, drawing in a sharp breath that was supposed to sound like a yawn and hurriedly asked:

"Sooo, you as tired as I am? Man, those pizzas really take it outta ya, don't they." I stretched my arms and legs for emphasis and heard my stiff neck crack. _Ouch! God, I shouldn't have let Coach make me do those last few exercises!_

Coach Sylvester had made all of the Cheerios do a ton of laps and stuff yesterday, but for whatever reason this time – she had probably had a fight with her mum or Mr. Schuester -, she had made me stay after practice to do about 100 more. I had been so beat that I hadn't even made it home and had instantly fallen asleep in my car in the parking lot. In a _very _unfortunate position. Thus the neck pain.

Brittany had watched me role my head around groaning with a small chuckle and was now wearing an extremely endearing puppy-dog-sympathy look. Pouting lip and all. _So cute._

"Aaaw. You want me to give you a massage?" Britt asked sweetly, cocking her head to one side and raising her eyebrows questioningly.

Hell yes I wanted one! But, like I said, I was trying to cut down on my sexy time with Britt, so as not to confuse her. _Or me._ And let's be honest. A massage from Britt would _definitely_ not be left at that. So I regretfully shook my head as another yawn escaped my lips. A real one this time.

"No thanks, Brittz. I think I really should get some sleep, cause I don't wanna be dead weight on Finn's party tomorrow. And, as badass as I am, even _I_ can't stomach one of those without a good night's sleep to strengthen my nerves." I padded her knee and pushed myself off my warm, comfy place next to her on the couch.

Yawning again, I grabbed the empty pizza cartons and made my way to the kitchen to throw them out, while Brittany was turning off the TV. _Man, I really am tired! _

After washing my hands free of the grease from the cartons in the kitchen sink, I turned around, hollering "_Hey Britt-Britt! You gon…_oh sorry!" I hadn't noticed that the blonde had evidently followed me into the kitchen, and had shouted louder than would have been necessary, seeing as she had apparently been standing right behind me the whole time.

"Sorry!" I said again, as she regained her balance after I had almost knocked her over, not expecting her to stand so close. "You gonna stay over? " I finished the question I had been about to ask her.

"I'm fine. And, yeah. I already told my mum." She replied.

_Okay, okay. It's okay, Santana. Just cause we ended up doing more than cuddling the last three times she stayed over, doesn't mean that we will tonight. It's not that hard to _not _do something. _Even in my head that argument sounded stupid!

"Helooho! Man, you're really tired, aren't you?" Brittany laughed. "Come on, let's go to sleep."She grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs and into my room.

When I came back from the bathroom after brushing my teeth, Brittany had already changed into her sleeping shorts and t-shirt she had borrowed from me, and was just slipping under the covers. I went over to my closet and pulled out my own sleep-wear. I was just about to pull up my shorts when Brittany burst into laughter.

"What, what?" I asked, startled by her sudden outbreak. But she was shaking and giggling so furiously now, trying to control her laughter, that I couldn't understand one word of her broken explanation. I got it however after looking down to where she had pointed, somewhere low on my body.

There it was. Red and prominent on my left thigh.

A perfect impression of her teeth.

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I hope you guys like this one! I really enjoyed writing it :D ppaahlleeeaase! REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

hey :) just wanted to tell you guys that you are awesome and that i really enjoy writing this story. I hope you enjoy reading it just as much :D R&R please! 

Disclaimer: don't own anything (well, of course i own _some _things. just not glee...)

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chapter 3

" Thanks, Sanny! I could have sworn it was 53-18-08!" Brittany and I were standing by her locker after second period to put her books in there, so we could sneak out and grab a bite for lunch.

It's not like anyone could _actually_ eat the food that was being served here! Especially not on what I call "French-freaky"- Fridays – where they only served French fries with some sort of meat, and it was a guessing game which was which- , so Britt and I made it a point to "eat out" as much as possible without getting caught.

Of course Britt had forgotten her combination again, but I think at this point I knew hers probably better than mine. After all, I had selected it, since it'd be me who'd have to remember it in the end anyway. It was 10-14-72. Those numbers came as easy to me as anything. I could never forget them.

We were 10 when we first met, Britt and I. 14 days were the longest we had gone without seeing each other since that day, and Britt had once told me that she had had a dream, where she and I had been sitting together on the front porch of our own large-as-life dollhouse in rocking chairs, eating fondue and playing three-way-chess – don't ask – with Lord Tubbington. I have no idea how she knew it, but apparently in this dream of hers, the three of us – she, I and the cat – had been 72 years old.

"Sure Brittz. And those numbers aren't your combination. They're what you have to push into your calculator so it spells "BOOBIES" when you put it upside down. You forgot one of the `O's though." I said matter-of-factly while I opened her locker with my left hand and held out my right one so she'd give me her books.

It had been the cutest thing, watching Brittany make big eyes and double over with laughter as Puck had first shown her what words you could write with your calculator during math a week ago.

Ever since, Brittany had been harassing Puck in every math class to show her more words, and you could see how much Puck regretted telling Britt about it at all.

Just today I had actually heard him murmur "This is worse than the time I found out that the hot girl I had made out with on my trip to Vegas was actually a dude!" under his breath to Finn, when Britt had relentlessly tugged on his shirt to tell her another series of numbers the device would turn into a funny word.

Finn however had been so horrified by Puck's statement that he had accidentally let go of the pen he had been wiggling about and it had flown right out of his hand and hit the teacher straight in the face.

It had been the most awesome sight, seeing both his and the teacher's faces redden simultaneously and Finnocence shrinking in his seat as Mr. Melton had screamed at him and given him detention for this afternoon._ Sometimes I just love math._

"Oooh! Hihi. Right, boobies!" Brittany giggled as she handed me her books to put into the locker.

"Hey Brittany, hey Santana!" Mercedes greeted, while I closed the locker door and turned around to head off towards freedom. "Where y'all goin'?" she inquired, speeding up to remain walking beside us as I had grabbed Brittany's pinky with mine and had started walking down the hall.

"Hey `Cedes!" the blonde chirped to my left. "We're gonna grab some lunch at BreadStix. You wanna join us?" I rolled my eyes quietly at this. Not that I had something against Mercedes, she was actually one of the few people in Glee I considered sort of `cool' for lack of a better word, but that didn't mean I wanted to share my "BrittStix"-time with her!

"Nah! I just wanted to ask you girls if I could catch a ride with you to Finn's tonight. My dad says I can go as long as I see how I get there and back myself. I think he's tryin' to teach me something…"she explained grinning.

"San?" Britt asked, looking at me to decide, since it was my week to drive us places.

"Urgh, fine. Just don't bring any food in my new car!" I gave in. What the hell, right? If I was going to _Finchel_'s party tonight anyway – _barf _- I could at least see to it that Brittz and I had a good time. And with Mercedes' and Tina's drunken laughing riots I'd at least have something to smile about … and maybe mock.

"Awesome, thanks…wait, where are you gonna pick me up?" Mercedes called after us, as I was dragging Britt out the back door and into the parking lot. I didn't respond.

We had already wasted too much time on Wheezy and I really hadz to get my BrittStix on.

_I mean BreadStix…_

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_*~*~*20 minutes later*~*~*_

"Is there anything else I can get you?" the elderly waitress asked us with a fake smile plastered on her wrinkled face.

"No thanks, that'll be all for now." I waved her off, while Britt had already started digging in her Pasta with Leek-Cream-Sauce. "Slow down Britt-Britt. No one's gonna steal your food." I chuckled. She looked up at me from her slightly hunched over position and smiled embarrassedly.

"Fouwy! Ipf fuft fooo gooog!" At this, one of the noodles slipped out of her mouth and she bobbed her head forward to avoid getting it on her uniform. _Coach would kill her!_

I let out a little laugh and reflexively leaned over the table to clean the cream spots from her chin and the corner of her mouth, my finger lingering just a bit too long. _She's so beautiful, even with cream all over her face._ For a flight second I thought I saw something flicker in her eyes but it was gone before I could figure out what it meant and suddenly I was aware of our surroundings again.

I cleared my throat as I leaned back on my bench and grabbed my diet coke, avoiding her eyes. _What just happened? I cleaned her chin free off spilt sauce? What am I, her nurse?_

"Thanks." Brittany stated simply. There was a weird vibe hanging in the air between us now.

"Hmm." I nodded, drawing on my straw extra slowly. _Aaawkward._

`Miaou miaou' Britt's phone meowed. It was her latest alarm tone signaling that she got a new text message. She alternated every few weeks between various animal sounds so none of them would feel left out. The cat one was definitely her favorite, although the dolphins came in as a close second.

She put her fork down and looked at her phone. Frowning slightly in what I assumed to be concentration, she replied with flying fingers. _She really is a fast texter… well in theory, cause…aaah, there she goes. _The blonde Cheerio laid her cell phone down onto the table, smiling at me with her lips pressed tightly together so that her dimples, that only _I_ knew existed, almost showed.

"Britt, you need to press send." I said, the hint of a smile on my lips again.

Her eyebrows shot up in realization and she quickly pressed the little button. "Right, thanks."

I fought back a smirk and asked who had written her instead.

"Oh, Mercedes." She informed me. "She just wanted to know what the plan for tonight was."

"What did you write back?" I asked, twirling the red straw from my drink between my fingers.

"I wrote her that I didn't know what she was talking about, cause nobody said anything to me about a plan, and that she should just ask you, when she sees you when we pick her up later." Britt deadpanned, bringing another big fork full of noodles to her mouth.

I had to laugh so hard that not only the people nearest to us turned around to punish me with their disapproving stares and annoyed tongue clicking.

But right then I didn't care one bit, `cause Brittany was soon joining in with my laughter after realization hit her and just like that, the weird vibe was gone and she and I were laughing till we cried.

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*~*~*_a few hours later_*~*~*

(6:45 pm)

_Sanny! Lord tubbington hid my make-up again! Can i borrow some?_

(6:48pm)

_San? Hellooho? Can i? _

(6:53pm)

_Alright I'm coming over now. Open ur window so I can get in._

(6:55pm)

_My outfit's totally awesome btw^^ yay shopping Sundays!_

(7:13pm)

_San ur window's closed! Come and open it…_

(7:15pm)

_Oh never mind. Just remembered that u told me that u hid a key 4 me here^^_

(7:18pm)

_I forgot where it is! Miaou!_

(7:19pm)

_Sahahahahan!... Sad britt:(_

(7:23pm)

_I'm in! ur mum was home. Did u know that? I didn't. I'm in ur room. Where r u?_

"San?" I heard Britt's voice through the thunder of the shower.

"Britt? What are you doing here? I told you I'd pick you up when I was done getting ready myself." I replied, poking my head round the curtain.

I almost slipped and fell as I saw what Brittany was wearing. The tight dark blue jeans fit her like a second skin and the short black halter top she sported had less fabric than some of Lord Tubbington's Christmas sweaters.

"Didn't you read my texts?" she asked, furrowing her brows.

"Uuum…wh..what? No? What texts? Britt, I've been in the shower…" I said, stammering slightly and redrawing the curtain. "Just wait in my room, kay? I'll be right out."

"Yeah, okay." She chirped and I heard the door close.

_Phhew. Alrighty then. Turning the water cold…_

* * *

*~*~*_40 minutes later_*~*~*

I impatiently honked three times until I saw Mercedes hurrying towards my white Toyota Prius. As difficult as it was for me, I had to admit:

Tater Tots was _not_ looking half bad! She had somehow managed to make her weave look acceptably decent, falling down in shiny waves, and had even thrown on a navy blue something that brought out her curves. But in a good way.

"Why the hell is_ she_ so dressed up?" I shot at Brittany questioningly. I was somewhat frustrated, because fixing up Brittany's make-up had taken a lot out of me. Seeing as how she had constantly babbled on about how great the party was gonna be, while I had had to try and make her look smoking hot while overlooking the hotness _already_ vibrating off her dancer's body, in order _not_ to jump her right then and there, it was a wonder I hadn't driven us off the road on our way here. _Man, I really needz to get ma mack on tonight. I hope Puck doesn't show up too late!_

"Don't know. Probably to impress Sam." Brittany gave back disinterested. _That_ pulled me out of my thoughts.

"What? What are you saying?" I inquired quickly, as Mercedes was only a few steps away from the car now.

"Oh. Sam's Trouty Mouth, Sanny. Sorry." Brittany tried to help my confusion.

"I know he is, Britt, I dated him for Christ's sake! I meant what do you mean, `she's tryin' to impr…" but at that moment the backseat door on the passenger side was opened and Mercedes got in, saying: "Whow, Santana! Where d'ya get that _car_, girl?"

"Belated birthday present from my dad." I answered unenthusiastically as I started the engine.

"What? But wasn't your birthday like four months ago?" She asked confused.

"Yeah."

I felt their looks on me and acted as if I had to pay more attention to the road than I actually did. Or anyone really did for that matter, when driving down a deserted street in Lima, Ohio.

Britt thankfully turned on the radio and started a conversation with Mercedes about whether or not she should put her hair up or leave it down, and when I was sure the topic was safe, I joined in, making it clear that I would _not_ wear it up in her case, after what had happened the last time.

Which was, that Britt had gotten her hair clip stuck in her shirt during one of her infamous striptease, and had gotten so scared she would never find her way out, that I'd had to hold her in my lab to calm her down for over twenty minutes after I had been able to `free' her from her `evil' shirt.

_On second thought, up is pretty in this year…_

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seeing as i just finished this chapter now and it's like 5:30 in the morning you'll have to forgive me for any major spelling mistakes please :D Thanks for reading, and i hope you like and review it! XO 

oh yeah, and btw: just saw that i cracked 1000 visitors to my stories today :D YAY! love you guys_  
_


	4. Chapter 4

Warning: mention of alcohol and heavy partying ;D hope you guys enjoy and R&R. Thanks sooo much to my dear dear reviewers! love reading every one of your opinions!

Disclaimer: not my characters

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**Chapter 4**

The party was already in full gear – well, if there _was_ a car that only had two gears, so that this metaphor might actually work here - when Britt, Mercedes and I showed up respectably late, as was expected when you're not a total nerd.

See, it was a very delicate thing, coming to parties.

If you were on time or – god forbid – even early, that was totally lame and there was nothing to do, except shift uncomfortably, not daring to take the first drink – okay, Brittz and I weren't so touched by _that_ _particular_ social rule - and cough to avoid the awkward silence as there wasn't anything funny to talk about yet or enough alcohol in your system to conquer the dance floor.

If you came _too_ late however, it was no good either, as everybody would already be drunker than you – although _that_ might not be an issue at a _Rachel Berry bash_ – and you ended up not getting anything decent to drink or any of the insiders that had established before you got there.

However, being naturals, Britt and I had of course mastered the art of respectable lateness years ago.

But despite having once again managed to find the exact right time to show, I still got the immense urge to grab Britt and take a run for it. Cause even the best moment to show up at a party, was a pretty terrible one to be at the party, if said party was being hosted by one `Manhands' Berry.

I had been right.

Judging by the Barbara Streisand banner over the "cocktail-bar" – which should have been called the "Wine-cooler-table" – and the rendition of `singing in the rain' playing in the background, Finnessa really hadn't had too much say in this … let's call it `gathering'.

"Welcome, fellow-glee-clubbers! I am _so_ thrilled you found the time to join our little soiree! Can I interest you in some alcoholic beverages?" Rachel had of course immediately spotted us entering and was now standing in front of us, beaming and gesturing wildly about, clearly nervous and overly excited.

"Urgh, oh my god! Let's go, Britt!" I groaned, attempting to drag Brittany back to the door and to freedom.

"What? But Sanny…" Brittany protested surprised, as Rachel's face fell in shock and disappointment. "You promised! Remember? You said we could go when we were maki…"

"Alright! Alright!" I hastily interrupted Brittany from spilling the beans, _again_.

"Fine, we'll stay. But you better put something else on, Hobbit, cause that's just… well, actually…is that _you_ singing?" just at that moment had I noted a certain `emotional tremble', I was only too familiar with from a certain, annoying, solo-hogging diva, coating the refrain of the old song.

"Why yes, Santana. Thank you for noticing!" Rachel lit up. Excited that I had recognized her voice and completely ignoring the fact that I had actually told her to shut it off rather than that her voice was amazing, or whatever her weird brain had made of my words, instead of the insult it had supposed to be.

I guess she was getting pretty good at ignoring the mean things I was constantly throwing in her face.

_Good for her. _

As I was trying to suppress the need to roll my eyes – and miserably failing -, Britt was happily clapping her hands beside me and Mercedes was craning her neck, obviously looking for someone.

I followed her gaze and soon both of us found who she was looking for.

Sam.

The blonde boy with the freakishly fat lips was standing on the other side of Finn's living room, Rachel had just pushed the three of us into, talking to Rory and Sugar, who was hanging on to Irish's arm, clearly having been smart enough to pregame before coming here. _Damn, I should've thought of that!_

Noticing the both of us staring, Rory waved at Mercedes and me to join them. When I turned around to tell Britt where we were going, she was already gone.

Looking around the room to search for her, I noticed who else was already here.

There were Tina and Mike, leaning against a book shelf, yawning. Artie and Quinn were playing some card game on the coffee table, looking slightly more alive than Asian one and Asian two, and, sitting in the big armchair next to them, watching their game, was Finn.

Rachel was still standing next to me, rubbing her hands excitedly and nodding approvingly at the turn-out. I shook my head in bewilderment at her complete loss of reality – she couldn't seriously consider this a success, right? Getting slightly annoyed by her cluelessness, I turned on my heel and went to explore the house a bit and maybe find Brittany… or Puck…or some booze.

When I got to the kitchen I could already here Brittany's giggling and was relieved that she hadn't gone outside and gotten lost again. She had a real talent to disappear in the first ten minutes of a party and emerge about an hour later, totally drunk and wearing considerably less clothes than when we had arrived.

Not this time though. This time she had apparently gone and found the kitchen and in it …

"Teen Jesus? What are _you_ doing here?" I frowned, going to stand next to Brittany, who was sitting on the counter.

"Oh, hey, Santana!" He gave a little nod. "Rachel was cool enough to invite me. I gotta say, hanging with you guys is totally awesome. Really neat of you all to include me like this."

I raised my eyebrows at that.

_I_ had certainly _not_ gone out of my way to include him in _anything_. The weird looking hippie had just joined the Glee-club last week and, as far as I was concerned, was still on probation.

Somehow I didn't quite like his overly religious attitude and just felt really suspicious about what his intentions were that made him join Glee.

Brittany however seemed to really like him, so I had agreed to give him a chance on the condition that I could personally kick him out if he started suggesting songs like "Christ the lord is risen today".

"Well, it's what Jesus would have done, right?" I declared sarcastically, earning me a surprised but delighted smile from both, Joe and Brittany. I'd have to explain the concept of sarcasm to her again, later.

While the two of them went back to their discussion of how his hair had gotten the way it was – Joe was desperately trying to convince Brittany that it had actually been a _hair-stylist_ who had braided his dreads and _not _little birds like in Cinderella – I decided to see if I could find Puck.

Strolling back to the living room again, I noticed that there were actually pictures of Rachel hanging on the walls.

In Finn's house.

Not pictures of him _and_ Rachel, no;

Pictures _just_ of Rachel. All framed and everything.

_Man, he is more whipped than I am!_

Being distracted by a slightly disturbing picture of an eight year-old Rachel in a glittering wonder woman costume with a microphone in her hand on what seemed to be a Silvestre party, I almost jumped out of my skin when someone pounded on the front door, which I was standing not a foot away from.

"I'll get it, I'll get it!" I heard Rachel sing-sung from the living room, but as I was already here, I opened the door to reveal a suspiciously evil grinning Puck, carrying a huge, curiously clinking, bag.

"LET'S GET THIS PARTY ROOLLLLIIIN'" he hollered, laying his arm around my shoulder and pushing me off towards the kitchen.

_This could get interesting!_

Rachel, Finn, Quinn and Tina all followed me and Puckerman into the Hudson kitchen, all cheering, except for Rachel who was shrieking something about not wanting to be involved in underage drinking and whether we hadn't seen her wine-coolers, or whatever.

Grinning at Britt as the lot of us entered the kitchen, I decided to give this party another chance…

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*~*~*_2 hours and several drinks later*~*~*_

"Blaine, stop it!" Kurt giggled hysterically.

The two of them had shown up shortly after Puck and, to my surprise, Blaine had been doing shots with me and Quinn not five minutes later. Although not drinking himself, Kurt obviously hadn't minded his boyfriend enjoying a few cocktails.

Right up until a minute ago anyways, when Blaine had tried to convince Kurt to dance with him and had started tickling him when he had refused.

I was wearily watching the two of them tease each other playfully, as I sat on the floor in front of the couch with Tina and Quinn and my half empty cup of Vodka-Lemon in my hand.

Tina was also watching the boys, who were now both laughing and chasing each other around the living room. Only she seemed to rather enjoy it.

Not me. I had this annoying jealous feeling nagging on my nerves, watching those two love-birds shoving their _awesome_ relationship in my face.

_I get it! You're happy. Geez!_

Puck, Britt and I had been dancing until some time ago, when Rachel had changed the party music Puck had put on to something really slow and Puck had dragged Brittany to help him get us some more drinks from the kitchen. They hadn't returned yet, probably having forgotten about me…_sniff._

Feeling one of my usual "drunk-crying-fits" coming on, I quickly stood up – well as quickly as I could without falling on Quinn.

_Need to find Puck!_

Puck would always make me feel better when I had my booze-induced-hysterics.

I could either distract myself by making out with him or otherwise make myself feel better by going all Lima Heights on his ass.

Feeling lightheaded from one too many shots of Tequila I had downed with Quinn earlier, I stumbled slightly and almost crashed into Mike who was bringing Tina another one of his self mixed cocktails that smelled strongly of rum, cherries and cream – _puke_.

Catching myself in the last second however, I went around the couch and past Artie, who was sitting in his wheelchair next to the coffee table and staring at somewhere behind me.

I looked around the room, spying for Brittany. _I mean Puck!_

Rachel, who had actually pulled the stick out of her ass about an hour ago, and was now at least as drunk as me, hung on to Finn, who was smiling goofily and shifting from one foot to the other, in, what I supposed to be, an attempt at dancing.

Next to them, Kurt and Blaine, apparently having stopped the tickling, were doing the same, if slightly more successfully. Sugar had sobered up somewhat and was now full-on flirting with a very flustered looking Rory, leaning against the far wall, playing with the collar of his shirt.

Puck however was nowhere to be seen, as were Brittany, Teen Jesus or Mercedes and Sam for that matter.

I was just about to go look for them in the kitchen, when they came back into the living room, Puck holding two bottles of Tequila in his hands. One half full and one empty…

"Who's ready for some SPIN-THE-BOTTLE!"

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*~*~*10 minutes later*~*~*

We were finally all seated around the bottle on the carpet in the middle of the room.

Mercedes and Tina, who loved this game, had actually managed to convince _everybody_ to join in.

Even Rachel and Kurt were looking rather excited.

Taking a look around the circle, that was more the shape of an egg, I suspected Joe was _on_ something, as he just smiled peacefully, while Brittany kept tugging on his hair, probably looking for fairies or birds or something. _Brittany's soooo pretty._

Shaking my head slightly to refocus my attention on the game at hand, I sat up straight and slurred:

"So'r we gonna play'or what? Puck! Com'ere!" I padded the spot next to me for Puck, who had just gotten another bottle of booze from the kitchen, so he wouldn't have to get up later, to sit down.

He did – a little ungracefully – and spun the bottle himself.

It spun and spun, making me feel a little nauseous – _need to take a break from drinking! -_, and finally landed on Tina.

The Asian girl squealed excitedly and looked expectantly at Puck.

"Truth or dare?" He asked.

"Dare!" Tina giggled to Mike's horror. He knew only too well what Puck's dares usually entailed.

And as feared by Mike, Puck's eyes immediately lit up with joy and an evil grin appeared on his lips.

"Alright, Tina, ma girl! I dare you tooo… kiss Rachel!" He said, wiggling his fingers.

Ever since we had forbidden him to only ever dare all the girls to kiss _him_, he had taken it up to always dare them to kiss other girls. Personally, I didn't see what the problem was with that.

Mike's jaw unclenched. Rachel would never go for that.

But to everyone's surprise, Rachel got up – a bit unsteadily -, strode over to Tina and kissed her full on the mouth. A common gasp was shared at this and Puck wolf whistled, delighted.

It was no `making out', but it was a pretty decent kiss for the usually so stuck-up Hobbit, who was reclaiming her seat on an awestruck Finn's lab, nervous red spots on her cheeks and neck, and biting her lip.

When everybody had gotten over the shock of seeing Rachel and Tina lock lips - except for Mike who was still staring at his girlfriend in disbelieve - ,Tina, smirking broadly and pink in the face, grabbed the bottle and spun it.

It landed on Brittany.

"Dare!" Brittany shouted out before Tina could ask the question and I let out an amused chuckle.

She looked so eager! _Oh My God. She is such a party queen. Gotta love her for that!_

As the game went on, the truths and dares got more and more revealing and delicate.

Brittany had already had to French-kiss Mike, Sam and a squealing Quinn, whereas I had been dared to full-on make out with Rory, lick up Tina's cleavage and take off my shirt, which had of course been Puck's idea.

As per rule, all couples participating had to suck it up if their partner had to kiss someone else, or they'd be `suspended', as Puck called it.

I swear to god. Sometimes he took it a bit too seriously. What with the oath and everything!

Mercedes and Tina had both gone into fits of laughter when Kurt, turning an unhealthy shade of purple, had had to confess to us that he had imagined making out with Finn against his car, when he had had a crush on him.

Us others really _hadn't_ been so thrilled by that image, especially Finn, whose face had turned scarlet and who had started coughing furiously, avoiding eye-contact with anyone. And of course Blaine, who was still staring unblinkingly at Finn, probably trying to kill him by the looks of it.

To my surprise, Mercedes had only chosen dare as well as Brittany and me, which wasn't her usual choice. And thinking about it, so had Sam and Artie. Either they all really wanted to get some weird action tonight or they just didn't want to have to tell the truth about something.

Whatever it was…

It made Puck declare this party the _best_ party _ever_ about fifteen times, each time making Rachel `WOOOO' loudly and raise her cup to toast the room at large, and me think that there must be something in the water…

_Oh wait, yeah. That would be Vodka, not water_.

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Thanks for reading guys. 

What do you think? should the party continue or was that as exciting as you want it to get?

Lemme know in your REVIEWS ;D


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the late update guys. final exams coming up. i hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks to all of you! Please R&R

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of glee

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**Chapter 5**

We had been playing Spin-The-Bottle for like half an hour, when the bottle landed on me again, with Puck asking the question.

"So, Santana! Truth or dare?" he grinned.

I was amazed at how sober he sounded. Hadn't he been drinking about twice as much as me? I tried to remember how many times I had seen him refill his cup until I realized that that wouldn't help me anyway, as Puck had started to drink directly from the bottle when we had sat down to play.

"Helooho! Santana! You still with us?" A hand was being waved in front of my face and I jerked my head backwards, annoyed and frowning.

"What? Hey! Stop it, ass-face. Sure I am. I pick dare." I wasn't about to be as stupid as Kurt or Rory and pick truth when Puck was the one asking._ I_ did not want to be asked what I pictured when I did it myself or something equally pervy. Besides, I had played this game so many times and had done so many dares, I didn't think there was one I'd really get upset about anymore. The way the booze clouded my judgment of what was embarrassing and what wasn't also helped make this decision so easy.

"Alright, take of your pants!" he said calmly.

I snorted. Really? That was his big dare? He had seen me naked for crying out loud!

I got up, if a bit unsteadily, and started wiggling out of my skin tight pants to heavy cheering from the boys and Brittany. And …Rachel? She must really have had a lot to drink! She was practically bouncing up and down on her knees, clapping excitedly and chanting "Strip, strip, strip-", which made me laugh loudly and wiggle my eyebrows at her, just to see Finn's face pale even more beside her.

"WWOOOOOOHHH! YEAH!" Puck and Rachel hollered in unison and Brittany was grinning from ear to ear, biting her lip.

I gave a little bow, rolling my eyes, and sat back down, now only wearing my black lacey underpants and the matching bra. "Wow! Now that was really hard! It's almost like you would see me in my bikini! Oh my god!" I sneered sarcastically, looking at Puck in mock terror.

His face slightly fell when he rethought his dare at my words. "Oh!" was all he said.

Maybe he _was_ a bit drunk.

I snorted again, shaking my head and grabbed the bottle to spin it, when Kurt gasped and Quinn copied him almost instantly, saying: "Holy shit, Santana! What the hell is that?" she was looking disgusted and intrigued at the same time.

"What? What the fuck are you talking about, Fabr-" I spat, until I followed their gaze.

_Fuck! Shit shit shit! No no no! Fuck, Brittany!_

The bite mark.

They were all staring at the bright pink bite mark, Brittany had imprinted on my left inner thigh, the evening before.

My eyes widened and my head snapped up to look at Brittany of its own accord. For a second I saw my shock mirrored in her expression, before I hastily looked away so nobody would get suspicious.

Before I could even catch my breath to _think_ of a way to prevent them from making a big deal out of this, it was already happening.

"Whow, Lopez. Niiice! Gett'n ya nasty on! The Puck approves!" Puck hollered, trying to touch the mark.

Swatting his hand away panicked, I heard Rachel shriek "Woooooo! Yay! Go Santana!" in amusement and Tina and Mercedes burst out into roaring laughter, in which Mike, Artie and Sam joined in after a second of drooling. One of them shouting: "OOOhh! Santana got seeerved!"

"Shut up!" I shouted, angrily shoving Puck's inspecting face away from my leg and jumping up to get my pants.

Quinn was still staring at me disbelievingly and Kurt was hiding behind Blaine, pressing his hands to his eyes and chanting "oh-my-god-oh-my-god-i-did-not-just-see-that-oh-my-god!", while Blaine just tried to discretely look away, looking at Teen Jesus instead, whose eyebrows were slightly raised, but didn't react otherwise to my surprise.

Unlike Finn, who was now an unhealthy looking shade of red in the face, as he tried to calm down an uncontrollably laughing Rachel in his lap.

And Sugar was apparently suddenly very interested in Rory's ear, which was almost as red as her cheeks.

Frantically pulling up my skin tights, I felt my own ears burn hot and heard Puckerman's disappointed shouts: "Aaaw! Come on, Santana! You can't put them back on! That's against the oath!" but Quinn cut across his pouting objections with a nice comment of her own "S, come on! Like we didn't all expect to see that sooner or later! Who's the lucky biter?" she grinned wickedly. _Bitch!_

"Uuum, I, shut up …I …it's n-not…um…my c-curling iron, just …you k-know-"I stammered desperately, instantaneously feeling sobered-up and my face burning unbelievably hot as I straightened up and turned around to look at her furiously.

Still a little in shock, I looked back over at Brittany.

I did not expect to see what I discovered when my eyes found her.

She was shaking. Face red and contorted. Shoulders heaving uncontrollably.

She was _fucking laughing_ at me! _What the hell?_

I quickly looked away again, accepting that she wouldn't be of much help right now, and scowled at the others with as much authority as I could muster.

"Shut the fuck up! Why don't we all just take a second to remember Kurt's and Finn's nice make-out-session in the pretty boy's mind, huh? Or Finn's grilled-cheese-fetish!" I growled as I sat back down and spun the bottle fiercely.

The others had quieted down some and I kept my gaze on the empty bottle until I was sure they were done trading looks and exchanging whispers.

The game went on for a few rounds, before we decided to stop, as it just got more and more ridiculous as Rachel, Tina and Mercedes didn't even bother to stop laughing between dares anymore. Actually they were positively crying with laughter at this point. It was a bit frightening to be honest.

As our little sitting circle dissolved I got up to get myself another drink when someone grabbed my wrist and I was being dragged out of the living room.

"Whow, hey…what? Brittany, what are you doing?" Brittany was pushing me down the hall and past the kitchen, her expression determined, until we reached the stairs. There she turned around and before I could even blink her lips were on mine.

My whole body froze. I drew in a sharp breath and felt sparks erupt from where her lips slowly moved against mine. Her one hand on my wrist, the other in my hair, I swayed slightly but didn't fall as I thought I would. My knees were so weak.

As she was standing on the first step of the stairs, she was hovering over me and I had to stand on my tip toes to keep kissing her. And I really _really_ wanted to keep kissing her.

"Britt-" I gasped, when I felt her hand wander from my hair over my shirtless chest and stomach to the top of my pants. "S-stop! The others…they're…oh."

I was taken by surprise when Brittany just grabbed me by my wrists again and started pulling me up the stairs, groaning impatiently.

We were both giggling excitedly as the blonde pushed me into an empty bedroom, Finn's by the looks of it. But as soon as the door was closed, Brittany rounded on me and before I knew it I was being pressed against the door by her strong body, my arms pinned to the wood behind me, next to my head, and she was kissing me again.

I couldn't think anything anymore. My mind was completely blank, my body humming with the excitement and pleasure every single one of her touches gave me. I had missed her so much. Her soft lips upon mine, moving in the most breathtaking way, her warm tongue, silken and adamant against my lower lip, demanding access, which she of course got. I would never deny her anything, if I could help it. At least I didn't want to.

Brittany leaned down and whispered in my ear: "That was so _hot_! Seeing my bite mark on your thigh like that! _So_ hot!" her hands roaming up my sides, eliciting a little moan from my kiss swollen lips, as her thumbs brushed teasingly against my nipples. She kissed me more forcefully, grabbing my head with her right hand to keep it from banging against the door.

By the time she had dragged me over to the bed, I was already panting heavily, clinging onto her neck to keep our desperate mouths from parting as she carefully laid me down on the mattress.

She seductively inched both of our bodies up the bed until we were lying right in the middle, Brittany hovering above me, nibbling and kissing from my collarbones, along the lines of my jaw, to the pulse point right below my ear. She lingered there for a moment and just when I thought she would move away again, she bid down hard. I cried out loudly and felt the heat rise within me, running through my body to my very core between my legs.

My abs were contracting as her fingertips trailed over them, brushing up to the bottom of my bra teasingly, before kneading down again. My breathing was labored and I let out a high pitched sigh as she bid my lower lip sexily and shifted to put her leg between the both of mine. "Oh god! Britt-!" I moaned out desperately as she pressed her thigh to my centre and strongly rolled her hips into me.

I was completely under her control. That had never happened before. Normally I was the one on top, the one who called the shots. Well, most of the time. But lately Britt had taken over more and more until this moment, where she could have made me do anything and she could have done anything to me, she wanted.

Our bodies were now frantically moving into each other, hips rolling together, hands flying over bare skin and tangling in blonde and brown hair. I wasn't the only one struggling to breathe when the pace picked up, and Britt moaned loudly as I sucked on the soft, exposed skin of her neck, biting down on her hard.

I was so high from the heat and arousal I had been longing for ever since she had left my room after our last make-out session the day before, that I almost didn't hear the footsteps coming up the stairs until the person making them let out a shrill laugh.

Rachel.

I didn't even consciously push her off me. It was a long trained reflex. But before either of us had time to think about it, we were both on either sides of the bed, standing upright and fixing our hair. It was a routine we had picked up when getting close to being caught, which happened frequently at parties.

Britt had just walked around the bed beside me, when the door was opened and Rachel stood in the doorframe, looking slightly frazzled at the sight of us. Or maybe it was because Finn was hanging on to her with his hands snaked around her waist from behind. The four of us exchanged silent looks before Brittany and I rushed passed them, Britt giggling: "Don't forget to were an umbrella!"

Finn looked confused as Rachel blushed deeply and I shook my head amused "It's raincoat, Britt."I whispered, linking pinkies with the blonde beside me, whose lips formed a silent 'oh' in acknowledgement of my correction.

As we got down the stairs and moved into better light, I couldn't help but smirk.

"Now we're even." I grinned at Brittany, before I kissed her cheek and hurried down the hall towards where I heard the others laughing. Glancing back, I saw Brittany furrow her brows.

My smirk broadened. I didn't even care if the others saw, as I was pretty sure none of them would remember it in the morning. I had to get her back for earlier.

Tomorrow at the latest Brittany would discover it.

The deep purple hickey shining on her neck.

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as always, hope you enjoyed and looking forward to your feedback! Thanks so much :D 

oh and btw...i know the timeline doesn't fit what's happening on the show, with joe having joined glee but san and britt not together yet, but i like it better that way for my story:)

just proof-read and changed some minor things...


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys. sorry for making you wait so long! I hope you like this chapter:D Please have fun and tell me what you think. **  
**

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine.

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**Chapter 6**

It was getting late. No, actually it was getting early.

I looked around the room wearily from where I was slumped down on the couch, Brittany's head on my lap and Quinn's on my right shoulder, my eyes burning from being so tired.

Since Kurt, Blaine and Rory, supporting a beyond wasted Sugar, had left some time ago, there were only a few of us left in the living room.

Mercedes was sort of dancing with Sam, which, instead of finding annoying like I had done with Kurt and Blaine just a few hours ago, I actually smiled upon. They _were_ really cute together. And maybe the fact that I had Brittany snuggling into my lap and my hand gently stroking through her hair made it easier not to get jealous at what others could so openly have.

Because I had realized that that was what had been bugging me before. Jealousy.

I was jealous at how everybody else had it so easy, and I was annoyed by how they still complained about their difficult love-lives all the time.

They had no idea what it was like for me. No idea. How hard it was. Being in love with someone you couldn't allow yourself to love.

The alcohol was clearly bringing down my walls, even the ones I had built around my heart so not even my own thoughts could get a look at it, and I felt so vulnerable. More vulnerable than I would if I were sitting here completely naked instead of in my bra, even though nobody could even hear what I was thinking.

It was like my own thoughts were invading my head and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could do to stop them from yelling the truth at me. _Sniff._

I felt the tears well up again and quickly bowed my head towards my right hand, which was a bit immobile because of Quinn's weight against my side, and swiped them away.

I didn't wanna cry again. It was exhausting and sort of embarrassing the next day, when everybody asked me if I was okay.

So I just resumed checking who was still in the room with us.

Behind Sam and Mercedes, in two chairs across the room, Teen Jesus and Mike were apparently discussing something of great profoundness or whatever, since Mike was gesticulating wildly and Teen Jesus was wrinkling his forehead in concentration and nodding along with his rant looking at the floor. Tina was sat to her boyfriend's feet, her head resting on his knees and a drunken smile on her lips.

A few feet to their right, Artie was balancing dangerously on the back wheels of his wheelchair, his eyes closed behind his slightly askew sitting glasses, and his head bobbing to the groovy music, which was still quietly playing in the background.

I craned my neck to see if someone was standing behind the couch I was sitting on with Britt and Quinn and noticed Puck leaning against the doorframe, a bottle of beer in his hands and a creepy look on his face. He was… he was…looking content or something. _Weirdo_.

Finn and Rachel had apparently never come back from upstairs as I didn't see or hear them anywhere. _Eew. I hope they're just sleeping._

A loud bang made my heart jump and Brittany and Quinn stir against me. Artie had fallen backwards with his wheelchair and was now sprawled across the floor, his legs in the air as he was still stuck in the chair.

He looked like a bug that couldn't get on his feet again, just limbs flailing around like crazy. Well, at least his arms were, and his eyes were wide in shock.

I giggled softly, while Mercedes broke into laughter and Teen Jesus jumped over to help him back up. I saw him say something to Artie, to which Artie nodded in response and guessed he had asked if he was okay or something like that. He didn't look too hurt, so I turned away again and continued stroking through Britt's hair. Brittany sighed happily and it made me smile.

Fortunately the noise hadn't fully woken her and after fidgeting a little to get comfy again she seemed to be sound asleep again.

Quinn on the other hand was restless against my shoulder and after a few seconds of groaningly repositioning her head over and over, she slowly sat up straight and took a deep breath.

But taking in a really deep breath when you're as drunk she was is never helpful. She grimaced and put a hand in front of her mouth.

"Whow! Hey, I'm warning you! If you puke on me or Britt I'm gonna kill you!" I whispered quickly in order not to wake the other blonde in my lap, but all the while, put a supporting hand against her back and looked at her with worry.

I know Quinn and I didn't really get along most of the time. Especially lately. But I had really liked how close we had been just now, with her head resting peacefully against my side. It had felt like back when we were kids, after she had fallen asleep during one of our movie-nights.

She would always rest her head against my shoulder like that and sometimes even hold my hand because I had made her watch a scary movie with me. I used to tell her that she was being silly and that I wasn't scared at all, but that she could hold my hand if she wanted to, when in reality I had been just as scared by the movie. But I had always wanted to see and do stuff I wasn't allowed, I just didn't wanna be scared alone, so I had made her watch with me. And she always did.

She had been my best friend back then. My only friend really…until I met Brittany in middle school. I know that from then on I had neglected Quinn. I would only do stuff with Brittany and her together or just with Brittany anymore. It had almost never been just the two of us ever again and after a while she had pulled away for good. Or maybe I had. The thing is…I really missed her from time to time.

Sure, we still hung out and appeared like we were sort of close. But it was nothing compared to what we had had back then. Sometimes I wondered if we would ever have that again. _I hope so…_

I was rubbing light, calming circles on Quinn's back. She had her head buried in her hands and was slightly hunched over with her elbows on her knees. She looked tired.

"You okay? Wanna share a cab ride home? You can sleep at my house too, if you want." I said in a low voice. I knew her parents didn't approve of her staying out so late or coming home drunk. But weirdly enough they didn't mind her staying at a friend's house as long as it wasn't a boy. I guess they figured she wasn't their responsibility then. I didn't like her parents that much. They didn't really seem to care for her.

I think she was a bit surprised at the sentiment, because she didn't answer right away. Or maybe she was just more wasted then I thought. Either way, it took a few seconds before I saw her nod her head.

"Okay good." I murmured. "We should probably head out soon anyway, or else I'mma have to carry this one." I jerked my head towards Brittany, which was totally unnecessary as Quinn's hands still pressed into her eyes.

"Kay." She croaked weekly and I sat up a bit and started cautiously shaking Brittany awake by her left shoulder. She moaned and nestled her head into my thighs.

"Britt-Britt. Come on, wake up. We gotta go home." I spoke towards her ear, leaning down a bit so she would hear me.

"Nnnnh…" she murmured and shook her head the tiniest bit.

I grinned. _She is so cute when she's sleepy. Cute and cuddly. I wish we didn't have to move._

"Come on. Or do you want me to tickle you awake." At this her head jerked up and she protested even louder.

I was starting to tickle her, but she just squealed and turned around really fast, so that now, she was hugging around my middle and squeezing me real tight.

"Hff…Britt! You're squeezing too tight." I heard a muffled giggle coming from below and felt it vibrate against my stomach. It sent chills down my spine.

"Sorry." She turned her head and sleepily blinked up at me, loosening her grip somewhat but not fully releasing me.

I smiled down at her. "S'okay. But I think Quinn really wants to go now." I said, eyeing Quinn, who was still hunched over but now swaying a little.

Brittany finally untangled herself from my body and sat up to my left side. She looked over at Quinn and then looked at me and nodded understandingly.

She stood up and went over to Quinn, laying a hand on her shoulder.

"You okay to go, Q?" She asked sweetly, going down to her knees and looking up at the girl's face from below. _She is so loving and caring to everybody. _I felt something twitch in my chest but pushed it away. I had to get us home.

"Mhmm" Quinn nodded and yawned. Brittany stood back up again and helped Quinn to her feet. She was a bit unsteady but didn't seem to be too nauseous, which I was grateful for. I was pretty good at not puking from alcohol, unless I heard or saw someone else throw up.

We walked around the couch, Britt supporting Quinn by the waist and me going behind them, and made it to the front door. Puckerman had vanished from the doorframe. When I was about to pull out my cell, Brittany suddenly turned around and murmured "Shirt! Sanny, my shirt!"

"Oh yeah." I went back to the living room to look for both of our shirts, and found them hanging over the TV. As I turned around to walk back to the front door I heard someone say my name.

I looked around and saw Tina and Mercedes sitting by Mike's feet, waving and calling goodbye. Mike, too, gave a little wave and Teen Jesus smiled and nodded.

I furrowed my brow in confusion and was about to drop a bitchy comment, but I stopped.

_They're being sweet, Santana. – But why? – Does it matter? - They're being weird. - Brittany's weird – But Brittany's the good kinda weird. – Whatever, just play nice. _

I stiffly returned the smile and threw my hand up in a goodbye, before I left the room and joined Brittany in her attempt to stop Quinn from turning around and looking for a jacket she hadn't even worn when she came here.

After a few seconds' struggle I managed to convince her she hadn't brought a jacket, while Brittany called us a cab.

She told me they had said they'd be here in five minutes, so I went to the kitchen to get us some bottled water and a bag or two for the ride.

A few minutes later I scooted onto the backseat after Quinn, and Brittany got in from the other side.

I told the driver my address and he took off into the night.

During the ten minute long drive I kept my gaze out the window and just listened to Brittany who had quietly started to hum some calming melody. Quinn had leaned her head onto Brittany's shoulder and I felt strangely alone but at the same time not alone at all as I recognized the melody Brittany was humming.

It was 'You've got a Friend' by Carole King.

I had sung that song to Brittany once when she had asked me to sing for her when she was sick. She had asked me to sing a song we could make our song.

I had wanted to sing 'Songbird' to her.

I had sung that one instead.

She loved it.

* * *

Okay so I hope you liked it. I find the Quinntana friendship is way too sweet to ingnore and should be way more pornounced in the series.

Also i wanted to say that Kurt and Finn don't live together yet in my story. Their parents are dating though. Like i said...my story is not entirely consistant with stuff from Glee.

**SONG**: add www. youtube at the beginning of this url: .com/watch?v=1VsnaGPIJ8U

it's really beautiful and i think it also says a lot about how Santana feels about brittany and how much she's fighting with herself to be able to show britt that. By singing that to her she already made a huge step i think...

Let me know what you think by reviewing please :D


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys! so so so so sorry for taking freakin' ages to update this! i really don't have any excuse that won't sound ' so la la' ^^ i hope you'll have mercy on me... this one's longer ...hehe. sorry again and please enjoy and review

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**Chapter 7**

When we turned into my street, I blindly rummaged in my small purse to find the money to pay the cap driver. I didn't find it right away though and when we got to my house the driver stopped the car and looked expectantly at me in the rearview mirror.

I felt myself getting annoyed at the impatience he was showing. _He should be thankful none of us puked. Loser. _

I let out a frustrated grunt and after a few seconds I just pulled my searching hand out of the tiny purse. I looked at the things in my hand. _Lipstick, tiny fragrance bottle, my keys, Britt's keys, a small, folded age-worn note and a 20 dollar bill. _

I handed him the money and he put it in his ugly, brown wallet that was already lying open and waiting on his lap. He made no move to give me my two dollar change.

"Um, don't you think you forgot something?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

He smiled coldly and tapped on the taximeter. It said `20'.

_That asshole left it _running_ while I looked for _his_ fucking money? Are you kidding me?_

"Are you fucking serious? You don't think I'll just – "

"Sanny" I felt a hand on my left arm. I looked over at Brittany, who had Quinn tucked under her right arm and was looking at me with tired eyes.

"Fine!" I hissed and pushed open my door. I went around the back of the car and helped Brittany get Quinn out, who seemed to be too tired to stand on her own again.

I would have loved to bang the door shut as forcefully as I could but I didn't want my neighbors to complain to my parents again when they got home. So instead I closed the door carefully and opted to show the ass of a driver the finger when he drove away with a mocking 'thank you'.

We had to almost drag Quinn to my front door, where I sat her down so Britt wouldn't have to hold her up while I unlocked the door for us, because she was still pretty out of it, even with the cold night air.

It's not like Britt wasn't strong enough to hold Quinn up on her own – hell, Britt was so strong she could have probably lifted any one of us and carried them for miles – but I thought she must be really tired and I didn't want her to have an aching back in the morning.

I fumbled with the keys for a little while before I realized they were Britt's. When I finally got the door unlocked Britt had sat down next to Quinn on the porch. She really looked tired.

"Hey Britt, I got it. Come on, let's get her inside." I said gently, crouching down beside her and stroking her shoulder. She let out a content hum and leaned back into me. My balance tumbled under her weight and I fell back so I was sitting behind her.

"Just a little bit, Sanny, please. Let's just sit out here for a little bit longer." She whispered and I noticed her eyes were closed when I shifted closer to her and looked at her from the side.

I smiled. She looked so peaceful in the moonlight. So beautiful.

"Okay Britt-Britt. Whatever you want." I cooed quietly and scooted closer to her, snaking my legs around her so her body was situated between them. She let herself fall back against me and sighed happily.

I draped my arms under hers and joined them over her taut stomach.

She smiled again and put her hands over mine. "This is nice." She yawned as she intertwined our fingers as best as she could.

"Yeah" I sighed and laid my head on her left shoulder, so I was looking over at Quinn.

The honey-blonde was sitting to our left, her head resting against the corner post of the banister. She was breathing evenly and looked fast asleep.

I wondered if she was okay. She hadn't been her strong, confident self lately and I was starting to get worried. Maybe she was thinking about Beth. If I remembered correctly, her birthday was coming up.

I filed those thoughts away and made a plan to ask her about it in the morning and to be nice about it for once. Quinn really didn't need any of my usual crab right now.

Even if she knew I didn't mean it. We never meant. The others didn't get that, but the two of us knew we loved each other. At least we used to. _I hope she still knows. I hope she knows I love her._

I sighed quietly and turned my head to snuggle into Britt's neck. She smelled so good. I took a deep breath and tried to take it all in, so I could remember it forever.

Her smell, the way her body felt against mine, the calming fire that burned on my hands as she traced lazy patterns across them with her thumbs, the light tickle of her hair against my face and shoulder.

I never wanted to forget that. I never wanted to forget _her_.

I was relieved she was pressed so tightly against me, because I felt a little dizzy. I guess I was still pretty drunk and I was glad I had something to hold onto.

I listened for any sign of movement from Quinn and when I only heard her calm breathing I slipped my right hand out from under Britt's and used it to stroke away her beautiful blonde hair from my face and her neck.

As my fingers brushed against her skin I saw goose bumps erupt where I touched her. I felt her body tense in anticipation and grinned. Slowly I traced my right hand back over her back and shoulder, down her right arm and up again. She shivered against me.

"Mmmh… San" she mumbled and at the sound of her voice I couldn't hold back any longer. I placed a light kiss on her neck, just beneath the hairline and dragged the fingernails of my right hand down her side. She shivered again and I heard her draw in a sharp breath.

I kissed the same spot over and over and Brittany turned her head away from me so I had better access to continue my assault on her neck.

Her skin felt warm and soft against my lips and I started nibbling on her pulse point below her ear. I knew she loved that and the confirmation came immediately as Brittany arched her back slightly and let out a shaking breath.

Feeling her body react this strongly to my comparably tame motions, I couldn't hold back a sigh of my own and felt my hands start kneading her hips and thighs of their own accord.

She shifted in front of me and before I could even open my eyes I felt her lips against mine. I moaned at the sudden contact and drew my hands up to cup her face, stroking her soft cheeks with my thumbs.

In that moment I just didn't care. I didn't care if Quinn was really asleep or not and I didn't care if the neighbors might see and I didn't care that I was far too drunk to know that I really _should _care about all those things

She was now kneeling upright between my legs on the porch step just below the one I was sitting on, which meant that she was still a little bit taller than me like it was when we were standing. I liked our height difference. I didn't know why, I just knew it felt right somehow.

She kissed me deeply, her hands roaming over my back and I felt so light. Like I was just about to float away or something. Just then her tongue brushed over my lips and I hungrily parted them, wanting nothing more than to feel her tongue dancing with mine.

She was aggressive and forceful and it took my breath away. I felt my whole body tingle as she pressed herself impossibly closer to me and moaned into my mouth. Her body was now flush against mine and I felt myself get wet as she rolled her body into me, her pubic bone pressing against my center.

"Mmh! Britt" I sighed. Turning my head away, so I could give my oxygen deprived brain some relieve. She just hummed and started sucking on my neck. I pressed myself into her and grabbed her shoulder blades for support.

My mind was so foggy, I didn't notice anything around us until I saw some movement in the corner of my eye. I turned to look what it was and froze.

For the tiniest second I thought I saw Quinn's eyes staring right at us, but in the blink of an eye she seemed asleep again. But suddenly I cared again.

The shock was there and Brittany must have felt me tense against her, because she stopped kissing and nibbling my neck and turned to look at me instead.

"What's wrong?" she asked huskily, her piercing blue eyes searching mine.

"Nothing" I croaked and after clearing my throat – and my head – I added: "I think we should go inside."

I didn't wait for her reply and stood up without looking at her. I glanced at Quinn and felt a cold shiver run down my spine. It wasn't a good shiver like it had been just a minute ago.

_Is she sitting differently? Oh my god, she moved. She's awake! She saw everything and now she's gonna tell everybody I'm a – No. Calm the fuck down. Everybody moves in their sleep. Hell, Britt even accidentally kicked you out of bed once. Just act like nothing happened. _

While I had been struggling with my own thoughts again, Brittany had crawled over to where Quinn was leaning against the post and was now gently shaking her shoulder.

"Quinn. Quinn, wake up. Santana says we're going inside."

I flinched at her words. 'Santana says'. She had stated it as if it were the most natural thing… that I decided for the both of us. And she didn't even question it.

_I'm a horrible person! She must be so confused. It must seem like I play her hot and cold. Like I don't even care. I'm so bossy. I can't always tell her what to do. She doesn't deserve this. _

"Britt, I just think it's getting cold … you know? Just… maybe we should go inside?" I eyed her nervously, but she didn't seem to have heard me. At least I thought so, because she didn't respond right away.

Only when she had managed to help Quinn up, did she turn to me and look me straight into the eyes. I gulped when I saw the emotions there.

"I know" she whispered. "I know."

For a second neither of us moved. Then Quinn groaned sleepily and I hurried to open the door for them.

As Britt moved passed me she smiled at me sadly and my heart ached so bad.

* * *

I couldn't sleep.

I was lying on my back on the far right side of my bed with my hands joined on my stomach. Britt was already asleep next to me, her head so close to mine that I felt her breath hit my cheek in even waves. Her right arm snaked securely over my waist.

We had managed to get Quinn to wake up a little and put on a sleep shirt and some shorts I had handed her.

While Britt and I had silently brushed our teeth in the bathroom she had crawled into bed and immediately fallen back asleep, so when we had come back into my room, Britt and I had gotten in on the other side of the bed.

The three of us had slept in my bed on various occasions before, so we were used to the arrangements. Since it was my bed I had a specific side I always slept on. Quinn had known as much when the three of us had shared the bed the first time, when we were eleven.

What she hadn't known was that Britt also had had _her_ side in my bed. That we had _our_ sides, and that it was more like _our_ bed anyway, even back then. But it hadn't mattered, since Britt hadn't insisted on sleeping on _her_ side. Or maybe she had. I guess it depended on what was considered her side. The left side of my bed, or just the place next to me.

Back then I hadn't even thought about it. To me it had been clear that Britt would be sleeping next to me. And since I liked to sleep near the edge of the bed, that had meant that Quinn would be sleeping on the other side of the bed.

But now everything was different.

Britt still slept next to me, but now I wondered.

I wondered if Quinn had been sad back then. Sad that Britt had apparently replaced her so easily as the one who was always by my side. I wondered if Quinn had thought it meant that I didn't like her as much anymore. That I had chosen Brittany over her.

The thing is, I hadn't. I had never _chosen_ Brittany.

We had just met and that had been it. From then on it had just _been_ her. With everything.

I wondered if it was the same for Brittany. Did she feel the same way? Was I _it_ for her?

_Probably not. Britt loves a lot of people the same. She just does. She smiles at them and is nice to them. She's not like me._

These thoughts frustrated me and I let out a quiet sigh. Brittany stirred a little and snuggled even closer, draping her leg over both of mine just like her arm laid over my waist.

I closed my eyes and just felt her. The soothing slow pace of her breathing and the faint smell of her skin calmed me and before I knew it, sleep had claimed me as well.

* * *

"Uugh" I heard someone groan.

Slowly I became aware of my surroundings. I felt my soft mattress beneath me and something warm pressed against my back. And I felt pain.

My head was throbbing and my eyes felt like they were being stabbed by lasers.

"Oh god, I think I'm gonna be sick" I heard the voice moan again and this time I could tell it was Quinn's, just as I felt the mattress shift slightly beneath me.

I turned my head slowly and carefully blinked in the direction Quinn's voice had just come from. However in the second it took my eyes to adjust to the bright light that was streaming in from my window, I heard a door open and when I could finally see properly, Quinn had already vanished into my bathroom.

I looked down over my shoulder and saw a mess of blond hair sprawled over the pillow Britt and I had apparently been sharing. She was still fast asleep and it took me a second to realize what was going on.

_Riiight. Rachel's party. I guess it didn't suck after all. Oh man, that's one nasty headache. But why is Quinn here? _

I tried to recount what all had happened last night and was shocked to remember pretty much everything. Shocked because…

_Holy fucking shit! Did I really make out with Britt on the porch last night? IN FRONT OF QUINN? Have I really gone insane now? Oh my god, and I totally had the strangest thoughts ever about Brittany. Was I really jealous of "Klaine"? Pleeease let me forget that again. Oh fuck! And I planted a hickey on her too! Shit! Everbody saw us go up there! Oh my god! RACHEL AND FINN saw! And I think they had sex…eeew. Whow…getting sidetracked! Bigger picture, Santana. Can you still see it?_

I jerked around again and hastily, but carefully brushed Britt's hair away from her neck. It was faint, but it was there. A small hickey.

I relaxed a bit and laid back down on my back. _Well, I guess that won't be too hard to cover up._

Britt stirred against me and mumbled something in her sleep. _Cute. …Wait, what? Oh, don't you start that again!_

I slightly shook my head, when I heard Quinn's muffled groan from the bathroom.

Gently I pulled Brittany's arm that was embracing me, away from my middle and got up slowly.

"Quinn? Are you okay?" I whispered when I got to the bathroom and poked my head in.

Quinn was sitting in front of the toilette, her arms on the seat and her head buried in them. She groaned again.

_Poor Quinn. If I have a headache like this, I don't wanna know how she's feeling._

"Aaw, honey!" I surprised myself by saying and quickly added "guess someone doesn't know how to hold their liquor!"

Despite my snarky added comment I felt extremely bad for her and knelt down next to her, stroking light circles on her back.

She slowly turned her head in her arms and croaked out in the most pathetic voice I had ever heard.

"I'm dying!"

I pouted my lip out in sympathy and stroked some of her hair out of her face and behind her ear. She really looked awful.

I just couldn't hold back: "Aaaw! You look it too, sweety" I grinned and barely had to move to avoid her weak attempt at swatting me on the arm. That small movement however took it out of her and she turned impossibly paler and jerked her head back over the toilette.

* * *

For the next hour I helped Quinn get most of the toxins from last night out of her body until she finally regained some color to her face and said she felt it was safe to move back to my room.

When we got back to my room Brittany was just waking up and stretching and after sharing some 'good mornings and 'how are you feelings' we went down stairs to drink some coffee in my case, some water in Quinn's, and eat 3 pancakes and some hot chocolate I made in Brittany's. I swear, that girl is _The _Party queen. Hands down.

After we each had had our breakfast Quinn said she better go home so her parents don't freak out and we agreed to meet up later at the mall for some 'after party girls' day out' to reboot and retell what we remembered of the party. I had felt it was smarter to act as if my memory of last night was foggy at best.

So after we walked Quinn home, Britt and I took the bus to Finn's house to get my car.

When we got there we were surprised to see, that Mike's and Sam's cars were still there as well.

Seeing Sam's car made me realize that we had forgotten to take Mercedes home the night before and I wondered how she had gotten back to her parents' house after we had left.

Britt wanted to go in and say hi, but I convinced her that they'd probably still be all asleep and so we got into the car and drove to hers to get some new clothes for the both of us and maybe shower and sleep another round before we'd meet up with Quinn at the mall.

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kay...again. sorry! and i hoped you liked it. school's still not quite over yet, but i'll really try to not keep you guys waiting as long as you had this time for chapter 8. tell me what you thought of this :D thanks

oh: and does anybody have an idea what that old note was that santana had in her purse? ^^


	8. Chapter 8

Oh my god guys, I am soooo sorry! I'm so lame! I had a HUGE writer's block! But i think I'm getting over it now! FINALLY! Please forgive me for keeping you waiting sooooo long! So sorry! anyway...i hope you'll still enjoy this chapter :D

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**Chapter 8**

„Ugh! I think my head's gonna explode! How are you _not_ hung over? You drank like five shots more than me. At least!" I groaned, gratefully slumping down onto Brittany's bed.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm Chinese." Britt replied, while walking over to her closet to get us some new clothes.

"What?" I lifted my head up from the mattress to look at her.

"You know how Chinese people can digest alcohol really well. Oh no wait, that's not right!" she wrinkled her forehead in confusion and held the t-shirt she had just pulled out loosely in her hands, looking up, thinking.

My stomach flipped. But it wasn't from the hangover.

_Aaaw, she's so cute!_

"Ooh! I got it!" she hopped a little and her voice was bright. "Chinese people are really _bad _at drinking alcohol. They're like super-sensitive to it and get drunk like really quick, right? So maybe _you're _Chinese." She whipped her head around to see what I thought of her epiphany.

I was still watching her and grinned at that statement.

"But Britt, you know I'm not Chinese." I smiled as I laid my head back down onto the bed carefully, covering my eyes with the crook of my elbow because the bright light in the room was starting to hurt my eyes.

"Oh. Right." She sounded a bit disappointed and I had to bite my lip so I wouldn't chuckle at the pout I could literally _hear_ her wearing.

"Besides, Tina and Mike don't get drunk any faster than Rachel or Mercedes." I added into my arm. After thinking for a second and recalling the few party memories I had with Rachel and the others I added,

"Actually, I think nobody gets drunk as fast as Rachel. I only saw her drink, like, two wine coolers before she was hanging onto Finn's neck, begging him to let her practice her Tony speech on him again." I thought aloud.

_I would have sooooo killed her! I don't know how he does it! She's so annoying! I mean, like, REALLY annoying…Brittany's never annoying…_

"Huh?" Brittany's voice came somewhat muffled. I looked up again, propping myself up on my elbows, and only saw one of her legs peak out of the closet, balancing her out as she reached for something that must have been on the board on the top of the closet.

"I was just saying that Tina and Mike don't get drunk faster than any of us though, so…" I repeated a little louder so she could hear me this time.

I thought about going over to help her get whatever she wanted down from the board but then I remembered that I wouldn't be much of a help since I was considerably smaller than her anyway.

Her head poked around the closet doorway. "Tina and Mike are Chinese?" she asked interested.

"Um…I think so, I don't know." My brow furrowed. _How can I not know about that? _

"Well, they're Asian. Same difference." I shrugged, slightly shocked and annoyed at myself for not knowing where the two Glee clubbers came from, and shifted so I was sitting up.

I mean, it wasn't like they were my best friends or anything, but I should still be able to tell where they're from.

_Just like I can tell that Manhands is really from Israel._

I snorted at my private joke.

"Hmm. Maybe they're not! Maybe they just_ say_ they are as a prank." She wondered excitedly.

"I don't think so, Britt. I'm pretty sure they're really Asian." I yawned, scooting back on her bed and resting against the headboard.

Brittany shrugged and smirked "I know. I was just taking the Mickey out of you!" she giggled playfully in her best British accent, and returned to search through the closet for some pants.

I laughed at the phrase. She had picked it up the last time we watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire and had loved it because it reminded her of Mickey Mouse. Since then she was always waiting for an opportunity to use it. Even if she had to create one herself like she obviously had done now.

I closed my eyes and yawned again, crossing my stretched legs at the ankles.

_God, I'm so fucking tired. Why did Quinn have to puke so freakin' _early_?_

After a few seconds – or minutes, I wasn't sure, I might have dozed off – I felt the mattress shift under me and before I could open my eyes I felt something brush against my cheek.

I twitched a little and heard a small chuckle directly at my ear.

In the blink of an eye I was wide awake and painfully aware of Brittany's hands on either side of my hips, holding her up, and her mouth at my left ear, her hot breath hitting me in even waves, making the little hairs at the back of my neck stand up and giving me goose bumps all over.

"You wanna take that shower now or are you too sleepy?" she whispered seductively and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

I pressed my eyes even more closed so I could concentrate on her voice and on the feeling of her body hovering so close to mine.

_Holy hell! How does she do that? I was peacefully napping just a second ago and now I want to rip her clothes off! Or, even better, have her rip _my_ clothes off!_

I felt my breathing go ridiculously fast and shifted a little between her and the headboard to recompose myself. It didn't work.

"Well?" she flirted, this time nipping at my earlobe.

A tiny gasp escaped my lips and I pressed my legs even tighter together, feeling the heat rise in my body and shoot to my centre.

My eyes shot open and I gulped. "Y-yeah. Let's take that shower." I had wanted that to sound sexy and seductive, but it came out shaky and desperate. _Damn it! I'm so lame!_

She chuckled against my cheek again and started a trail of kisses down my neck, while her left hand came to rest on my thigh and squeezed it lightly.

I hummed at the feeling of her lips against my neck and leaned into her as my hands wandered to her wrists and up her arms slowly.

She kissed back up the same trail and then darted out her tongue and licked over my jaw until she reached my lips.

_Oh god!_

She kissed me gently, slowly, and withdrew before I could even really comprehend the flying sensation in my stomach or react to the tingling in my lips.

I was so turned on by now that I couldn't hold back any longer. I leaned into her even more, grabbing the back of her neck with both hands, and recaptured her mouth with mine, impatiently sucking at her bottom lip to deepen the kiss.

She sighed into the kiss and parted her lips longingly, allowing me to immediately dart my tongue in, which she met with hers just as hungrily.

Her hand had travelled up and down my thigh and was now pushing at my knee as she crawled on top of me, her right hand in my hair, grabbing it fiercely.

I couldn't breathe.

Not only because her mouth kept mine wonderfully busy, but also because this feeling had started building in my stomach again.

Or was it my chest?

I couldn't really describe it.

It was like when you missed a step going down a flight of stairs, combined with, like, when you're standing in front of a class and you're really nervous because you have to give a talk and didn't prepare, combined with the way you're heart races when you wake up after having an intense dream and for one second you don't know what was the dream and what was reality.

_Oh please, don't let this be a dream!_

Her lips detached from my quivering ones and I immediately felt like I should be hyperventilating as the slight pressure was taken away, but I didn't.

My breath was pretty shaky though.

Since my eyes were still shut tightly I didn't see where she directed her attention next, so when, a second later, I heard her giggle ring across the room I was beyond confused.

I opened my eyes quickly, only to see her leaning against the frame of the bedroom door. She was smirking at me. No, actually her smirk transformed into a warm smile.

_What the hell? What just happened? She – she was just right here! How did she get over there so freakin' fast? I'm losing it!_

"You okay?" she asked, still smiling at me. And it wasn't in a cocky, flirtatious way. It was genuine.

_No! You're fucking making me lose bits of time! I'm not fucking okay!_

I drew in a steadying breath and composed myself, looking away from her as I stood up to do so.

"Yeeeah. Are you?" I replied in a teasing tone, hastily placing a smirk of my own on my face before I swiveled around. But as I saw her face again I just got the last glimpse of the warm smile fading from her expression to be replaced by a regretting, worried one before going over to a matching smirk. Which I now knew was fake.

"Oh, I will be. As soon as we turn on that hot water." With that she turned around and vanished in the hall.

I let my head fall back and let out the tiniest groan.

_Why are you making everything so goddamn complicated! Why can't you be like Quinn and just be my annoying friend, or like Rachel and just be annoying? Why do you have to be _Brittany?_ My best friend who only needs to give me a look to let me know that you know stuff I don't. Only a look to let me know I'm screwing up again. _

_But screwing up what? Ugh! This is so frustrating! Why can't things be hot and perfect but easy and not confusing at the same time? I hate this!_

I shook my head as I sighed and followed Brittany into the bathroom.

* * *

Half an hour later I was returning to Brittany's bedroom wrapped up in a towel.

She was already dressed and was sitting at her vanity table, applying eyeliner to her left eye.

I had had a sudden nervous flash and told Brittany I had to call Quinn to confirm the time and to ask her some other stuff about our English assignment or something. I really hadn't put too much thought into the lie. I just knew I didn't wanna freak out on her and that anything we would have done in that shower together would have made me do so right now.

She hadn't thought anything of it, or at least if she had, she had been pretty good at playing it cool – but then again, I knew she was awesome at that.

Anyway, while she had showered I had calmed myself down from whatever freaky trip I had been on and – after convincing myself I was just very hung-over – I had actually called Quinn to set up a time and place to meet and then laid out some clothes for me and Brittany to wear since we hadn't quite come around to that earlier. I'd also played a round of Angry Birds on Brittany's phone, but I think that only riled me up again.

"Hey, so I was thinking we should check out that new comic-book-store that opened up last week and maybe find something to get for Sam's birthday." Brittany said, looking at me in the mirror.

I was relieved to see that she seemed normal again.

_Well, _she _wasn't the one who was acting weird! – Ugh, whatever._

"Umm, yeah! We should totally do that. You and Quinn are gonna have to find something for him though." I said, making my way over to the bed to pick up the clothes I had forgotten to bring to the bathroom.

I smirked when I saw that she had apparently not approved of my choice of wardrobe. The simple black top I had laid out for myself had been replaced by a light purple tunic with a washed out print of a fluffy, happy baby bird on it to go with my dark grey leggings.

I held it up to my body and silently raised a questioning eyebrow at her reflection.

She glanced away from her own eyes to mine again and just nodded, smiling.

I let out something between a breath and a chuckle and turned away from her to get dressed.

Not that I minded her seeing me naked, how could I with all the things we were doing, but it had to be in the right atmosphere.

And in the middle of her room, in broad daylight and without any sexual context it just seemed too hippie or 'the l word'-y or whatever and I wanted to be neither, so I turned around.

"Why?" she asked and as I couldn't remember the question I twisted my body so I could look at her questioningly over my shoulder while still shielding my now naked upper body from her view.

"Hm?" I hummed, pulling the shirt over my arms.

"Why would Quinn and I have to find Sam a present? _You're _the one who dated him." She clarified matter-of-factly, looking at herself in the mirror to see if she had done a good job on her mascara.

"First of all, Quinn dated him too, let's not forget that! They were, like, engaged or promised or whatever with that whacko ring he got her, and second, whenever he started doing his impressions or rambling on and on about some comic I either shut him up by making out or just pretended to listen." I replied, pulling down the shirt over my body and putting on my new thong and leggings.

After a second I added, "You know what? Actually scratch that. I didn't even bother to pretend, I usually texted you during those 'conversations'." _Or rather _sexted _you. _

"So? What do ya think?" I asked, twirling around and showing off the outfit.

Brittany had obviously turned around somewhere during my answer and was staring at me.

"It looks nice." She smiled. "Like, really cute and happy."

I smiled back at her.

"Whatever. Scoot over. I gotz to fix up ma grill!" I grinned, walking over to her and lightly pushing against her shoulder so she would stand up and let me sit down at her vanity.

She stuck out her tongue at me and jumped up.

Ten minutes later we were ready to go.

* * *

So? what's the verdict? was i able to redeem myself at least a little bit? let me know!


	9. Chapter 9

Hey guys :D so here's the next chapter for you :D some unholy trinity. it was actually meant to go on and have more stuff happening but then the things that happen in this chapter as i posted it now kinda unraveled and it would have been too long for just one chapter so i cut it in half...which means: chapter ten will follow soon! yay! okay: i'll let you read and enjoy now! 

* * *

**Chapter 9**

„Oh, _come _ooon!" I cried out as the stupid fat lady in her annoying little red Mini swerved into the parking spot right in front of me. _My _parking spot.

"Ugh!" I hammered my fists on the steering wheel in frustration and leaned my head back, closing my eyes for a second before sitting up straight and clenching my jaw.

"Okay. Brittz, the next fucking spot you see, you yell. Got it?" I ordered her as I brought the car back onto the parking lot lane to go spot-hunting once more.

"Alright," she chirped happily – which still threw me every time.

_How the hell is she _not_ pissed off right now?_

"What should I yell?" she asked enthusiastically. I eyed her for a brief second and saw that she had leaned against the window and was looking at me sweetly.

"What? I don't care! Just…yell whatever you want." I hissed.

I didn't mean to go at her, of all people, but I was getting _really _frustrated and angry and tired of driving around in circles.

"God! What are all these people _doing_ here? It's just the Lima Mall, for crying out lo-"

"_Oooh! Ooooh! Cupcake! CUPCAKE!" _I jumped in my seat at Brittany'sloud shout.

"_What?_ What do yo- oh!" I followed her outstretched arm that was pointing to something in front of the car. "_OH! That's mine! _That's fucking mine, grandpa!_ Back off!" _I screamed as I got what Brittany had meant and raced toward the empty parking space three spots ahead of us to the right.

I have no idea how I didn't tip the car over, the way I drove us into that spot, but in a matter of seconds the car stood safe and sound in the parking space and I was unbuckling my seatbelt.

"Ha!" I exclaimed triumphantly, looking over at Brittany, who had grabbed the little handle above the window to hold on to during my brave maneuver, as I retrieved my purse from the back seat.

She was slightly frowning at me though.

"What?" I asked confused. "I got the spot you saw, right?"

"Sanny! You totally scared that cute old abuelo over there!" she scolded me with a serious expression, pointing out of the back of the car without looking.

Brittany loved saying stuff in Spanish. And hearing it. She always asked me to speak Spanish and teach her stuff, so I wasn't surprised she had said 'abuelo' instead of 'grandpa'.

"What?" I repeated as I looked over my shoulder and saw the elderly man in the Range Rover show me the finger as he drove past.

I snorted. "I think he's gonna be fine, Britt." I said in a sarcastic tone.

She was still frowning a bit so I sighed and took her hand.

"Look, I'm sure he'll find another parking spot, okay? Now, come on, I really wanna get myself some coffee. And a muffin for you." I smirked as that reflexively let her eyes light up. "Besides, we're late and Quinn's probably gonna give us an earful about it, so come on. Pleeease?" I pleaded, pouting out my lower lip and looking at her with my best puppy dog eyes.

Normally I _never _pleaded. _Ever._ With _anyone_.

But with Brittany I knew she wouldn't hold it against me later or tease me for it – not in a bad way anyway – or consider me weak or anything because of it. So I didn't mind sometimes just pouting a bit and batting my eyelashes to get her to do stuff.

Cause the only other way I knew how to get people to do stuff was by scaring the shit out of them or scheming and I would never do that to her. So yeah, this way was better, besides…it was like a fucking reflex or something. You couldn't help but be cute and protective with her, even if the person you were protecting her against was yourself.

_Ugh, I swear… I'm such a marshmallow. But whatever. It works and she thinks it's adorable._

I practically _saw_ her annoyance with me crumble away as she smiled down at her lap where my hands were holding one of hers.

I felt the weird, panicky urge to jerk my hands away from hers.

_It's not like we're holding hands! I'm just consoling a friend. Well, not consoling, but, you know… anyway…it's _not _holding hands._

"Yeah, alright." She gave in and then apparently thought of something as her head shot up and her face lit up.

"Ooh! Could I get a cupcake instead?" she squealed, now hopping up and down in her seat excitedly.

I chuckled and smiled at her. "Sure. I'll even pay, alright? But to do that, we're gonna have to leave the car at some point, Britt-Britt." I grinned.

"Yay. Okay, come on then!" she yelled, clapping her hands before jumping out of the car. "Sahaan! _Hurry_ _up_!" I heard her voice move around the car.

I laughed loudly and got out of the car too, behind which Brittany was already tapping her fingers impatiently against her own thigh, gesturing me to go faster with her other hand and bouncing up and down a little.

"Alright, alright! Geez! Keep your knickers on!" I smirked as she grabbed my wrist and dragged me along towards the elevators.

Getting the parking card I would need later to pay and get out of the parking garage was not an easy thing to do with Brittany playfully tugging on my wrist, trying to pull me away from the automat the whole time.

She was so strong that I had a laughing fit when I tried to hit the green button to get the card because Brittany would pull at me whenever I was only an inch away from it, effectively jerking my finger back from the automat.

"Britt, stop it! You're making this take _longer_!" I got out between laughs.

Brittany just giggled shrilly and tugged again, but this time I had managed to push the button just in time before I was stumbling away backwards once more.

I shook my head at her as my laughter turned into giggles as well and retrieved the card. Britt was beaming and grabbed my lower arm.

A young father with his two little daughters was already in the elevator when we came hurrying towards it and held the doors open for us as they began to close.

Brittany thanked him with a bright smile as we stumbled in, still giggling, and he smiled at us amusedly.

We settled in the back of the rather large elevator and Brittany leaned against the bar that was fixed there with her hands between it and her lower back, swaying back and forth a little and humming something.

She was grinning at me wickedly and I frowned at her, smiling, because it looked like she wanted to say something or at least was thinking something about me and I had no idea what would make her look at me like that right now, so I smiled and frowned at her because that's the look that tells people you're annoyed they're not telling you something but that you're not angry about that, just curious and a little impatient.

She chuckled at my expression and leaned over to me. I took a step towards her so that my ear was directly at her mouth.

I felt her breath hit my skin and then she whispered in a low voice, "by the way… I'm not wearing any _knickers_."

* * *

She was still laughing at me when we arrived at the coffee shop inside the mall where Quinn and I had agreed to meet.

"It's not funny, B!" I hissed, somewhat annoyed.

"Yeah, it kinda is, San! You should have seen your face! It was like," and she grimaced into the shocked, stupid face I must have made when she had made that joke in the elevator.

"Stop it!" I swatted at her shoulder as we went inside. "It could have been true, you know! It's not like you've never done that before!" I spat back at Brittany, who was still giggling behind me.

"Done what?" I looked to the left and saw Quinn raising an eyebrow at the two of us from her seat at one of the small coffee tables.

"Ugh, nothing!" I groaned as I snaked through the other tables to where she was sitting and sat down to her left while Brittany slumped down into the chair on her other side, so that we were all placed around the small round table.

"Yeah, nothing. I was just teasing Santana." Brittany informed Quinn who smirked approvingly and I rolled my eyes at the two, glad that Brittany hadn't told Quinn about her 'commando'-joke.

"Whatever" I muttered sulkily and craned my neck to see if there was a waiter near us. There was and I signaled him that we wanted to order.

While he made his way towards us, Brittany calmed down and tapped Quinn's cup. "What are you drinking?" she asked interestedly.

Quinn pushed the cup towards her to try and Brittany smiled and sipped.

She put the cup back down and squinted her eyes as she puckered her lips and shifted them from one side to the other to get the most flavor out of the small sip.

"Hmm! I like it." She finally said. "What is it?"

"Vanilla Cappuccino." Quinn answered, taking back her cup and bringing it to her lips.

"Hello, what can I get you?" the waiter asked as he arrived and I looked at Brittany, raising both eyebrows in question.

"Umm, you go first." Brittany deferred, so I looked up at the scrawny guy's face and ordered a mango flavored frozen yoghurt for myself before asking him what cupcakes they had. He said they only had two kinds today. Cherry-chocolate and vanilla with sprinkles on top.

"The one with sprinkles?" I asked, looking at Britt and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay, and what will you have to drink, miss?" the waiter directed his question towards Brittany as he wrote down our order on his little pad.

She bit down on her lip and looked at me. I could tell she couldn't decide so fast, so I suggested she should get a hot white chocolate instead of the vanilla cappuccino, because she already had vanilla in her cupcake and because she liked chocolate more than coffee anyway.

She agreed, happy I had found what she wanted for her, and the waiter smiled politely, nodding before he took off again.

I turned around to Quinn and Brittany and noticed Quinn was eyeing me skeptically, furrowing her brow in confusion.

"What?" I asked her, still a bit tense and annoyed.

_What's with everybody frowning at me today?_

Quinn snorted and raised her eyebrows. "_What _are you _wearing?" _she asked, leaning back in her chair and trailing her eyes up and down my body.

I looked down at the outfit Brittany had chosen for me and felt my cheeks heat up.

_Damnit! This really _doesn't_ look like something I would wear, does it? I forgot we were meeting Quinn. And now look what she did! Brittany's gonna be sooo insulted or probably more sad!_

"Shut up!" I hissed quietly towards Quinn. Shifting uncomfortably in my chair and hoping Britt hadn't been listening.

"Oh, she's wearing a 'little birdy shirty' and some leggings and I think she's not wearing a bra, but I know she's sporting my red thong." Brittany chimed in helpfully.

"_Brittany!_" I cried out, reflexively crossing my arms over my chest.

"Oh my god! Too much information, Britt!" Quinn said with a shocked and regretting expression on her face, recoiling more into her seat and grimacing.

"Jesus!" I mumbled under my breath and covered my eyes with my right hand.

"What? You asked what she was wearing!" Brittany looked at Quinn confusedly before turning to me to explain it to her.

"I didn't mean that literally, Britt! I was just referring to the fact that –"

"That she's never seen me wear that shirt before and wanted to compliment me on it. Cause you really nailed it when you picked that out for me,_ Britt_." I interjected hastily, looking at Quinn pointedly during the last words.

"Oh. _Oh! _Yeah, that's what I meant. Looks really great, Santana. Nice choice, Britt." Quinn quickly backtracked and smiled at Brittany.

I sighed relieved and nodded thankfully at Quinn.

_God! That was close. Thank god Quinn got my hint. Why does she have to tease me anyway! I totally held back on calling her on those ginormous shadows under her eyes and the fact that she winces whenever somebody shuts a door a little loudly or drops something. Geez._

"Hey! Hey, so, San and I were thinking we should go check out that new comic book store to find something for Sam's birthday." Brittany hopped lightly in her seat, clapping her hands excitedly.

She loved checking out new things, so I knew she was dying to go to the store and look around at all the comics even though she wasn't really into those that much anyway.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. He'll love it. And I think I remember what kinds of comics he likes and which ones he already has." Quinn sat up a little straighter.

"Seriously? I don't even remember what color his _eyes_ are. Actually I don't think I ever _looked_ him in the eyes come to think of it." I said mockingly, lifting my cup to my mouth.

"Yes." Quinn shot back defiantly. "Not everybody's as self-involved and cold as you are, Santana." She frowned at me and crossed her arms across her chest defensively.

Brittany furrowed her brows in annoyance at our bickering and sighed, knowing we would just have to get it out of our systems. She hated it when we fought, or fighting in general. That's why _she_ would have probably just ignored Quinn's comment if she had been in my situation.

I however wasn't about to let Quinn take out her hangover-mood on me.

"Yeah right, Quinn. Says the girl who was trying to get Berry's mum into jail to get her bastard baby back even though she's not in the slightest fit to be a mother herself. But what the hell right? It's not about the kid, it's _aaall_ about Quinnie - Oh, I'm sorry! - I meant_ Lucy_ Fabray!"I dished out heatedly.

"San." Brittany threw in quietly.

"No, Britt, let's hear her out! Cause, I mean, who's _more_ suited and entitled to point out someone's mistakes than_ Santana_, who's_ never_ made _any_ in her entire life, right?" Quinn leaned forward, putting her elbows onto the table, her cup in her right hand while her left gesticulated harshly at me.

"Oh, no wait, that's not true. I almost forgot. _Who_ slept with Finn just to take someone's virginity and potentially ruin their relationship with their girlfriend? Let's see…" she pretended to have to think really hard about the answer and then getting it,

"oh, yeah… _you_! And what was it again you did last summer? Read to the blind? Oh no, yeah, silly me, you got a fucking_ boob_ job which got you thrown off the Cheerios! And not to mention the wonderful way you smacked Artie, who's in a _wheel chair_, when he called Brittany stupid, after you were the one who convinced her fooling around with you was not cheating, resulting in yet _another_ relationship_ you_ destroyed!" Quinn raised her voice, pointing at my face.

My mouth fell open in disbelief and anger that she had brought those things up again and I felt myself get incredibly mad but at the same time really frustrated that we were fighting. _Again_.

I looked over at Brittany who was sitting quietly in her chair and looking really scared and sad, her lower lip quivering as if she was about to cry.

I let out a heavy breath and closed my eyes to calm myself down. It didn't really work.

"You know what, Quinn? You can say whatever you want. If you feel like you have to jump down my throat just cause you're hung-over and grumpy, go ahead, but don't expect me to just sit here and take it." I said in a calmer but stern voice. My eyes opened and I looked at her decidedly before I stood up and turned to leave.

"San! No, don't go!" I heard Brittany's somewhat watery cry as a chair was being dragged back and a second later she was spinning me around by my wrist.

"Let go of me, Britt! She doesn't wanna hang with us anyway. All she ever does is put me down and hold stuff against me." I said tugging my arm out of her grasp and was shocked to hear that my voice had broken halfway through the sentence and was now quivering as well.

_This can't be happening! Why would she bring that up again? It makes it sound like I broke Brittany and Artie up! Like I was jealous of him or something. But I just did it cause…cause he was no good for her! I was just protecting her! Quinn is such a bitch! She always points out my mistakes. She can never just let it go!_

I knew that was sort of rich coming from me, but I couldn't help it. I was really disappointed of the way this had turned out. I guess I had been more excited to hang with Quinn again than I had realized.

I felt tears form in my eyes and hastily wiped at them before they had a chance to fall down my cheeks and display even more how out of control and overwhelmed I felt.

"Please stay, Sanny. I'm sure she didn't mean it like that." Brittany whispered to me desperately, but I was already showing more emotion than I wanted to and I needed to recompose myself and get away from Quinn.

So I turned around again and stormed out of the coffee shop.

* * *

so? what do ya'll think? wondering what will happen? like i said... chapter ten will follow in the next few days, so don't worry...it's not a real bad cliff hanger ;D please tell me what you think! thanks my lovelies! 

Oh! yeah, by the way...little **explanation to my story**: in this story bartie already happened but santana hasn't told britt how she feels (yet)...so it's basically the stand of season three only that kurt and finn don't live together yet and that san hasn't told britt she loves her and that sam and mercedes are still happening :D i know it's a little confusing :D but that's how i imagine it for this story :D just stick with me...thanks


	10. Chapter 10

Hey guys :D So here's the tenth chapter! whow...ten. and i hope you like it. i wanna thank you all for reading and supporting my story, you guys rock. especially my girl amillionyears! you're awesome! so please enjoy and R&R

* * *

**Chapter 10**

I was slumped down on the bench that was going around the water fountain in the middle of the Mall and feeling sorry for myself.

Contrary to what I had expected Britt had actually not run after me to try and make me feel better or whatever. She had stayed with Quinn in the coffee shop.

I could still see the entrance from where I was sat on the bench and couldn't help but glance at it what felt like every two seconds.

_I can't believe Brittany stayed with Quinn! What the hell? Since when does she care more about how Quinn feels than how _I'm_ doing? This sucks!_

I felt another tear escape my eyes and let out a frustrated sigh as I carefully wiped at it with my finger so as to not smear my mascara.

When I looked up again I saw the two blondes exiting the coffee shop and coming towards me.

_Ugh. Great. Look at how sweet they are… strolling through the Mall together…probably coming over here to tell me that I'm being childish or whatever. Why don't they just leave me alone. They don't wanna hang with me anyway._

I sniffed and quickly turned my head away from them to hide my teary eyes.

…_okay, wow. Really feeling sorry for myself here. Come one, Lopez, get it together! _

I painfully gulped down the lump that had formed in my throat from trying not to cry and sat up a little taller when I felt someone else sit down beside me.

I assumed it was Brittany, so I was a little taken aback when I heard Quinn's voice.

"You forgot to pay."

I just remained silent, wondering why Quinn was the one that had sat down with me instead of Brittany and waiting for her to say something I could respond to without it turning into another fight.

"I paid for you. Brittany wanted to do it but she didn't have any money, so…" Quinn's voice was strained. Like she didn't know how to act or what to say.

I rolled my eyes and turned so that I wasn't leaning away from her anymore. We were now sitting side by side, both looking straight forward or at our shoes. I still didn't say anything. I didn't know _what_ to say. Quinn and I had never been in a situation like this. Normally when we fought we just didn't talk to each other for a few days – well, except for the bitchy comments. But now, now Quinn was breaking protocol.

_What the hell is she doing? We're not supposed to talk to each other. That's not how it works. At least not lately. Brittany is supposed to be on _my_ side and she and I are supposed to just avoid each other and then pretend like it never happened until we bring it up in the next fight. This is all wrong!_

"Look, Santana, I'm sorry alright?" I was so shocked to hear her apologize, or to be more precise, to hear her apologize _sincerely, _that I almost forgot to be angry with her. She didn't even sound sarcastic or anything.

"I shouldn't have brought that stuff up. But you kinda started it and bringing that stuff with Beth up… that was just, I don't know, it just got out of control."

I let out a deep sigh and looked up at her. She was staring at her hands in her lap and I thought I saw the corner of her eyes shimmer a little.

Suddenly all the anger and self-pity was gone and I just felt exhausted and sad. And a little empty. Like something was missing within me. Quinn.

"Why is it always like that with us lately? We're always just fighting and trying to hurt each other." I asked frustrated, the sadness vibrating in my voice.

Quinn chuckled coldly. "Was it ever any different?" she asked in return.

I didn't laugh. She was right. It seemed like it had always been this way with us. It seemed like all we had ever done was bring each other down. But we both knew that wasn't true. There had been a time where things had been different, better. Where _we_ had been better.

"Yeah. It _used_ to be. _We_ used to be different. We used to be best friends. Like, real best friends. Not the kinda crab that's been going on the past few years. I used to_ love_ hanging with you and watching scary movies and blaming Finn when we accidentally threw that ball through Mrs. Donahan's window." Quinn let out a soft laugh at that and nodded her head in remembrance.

"Where did that go? What the fuck happened, Q?" I asked quietly, bowing my head again and studying my hands absentmindedly.

Neither of us said anything for some time. We were probably both thinking back to those times, that felt like a million years ago when it had just been me and her and life had been so much easier.

Or _I_ was anyway.

"I don't know, S. I guess high school happened and we just sorta grew apart. I mean, all of a sudden we both had a lot of shit happening to us and, I don't know, maybe, maybe we were both too hung up on our own problems to make room to pay attention to what the other was going through."

Quinn offered sadly. Trying to rationally explain what had changed.

I nodded in thought.

_Yeah. A lot of shit has definitely happened. _

"I didn't have a boob job. Just so you know." I broke the silence and saw Quinn shift to look at me from the corner of my eyes.

When I didn't elaborate any further Quinn asked,

"What? What are you talking about?"

I bit my inner cheek and took a deep breath. Suddenly I wasn't so sure if I should tell her after all.

"Santana? What do you mean 'you didn't get a boob job'?" the tenderness in Quinn's voice that made me feel like she actually cared about _me_ and not some new bit of gossip was what made me go on. It was the voice I used to hear when she had comforted me when I had been crying because of my parents or something when we were younger.

"I didn't get one. I just told Coach that cause I didn't want her to know the real reason why I couldn't come to cheerleading camp during the summer." I said, still biting my cheek.

I looked over at Quinn and she raised her eyebrows at me to go on.

As I started to explain further I held her stare.

"Well, I kinda…" I bit my lip.

_God! I had no idea telling this to someone could be so freakin' hard! It was way easier telling Britt…_

"okay look, so I went to this one party and some Neanderthal apparently broke some glass on his way out of the bathroom or something, anyway, Britt had a little too much to drink so I helped her. You know, holding her hair up and stuff, but when I got her out of the bathroom I cut myself on some stupid broken glass. So of course my parents noticed _that. _I mean, they hadn't really cared that I was out all night, I don't even think they noticed I was gone, but when they saw the cut – oh, which was on my wrist by the way – "

I showed her a faint, white scar on my left wrist,

"so when they saw this cut they totally lost it. Saying, like, that they didn't know what to do with me anymore and that I was acting out and hurting myself and blah blah and then they told me I had to go see a fucking shrink!" I threw my hands in the air as the frustration caught up with me again at retelling this summer's events.

Quinn was looking at me with a sympathetically scandalized expression on her face.

"Seriously? They made you see a therapist? Didn't you tell them it was just an accident?"

"Of course I did! But you know my parents, Q! They only listen to what they _wanna_ hear! _Ugh_! It was so _frus_trating!" I was shaking my head, once again feeling hurt by my parents' ignorant behavior as I relived it.

"So when I couldn't go to camp I knew I needed a good reason so Coach wouldn't kick me off the team…"

"And you thought telling her you got a _boob_ job was a good idea?" Quinn cut in, snorting and screwing up her face in disbelief.

"Shut up! I'm not good at improvising, okay? -"

"I'll say." Quinn muttered under her breath, but I ignored her and kept on ranting.

"I hadn't come up with a good excuse yet and when she ordered me into her office and started to babble about how I had gotten a boob job - no idea where she got _that_ from by the way... I bet JewFro with his fucking gossip-fetish had something to do with it - anyway, so like I said I didn't have a better explanation anyway, so I just didn't tell her I hadn't." I said a little defensively.

I frowned at Quinn. Well, not at her, more at the whole situation I had just told her about. It had been a really shitty time and I almost regretted telling her. But after the next thing she said I noticed _why_ I had told her. Why she was the only other person I had told aside from Brittany.

"That's screwed up." Quinn finally concluded.

It was as simple as that. I loved Quinn for that. For putting things simple sometimes. She was like me in that way, I never knew what else to say in those types of situations either. Any maybe that was okay, maybe nothing else needed to be said.

"Yep." I gave back hollowly. We were quiet again for a while until Quinn let out a small laugh.

"So, you're still seeing a therapist only because some dude dropped his beer bottle at a party and Britt had one too many?" she let out another laugh.

I felt my frown shrink away and chuckled.

"Well, I'm not seeing him _anymore_." I giggled.

"I told him that it was just an accident and after six weeks he came to the conclusion that I was actually probably telling the truth. But I managed to convince him that it would be better that I told my parents myself. Seeing as it wasn't his finest hour, since he had told my parents something might be really wrong with me in the beginning and he didn't want to fess up to them that he had screwed up, he agreed to that awfully fast." Quinn was now joining into my giggling.

"So now I go over to Britt's every Tuesday afternoon or just do whatever and my parents still pay Dr. Lieberman a hundred bucks every week which he probably invests in a new yacht or something, I don't know." I ended, snorting.

Quinn was shaking her head in amusement and chuckled quietly, looking back over to the Italian restaurant that was opposite from where we were seated in front of the fountain.

I grinned. _I like talking with her like that. I really missed that. Maybe we actually could get back to the way we were before. Being friends and stuff. I really hope so. Cause otherwise I just told my number one frienemy a hell of a lot of stuff about me she could hold against me._

I was actually a little queasy at the thought of that happening, but right now it seemed so far away that I could easily push those scenarios to the back of my mind.

_Besides, it would be so awesome if the three of us could do some stuff together sometime. Like some real stuff we actually wanna do. Not the scheming and hazing shit Sue had us do to Glee club and the Cheerio freshmen. Although, admittedly, those were kind of fun. But we could have, like, a scary movie night together. Britt would love it! She loves watching scary movies with me. Mainly cause I'm always the one who is more scared but whatever. Q's super scared too so she won't even notice. She never did when we were kids anyway. I should ask Britt what she thinks of that._

I looked around and turned back to Quinn.

"Hey, where's Britt anyway?" I asked, only now noticing that I hadn't seen her since she had come out of the coffee shop with Quinn.

"Oh, she said she would go ahead and check out that comic store. I didn't know she's into those sorts of things. I guess she just wanted to give us time to talk it out." Quinn mused, staring blankly at the sign of the restaurant. She seemed like she was deeply in thought about something.

I nodded and hummed, looking down at my hands in my lap again. I couldn't help but smile a little.

_Brittany is really good at that. At knowing when people need to talk and stuff. She's just really smart. God. Why can nobody see that? _

The smile slipped away from my face and my brows creased instead. _That makes me so mad. People are so stupid! _

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, that I almost forgot Quinn was there until I heard her take in a breath and I glanced up at her.

She was still wearing that same thoughtful expression, only now it looked like she had decided to share those thoughts with me.

"I'm sorry about your parents, Santana. I know how much that must suck." She said simply, still not meeting my eyes.

I looked at her confused. "What are you talking about? What would _you_ know about shitty parents? I mean, yeah, your dad totally reacted like an eighteenth century priest to that whole teen mum business last year, but, come on, they got back together not a month after your mum threw him out and now they seem totally fine with it. With you living there again and everything." I stated. And I almost got a little mad again.

What had she to complain about? It was like a freakin' story from a teeny book. I mean everything good happened to her in the end. She got knocked up – The baby got a somewhat decent mum who moved close by and allowed her to visit, plus she lost the baby weight in under a month and was back on top of the school in no time. Her parents split up – her dad moved back in, everybody's happy. For Quinn, it seemed like, things always eventually worked out. Well, almost always. But still… Right?

She let out something between a huff and a humorless laugh and shook her head sadly.

"Yeah, it seems that way, doesn't it? After all, they're still really good at keeping up appearances. Playing house. Constantly worried about what others might think of us and what they might say." She let out a heavy sigh and I bit my lip, eyeing her carefully. I guess I had been wrong.

"I thought that would finally change when my mum threw him out, but no, he somehow convinced her that she had to take him back so people wouldn't gossip about that too, on top of everything I already screwed up by getting pregnant." She continued and I leaned closer to her when her voice broke on the last word, putting a hand on hers on the bench.

"Ugh! He still won't talk to me except to tell me I should help my mum wash the dishes or something and now my mum's totally on his side again. Well, at least when he's around! It's horrible! I'm almost never home now because I just can't stand being in that house with them. With _him._ I hate it." She sniffed and wiped at the tears that had started falling down her cheeks.

I was shocked. How could something that seemed so good and wholesome on the outside be so broken and ugly on the inside? I had to swallow hard to hold myself back from crying with her. I had been so wrong. And I should have been there.

"I should have been there. I'm sorry, Q! I'm really sorry." I said huskily, squeezing the hand I was still covering with mine.

To my surprise she laughed hoarsely, finally breaking her stare from the 'Pedro's Panini Paradise' sign to meet my eyes.

"Man! A lot of shit sure happens to us, S. We must have really jinxed it when we wrote that 'We love our shiny princess lives so much' song when we were eight."

I snorted. "Oh my god! I totally forgot about that! We should spruce it up and make it a duet for glee." I joked as another loud laugh escaped my mouth. We chuckled a little, happily remembering those days, until we calmed down again.

After a second I leaned my head against Quinn's shoulder and closed my eyes.

"I miss you, Q." I sighed almost inaudibly.

I felt Quinn smile against my head and then she squeezed my hand that was still holding hers.

"I miss you too, S."

I grinned and kept still for a moment before lifting my head and turning to look – no, _scowl _- at her before saying in a mockingly warning tone, "But not as much as I miss being queen bitch, so you better watch it, Fabray."

She snorted in return and wrinkled her forehead in amusement.

"Yeah right, Lopez. Bring it on." She nodded her head at me in a street gang kinda way and that made me laugh even harder.

She just shook her head grinning and nudged me to get up.

"Come on, Lopez, let's help Brittany choose one of those 'graphic novels' for our ex." She giggled and I sighed and stood up, linking my arm in hers before we went off to find Brittany.

* * *

When we got to the comic book store Quinn and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Britt? What are you doing?" Quinn asked chuckling.

Brittany was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the store on the floor, four or five comic books sprawled around her, and seemed to be deeply engrossed in one of them. She didn't react.

"Hey, whatcha reading there, Britt?" I asked gently as I crouched down beside her. She gave a little jump and looked at me with doe-in-the-headlight eyes before she relaxed and grinned first at me and then up at Quinn.

"Oh, hey guys! I was just looking for something to get Sam, but then I remembered that I didn't know what kind he liked so I just looked through a lot of them hoping I would see one that reminded me of some of the weird stories he tells and then I found this one and I really liked it and then you guys came. Oh, but I don't know if Sam will like it, I've never heard him tell stories about ducks." Brittany pouted, slightly frowning at the fact that she had lost focus on the goal.

Quinn chuckled again. "Well, that's all very nice Brittany, but why are you on the floor?" she asked, eyeing something I couldn't see from my crouched down position. I got up and followed her line of sight.

Two rows behind the one we were in stood some pale, pimply kid in a blazer. He looked like he could maybe be the manager and it seemed like he didn't quite know what to with us. Or rather with Brittany. I guess he didn't get too many hot seventeen year-old girls sitting down on the floor to read his comic books. I pressed my lips together as I tried to swallow my laughter and winked at him. His eyes grew big and he scurried away quickly. I laughed, turning back around to Quinn and Brittany.

Brittany looked up at us confused. "What do you mean? I wanted to read the comic books, and I got tired of standing so I sat down. I knew it would take you two a while to – OH MY GOD!" she screamed and both Quinn and I flinched together at the sudden increase in volume.

"Ah! What? What?" we both asked in hushed tones to remind her we had to be quieter.

Brittany beamed at us. "You guys made up!"

I rolled my eyes, grinning, and looked over at Quinn who was looking at me amusedly.

"Yes. Santana and I talked about some things." She smiled at me.

"Yay!" Brittany squealed and clapped her hands happily before she jumped up and pulled the two of us into a bone-crushing hug.

"God, Britt. It's not like we cured cancer or something." I said, but I was still grinning. Especially when Quinn croaked that she couldn't breathe and Brittany hastily released us, looking sheepish.

Quinn coughed a little, holding a fist in front of her mouth while the other hand was pressed against her collarbone, and then pointed down at the almost forgotten comic books on the floor.

"So which ones have you got there?" she asked after clearing her throat.

Britt whirled around and picked them up. "Oh, I got Spiderman and Batman and some other 'man' – " she counted off as she showed them to us, but Quinn shook her head at all of them. "and then I got the one with some woman who has a lot of muscles and throws guys around and…"

"No, no, no, Sam has all _those_ three already and this one looks more like a weird fetish or something." Quinn told Brittany as she took the comic books out of her hands.

Brittany pouted and looked really disappointed that she hadn't found the right present for Sam.

"Sorry." She muttered, biting her lip and looking at the floor. _Ugh, Quinn!_

"Oh, no Brittany it's okay!" Quinn said hastily as I went over and put a soothing hand on Brittany's back.

"I'll just go look for something. Really, it's alright." She looked at me, worried she had offended Brittany.

"Yeah, Brittz. Quinn will find something. She knows Trouty Mouth better than either of us anyway." I said quietly and nodded to Quinn that it was fine for her to go.

Quinn gave Brittany one last apologetic smile before she went to look for a good comic book to buy for Sam.

I continued stroking Brittany's back but she seemed to be lost in thought. "Hey." I said quietly so she would look up. She didn't. "Are you still upset?" she shrugged her shoulders. "Quinn didn't mean anything by it."

"I know." Brittany mumbled. I frowned. "Then what is it?"

"I just, I don't know. I really wanted to find something for him. Sam is a good guy and I always try to listen to him when he talks about comics and stuff, but it's just so boring. I always zone out. I just wish I knew more about comics." Brittany sighed.

I stepped in front of Brittany. She was still looking at the floor and still seemed a little sad, so I grabbed her by her shoulders to make her look at me and when she finally did I said,

"Hey, come on, we both know that even though she tries to hide it, Quinn is really a _nerd_." A smirk crept on her face and that made me smile too. "I'm telling you," I went on. "It's not that you don't know much about comic books. It's that _she_ knows _too_ much." I said, eyes wide and nodding my head for emphasis.

"HEY! I _heard_ that Santana!" Quinn called from two rows over. Brittany and I giggled. "I am _not_ a nerd." Quinn huffed, her voice getting closer until she appeared at the end of the row.

"Well have you found the right one yet?" I sniggered, turning around to face her, while Brittany was still giggling behind me.

"Yes." Quinn said defensively, a stern look on her face.

I looked back at Brittany and raised my brow as if to say 'see? She already found it…what a _nerd!'_. Brittany snorted and buried her head against my shoulder. I grinned broadly and we began walking toward Quinn who was rolling her eyes before she whipped around to go to the check-out counter.

When we reached the end of the row, I felt Brittany turn around. "Oh! San, wait." She hurried back to where she had sat and picked something up.

"What is that?" I asked, raising a brow at her as she came up next to me. She stopped so she was standing really close and I unconsciously held my breath for a second.

She smiled shyly and pushed something against my hand that was hanging just below my hip. I glanced down and grinned at the comic book she was giving me.

"Can I have it, Sanny?" Brittany pouted, batting her eyelashes. _So cute!_

"Sure, Britt-Britt." I said warmly.

She squealed and hugged me tightly."You're the best." She whispered into my ear and I felt a little shudder run down my spine. _Oh fuck. _

I just smiled awkwardly and went to pay for the Donald Duck comic.

On our way out of the store Brittany and I walked behind Quinn who was flipping through the one she had bought for Sam. Brittany held her new comic happily in one hand and with the other she linked our pinkies.

When I looked at her she had this huge smile on her face like I'd just bought her a new car or something and then she leaned over and quickly pecked me on the cheek.

I felt my face heat up and grinned.

_I love comic books!_

* * *

okay guys? so whatcha think? i really wanted to explain some stuff in this chapter and take a closer look at the quinntana friendship and what happened there. I hope you liked it and i'm looking forward to your reviews! thanks:D some more brittana coming up though, don't worry...and of course there's sam's party to look forward to ;}_  
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	11. Chapter 11

Hey guys. Late update again, I know. But this chapter is rrrreally long! :D hope you enjoy! Oh, and please read the notes below the chapter!

* * *

**Chapter 11**

„Stop it! Britt, I'm serious! Cut it ou-aaaah!" I squealed hysterically, squirming around on the bed like crazy, trying to escape Brittany's tickling fingers.

It was Sunday afternoon. I had spent the night at Brittany's and we had just been hanging out in her room all day, while her parents had been out with Emily at some soccer-team-picnic or something.

"Take it back then!" Britt tried to remain her originally serious expression, but she couldn't hold back the smirk that was spreading across her face.

"N-aaah! No! NEVER!" I half squeaked, half shouted as she launched at me again, and hopped over to the headboard in one giant leap.

I didn't even need to look around to know that Britt wouldn't give up just because I had managed to get away from under her and to the opposite side of the bed, so I hastily crouched down and shielded my body – especially my ticklish sides – with one of Brittany's pillows.

Well, actually the pillow was only protecting my left side, while my right side was pressed against the headboard as hard as possible, so as not to leave any space for her fingers to reach the ticklish spot over my ribs.

I heard her giggle and felt the bed shift as she followed me.

"Say it! Say you didn't mean it!" she commanded, and I could practically hear her grin.

I shook my head violently as I was concentrating on gripping the pillow as hard as I could, expecting it to be ripped away from me at any moment.

"Nooo?" she asked, voice dripping with mock disbelief.

She drew in a very unconvincing regretful breath. "Well then I guess I have no other choice…" she sing-sanged the last word threateningly.

Even before she touched me in any way, I squealed in anticipation and ducked my head down further onto the bed, trying to fit my whole body behind the pillow.

As expected, not a second later it was all I could do to hang on to it as best as I could with Brittany trying to tear it away from me with all her strength.

I giggled shrilly from the thrill of our childish fight and clung onto the pillow as if it was the only thing keeping me alive, but since Brittany was way stronger than me it didn't take her long before she had wrestled my 'protection' from my hands and thrown it over her shoulder.

I could only just hear it thud against what I assumed was the door, when a wickedly grinning blonde threw herself at me, dragged me further down the bed away from the headboard and pushed me on my back, pressing both of my wrists against the mattress with her hands and quickly throwing one leg over me to straddle my hips.

"Nooo!" I wailed, still squirming desperately, but it was no use.

Brittany, effectively tightening her grip around my wrists, had me trapped underneath her and her beaming smirk could have illuminated a pitch black room better than if you had used the "Lumos Maxima" spell on it._ Okay yeah, so maybe Britt made me watch Harry Potter again yesterday…nobody could have resisted her with _that_ puppy dog look in her eyes! Geez!_

Breathing heavily and unable to move, I looked up at her. She was out of breath as well and judging from her rosy cheeks, pretty riled up. Just like me.

Although _her_ internal heat probably came from the childish tickle war, whilst the current running through _my_ body _now _had little to do with the adrenaline jolt both of us had obviously been feeling during our pretend fight. The one _I_ was experiencing since the _second_ she had pinned me down forcefully wasn't childish at all.

Suddenly my racing heart and the shortness of breath had totally different reasons whatsoever, as I took in the sight before me.

Seeing Brittany, all sweaty and gleeful and _dominating_, towering over me with a satisfied smirk was turning me on more than I would have liked to admit.

_Oh god! That's so hot! How can I be so turned on when all we really did was act like two children and wrestle on the bed. Okay, I get how wrestling on the bed and being pinned down by someone can get you all hot and bothered, especially if that someone is as hot as Britt, but seriously! It's like whatever she does – it's making me want to jump at her. And _not _in a kindergarten kind of playful way…_

After a few seconds – or was it minutes? – of blankly staring at her mouth, I actually realized that her lips were moving.

"- that you're sorry!"

"What?" I asked, completely forgetting what we had been doing before she had assumed this undeniably sexy position across my body.

Brittany rolled her eyes at me. "Ugh, come on Santana! Just say it! You really hurt his feelings!" when I didn't react at once, still trying to figure out what I was supposed to be saying, she shifted above me and trapped both of my hands in one of hers, raising the other threateningly.

My eyes shot open. "NO! No, wait!" I shouted hastily, bucking underneath her to prevent another tickling attack.

_Right, Lord Tubbington, fat joke, tickling fight, obviously lost…_

"Alright alright, fine! I'm sorry, okay?!" I gave up. She squinted her eyes at me.

"Aaaand?"

Now _I_ was the one rolling my eyes.

"Ugh, and I didn't mean it. There I said it. You happy now?" I shook my head at Brittany, who was now smiling down at me satisfied, annoyed that she had won again and managed to make me say it.

"Yep, almost." She chimed, lifting herself off me.

Leaning up on my elbows, I furrowed my brows as she jumped off the bed and over to the couch.

"You have to apologize to _him_." She said, groaning slightly as she heaved a sleepy Lord Tubbington into her arms and carried him over to the bed.

I snorted. "Oh, come on! You gotta be kidding me!"

"Santana!" the blonde warned slowly, as she dropped the fat cat next to me on the bed, which actually made my elbows lift off the mattress.

_Seriously. If _that's_ not one fat cat, I don't know what is!_

"No way! I'm not apologizing to an _animal_! Besides! Just _look _at hi-" But Brittany's raised eyebrows made me stop defending my name calling.

"God, fine!" I groaned again and threw my head back in defeat before getting ridiculously close to Lord Tubbington's face with my own and locking eyes with him mockingly intense – as well as you can do that with a cat anyway – and drawing in a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Lord Tubbington, for calling you an exploded toilet brush and suggesting that you should sue that sumo ringer obsessed cat breeder with the Garfield fetish for creating that massive amount of feline that is you." I rattled off in one breath as if I had read it from a piece of paper.

Lord Tubbington just blinked lazily and continued purring in short, ten second intervals.

_Jesus! He's even too fat and lazy to purr properly! There's gotta be some cat law against that, right?_

Brittany however seemed happy with my apology and sat back down next to the cat and started stroking him, smiling.

I just sat there watching her and shook my head slightly. How could anybody be so amazingly… unique?

Just as I was lying back down my phone started ringing.

I twisted around, propping myself up on one elbow, and grabbed it off the night stand without looking at the caller ID, suspecting it to be Quinn.

"What's up, Fabray? Can't find a man to keep you busy for _one_ afternoon? Didn't you use to have two? I think you're losing your game, Q!"

But instead of the expected snort or feisty return, I got told off by a shocked voice.

"That is incredibly insensitive and rude, Santana!"

"Ugh!" I groaned and let myself fall onto the mattress again. Brittany looked up from her hands that were entangled in LT's fur and gave me a questioning look.

"What is it, Berry?" I growled, making Brittany giggle in understanding and resume cuddling with the cat.

"Well, as you know, Mr Shuester has given us the task to interpret, perfect and perform one Beatles song of our choosing and as you all refused to meet up before my soirée on Friday to practice, " I thought I heard her tilt up her head in annoyance and hurt,

"and most of you weren't in any position to do so yesterday," I let out a little snort – _she_, after all, had been the one giggling drunkenly at my little strip during truth or dare, so I couldn't imagine her head feeling too much better on Saturday than Quinn's or mine,

"so I think it would only be wise to gather at my house this evening for some fun time of rehearsing and –"

"Okay, I'mma stop you right there, Manhands!" I saw the corners of Brittany's mouth twitch.

"First of all, who the hell ever said anything about meeting up on Friday? _I_'ve certainly never heard of it." I barked, rolling my eyes at Brittany. But to my surprise the blonde was biting her lip with an apologetic expression on her face and mouthed 'sorry'. Apparently Israel had told her to pass the information on to me and Brittany had forgotten.

_Ah whatever. I wouldn't have gone anyway._

Immediately I heard Berry start to protest, but I cut her off.

"And secondly, you don't seriously think that Brittz and I don't have something better to do on a Sunday evening than listen to your frantic monologues about which of the Beatles has the biggest range, and that you can just call us up and we'll come running to you." I ranted heatedly.

Brittany was biting her inner cheek nervously and I could tell that she didn't like the way I spoke to Rachel.

_But it's freakin' _Berry_! You can't _not_ get annoyed by her. It's just not possible. You gotta say _some _shit to distract the voices inside your head from trying to convince you to drive over to her house and strangle her with the phone cord. Snix is just too strong and easily pissed off!_

For a second it was quiet before I heard Rachel draw in big breath and she said, "Please, Santana. This assignment is really important for me and I want to do the Beatles justice. I've been looking forward to this for a long time now."

I furrowed my brow. "You don't even like the Beatles that much! You said their harmony was a little off and they don't present enough energy or whatever." I scoffed, a little less aggressively, as I watched Brittany pat Lord Tubbington's head absentmindedly.

I heard a small cough at the other end of the line and then Rachel continued in a hurried and brusque voice.

"Alright, fine. If you must now, Finn and I had a little argument about who would win this 'girls versus boys' competition and I really want to show him who's the bo – who's got the better teammates." She finished heatedly and I had to suppress my laughter as I shook my head amusedly, staring at the ceiling.

Brittany prodded me in the shoulder to get my attention and when I turned my head to look at her she whispered, "What? What is so funny?"

She hated missing funny things.

But I just closed my eyes and shook my head again, covering the receiver with my right hand while Rachel rambled on and on about some major insensitive thing Finn had done – shocker -, signaling her that it wasn't that important. "She's just rambling on about Finnessa. So just the usu-"

I started explaining, before I suddenly remembered why I had thought that Quinn was the one calling.

_Wait a minute! 'Super Freak' is _Quinn_'s ring tone! I remember when I put it in back in middle school after Quinn had told me about some freaky dream she had had about Mr Clean being her first kiss while a Gospel choir sang in the background…that was hilarious! She still looks annoyed when she hears that song. It's awesome! And anyway…Berry's ring tone are those three creepy high-pitched sounds that you know from the horror movies when the victim goes around the corner and there stands that guy with the ax…_

**[ watch?v=QYHxGBH6o4M ]**_  
_

"How did you get Q's phone?" I asked sharply through Berry's rant. She immediately went silent.

"Berry! How did you get Quinn's cell phone?" I asked again.

Brittany scooted over on the bed and pushed the phone an inch away from my ear.

"Hey, what are y- AAH!" I was just about to ask Brittany what she was doing, when Rachel's voice came booming from the little phone. Britt had put it on speaker.

I held the phone an arm's length away from my ear and muttered some Spanish curse words under my breath.

Brittany giggled and told Berry loudly to stop shouting and complaining why I'm not listening, because she's on the speaker phone now.

When the midget's unearthly voice had subsided I laid the phone between Brittany and me on the mattress.

"Jesus Berry. Do you have a license for that voice? It should be illegal for it to be magnified by any device!" Brittany put one hand on my knee to keep my swearing in check and I grit my teeth.

"It's not like you're vocals aren't being distorted by the phone!" she bluffed defensively. " While it is undoubtedly a highly convenient product of human intelligence, it's common knowledge that the phone as such is not the best acoustic carrier when it come to voices like mine…or yours for that matter."

_Seriously? Who talks like that?_

"Shut up, Berry. So, why do you have the phone?" I inquired again, ignoring Brittany's gentle squeeze on my leg.

"Well, as I just explained to you, Quinn has been kind enough to lend it to me to ensure you'd answer the call. She's apparently the only one who understands the importance of proper preparation and is – _oh, for the love of god, Rachel, just gimme my freakin' phone!"_

Brittany and I shared a look. "Quinn?"

There was a short rustling and then Quinn's voice was clearer.

"Yeah. Alright, listen, Santana. Get your ass over here. We're rehearsing at Ber- Rachel's tonight. And bring Brittany. Tina and Sugar are already on their way."

"Hey Quinn!" Brittany called out brightly while I snorted, "You're already _there_? Seriously?"

The next words Quinn said were slightly muffled, since Brittany had hopped up and down on the bed excitedly, which had made my phone topple over.

But what I gathered was that she couldn't stand being near Berry alone any longer. At least that's what I would have said. Well, actually I would have never even gone there in the first place. Especially not without a normal human being to protect me from Berry's 'dictionary talk for the proud and selfish', but whatever…

I picked up the phone, put it on normal again, and said, "Alright, alright. Fine, we'll come over. But I'm _not_ doing trust-falls again!" and with that I hung up.

I turned around to Brittany, who was still beaming at me.

"What?" I asked a little huffy.

Brittany rocked from one side to the other playfully. "Nooothing." She sing-sanged. "I'm just excited! I love Glee girl meetings!" I rolled my eyes and got up from the bed.

"God, why? It's always the same. Berry goes on and on about some shit nobody cares about, then we do some exercises to warm up our voices and in the end she's the star of the show and we're swaying in the background." I grumbled and turned around to pick up my bag from the desk.

When I looked back around she was still sitting on the bed and giving me a sympathetic look.

I hate it when people give me sympathetic looks. There's a reason why the word 'pathetic' is in it…

"What?" I asked a little harshly. Brittany looked down at her lap to avoid my glaring eyes.

"What? What was that look?" I repeated, crossing my arms over my chest defensively. Daring her to say it.

And she did.

"I'm sorry." She said gently. And it seemed like she was speaking more carefully now. Trying to phrase what she wanted to say so as not to hurt my feelings.

_Ugh! I don't need that!_

"I don't need you to feel sorry for me! I'm just pissed off and I have every right to be! God, Brittany! How can it not bother you? The way Berry treats us like her personal sidekicks makes me fucking furious! Oh, no wait! Actually the fact that Mr Shue lets her do it is even worse! I just don't get it! " I bit and I felt myself getting riled up again.

Brittany was eyeing me warily and creased her brows, before she looked at her hands on top of her folded legs on the bed. She mumbled something I couldn't make out.

"What?"

"I said 'that's not what I meant'." She said a little louder.

I just looked at her confused and annoyed. I was feeling so…so angry. And I couldn't really tell why. That happened to me a lot. I often got really angry really fast and I don't even know why. And it's exhausting…

She sighed resigned. I knew why. It wasn't just exhausting for me.

"I didn't mean that I feel sorry for you. I just… I'm sorry. That's all."

_What? That doesn't make any sense! What's the difference?_

"Wh-"

"Never mind. We gotta go anyway." She stood up from the bed and walked over to me. I thought she was gonna hug me, and to be honest I didn't know how to feel about it. I was still angry but at the same time I knew if Brittany hugged me I would feel better, I always did. I just didn't know if I wanted to let go of my anger so fast, it felt like giving up on something.

But it didn't matter. She was only reaching around me to grab her cheerleading jacket that was hanging over the back of her desk chair behind me, and then turned around and walked out of the room.

I stood there, arms still clenched tightly around my chest, and felt like I was about to cry.

* * *

On the way to Rachel's I had gone from close to tears to angry again to tired to just plain sulky.

Brittany hadn't said anything the whole way there. I think she wanted to give me some time to cool off or something. Or maybe she just didn't have anything to say to me.

Either way, the atmosphere was still a little tense when we got to the front door. I walked up the few steps leading up to it and rang the doorbell. Brittany stayed just behind me.

One of Rachel's dads opened the door.

"Oh, hello girls. Lovely to see you again."

"Hey Mr Berry." Brittany's soft voice came from behind my back.

"Rachel and the other girls are in the basement." He smiled and pointed at the door that led to the stairs.

I just nodded briskly and pushed past him while Brittany thanked him sweetly before hurrying after me.

The basement didn't look too much different from the last time I had been here. The stage was still there and some stuff about Rachel that almost resembled a shrine and the washing machine nobody was allowed to sit on and the couches. Yeah, it looked almost the same, except for that it didn't have those weird banners and stripes hanging from the ceiling and that instead of the wine cooler thing there was a small wagon with bagels and doughnuts and such and some lemonade or something.

It looked decently delicious and I suddenly realized how hungry I was.

I heard Brittany's stomach growl next to me and had to bite my lips to stop them from forming a grin. But Brittany was too distracted by the food to pay any attention to me anyway.

"Yum!" she murmured as she strode right over and grabbed a muffin.

"Brittany! Santana!" I heard Berry's voice shriek, and sure enough when I reached the bottom of the stairs I saw Manhands rushing towards us, her expression a mix between relief and an angry scowl.

"Where have you been? The girls and I were worried!" I raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her.

Behind her Tina was waving at me from her seat on the couch; Quinn, who was sitting next to her, had her face in her hands and looked at me with shaking head and rolling eyes, while Sugar beamed and jumped up from the armchair next to the couch, clapping her hands and squealing in her annoying, Barbie-like voice:

"Yay! Let's sing then!" I snorted.

_Okay, that's hilarious. She didn't let them start without us? At least she recognizes that I'm the only _seriously _talented singer here. Well, me and Mercedes. Where is Lady Jones anyway?_

I scanned the room but couldn't find her anywhere.

"Put that down!" I turned around to see Brittany looking shocked and scandalized when Rachel snatched the muffin right out of her mouth.

"Mmmh! Hey!" she complained a little muffled, holding one hand under her chin and slightly bending forward to catch the crumbs falling from her mouth.

"They're for _after _the rehearsal!" Rachel said pointedly and put the half eaten Muffin daintily back onto the plate.

Brittany frowned at her and unconsciously pouted her lower lip out.

_Aaaw. That's so cute. Fucking Berry! Britt's so hungry! And me too! _

"Lighten up, Nose! Just let her have a fucking Muffin. Jesus. If you're gonna pull that 'Berry's Rules' shit again I'm outta here." I snapped and walked back up a few steps for emphasis.

But before I could get as far as halfway up the stairs, Rachel – and to my surprise Quinn –had started protesting.

"Santana! We need to practice and you're being incredibly rude and difficult."

"God, S! Just sit down and shut up so we can get started and finish sometime before midnight."

I rolled my eyes and went back down and over to Brittany who had apparently snuck the Muffin back into her mouth, since she looked like a little hamster and tried to seem smaller than she was to not draw attention to herself.

I smirked at her and she gave me a little, wobbly cheeked smile.

"Brittany!" Berry chided as I giggled and grabbed a doughnut. "Santana!"

We ignored her and went over to the second couch that was facing the one Quinn and Tina were sitting on. As I slumped onto it, Rachel rushed over to the piano and rustled with a stack of notes before going around and handing them out to us.

And yes, she really did have a freakin' _piano _in her basement. I couldn't believe it either.

"So I took the liberty of rearranging the songs to our strengths. Obviously Santana, Mercedes and myself will be the lead singers. And-"

"Wait a minute. Songsss?" Tina interrupted. "As in plural?"

She looked around at us. Sugar eyed the stack of paper Rachel had just dropped in her lap.

"Weren't we supposed to choose _one_?" she asked confused.

"Yes, but I assumed that you would like to be included in the choosing process, so I narrowed it down to four songs and rearranged all of them. I think it would be a good idea to go through the lot and see which one fits our combined harmony the best."

Quinn raised her eyebrow slightly and I wasn't sure if it was because she hadn't been mentioned as lead singer, or if she was impressed by Rachel's uncharacteristically 'team player' spirit today.

I wasn't impressed by either one. I mean, Quinn had a beautiful voice, but I just didn't see it in a Beatles song.

_Although…the smoky quality might bring some authenticity to it. Hmmm_…

Anyway, aside from that I was definitely positively surprised that I didn't have to fight for a leading part this time, but all the same I wasn't about to give Rachel a gold medal for it. It should be a given after all.

I took the stack of sheet music from her and inspected it carefully.

_'A Day in the Life', 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds', 'With a little help from my friends' and 'Come Together'. Not bad choices. Brittany's gonna be disappointed though._

And sure enough, as I looked over at Brittany I saw a little pout.

She turned to me and asked, "Where's the one with the strawberries?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't really know what to say to that. I loved that song too, but I wouldn't have placed it in the top four either. I didn't wanna tell Brittany that though.

She looked back down at her sheet music. "I really like that one." She mumbled disappointedly.

"I know." I said soothingly and rubbed her back. "We can listen to it on the car ride home."

She immediately lit up and smiled at me brightly, nodding her head enthusiastically.

It made me smile as well and a warm tingling sensation shot through my body. I loved that smile. And I especially loved it when it was just for me like right now.

Her eyes were staring into mine and I couldn't look away. I saw them flicker down to my mouth for a second and felt my heart rate pick up.

We hadn't done any sexy stuff since the party at Finn's - well accept you count that tiny bit of kissing we did before we got ready to meet Quinn at the mall. Not even yesterday night. I had really wanted to, but Brittany had snuggled up to me during Harry Potter and then fallen asleep on top of me and I hadn't had the heart to wake her.

But the way she was looking at me now, I was sure that that wasn't gonna happen again tonight.

She quirked one eyebrow and let her eyes slowly wonder down to my chest and back up to my lips, before she linked eyes with me again, a twinkle sparkling in her pair of blues. It was like she was daring me to make a move on her. _Freakin' elevator eyes! Such a turn on!_

I gulped and had to concentrate on not reaching over and kissing her right at that moment. Instead I tore my gaze away from hers and started to nervously crack my fingers as I forced my eyes to stay on the music lines in front of them.

_Fuck. I hope that wasn't too obvious. It's like a freakin' trance! When she looks at me like that I just, I can't…_not _look at her and think about her and…ugh! Please don't let Quinn or the others have seen it!_

My heart was banging furiously as I looked around at the others._  
_

Our little' conversation' however had gone completely unnoticed, since the other girls were all discussing which one of the songs we should choose.

"Oh come on! Let it be! It's a classic! It's the all time favorite!" Quinn exclaimed. "Why didn't it even make the list?"

Rachel, who had just been shushing Sugar's cries of 'Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!' – _I don't even think Asperger's knows why that is hilarious! It sounds like she's teasing and cheering Quinn on at the same time! – _turned around to her.

"That's exactly the reason why I didn't choose it, Quinn. It's what they expect us to choose." Her look became a bit desperate and frustrated. "Come on, I put a lot of thought into those! Just pick one of the songs I narrowed it down to!" Rachel whined. _She almost sounded like a normal person there. Fascinating._

"Well, I personally like 'With a little help from my friends'. I've never even heard of 'A Day in the Life'." Tina said, which earned her a frown from both Rachel and Quinn.

"Yeah, I like that one too." I agreed. "But I actually say we go with 'Come Together'."

Rachel nodded thoughtfully and turned her attention to Brittany. "Brittany? What do you think?"

_Something's really weird today. Is it just me or is Berry freakishly less controlling than usual right now?_

I avoided looking over at Brittany, just to be safe, and got up to get myself a drink instead.

When I got back they had apparently brought it down to either 'With a little help from my friends' or 'Come Together', but now we were stuck.

"We need a tie-breaker!" Sugar exclaimed frustrated. "I say my vote counts double, since my daddy's gonna be paying for our costumes."

I snorted unamusedly.

"First of all, your daddy is stinkin' rich, he wouldn't even notice if you we used his money to buy 'Bloomingdales', so shut it, and second of all…where the hell is Mercedes?" I turned to Rachel.

"Didn't you hear?" Tina asked from my other side and I turned around to face her.

"Hear what?" I asked, furrowing my brows confusedly.

Tina looked over at the others as she started to explain. Apparently Mercedes had gotten grounded because she hadn't come home after the party.

I felt a slight pang of guilt and looked at Brittany. Brittany looked just as guilty and bit her lip nervously.

"For how long?" I asked Tina.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I just know she got grounded."

Rachel sat down next to Sugar and laid the rest of the sheets onto the stage that was to her right.

"Well, I wouldn't feel too sorry for her. After all, she could have been more responsible. I mean, Finn and I had to drive both of them home in the morning! At least Mike wasn't too hung over to drive!" she shook her head disapprovingly.

"What do you mean 'both of them'?" Sugar and I asked at the same time, and Quinn, Tina and Brittany too were sitting up interestedly.

"Well, she and Sam fell asleep on the c-" Rachel started to explain, before Tina's squeal interrupted her.

"Oh my god! They're totally together, aren't they?" Tina exclaimed excitedly and Brittany and Sugar were clapping their hands.

_What?! _

"What?" Quinn and I shouted shocked.

"When did _that_ happen?" Quinn asked completely confused.

I wasn't as confused as her. After all, Brittany had sort of let it slip that they liked each other and I had seen them dancing together at the party, but I had no idea they were this serious _already_.

"Well, I can't confirm _or_ deny any information about their relationship status," Rachel held one hand up to calm us down. "I simply know that Finn and I found them sleeping on the couch the morning after the party and they seemed both rather nervous. Although that could of course stem from the after effects of the amount of alcohol they both consumed the night previous. They were rather jumpy." She giggled, clearly enjoying having the first inside scoop for once.

"How did I not know about that? Mike and I stayed until almost noon!" Tina scowled.

"Yes, but you stayed in the living room, whereas Mercedes and Sam spent the night in the basement." Rachel explained.

I didn't know what to think of that. Did I want Sam and Mercedes to become a couple? I mean, I wasn't jealous of her or anything. Sam and I had never really worked together, but something was bothering me. I just couldn't put my finger on it.

By the looks of it though, Quinn and I were the only ones who weren't too enthusiastic about this new piece of information. Although I think that Quinn might be more bothered by the fact that she didn't see it coming and not the information itself. She got up and went over to get a bagel.

"Oooh! This is so exciting!" Sugar clapped her hands again.

"They're so cute together. I saw them dancing at the party!" Brittany chimed in.

"You did?" I asked surprised. "I thought you were asleep."

She smiled at me brightly. "No, I was just sleepy. Not asleep. But the way you were stroking my back was so soothing that I couldn't say anything." I suddenly felt uneasy. Why did she have to say stuff like that?

"Yeah, sometimes people can seem asleep but they really aren't." Quinn commented quietly as she sat back down and with those few words everything in me froze.

_She was awake on the porch._

* * *

Okay, so as always i hope you like the chapter and give me some feedback on it :D_  
_

Other than that i wanted to invite you to** join our RP game**! it's called '**Glee Roleplay**' and my friend 'klaineGleekFangirl' is the host. We would love it if you would check it out! There are still some really cool characters open and if the character you want is already taken you can still ask me about it, because maybe the person who is officially playing that character is willing to give it up because he/she has another one. And you could always join as an OC as well.

We're planning a party in the RP right now. It would be at Quinn's house and it would of yourse be cool if we had some more characters by then, so drop by and check it out :)

Thanks as always guys!


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys :) how are you? so this chapter is gonna give us a little look into the past...oooh! I hope you like it :) PLEASE ENJOY AND R&R!

I thought I could do with writing another exclaimer for a change: so here it goes: contrary to popular believe, Glee is not owned by me! unbelievable, right? I KNOW!

* * *

**Chapter 12**

It was like everything stood still for a moment. Nothing moved.

Nothing moved while Quinn and I stared into each other's eyes.

_Fuck, she was awake! Fuck fuck fuck! What – what am I gonna do? What is _she_ gonna do? What is she thinking? _

_Fuck she knows! She knows that…well, what? I – I made out with Brittany. But she already knew that. They all do since Brittany let it slip two years ago that we're screwing around. _

_But this is different! She freakin' _saw _us! This is real! Not just some mumbled words on the phone…she saw us. _

_Oh god! Is she gonna tell? …okay but again, they already know about it …well about some of it._

_She's thinking there's more to it. She'll think we're a freakin' couple or something. Damn! But we're not. We're just …not. _

_Okay, calm down. Losing it right now is not gonna help me!_

"Santana?" it sounded like Rachel had called my name several times and I quickly tore my eyes away from Quinn and focused on her.

"What?" I hissed and I was pleased to hear that my voice hadn't betrayed my inner freak out. It was steady and a bit bitchy, so like usual when I talked to Rachel.

She raised her eyebrows at me and looked at the others.

"I was merely asking which song you'd like to try first. No need to get hostile!" she bit back and frowned at me, probably slightly hurt at my unfriendly reaction to her 'kindness'.

"Ugh, you know what, Hobbit? I don't give a shit. And you can wipe that hurt look off your face, cause it's not like you just did me a huge favor or something, okay?" I immediately felt a bit better. Getting into someone's face – especially Berry's – just had such a calming effect on me. I felt safe.

I put my right hand up and perched my lips as I bobbed my head from side to side in my usual 'Lima Heights' way. "I getz the lead, cause I deservez the lead. Not cause you were big enough to share it with me. Got it? Okay, good." I stood up and walked up the stage, grabbing one of the mikes that were lined up there, and ignoring Rachel's scandalized, open-mouthed expression.

"You coming or what?" I asked annoyed.

When I looked down from my levitated position I could see the confusion in their faces. Well, except in Quinn's. She looked just kinda startled, not really confused. And Rachel was about to talk back when Tina just shook her head at her, signaling her to just let it go.

"What?" I snarled. "I'm hungry and tired and Snix doesn't do too well with that! So move it!"

To my relief the girls seemed to buy that excuse and I felt myself instantly relax, even if it was just the tiniest bit.

I loved Brittany for inventing Snix. In my opinion that had been her best idea ever.

No wait… second best actually. Although she had had her best idea ever later that same day on my thirteenth birthday.

* * *

"_Happy Biirthday!" Quinn and Brittany cheered when I opened the door. _

_I was grinning from ear to ear and gave them each a welcome hug._

"_Hey guys! Come on in!" I exclaimed as I pulled back from hugging Brittany and ushered them inside._

_Brittany immediately made her way towards the smell of freshly baked brownies that was coming from the kitchen. _

"_Wow, it looks nice in here." Quinn commented, checking out the party decorations my dad and I had put up around the living room._

"_I know, right? And check it out, check it out!" I pulled her over to the little table beside the sound system._

_There –sitting on its station – was my brand new IPod._

_Quinn's eyes grew big. "Oh my god!" She snatched up the shiny black device and looked it over in her hands._

"_Awesome, right?" I beamed just as Brittany came out of the kitchen._

"_Wha' ?" She asked muffled, chewing on a Brownie. She skipped over to where Quinn and I were standing and I proudly pointed at my birthday present. _

"_Cool!" Brittany exclaimed while Quinn was scrawling through the playlist of mostly party songs I had uploaded that morning the second I had gotten to my room after ripping off the wrapping paper._

_I smirked. Until two weeks ago Brittany hadn't even known what an IPod was. _

_I had told her that I wanted one for my birthday and she had cried out 'why? Are you hurt?', stopped mid-walk – we were going home from school – , grabbed my cheeks and stared into my eyes worriedly. After a minute of me struggling with her grip in bewilderment and her staring into my eyes, her worried expression had turned into a confused one and she had let go of my face, saying that she didn't see anything. _

_It took us five minutes to figure out what the other had meant. _

_Brittany had apparently never heard of an IPod and thought I had said I needed an 'eye-pad', which she thought was my nickname for eye-patch. _

_Brittany smiled at me and gave me another hug. She did that a lot. Hug me. Most of the time I didn't mind. It felt kinda nice. Warm and...I don't know. Tingly?  
_

"_Is it the same one you wanted?" she asked me, still attached to my body in a tight embrace._

_It was starting to make me a little uncomfortable with Quinn standing right next to us, so I gently wriggled out if it and nodded._

"_Yeah! My parents got it for me for my birthday!" I grinned. _

_Brittany practically beamed with joy. "Score!" she fist-bumped the air and span around excitedly to look at the IPod over Quinn's shoulder._

_I smiled warmly. Even though I had known her for a little over two years now, Brittany's kindness still amazed me at times. She was so happy for me. _

_I mean, Quinn was too, but I could see that she was also a little jealous that she didn't have one._

_Brittany was just really and genuinely happy for _me_._

"_How does that work?" Quinn pointed at the station with the hand that still held my IPod._

_I took the IPod from her hand and put it onto the station. "Choose a song." I smiled at Brittany, gesturing to the IPod._

_Her eyes grew big and she shook her head vigorously. "No way, Jose! It's your birthday, Sanny. You have to choose." She said seriously._

"_Can I?" Quinn asked, eyeing me excitedly. _

"_Sure, go for it. We all know I only gotz awesome music on that thang." I smirked._

_Brittany giggled at my 'slang' and Quinn just rolled her eyes, grinning and shaking her head as she bent over to choose a song without taking the device out of the station again. _

"_Kay, got it." She informed me a minute later, straightening back up again, and I went to the sound system and pushed a few buttons, until Caesars' 'Jerk it Out' blasted loudly from the speakers._

**[ watch?v=ReiM134WzVY ]_  
_**

"_Woooo!" Brittany exclaimed and immediately started dancing on the spot, throwing her arms in the air. _

_Quinn and I let out a loud laugh, as we watched Brittany 'jerk it out'._

"_Hey! Who ate one of the Brownies?! Hostia, Santana!"We suddenly heard my abuela curse, her voice booming over the music. _

_All three grins were wiped off our faces and Brittany froze as we all looked at each other with wide eyes._

"_Uh-oooh!" We gulped in unison._

_LJLJLJLJLJ  
_

_Four hours later the party was buzzing. It wasn't too bad for a thirteenth birthday party either, I thought as I watched Quinn flirt with one of the high school guys Britt and I had gotten to come. _

_Of course it wasn't as cool as the parties in high school were gonna be, I had only been allowed to invite twelve people, but at least I was the only one from our middle school who had gotten her parents to leave the house for half of the night._

_And it was gonna get even cooler when Puck showed up with the beer he had promised me he would somehow get._

_I heard Brittany's laugh and turned around. She, Finn and Andrew were standing by the snack table, apparently talking about something hilarious judging by the way Brittany's head was thrown back in amusement, and I decided to go over there to see what it was._

"_Hey." I grinned as I nudged Brittany's side with my elbow playfully. _

"_Oh my god, San. Finn just told me the funniest joke ever! Tell her, tell her!" she chanted giddily and I turned to Finn, who was looking sort of pleased but also a little exhausted. I guessed that he had had to tell the joke a few times already, since Brittany always needed to her a joke more than just once. Either because she hadn't gotten it the first time, or simply because it had made her laugh so much that she wanted to hear it again and again._

"_Umm, alright. So there's an article in the news paper…" he began and Brittany already broke out into a giggling fit. I glanced at her, biting her fist to stifle her laughter, and had to chuckle._

_I looked back at Finn, who went on over Brittany's snorting "…and umm and it says, get this, it says 'Police station toilette stolen – police have nothing TO GO ON'" He beamed and Brittany burst out into roaring laughter next to me._

_I had to laugh too, partly because it was actually kind of funny and not too gross for a boy's joke, but mostly because it was hard not to, when Brittany was practically crying from laughter, holding on to my shoulder for support._

_Finn looked extremely pleased with himself and Andrew patted him on the back as he smirked and turned around to mingle with other people._

_Just at that moment I heard a faint knock over the music and I excitedly hurried to the door, knowing it would be Puck with the beer._

_And sure enough, when I opened the door, there he stood with his stupid Mohawk, and grinned at me, holding up two six-packs of beer._

_I frowned. "Is that all? I got a dozen people here, Puck!" but he didn't seem fazed and just pushed past me, replying,_

"_Chill your nipples, Lopez. I had to stash some at Azimio's. He'll bring them over in a few minutes." _

"_Who's Azimio? You can't just invite random people to my party!" I hissed loud enough so he would hear me over the music, as I shut the door behind him._

_Puck was already on his way to the kitchen and I followed him, slightly panicked that he might have invited even more people and that the stupid new neighbors would tell my parents I had tons of people over. _

_They were so freakin' nosy and busted me for everything. And since my mum thought it was important to welcome new neighbors she and my dad had already bonded with them. I was sure they had told them how many people I was allowed when they warned them that it might get a little louder tonight._

"_Puck, who else did you invite! I swear to god if y-" I barked as we got into the kitchen, but Puck interrupted me, heaving the six-packs onto the table._

"_Jesus, would you relax? What, did your mommy say you weren't allowed more than five friends tonight?" He mocked, and I immediately felt my ears burn._

"_Ha ha. No. But it's still my fucking party and not every one of your douchey friends is invited." I gave back harshly, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at him angrily._

_He just shook his head, and I saw his brow furrow in annoyance._

"_What the hell is your problem? I just scored you some booze and you're going all bitch on me. Not cool!" he frowned. _

_For a moment we just glared at each other, before Brittany and Quinn walked into the kitchen._

"_Oh, hey Puck! I didn't even know you were here." Quinn greeted while Brittany just looked at him sternly. She was still pissed at him for throwing a stick at a cat the other week._

_She hopped onto the counter and I noticed that her mini skirt rode up enough so you could see her underwear. _

_My eyes widened a second before I casually took two steps to my right so I was standing in front of her._

_I couldn't risk Puck staring at her panties. That dude was a creep. I was close enough that her knees were touching my hips and she leaned forward and draped her crossed arms against my upper back and shoulders, her head resting next to my ear._

"_Well, I just got here. And lookie what I brought." He grinned again, stepping away from the table and proudly gesturing at the beer._

_Quinn cocked an eyebrow and I was curious how she would react. I knew for a fact that Quinn had never drunken alcohol before. _

_Britt and I had tried some of her mum's sparkling cider and her dad's beer every now and then in her room already, but we hadn't told Quinn, cause I wasn't sure if she'd find it stupid or something._

"_Want one?" Puck offered her and took two cans out of the pack._

_After a second, Quinn shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "Hell, why not."_

"_Atta girl!" Puck grinned and handed her the beer before throwing two to Brittany and me._

_When I opened the can, a broad black guy showed up in the kitchen._

"_Ah, there you are." Puck exclaimed, walking towards him. "You got it?" _

_The guy who must have been Azimio nodded "Yep!" He grinned and shoved two more six-packs of beer onto the table._

"_Awesome!" Puck shouted, introducing Azimio to the three of us, annoyingly calling me the 'birthday girl'._

"_Awesome." I said, half-heartedly waving from my position across the kitchen, not a hundred percent sure anymore that this had been such a god idea as I watched Puck down the whole can in one and Azimio hollering amusedly while Quinn started to hick-up._

_LJLJLJLJLJLJ  
_

_It was shortly after eleven when it happened._

_After drinking my beer and feeling the slightly buzzing effect spread through my body, I was pretty happy with my party again. People were having a good time, my music was awesome and Britt and I had been dancing with Andrew and Puck for a while._

_I saw Quinn talk to Finn across the room and had to chuckle at his ridiculous posture. _

_He was pretty tall, so in order to hear what Quinn was saying to him over the loud music, he had to bend down. _

_He was leaning into Quinn, his ear directed towards her mouth and he had the stupidest expression on his face. Forehead screwed up in effort to understand what she was probably shouting into his ear and a completely clueless look in his eyes, mouth hanging slightly open. _

_Poor guy. Quinn had the quietest voice of anybody I had ever met. Don't get me wrong, the girl could scream, just her voice still didn't really carry that well over loud noises._

_When I returned my attention back towards Puck my jaw dropped. _

_In the minute I had looked away, he had snatched Brittany into his arms and they were kissing! No! Making out! _

_Before I could even tell what was going on Puck was already stumbling backwards, away from Brittany with a shocked look on his face and a second later I had slapped him._

_He stared at me in disbelief and I felt my whole body tremble as he screwed up his face in pain and held his cheek._

"_What the fuck?" he yelled, and I could only just make it out over the rock song playing loudly in the background._

_I found myself standing between him and Brittany and couldn't for the life of me remember consciously pulling him away from her or stepping between them._

_I felt someone tug me away and went with them without protest. I was so stunned by what had just happened that I couldn't have moved on my own, let alone explained myself._

_When we got to the dark hallway, I saw that it had been Brittany who had dragged me away from the living room. She was staring at me in bewilderment, as I leaned against the wall, still trembling and breathing heavily._

_When I realized that my eyes were watering I blinked the tears away hastily._

"_What was that?" Brittany asked me shyly._

_I shook my head, "I – I just – he… You were…" I trailed off and tightly crossed my arms over my chest. That calmed me down a bit and I quickly gathered my thoughts as best as I could._

"_I was just pissed cause he had been dancing with me and then I don't pay attention for one second and his mackin' you?!" I covered my unexplainable freak-out._

_Brittany just nodded. "You wanna go back in?" _

_I shook my head and she nodded again. _

_We stood there for a few minutes, in the dark, before I had calmed enough to realize that I probably scared her with my outburst. _

_It had happened a few times before. That I had just snapped and gone all Lima heights on someone. That's what I called it. 'Going all lima heights'. _

_Because I loved it how my big cousin Fernando had always joked about where we came from when I was younger and how it was such a bad neighborhood and that he had gotten into some street fights himself. I knew he was bluffing. _

_He couldn't hurt a fly, but he was pretty ripped and when he had to look after me and I wouldn't behave, he would always warn me with that phrase and tell me stories about 'the streets'. It never worked on me though. I just laughed and wanted him to tell me more stories._

_Anyway. It had happened a few times that I had been so furious with someone that I wanted to punch them, but Brittany had never seen me this way. _

_Around her there was usually no need to get so riled up._

"_I'm sorry." I said, looking at my hands. _

"_What do you mean?" she asked, frowning._

"_Y'know…for kinda losing it a bit in there." I elaborated on my apology, chuckling uncomfortably ans still staring at my own fingernail picking hands.  
_

_When I heard Brittany giggle I looked up. _

"_Puck's face was so funny. We should have totally filmed it! He was sooo shocked. And I totally saw your handprint on his cheek. It was awesome!" She chuckled softly. I had to grin as well._

_I couldn't believe Brittany, who was so sweet and anti-violence herself, wasn't afraid of that side of me._

"_Yeah, well, I'm pretty strong." I almost gloated. _

"_Yeah, you're like the Hulk. Like, totally normal and then –wham!" she punched the air in front of her, trying to look like a professional boxer.  
_

_I giggled. "I'm not green though, thank god." I rolled my eyes._

_Brittany looked at me again and sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. "Oh, yeah. Hmm. Then you're not the Hulk. You're… Snix!" she exclaimed, throwing up her hands in front of her body as if she wanted to grab something. I was slightly startled and jumped a bit at her out-burst._

"_Snix?" I furrowed my eyebrows questioningly._

"_Yeah! Like a shrine ego?!" I stared at her beaming face in confusion. 'Like what? Oh!'_

"_You mean like an _alter _ego?" I asked amusedly, now smirking slightly._

"_Shrine, altar, whatever." She waved her right hand dismissively. _

_I grinned at her. "Why 'Snix' though?" I asked, now completely amused by the situation and Brittany's reaction._

_She just shrugged her shoulders. "Don't know. The name just came to me. You looked like a Snix!" I laughed at that comment._

_Snix…Hmmm…_

_LJLJLJLJLJLJ  
_

_My parents had come home around two to an only halfway trashed house. Quinn, Britt and I had actually managed to kick everybody out around one and had started cleaning up the biggest messes. _

_Puck, Azimio and two of the high school guys had basically finished the rest of the beer on their own while Brittany and I had talked in the hallway and had decided it was a good idea to show off their 'football skills' with some of the lamps and chips-bowls._

_Maybe they wanted to destract people from the fact that Puck had just gotten slapped by a girl. And it worked. Nobody mentioned anything. Maybe the music had been too loud to even draw attention to the little scene we had caused?  
_

_Whatever the reason, Brittany and I had gotten back to a cheering crowd surrounding the four guys who were pretending my living room was a football field...  
_

_Needless to say there was a fair amount of tidying up to do after that 'genius' idea. But between the three of us we had managed to get rid of most of the chips-crumbs on the carpet and had picked up the pieces of the broken lamp that used to stand on the mantelpiece._

_Britt, Quinn and I had just gotten changed into our PJs when we heard the front door open._

_We listened for any sign of rage coming towards us, but after three minutes of only hearing footsteps and quiet talking, I gathered that my parents had either expected to come home to much worse or otherwise were at least planning to save the telling off and punishing till tomorrow._

_We relaxed and Quinn quietly slipped out to go to the bathroom to brush her teeth or go to the toilette or something._

_Britt and I got into bed and she immediately scooted closer to me and hugged my side, making my insides twitch. That was happening a lot too lately. _

"_This was sooo much fun! Thanks for inviting me!" she whispered gleefully against my shoulder and I had to let out a quiet laugh._

"_Of course you were invited! Geez, Britt! You're my best friend!" I replied, shaking my head in amusement at the sweet girl next to me._

"_I am?" she asked and looked up at me with big eyes._

_I furrowed my brows, cocking my head to the side to be able to look at her better._

"_Of course you are!" she looked a bit flustered._

"_But I thought Quinn was your best friend." She whispered, and I could tell she was conflicted about being glad I said she was my best friend while feeling bad for Quinn. 'She's such a sweety!' _

_I eyed her carefully. 'Quinn was my best friend. Before you came along.' I thought, but didn't say the words. Cause even though it wasn't my fault Britt had sort of taken over Quinn's position, I still felt a tiny pang of guilt._

"_And how d'you figure that?" I asked. Her eyes flittered downwards for second._

"_I don't know. You guys have known each other for like forever. We just met two years ago." She said quietly, looking back up at me hesitantly._

_I just shrugged my shoulders. "You're still ma bestie." I grinned down at her and felt a warmth flood through me when her eyes lit up and she beamed so big._

"_Sweet!" she squeaked and I had to laugh again._

_But the laughter got caught in my throat when she suddenly lifted her head from my shoulder and scooted closer. _

_Her right arm was now next to my left ear and she was holding herself up above me. She was practically lying on top of me and even though she wasn't heavy at all I felt like I couldn't breathe._

_As if of their own accord my hands were on her waist. _

"_Britt, wh-" _

"_We should kiss." _

_My heart just about stopped. 'What?'_

"_What?" This time I was the one squeaking. My heart had gone from stopping in one second to racing in the next and I could feel it hammering against my ribcage._

"_We should kiss." She repeated, and her hot breath hit my cheek. I shuddered._

"_W-why?" I rasped. The word was barely discernible._

"_Because we're best friends now and that's like totally awesome and we hug all the time so we need something better to celebrate it!" she whispered softly._

"_Okay." I husked as soon as she had stopped talking, finding that I didn't really care what the reason was after all._

_She smiled at me sweetly and my mouth went dry. I gulped as she leaned in._

'_What the fuck am I doing?' I thought as my eyes fluttered closed._

_My heart was about to explode …and then…I think it might have. _

_Cause the second her lips touched mine it stopped. Everything stopped. There was no heartbeat banging inside my chest anymore. All I felt were her lips against mine. Soft and warm and then my whole body tingled. It was the most awesome and at the same time the weirdest, freakiest feeling I had ever had._

_She put the slightest pressure on me and moved her lips against mine. She opened her mouth slightly and kissed me again, this time enveloping my lower lip with hers, breathing in audibly through her nose._

'_Shit.'_

_Before I could really comprehend what was happening however, she drew back. _

'_No!'_

_I was so dazed and had no idea why she had pulled back, until I heard the door creak shut a few seconds later. _

_Quinn was back._

_I looked over to the door and she was just turning around to face the bed._

_Quinn tip-toed over to the bed and I could feel Brittany settle in and make herself comfortable with her head against my shoulder again. Right arm securely snaked around my stomach._

_I saw Quinn eye us for a second before she whispered. "Do you have a second blanket?" _

_I tried to speak, but found my throat drier than the Sahara. _

_I cleared my throat and pointed towards my armchair in the corner. "Over there." I managed to get out, and even for a whisper it sounded hoarse._

_I felt Brittany grin against my shoulder and when Quinn walked over to get the blanket, Brittany quickly kissed my cheek before nuzzling her head into the crook between my ear and my shoulder._

_A shudder ran down my spine just as the mattress dipped under Quinn's weight._

_She shifted around for a second before whispering, "Goodnight." _

"_Goodnight, Q." Brittany whispered back, sleepily._

_I just nodded._

* * *

Yep. Those had definitely been Brittany's best ideas by far and I couldn't help but feel, grateful.

Snix had gotten me out of a lot of trouble.

Hm. Actually, she was what got me into it in the first place, come to think of it…ah whatever.

She had worked as an excuse now, which was very welcomed.

Tina, Rachel, Sugar and Quinn weren't surprised or mad now.

They all just gave each other those looks. You know, the ones that say 'Wow! What a bitch, but let's just do what she says. She kinda scares me.'

Normally I didn't mind those looks. Until recently I even provoked them consciously and smiled victoriously upon receiving them. But it wasn't as much fun anymore. Having people be afraid of you and talking _about _you instead of with you. It still made me feel safer, but it wasn't fun.

"Alright then." Rachel chimed excitedly. I was glad to hear that she had apparently shaken off my insults and moved on to her usual over-stimulated pre-performance state of mind . "Tina, would you be so kind as to accompany us on the piano?"

Tina smiled happily and nodded. I think after singing, playing the piano was probably her second favorite thing to do. Well, maybe it was dancing, or something gross with Mike, but I stuck with playing the piano to be safe.

"Perfect. And Quinn?" Rachel turned to Quinn who was still sitting on the couch.

"Could you temporarily fill in for Mercedes?" Berry at least had the decency to look slightly embarrassed by that question.

Still kind of thrown by her earlier statement, I didn't look directly at Quinn, so I couldn't see her expression, but I was sure she wasn't too pleased with that idea.

"Ugh, really?" she sighed.

"Please? I realize this might seem a bit taunting –"

"No kidding." Quinn growled quietly.

""But we need to rehearse this and to hear how the harmony comes together when sung out loud. I mean, I'm certain I didn't make any mistakes, but it's always different, just dryly written on a piece of –" Rachel hastily began explaining and I was so thankful to Quinn for interrupting her.

"Yeah yeah yeah. Let's just get this over with." This time I saw her roll her eyes as I looked over.

I smirked and when she caught me doing so, she grinned back at me, shaking her head, silently mouthing 'unbelievable, right?'

There was no sign of her earlier knowing stare and I gratefully mouthed some insult back.

While Rachel, Tina and Quinn got up onto the stage, I turned around so I was facing the back wall of the basement to take a calming breath.

_Okay. Nobody noticed anything. It's gonna be fine. Quinn doesn't know anything. She just likes to freak me out or whatever.  
_

I bowed my head for a second as I closed my eyes and unclenched my fists. I hadn't even realized I had still been so tense that I had balled up my hands. I shook my head slightly at myself as I rustled with the stack of sheet music I had taken with me.

"Okay, so for obvious reasons I'd suggest we go with 'Come Together' first and then move on to 'A Little Help from my Friends'." Rachel directed with an air of importance, ushering Tina to the piano.

Tina just nodded again and when I chanced another glance at Quinn, she was looking over the sheet music for 'Come Together' in concentration.

I felt myself calm down considerably and put down my own notes onto the floor. I knew the song by heart, so I didn't need more than a quick glance at what Rachel had changed to get the gist of what I had to do.

Being up on stage again, even if it was just in Rachel's basement and just for rehearsal, gave me a weird sense of excitement and happiness. I loved being on stage. I loved performing, and I loved the way Brittany beamed up at me, giving me the thumbs up and winking, before we even started the song.

I grinned back just as Tina played the first notes and that's all it took. All of a sudden everything was right again as I felt the music flow through my body and I took a deep breath before finally feeling my throat vibrate in that familiar way.

I was singing. And for the first time in what felt like ages, I could feel my entire body relax into the melody.

**[ watch?v=axb2sHpGwHQ ]**

* * *

What did you think? in either the next chapter or the one after that we'll see what happens at sam's party...and I promise...we're on our way...not long now till we get to see some brittana development. I know this story had been kinda slow, on the sexy as well as the relationship status side, but i just wanted to make it realistic and not rush things :) good things take time, my darlings! :) 

But as i said you can look forward to some development soon!

please review and tell me what you think of this one! good ar bad ... all feedback is welcome!

Thanks so much, you guys! You're awesome!


	13. Chapter 13

This chapter is my longest yet. And I really feel like it's an important step towards where I want this story to go. I hope you'll enjoy it and leave me many honest reviews.**  
**

Thanks so much guys, you are the best!

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Three hours and two fights about Rachel's bossy and my bitchy attitude later, Britt, Quinn and I were getting into my car.

I had offered Quinn to drop her off at home since she had come to Rachel's on foot and it was already dark now.

Ever since Brittany had done some research on the 'Thriller' video for glee club she hated the idea of anyone going home alone in the dark. I mean Quinn lived like three streets over, but Brittany insisted and frankly, I wasn't against that idea.

It's not like Lima has a lot of crime, especially in this area, but still…you never knew what kinda drunken creeps would be lingering around. There were enough dick-heads in this town…

"_Ah, B_! Can you _please_ turn it down? I'm having a headache from listening to Rachel's shrieking the last twenty minutes." Quinn groaned.

**[ watch?v=t45i8cjHzko ]**

Brittany pouted but turned the volume down, making 'What makes you beautiful' only a quiet background sound. Quinn sighed thankfully and I grinned, eyeing her through the rearview mirror.

"Still not rid of that hangover, huh, Q?" I sniggered, reaching back to slap her knee playfully.

She groaned again and jerked her leg out of my reach, swatting at my hand lazily, not even leaning forward to actually come near me.

"Ha ha." She bit, glaring at me. "Like you weren't close to killing her just now!"

I smirked and retrieved my hand, putting it back on the steering wheel. She was of course right.

Five minutes longer in that basement with Berry throwing a hysteric fit, why nobody listened to her and we always listened to Mr. Shue – as if – and how we have no drive at all and wouldn't get anywhere with that attitude, and I swear I would have punched her in the face.

I mean, we had been practicing for _three hours_ for crying out loud and_ she_ was the one who said she had to be in bed by half past nine since it was a school night and she had to get up extra early to make up for her missed morning training session on Saturday.

"Yeah, you're right! I mean, what the hell does she want from us anyway? She practically threw us out while bitching that we weren't practicing enough. That girl's got a serious dose of crazy juice somewhere along the line!" I complained, slightly insulted that Berry had been criticizing our performances all night long.

It was so annoying when she did that. Acting like she was the boss of us. Ugh! But I couldn't really say anything - well I _did _say some things, but I could have been way worse – when I wanted to win so badly.

Cause, as much as I hated to admit it… Rachel _was_, if nothing else, the most experienced one out of all of us when it came to performance or competition related stuff. _Damn her and her talent!_

When I turned onto Quinn's street the atmosphere in the car suddenly changed. Or maybe it was just me. Because seeing her house reminded me of the talk we had had at the mall fountain about her parents.

I glanced at Quinn in the rearview mirror again. Just like me, she had too tensed up a bit and was staring out of the window with her arms crossed over her chest.

I slowed the car down to a crawl and gently let it roll onto the sidewalk in front of her house.

The music shut off as I turned off the engine and I saw Brittany eyeing me apprehensively, silently catching on to the weird vibe, as I turned my body in the driver's seat to look at Quinn.

She was still in the same position, looking out of the window and avoiding my gaze. It was clear that she didn't want to go, and suddenly I knew why she had been the first to be at Berry's house tonight.

I watched her trying to act as if the car was still moving and this wasn't awkward for about two minutes before I gently cleared my throat and shifted in my seat.

"Q, listen. I know it's a school night and all, but after dropping Britt off at home I'mma head back to mine and my parents won't be home, sooo…" she shifted her eyes from the window to her hands that had unclenched from her chest and were now placed in her lap.

"sooo, yeah. I'll probably just pop in a movie and pretend to do my homework. You got something better to do or you wanna come along?" Brittany smiled at me sweetly as she squeezed my knee before addressing Quinn.

"Yeah, you should totally do that! Cause Sanny just rented 'The Ring' and she'll watch it even though she knows she shouldn't do that and she'll be scared without me and Mr. Hugsie there and then she'll have nightmares an-"

_What the f-!_

"Brittany!" I silenced her with a shocked glare. She looked just as shocked as she noticed that she had rambled on and told Quinn I still had my old Teddy Bear. Well, technically. I had lent it to Brittany about a month ago when she had been sick and wanted something of mine to cuddle with.

"Mr. Hugsie?" Quinn giggled, finally looking up from her lap to quirk an eyebrow at me teasingly.

"You told me you had given him away like ten years ago!" she chuckled.

I frowned at Brittany who looked apologetic and mouthed 'sorry' at me.

"Okay, let's get back to the real problem here." I ignored her comment and tried to get them back on track.

Quinn's grin vanished and she looked a little uneasy when she heard me describe the situation so rightly but hurtfully as 'problem'.

My expression softened and I sighed. "Q, just come home with me?"

That sentence should have sounded weird, but neither of us thought it was. I didn't have to pretend to be heartless and bitchy here. Not after yesterday. Not since Quinn and I had sort of become real friends again.

Those two girls were the only ones who really knew me and they knew I could be gentle and they knew I could be protective. I just chose not to show it most of the time. It was only for special people.

For a second I felt like I had broken through a wall. Or maybe like I had taken out an old bike, that had been stored and gotten rusty over the winter, and begun to oil it.

Talking this way with Quinn, it was unusual, at least lately, but after the initial queasy, rusty feeling, I shook it off and it felt…smooth.

Like, when you find the perfect case for your guitar. It just fit. The feeling, the words, they just fit me, or rather, the old me. The 'me' that Quinn used to know. The 'me' that I still sometimes was when I was around Brittany.

Quinn recognized that 'me' as she looked up at my face and we clicked. We were finally back on track.

I could read the mixed feelings that were written all over her face. I could see that she wanted to come, but that something was holding her back.

"I can't." she finally said, shoulders slumping slightly.

"Why not?" I asked, frowning at her in concern. "Just tell them you're having a study date or something." She laughed hollowly.

"Yeah right. With you?"

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm smart!" I gave back a little outraged.

"Yeah, that may be, but my parents have never seen either of us study when we're together and you practically _lived_ at my house during freshmen year of middle school." She explained, a hint of a smile on her face.

Brittany chuckled while I crossed my arms defensively. "Whatever. Nobody studies in middle school." I mumbled. Quinn just smiled at me and took a breath.

"It's fine, S. I'll see you tomorrow before school?" she asked, directing the question towards both of us. Brittany nodded enthusiastically and unbuckled her seatbelt, before she bent - in what looked like a painful way – and squirmed in-between the front seats to give Quinn a weird-angled hug.

Quinn laughed brightly, hugging her back, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

_God, Brittany always knows what to do to lighten up the mood! And WOW that girl is bendy! I mean…I already knew that of course, but WOW. And look at those abs…_

Brittany's shirt had ridden up and her current position – still somewhat wedged between the seats – gave me a perfect view of her toned stomach. My chuckle died pathetically.

I knew I was staring but I couldn't help the tingly feeling that was building up in my stomach and the shiver that ran down my spine when her abs twitched as Brittany joined in with Quinn's laughter.

Only when she drew back and settled into her seat again, was I pulled out of my thoughts and noticed Quinn's smirk as she watched my probably extremely flustered expression.

_She knows something! Just – just look at her! She knows something! Or she thinks she does anyway…_

"We'll talk? Tomorrow?" It was more of a statement than a question and I didn't like the way there seemed to be a deeper meaning behind Quinn's words.

I just hummed noncommittally and jerked my head in a way that could be interpreted as a nod.

Quinn laughed again which annoyed me to no end, as Brittany looked confused between the both of us, and then the honey blonde opened her door and got out of the car, throwing us a last wave before walking up the little path towards her front door.

I watched the porch light flicker on as she got to the house and looked through her bag for her keys.

I turned around and took in a deep breath. Brittany was watching me with an unreadable expression on her face. I cocked my head at her questioningly but she just averted her gaze and smiled.

_What was that? She look so… happy? But also sad…or something. God, she's so frustrating! I can never figure her out lately! Like she has a secret and I don't get it…_

Instead of asking what was going on however, I chickened out again. Was I afraid of the answer? Maybe.

"Are you ready to go?" I quietly asked her instead and she simply nodded, still smiling at her lap.

I frowned gently as I started the car. _Ugh, Whatever._

Coldplay's 'God put a smile upon your face' was playing softly in the background when the radio turned back on and as we drove down the little street a comfortable silence settled in the car.

**[ watch?v=e9Kcg_8gK30 ]**

I heard Brittany shift into a more comfortable position on her seat and saw her draw her knees up towards her chin out of the corner of my eyes as she rested her feet on the dash board.

I glanced at her every now and then, studying her face carefully. In my head there was an internal debate whether or not I should ask her.

One part of me argued that I had to know, that there have never been any secrets between us, but the other one, the stronger one, just stated that she probably has a reason for not telling me and that it might have been nothing anyway. Plus, I really didn't want to break the silence.

It was too…safe.

When we got to Brittany's house she yawned loudly and I let out a quiet laugh. "Thanks." She mumbled sleepily as the car came to a complete halt and I killed off the engine once more. And when I looked over she had the most adorable smile on her face.

"Anytime, smiley face." I replied quietly and took her hand, not meeting her eyes.

_What are you doing, Santana?_

My heart-rate picked up at feeling the warm, smooth skin of her hand against my fingers as I gently stroked it.

"I'm sorry about getting upset before." I mumbled and Brittany frowned at me.

"No, I get it. You were hungry and tired and Snix just won't have that." She smiled, repeating my earlier excuse. I chuckled.

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant back at the house. I didn't mean to go off on you like that. I don't even really know what that was about, I just – I wasn't -"but I didn't know what the end of that sentence was supposed to be.

"Shh! It's okay. I know." She hushed and rubbed her thumb over my hand in her lap. It was so soothing.

_There's that word again…she 'knows'…what exactly does she know?_

I looked up at her, hoping I would see the answer in her eyes, but the second I saw those pools of blue I didn't care what she knew. I didn't care about the answer. It was enough if one of us had it.

We must have been gazing into each other's eyes for quite a while, because when Brittany finally spoke, her words came out raspy like they did in the mornings after she hadn't used her voice all night.

"I gotta go, it's getting late."

"Yeah." I said softly.

She raised her eyebrows at me and smirked with a sparkle in her eyes.

"San?" I looked at her lost. "Hm?"

She just looked down and when I followed her eyes I felt my face heat up.

_Fuck. Aaaawkwaard!_

I quickly snatched my hand away from hers as if she had burned me and cleared my throat as she giggled.

"So, so I'll – um – I'll pick you up tomorrow then." I stammered, shifting in my seat and fumbling with the car keys, trying to start the car. _What the fuck was that?_

"Yep." I heard her chuckle. I felt her lips against my cheek and before I could even say anything, she was standing next to the open door and bent over, looking into the car.

"Goodnight, Sanny." She whispered sweetly, as if it was a secret only I was allowed to hear.

"G'night." I murmured dazedly back, her sparkling eyes drawing me in again. She gave me one last smile – or was it a smirk? – before she closed the door gently and turned around.

I watched her skip to her house and enter, before I drove home, my cheek tingling and my head swirling.

* * *

When I picked Brittany up for school the next day everything was back to normal. _Thank god!_

I was a little grumpy, since I'm not really a morning person, and Brittany was sweet and bubbly as ever and brought me a waffle like she always did so I'd have at least eaten _something _before school.

Since my parents both usually left before me and didn't eat breakfast themselves I was never greeted with a deliciously smelling breakfast table when I walked down the stairs as Brittany was. Not that I minded. I didn't really digest food that well right after getting up anyway, I always needed some time to wake up. The only thing that was allowed to enter my stomach this early was coffee.

School was annoying. Brittany had once unflatteringly compared me to Garfield because I had said that I hated Mondays. Well, honestly, come on…who doesn't?

Brittz and I had our usual routine for the classes we attended together.

Go in together, sit down next to each other, talk until five minutes after the teacher arrives, take some notes – or in Britt's case mostly doodle some drawings – annoy some of our classmates – yeah, okay that's mostly me and the classmates are almost always Hudson, Barbra or the Leprechaun – take some more notes and wait for the bell to ring until we can finally get up and be pushed into our next class by the horde of students.

Of course with our pinkies linked…we wouldn't wanna lose each other…

The only thing that had changed really, was that now Quinn and I were talking in class as well and hanging out at our lockers. It was nice.

Well, aside from the fact that I constantly over-analyzing everything she said, waiting for that threatened 'talk' to appear out of the simplest phrase at any time and jump into my face.

It didn't though. Or so I thought until Britt and I were standing in line during lunch break and Quinn caught up to us.

"Hey." She greeted sweetly, cutting in line next to me in front of some freshmen who immediately stepped aside to give her more space.

I grinned. _Not bad. Quinn's really got them bowing. Gotta give her that…_

"Hey, Q." Britt and I greeted back, shoveling vegetables and rise onto our plates.

"So Santana, I got a free period coming up and I know you do too, wanna grab a coffee at the Lima Bean before heading back here for math?" she asked, not looking at me as she began loading up her trey as well.

My stomach tightened at once. _God no…this is it!_

"Uum…" I stalled, trying to think of a good excuse. Quinn and Brittany both looked at me with expectant looks and I cursed my uncreative Monday-brain.

"Yeah, kay." I gave in unenthusiastically and Quinn grinned at me as Brittany led us to the table where Artie, Mike and Tina were already sat, apparently discussing who had better abs. Mike or Taylor Lautner.

_Seriously?_

I ate slower than usual, willing the lunch break to drag on and on forever until I had to go to math, affectively leaving no time for Quinn to drill into my personal life.

Weirdly enough that didn't happen and when the bell rang I groaned loudly.

Quinn just snorted and shook her head at me as I pouted childlike when she practically had to drag me up and out of the cafeteria.

I waved goodbye to a very amused, although probably confused, Brittany until Quinn turned me around and pushed me out the door gently.

"Come on you goofball! Quit acting like your facing the gallows!" she playfully chuckled, ushering me over the deserted parking lot and toward her car.

"Aren't I?" I mumbled under my breath.

But I don't think Quinn had heard, or if she did she ignored it.

I reluctantly got into the car and we silently drove to the Lima Bean.

* * *

When we were standing in line I became more and more nervous.

What did she know? What was there to know? And, most importantly, why the fuck did she have to make me talk about it instead of getting her nose out of my business?

"What do you want?" she asked me, studying the black boards that hung behind the counter.

"Don't care." I shrugged my shoulders and Quinn glanced at me. It was supposed to sound a little vicious. Well, fail. It sounded nervous and pathetic. _Dios Mio! This is bullshit!_

I tried to pull myself together and took a breath that thankfully could be interpreted as annoyance.

"I think I'm gonna go with a Caramel Latte, you want one?" Quinn tried.

I pulled a face. "Ugh! No! Just a black coffee." I decided if I had to do this, I at least needed some more caffeine in my system. And I also decided that if Quinn _made _me do this, she would be the one to pay.

Apparently Quinn agreed with my silent reasoning, as she just nodded and stepped forward to place our order, whipping out her purse and telling me to find us a quiet table.

_Great. A 'quiet' table. This is so wrong. She's totally blowing this way out of proportion! We were just making out on the porch! We were fucking wasted for crying out loud!_

I sat down at a small table at the back of the shop and waited for Quinn to bring our drinks, trying to come up with a sentence that would explain to Quinn why what she had witnessed wasn't a big deal and why she should just let it go.

But when the blonde drew up the chair next to me a few minutes later I still had nothing. _Great._

I took the coffee cup from her without a word and started sipping at it slowly.

Quinn laughed soundlessly. I frowned at her. How was this funny?

"Santana." She said with the air of someone who's trying to get a child to stop messing around and be serious.

"What?" I grumbled behind my cup.

"Come on. Lighten up, I just wanna talk." She sighed exasperatedly.

I put down the cup – it was too hot anyway and I had burned my tongue – and leaned back in the chair, crossing my arms over my chest.

I raised my eyebrows at her so as to say 'Alright fine then. Talk.'

Quinn took a small breath as she leaned her elbows onto the table, hands joined around her Latte.

"Look, we both know what this is about." I swallowed dryly. "I just wanna tell you that I'm here and, you know, you can talk to me." Her voice was soft and soothing now and she looked at me with caring Hazel eyes.

I let out a shaky breath and readjusted my arms around my chest uncomfortably, protectively.

When I didn't say anything Quinn continued, "Santana, just, come on. It's just me." It wasn't demanding but I still felt pressured.

I didn't know _what _to say. Even if I wanted to, which I didn't.

"Just drop it, Quinn." I demanded, glaring at her desperately.

She shook her head, concerned but adamant eyes holding mine.

"No."

"Ugh, Quinn!" I groaned, throwing my head back.

"No, Santana, I'm not gonna drop it. You need to talk about this! I've been watching you hold it in for years."

_What?!_

My jaw dropped.

"What? W-what the fuck are you talking about?" I snapped aggressively, eyes wide in panic and confusion.

_Hold what in? I thought this was just about the porch! Is she bringing up that whole 'sex isn't dating' thing again?_

My heart was suddenly hammering inside my chest and I had unconsciously sat up and leaned forward, making the conversation more intimate as we stared at each other across the tiny table.

"You know what I'm talki-"

"No, I don't! Just cause Brittz and I like to get our mack on doesn't mean that you get to get all up in our business, and it sure as hell doesn't mean that there's anything we need to talk about. You don't know anything about this! So whatever you think you know, you're wrong, okay? I'm done talking!" I whispered furiously and leaned back to get up when she grabbed my wrist.

"Hey! Sit back down!" she hissed back, now glaring herself – although admittedly not half as vicious as me – and tugging on my arm, pulling me back into my seat.

Before I could shout at her however, she continued in a hushed, much softer tone,

"Look, you don't have to say anything right now,"

I scoffed at her, which she ignored, "I just wanted you to know that I know. And that you don't have to hide anything from me. We're us, S. We can talk about anything. I know that things were different lately, but I want us back. I want _you _back. Our friendship is too special to just throw it away, I know that you know that. Just – just whenever you wanna talk. I'm here." She slowly let go of my wrist, staring meaningfully into my eyes.

_Wh-what…just. WHAT?!_

"Okay?" she prodded gently, bobbing her head and raising her eyebrows at me, trying to coax some sort of positive reaction from me.

My brows were still furrowed in confusion and defense and I noticed that my breathing was heavy.

I swallowed, trying to process what the fuck was going on, and managed to calm my breathing almost back to normal.

I knew there was something to it. Something was bothering me. There_ was_ something to tell. Or else I wouldn't have reacted this way, I wasn't completely clueless. I just – I couldn't wrap my brain around it.

_Brittany. _

I knew it was about her. About us. My stomach churned every time I tried to figure out why I always felt so bad after we made out. It was just – frustrating. I just wanted some fun and Brittany wanted the same. Why was everybody so hung up on that?

_It's them! If everybody wouldn't always react like it's such a big deal I wouldn't feel so weird about it. _They _are what's confusing me. Britt and I are just having fun…and if people stopped obsessing about it, it wouldn't feel this way. _I_ wouldn't feel this way._

But I _did_ feel this way. And if I was being totally honest, aside from Quinn, the only person who really ever obsessed about it…was me.

And that's why I had panicked and that's why Quinn's words finally sank in.

My tense posture fell apart and I took one deep breath. I was calm.

"Okay."

_I just wish people stopped telling me they 'know'…_

_Know what?_

* * *

After Quinn and I had gotten back to school I expected math to be more than uncomfortable.

But Quinn had obviously been satisfied with my compliance to talk to her if I needed to and was back to her normal self.

She even glared at me for distracting her from taking notes, when I nudged her to point out Mr. Melton's toupee which was askew on his head and looked like it was about to fall, which it did once Puck noticed and spit-balled it right off.

Mr. Melton didn't even bother giving Puck detention, since he was already booked with it till Christmas anyway.

The whole class giggled and laughed as the teacher just sighed and put his toupee back on and Brittany used the chaos to slide a small scribbled note over to me.

I glanced at it and smiled at the colorful words.

'_how was coffee with Q?'_

'_fine. she paid ;)' _I wrote back and pushed it towards her.

She read it and nodded as she leaned over, replying quickly.

'_what did u talk about?'_

I bit my inner cheek and hesitated a second before writing down an answer and sliding it back over.

'_nothing much, just glee stuff…'_

It wasn't a complete lie. After my 'okay', Quinn had thankfully ended the conversation with a satisfied nod and a smile before changing the subject to the 'Beatles-off' this Friday.

I couldn't tell if Brittany saw through the lie –_not a lie! Just not the whole truth! – _or if she humored me, but she just nodded again and smiled as she scribbled,

'_i heard the boys r gonna get wigs! like yoko mono's boyfriend had!'_

I let out a loud laugh, which earned me an annoyed look from both Mr. Melton and Quinn.

I stifled it quickly before grabbing the note and replying,

'_yoko ONO britt! and eeeeew! so don't wanna see that. imagine puck with a beatles-bob! __NOT__ sexy!'_

She giggled as she read it and a proud smirk accompanied the tingles in my stomach. I loved making her laugh. It gave me a weird feeling of accomplishment.

"You know, we could just whisper." I grinned as Brittany scribbled down another note. "Toupee Head is way too busy keeping his boner in check, with Quinn leering at him like that and bending forward." I joked quietly, chuckling and jerking backwards as Quinn threw her pencil at me which landed in between Britt's and my chair.

When I bowed down to get it, Brittany leaned over too, so that we were both hidden behind the table as I grabbed the pencil. I felt my heart rate go faster and let out an involuntary shaky breath as I caught a whiff of her scent and her arm grazed against mine.

_Holy! She's so close! I could count her freckles…or I could…_

"But it's more fun this way." She husked and I had no idea what she was talking about, just staring at her blankly with our faces way too close, until she pressed the note into my palm and sat back up.

_Right…more fun to sneak notes instead of whispering. Got it. Although I personally love whispering. It requires being closer together and her voice is freakin' sexy when she husks into my ear, maybe even gracing my cheek with her lips…_

I shivered at the thought and quickly sat up straight again, shaking my head lightly, trying to clear it from the sexy thoughts that were invading my brain, getting me all hot and bothered.

I retrieved the pencil and absentmindedly chucked it back to Quinn while I unfolded the note, only too conscious of my unsteady breathing and hot cheeks.

_'wanna hang out later? we could make muffins! Emily and my parents rn't home… and I'll be wonesome! '_

I blushed even more as my mind immediately went to the dirty place again, imagining what Britt and I could be doing other than baking muffins, with her family gone…

I looked over and she was smiling at me hopefully. I just bit my lip and nodded, giggling softly when she threw her fist up in triumph and hushed "score!" with the cutest grin on her face.

* * *

As it turned out Emily had gotten into a fight with her parents and instead of going horseback riding they had just driven home without any of them having been on a horse at all.

So when Brittany and I had gotten to her house we had found the Pierces sitting in the living room, looking stern and having a strained discussion while Emily was hiding on the stairs, trying to overhear what they were saying about her and maybe her punishment.

"Hey, what ar-" Brittany had started asking Emily before she was shushed by her.

"Shhhh!" she had waved her hand in front of her to shut Brittany up and widened her eyes.

I had raised an eyebrow and nodded in the direction of the living room.

"Judge and Jury?" I had asked in a whisper, trying to confirm if my suspicion that Emily was in trouble was true.

She had nodded anxiously while Brittany had turned around to me and looked at me confused.

"Like in 'Alice in Wonderland'." I had whispered my explanation while shrugging out of my cheerleading jacket.

For a second Brittany had looked horrified before realizing that I had meant that Emily had gotten into trouble and her parents were trying to decide what to do with her.

"What did you do?" she had asked, sitting down next to her on the steps.

I had remained at the foot of the stairs while Emily had explained to us that her and her friend Tanya who had come with them had just maybe made a little mistake.

Apparently they had run out of gas in the middle of the road and had had to wait for some friend of Brittany's mum to bring them some more, and the two had wandered off, found a vacant, rundown house and some spraying cans next to it. Well, you can imagine the rest.

"We didn't know that somebody still lived there! I mean there was a chair hanging out of crashed window and everything!" she had complained in a hushed tone, but her expression had been guilty and nervous all the same.

Brittany and I had just had to look at each other for a second before bursting out in choking giggles as we tried to stay quiet.

"That's not fun-"

"Oh oh! Incoming incoming!" I had hissed, shooing the two blondes up the stairs as I had seen Mr and Mrs Pierce get up from the table and head our direction.

We had scrambled up the stairs hastily and Emily had sprinted into her own room as Britt and I quickly slipped into hers, hearts thumping and leaning against the closed door once we were in.

Listening through the door, we had gathered the gist of Emily's punishment. Two weeks of no TV and she was on dish washing duty for the rest of the month.

Sucked for her. But even worse…it meant Britt and I didn't have the house to ourselves after all.

So now we were sitting in her room, bored, and listening to some Ed Sheeran, which was making me seriously depressed and put me in a weird mood.

**[ watch?v=kFfKb_WEkCE ]**

I mean, don't get me wrong, the dude can sing, but it was just so… Titanic.

You know, the 'My heart will go on' sort of thing, where you just get sad and feel lonely and melancholic unless you got a boyfriend.

And as it so happened neither of us had one. But somehow Ed's 'Kiss me' didn't seem to have the same effect on her than it had on me.

Lying there on her bed on my stomach, watching Brittany doing a puzzle on the floor, over the foot of it and her shoulder, I felt my body tingle.

Ed's voice and the lyrics made me shiver and I frowned uncomfortably.

"God," I tried to swallow the sudden lump in my throat "can we _please _listen to something else, Britt? This is making me wanna pop a bottle, fall asleep and never wake up."

She turned her head to look at me.

"What? Why? That's a great song." She smiled at me, but frowned a bit in confusion.

I rolled my eyes and just looked back down at my book, but Brittany scooted back a little until she was leaning against the foot of her bed and lightly placed her head on top of her right arm, which she draped next to my left one on the mattress.

"Why don't you like it?" she asked softly, stroking a strand of dark hair from my face and behind my ear. It sent a shiver down my spine and made my cheek prickle hotly.

I gulped.

_Shit. I miss her. _

And before I could formulate another thought, my – I don't know – my body? Had taken over and I was grabbing her head and kissing her hard on the lips.

She drew in a shocked breath but quickly relaxed into my lips and kissed me back.

It was amazing. It was like I was waking up.

I didn't even know that my whole body had been asleep, but now that she was kissing me and stroking down my arm with her right hand, I could feel her everywhere…and it tingled. Everywhere tingled just like when your leg falls asleep only not so uncomfortable.

Really great actually. It felt really great. Like I was finally breathing again after being under water for too long. Everything felt just so much more…I don't know.

Real, I guess. Like when you have a realistic dream and you're a hundred per cent sure it's real, but then you wake up and realize that it was just a dream and _this _is the actual reality.

Well this was like that. _This _felt like my actual reality. _She _felt like my actual reality.

She was still kissing me, now holding on to my neck and clumsily getting up from the floor, taking me with her as she rose higher than the bed, before guiding both of is down on it in a sitting position, never letting our lips part.

I was fine with that. I didn't want them to.

I wanted more.

So I tentatively ghosted my hand down from her hair, over her shoulder to her stomach. I just wanted to feel more of her. I needed to.

She sighed as she felt me gently tickle over her abs and leaned into me, grabbing onto my hair at the back of my head and taking a deep breath through her nose.

My head was already spinning and we hadn't even done that much.

I broke the kiss out of sheer need of oxygen and basically gasped for air.

She barely gave me enough time to catch my breath before she crashed her lips onto mine again, her tongue pushing against them, desperately demanding access.

I moaned in surprise and because it just felt too good and quickly opened myself up to her, letting our tongues dance together. It wasn't a battle. Mainly because Brittany's would have won in a heartbeat.

She had never been more in control and I was flying. I couldn't handle how lost I felt, but at the same time I felt safe.

_What – what's happening? This, uh, this is insane. We're just m-making out. What is she doing to me?_

"Oh god." I whispered shakily as she pushed me onto my back and climbed on top of me, attacking my neck with frantic kisses and bites.

I grabbed on to her waist with both hands just so I could hold on to something and whimpered pathetically as she sucked on my pulse point, making my knees feel weak even though I was lying flat on my back.

At this point I was panting shakily, my heart beating like a maniac, and she was making cute little high-pitched sounds, moans, as she made her way back to my lips, tongue-kissing every inch of skin she passed rhythm with our hearts.

Cause I could feel hers.

We were pressed together so unbelievingly tight, her body laying on mine, feet and legs entangled and chests heaving together in passion.

_This isn't right. This isn't –_

"Fuck, Santana. I need you." She husked in my ear and her voice was so desperate and almost pleading but at the same time so fucking hot that it took my breath away.

My heartbeat thumped in my ears, as I whimpered again before kissing her furiously, making her release a guttery moan.

I slipped my hands just under her shirt, grabbed her sides decidedly and rolled us over, pressing my knee to her centre as I did so.

"Ah! S-san." She gasped, immediately grinding her pelvic up and into me.

My body was on fire. It had to be. Nothing else could make my skin burn and prickle as it did.

I wanted her so desperately. I wanted to feel her kiss me like that forever. I wanted to hear her make those noises forever. To _make _her make those noises forever.

I was losing myself in her touch and my head was screaming at me.

_Stop! What am I doing? This is too much. Snap out of it. What am I doing? _

But I couldn't stop. Not when she clenched to my back so fearfully. Holding my body to hers as if her life depended on it. Both of our lives.

I almost didn't hear it. There was too much blood racing through my body and my heartbeat ringing in my ears sounded too much like the knocking on Brittany's door.

But the voice didn't.

"What are you guys doing in there?" I heard Emily ask wonderingly.

I broke the kiss.

"No!" Brittany breathed under me, frantically trying to catch my lips with hers again.

She had obviously not heard her sister's interruption.

"Em-emily." I choked out between hushed pants. We both froze when we heard her again.

"Are you guys watching something? Cause I'm bored and we could watch something together." The little girl's voice came through the door, accompanied by some playful rhythmized knocks.

"_Not now!" _Brittany hissed loudly, making me flinch above her. She never got angry with Emily. Not even impatient.

But now she was glaring at the door, clenching her jaw and looking like Emily had just stolen the most important thing in the world from her.

I eyed her in wonder, almost not registering Emily's response that Brittany should take a chill-pill and her descending stomps down the stairs, as I watched her expression.

After glaring immobile at the door for a few more seconds she turned her head back to me and trailed her hand up to stroke my cheek.

Her eyes darted between mine anxiously. "Sorry." She whispered. "She can be so annoying."

That made my brows crease even more and I leaned back a bit.

She closed her eyes in what seemed like frustration and let out a heavy breath, pressing her head into the mattress.

"Brittany. W-what –wh-" but she just shook her head and kissed me hard on the lips before very gently pushing us into a sitting position and hugging me tight as I sat straddling her lap.

My heart just beneath her ear, I was self-conscious about its fast, rapid thumping against my chest.

I held on to her, confused, until she drew back and, with a last kiss to my shoulder, moved us so I was once again sitting on her bed alone while she resumed her earlier place in front of the bed.

Watching her get back to the puzzle, I had never felt so lost.

I had no idea what had just happened. What kind of insane hormones had made that make-out session the most intense one in my life. What the reason for Brittany's sudden and uncharacteristic shortness with her sister was and what the fuck that hug just now had meant.

I was so confused. But the thing is, that I was confused about so many different things, and yet all those things combined made me realize something.

I realized I needed her and it scared the shit out of me. But I couldn't help it and I just knew I had to keep her close to me.

She was my best friend. There was no one like her.

And I needed her.

* * *

So there you have it. Santana's one step closer to realizing she's in love with Brittany and hasn't even had one drop of alcohol ;D 

The house spraying story actually really happened. But seriously...my friend and I had no idea there was still someone living there...whooops. :D

shout out to my girl Bluebirdy. You know we love us some cute 'score's from brittany over here in Chelsea ;D

Lay it on me people :D


	14. Chapter 14

****Hey my darlings :) So here's the 14th chapter for ya! I've decided to directly put in a link to youtube whenever there's a song featured in my story. I swear it's better with some background music. Well, I think so :) R&R! ...hint: that doesn't mean, Rinse & Repeat ;)

* * *

**Chapter 14**

„No! But yours is totally bigger! It's just not fair!" Kurt complained heatedly.

"Just…_wanky_!" I smirked delightedly, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms over my chest, shaking my head at the two boys.

Kurt glared at me and hissed, "Oh, shut up, Satan!" before directing his attention back to Finn.

I threw my hands up in surrender, snickering and widened my eyes in mock-terror, which only Britt, Tina and Quinn could see, since Porcelain was already attacking his 'brother' again.

Brittany giggled lightly and even Tina and Quinn smirked at my comment, totally giving me a confident-boost. I loved this. When people thought I was hilarious.

Brittany was still giggling next to me and I was only too conscious of the grin that was growing bigger and bigger on my face, probably starting to either look stupid or insane to anybody who noticed it.

I tried to concentrate on the fight going on in front of me to distract myself from the fact that I could actually feel my ears burning and my cheeks hurting from smiling so much. _Yep…definitely insane._

I forced my eyes to stare at Kurt who was currently yapping at Finn in an extremely high-pitched voice, which would have undoubtedly annoyed the crap out of me had my thoughts not still been on a particular blonde's giggle and her adorable smile.

They were though. Which might explain why I just sat there grinning at the scene in front of me instead of calling Porcelain out on his freakishly high voice that only dogs would be able to hear soon.

_I'm losing my game! She's even distracting me from insulting people. Where will it end?! This is ridiculous. One minute I'm insulting people _more_ to make her laugh and the next her laugh is distracting me from insulting people. Crazy…_

Kurt waved his hands tragically, some sort of designer handbag in one hand and the other pointing to his sailor hat, probably explaining something of utter importance to Finn that only he and Betsey Johnson would understand. _Well, and the dogs…_

Finn seemed extremely annoyed at being yelled at like that and shifted in his seat. Sitting behind him and all, I couldn't see his face, but I was sure he was wearing that ridiculous frown and that weird squint he called a 'glare' that he always did when he was mad.

_I thought he might have gotten used to that by now. I'm sure Barbra Dwarfsand shouts at him every time he tries to touch her. I would._

The big oaf sat in his chair in the front row of the choir room with Kurt towering over him.

"Is not! And even if it were, why do you care so much!" he asked Kurt in an exasperated tone. He clearly couldn't understand why this was such a big deal to him.

"Because! You don't even need the space! I can't even fit half of my stuff in there and I _need_ my big closet for my Marc Jacobs Collection alone! Let alone the rest of my clothes!" Kurt fumed, still gesticulating wildly.

_I swear, someday he's gonna knock himself out with his arms flailing about like that…_

"Just get rid of some of them. Who needs thirty pairs of pants anyway? I don't even have anywhere to put my TV because there isn't any connection to the satellite in my room!" Finn spit back frustrated. He was obviously upset that he wouldn't be able to waste away his nights in front of the TV anymore. _Loser._

"So? Like that's important! You can still play x-Box or whatever! It's just not fair! Why do _you _get the bigger room?" he stomped his foot like a little child, balling his fists.

Hudson let out a groan and threw his hands up. "I don't know! Cause I'm bigger? I need more space!"

This had me bursting out with laughter. "Yeah, manatees take up a lot of room, Kurt. You should be happy he didn't get the whole _house_ for himself." I sneered, earning a frown from Finn who had turned around to look at me in the chair right in front of me.

The two had been fighting over this since before Britt and I had sat down next to Quinn and Tina. Mr. Hummel and Finn's mum had apparently decided to take it to the next level and were moving in together.

They had surprised their sons with a trip to a little house yesterday after school and then happily told them that they had already bought it and that it was 'their' house now and that they were moving in next week.

_Admittedly, they could have handled the whole 'telling the kids' thing a bit smoother. I don't know how I would feel if my mum were a widow and suddenly told me we were moving in with her boyfriend of two months and his son. Especially if his son was anything like Finn… or Kurt for that matter. _

_In fact if I had to move in with _anybody_ it would be either Brittany or Quinn. _

_Okay, I guess Mercedes and Tina wouldn't be so bad. And if Sam and I didn't have history he'd be fine too. _

_And if Puck stopped coming on to me in the grossest possible ways I guess it wouldn't be totally awful having him down the hall. Kurt and Blaine might actually be okay after all. If Kurt didn't involve me in his crazy fashion fetish and started talking in a lower voice…_

_Mike might be fun and Brittany would definitely love having him around for dance-offs! Even Sugar could be cool. I could listen to her for ages. She's hilarious. Not as hilarious as Britt or me, but still worth the occasional giggle. Plus I love shouting at her…it's awesome. _

_And now that Irish got over his crush on Britt-Britt he'd be fine too. So long as he doesn't talk. That accent makes me suicidal…or homicidal._

_I guess the Glee kids in general wouldn't be so bad. I'm not sure I'd let Teen Jesus anywhere near my house though…he might try to pull some exorcism shit on me in my sleep after I go all Lima Heights on him for one reason or another…_

_Artie though. Don't know if I could handle him. He's not the worst of the worst but… he called Britt stupid and he slept with her. That's just disgusting. I don't need a visual reminder every time I walk into my own kitchen or something._

_And Finn might be a problem. He's just soooo exhausting to look at. And Broadway is too annoying to listen to..._

"_HA!_" Kurt's outcry snapped me out of my thoughts. "So you admit it! You admit you got the bigger room." He pointed a finger in Finn's face, who jerked his head back in annoyance and let out a frustrated growl.

I gotta say, if Kurt would have pulled that shit with me I would have snapped his finger in two before he could say 'Snix'. I hated it when people pointed at me. Especially so close to my face. That's a total evasion of personal space and was a big no-go in the 'Lopez'-family. My mum hated that too.

"God just leave it alone, Kurt!" Quinn sighed quietly, causing Kurt to snap his head into her direction. Before he could go all 'Homicidal Manikin' on her however, Blaine, Sugar, Rory and Mercedes filed into the choir room, shortly followed by Rachel and Mr. Schuester.

"Hey guys, so I hear you all are getting pretty excited about our 'Beatles-off' the day after tomorrow," he immediately began rambling instead of a simple 'hello' and speed-walked straight to the white board.

The others took their seats and Blaine looked confused between Kurt and Finn who were still glaring at each other, before pulling his boyfriend by the arm till he sat down with him at the far end of the room, a safe distance away from where Rachel now claimed her seat next to Finn.

She asked him what Kurt had wanted and he just shook his head annoyed before shrugging his shoulders and muttering, "Doesn't matter. The freakin' move is just ruining everything." Rachel pouted out here lip in sympathy and leaned in to kiss him.

That was my cue and I quickly re-directed my attention towards Brittany instead, while Mr. Schuester went on and on about how brilliant his idea was to get us to do another boys versus girls thing, and that he could already see that we were way more motivated and how he's one hundred percent sure that we got this year's Nationals in the bag.

_Well, we better! It's about time. I mean this is my fucking Senior Year and we haven't won it the last two years. I wanna leave this school with as much accomplishments I can be proud of as I can get. _

_Like winning the Cheerleading Nationals again, teaching Britt to remember her locker combo by the end of our high school career and making sure that the Unholy Trinity becomes as awesome and indestructible again as it used to be. _

_Yeah, so those are my main goals. And also that we – meaning the Glee Club - win Nationals. Cause I know we're good enough. I just gotta make sure that Fin McWhale and the garden gnome don't suck face on stage again._

_God, why would anybody want to lock lips with _that_ anyway. …Wow. _I _don't even know which one of the two I just meant. _

_Either I guess. Geez. I mean come on, how is Rachel attracted to Finn? I mean just…how? _

_I honestly don't even know how I took his virginity. I must have been like high or something. And Rachel isn't that ugly, but …just no. _

_She's just too annoying to ever be considered sexy. Ugh…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little just allowing her name and the word 'sexy' to be in the same sentence …_

_Now, Britt on the other hand….that girl's all kinds a sexy! _

_I mean, look at her. She's like a goddess with those eyes and that beautiful hair and, like, her skin, it like almost sorta glows, cause she's got such a presence. _

…_That just totally sounded like something Gay Hummel would say about some theatre nerd. I meant like …ugh….like an aura or something…_

_God, she just glows, okay?!_

_And it's smooth too, her skin. And of course there are those adorable freckles. I would look totally ridiculous with those. Like a pimply Indian boy. But she just looks so cute! _

_Don't even get me started on her abs. I think I might be addicted. They're so …uuh. And, plus, in whatever direction you trail kisses over them…they only lead to good stuff, sooo…_

I only noticed I was staring at Brittany when she started waving a hand in front of my face with a concerned but simultaneously amused expression.

"Sanny? I think she zoned out on me again, Q!" she turned and looked over her shoulder at Quinn. "See, that's exactly what I meant! She does it all the time now! You think she's got like a brain condition or something?"

I heard Quinn's strained hum as she tried to suppress a laugh. "Hm. Probably more a _heart _condition." I saw her smirk as my eyes focused again.

_What?_

"What?" Brittany sounded a bit panicked.

I snapped out of my daze completely and glared at Quinn. "Why don't you just stop letting bullshit come out of your mouth, Mommy Dearest!" I hissed at Quinn, instantly regretting my harsh words when the smirk slipped away from her face to be replaced by a pained look.

Brittany looked shocked and timid at my outburst.

"Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean that. Just…" _don't scare Brittany like that! "_Sorry." I apologized quickly to Quinn, feeling relieved when I saw her posture and face loosen up until she seemed normal again.

"Whatever, Satan. Just keep your drooling in check." She leaned back on her chair to start paying attention to what Mr. Schue was saying.

My mouth hung wide open. _Bitch!_

I reflexively looked over at Brittany. She had her head bowed and her lips were sucked into her mouth, trying to keep herself from grinning, a light blush coloring her cheeks.

I huffed and turned toward the front of the class, jaw clenched and a frown accompanying my crossed arms.

* * *

**[ watch?v=JlwU5IVd66A ]**

"…_cause I'm oon my waaay noooooow!" _Brittany sang whole heartedly along with her iPod.

I watched her incredulously. Well, her back.

"Hhh…ah…how the _fuck _is she singing?" I wheezed, stumbling along after my favorite blonde, my left hand grabbing my waist as I tried to get rid of my side stitch that had settled in about ten minutes ago.

I could hardly breathe and Brittany was belting out fucking Disney songs!

"Easy. You're completely out of shape. She's not." Quinn gave back shortly, before releasing another series of those annoying short breaths. She was like, 'Hhiihh, huh huh. Hhhhihh, huh huh.' Long breath in and then two short ones out. Like a fucking machine.

I screwed up my face as I looked over at her, panting heavily. I would have told her how wrong she was, but I was so out of breath that I decided talking wouldn't be the best option right now, so I just went with scowling at her. Plus, I knew she was jogging slower to match me and I didn't want her to speed up and leave me behind.

'_Whatever. You sound like you're giving birth again. Going all…hee hee hooooo' …See! That would be such an awesome retort! Fucking air! Come back and let me get out that witty comment!_

Today during the impromptu Glee meeting, after I had vetoed her idea of studying together – Brittany's face had dropped at that suggestion -, Quinn had proposed going for a run this afternoon instead and Brittany had loved that idea, too.

I wasn't really against it, don't get me wrong,

I exercise all the time….well, sometimes…well, I used to, but after being kicked off the Cheerios for my 'boob job' I stopped - sorta outta spite - and I might not be back to my usual, awesome, athletic self yet, since rejoining the squad three weeks ago.

So now here I was. Slightly trailing behind and feeling my muscles readjust to the quick pace Brittany was setting.

_Ugh, who the fuck am I kidding! I'm so fucking outta shape, I'm like a freakin' pyramid instead of a sphere!_

Quinn wasn't as fit as Brittany, who was currently running around a parked car as she waited for us to catch up with her, but I had to admit she seemed pretty used to this kind of exercise. She wasn't even sweating that much.

"Come on! Only one more mile!" Brittany yelled enthusiastically, now running on the spot on the sidewalk and beaming at us.

I groaned and Quinn chuckled breathily. "Yeah, come on, S. You got this." She smiled at me and sped up a tiny bit so she was running an arms-length ahead of me. I think that was her idea of motivating me. She was counting on the competitive side of me.

And it worked.

I, Santana Lopez, would _not _be outpaced that easily.

With all that was left in me I sped up too, and – no idea how – brought my legs to go faster until I was passing Quinn and heading for Brittany, who was singing along to her iPod again.

My whole body was aching and my legs were trembling as I caught up to Brittany, but a pained smile crept onto my face nevertheless. It was a familiar kind of ache. I could literally feel my body getting past a certain point and back onto the right track.

I knew my sore muscles would be killer tomorrow, but I didn't mind. I liked having sore muscles. It made me feel those parts of my body more clearly, making me feel grounded and strong, and gave me a sense of accomplishment and progress.

Brittany looked over at me, still singing the song and I smirked and sped up even more, ignoring the searing pain in my throat.

For a second Brittany was out of my sight as I sprinted around the corner onto her street, but before I could form a victorious grin, she lightly overtook me and was six feet ahead within a moment. I balled up my fists and willed myself to go faster when I heard Quinn coming up next to me.

"Noooo!" I panted, but it was no use. The honey blonde ran passed me as well and after a few agonizing seconds I crashed down onto Brittany's lawn, my chest heaving up and down and my breath coming out in sharp, painful rasps.

"Fuck!" I muttered, clenching my side and rolling onto my back.

I heard Quinn giggle next to me and when I squinted up at her she was grinning down at me, supporting herself with her hands on her knees and breathing fast herself.

"Nice finish." She panted out "Almost had me." I stuck out my tongue at her. But only shortly because I was still really busy. You know, breathing and all…

"No! No lying down, Sanny. That's not good after a run. You have to walk it off!" Brittany skipped towards me.

_Yeah, that's right…she just _skipped!

"Uuugh!" I groaned out as best as I could, trying to swat away her hand that was grabbing my right elbow to help me up.

"Get up, San!" she bent down and grabbed both of my wrists instead, giggling.

But when she pulled at them and got my upper body off the ground, I jerked back as strongly as I could and manage to throw her off balance, affectively making her stumble and fall towards me.

She squealed and tried to catch herself so she wouldn't hurt me.

"Saaaaan!" she giggled in a high-pitched voice as I huffed out a puff of air when she landed on top of me.

But she wasn't that heavy and I just laughed breathily and hugged her closer to my body.

"Eew, your sweaty." She chuckled, fighting against my hold on her.

"And whose fault is that?" I grinned back, finally able to breathe normally again, and wrapped my legs around hers to keep her from getting up while my arms restrained hers to her sides. I was like an Anaconda.

"You're the one - who made me – _fucking_ run a marathon!" I accused her through gritted teeth, struggling as she wriggled and writhed until I managed to roll us over and straddle her, pinning her arms down onto the grass.

Her cheeks were pink now and she looked up at me with a wide smile on her face, both of us slightly out of breath from our struggle.

Quinn snorted next to us and raised an eyebrow suggestively as she sat down beside us.

I had totally forgotten she was there and felt my cheeks heat up as she smirked and murmured something under her breath.

"What?" I asked as I got off of Brittany as casually as possible – our positions suddenly seemed a tiny bit weird – and settled down between Quinn and Brittany who was sitting up as well, still beaming at me and stroking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Nothing." Quinn shook her head, laughing to herself. "I was just saying that I'm thirsty. You guys wanna go inside?"

Brittany and I nodded and Brittany quickly jumped up, extending her hand to help me do the same.

I took it and when she pulled me up I felt tingles spread across my body. My heartbeat was fast too, although that was probably just left over adrenaline from the running. Or the rolling around on the floor…

We went inside, Brittany telling Quinn animatedly about the new track suit she had bought for Lord Tubbington online to get him to exercise more, while I was lost in thought.

_Man, did my entire body fall asleep? Feels that way…freakin' tingling. God, and my knees are trembling. I didn't know I was _that_ out of shape. My heartbeat should have slowed down as well by now!_

Brittany hopped up the last of the steps and went inside.

I shuddered and stepped into the house behind Quinn, while Brittany chirped she'd get the drinks.

When she had vanished into the kitchen, Quinn turned around and grinned at me.

"What?" I asked, redoing my ponytail.

"Nothing." She shrugged her shoulder, her grin widening. "Just your face."

_Huh?_

"My face?" I followed her into the living room.

She chuckled and sat down on the couch.

"Too cute." She smiled and shook her head. _Cute?!_

"And not at all obvious." Now she winked at me and even laughed quietly.

_Wh- ? Oh god! _

"_Stop it!"_ I hissed under my breath as Brittany came in, carrying a bottle of water in one hand and a jug of orange juice in the other. My stomach was twisting uncomfortably as I averted my eyes from Quinn.

She and I eyed Brittany as she put the stuff down onto the coffee table. "Oh shoot!" the taller blonde jolted up, slapping her forehead. "Glasses!"

Brittany jogged back into the kitchen, leaving me and Quinn to continue our hushed conversation.

"Stop what?" she picked up the conversation quietly, turning her body to face me on the couch again.

I frowned at her, shifting closer so I didn't have to talk too loudly and risk Brittany overhearing. "Stop hinting at stuff!"

"Then either stop being so obvious or come and freakin' talk to me!" she hissed back stubbornly and now she wore a frown of her own, her eyes boring into mine.

"Stop it!" I repeated, crossing my arms.

"Santana –" she pushed.

"Dammit, Quinn! Just leave it alone!" I turned away from her and stared at the coffee table, my heart racing in my chest.

_She promised to let it go! Why is she pushing me to talk about this?_

Thankfully Brittany came back with three glasses at that moment, and Quinn was forced to result to groaning in frustration and throwing her arms up, before facing the coffee table herself.

_Ugh!_

I clenched my jaw.

Brittany wrinkled her forehead questioningly and I just shook my head, taking one of the glasses from her.

My hand was shaking a bit and I was sure Brittany must have noticed as her eyes lingered on it for a second too long, a concerned scowl forming on her face. But to my relief she didn't ask me about it and just turned to Quinn, handing her a glass, too before sitting down on the couch facing us.

I poured myself some water and busied myself with drinking it at an excruciatingly slow pace over the following few minutes until Brittany and Quinn had started talking again.

The rest of the day the three of us just sat around Brittany's living room and chatted. Well, _they _chatted. I was in a bit of a mood after Quinn's earlier comments and was quieter than usual, mostly just rolling my eyes at stuff and shrugging my shoulders when Brittany asked for my opinion.

Both Brittany and Quinn kept shooting me glances from time to time, but I ignored them both. Brittany didn't need to know what was bothering me and Quinn knew only too well.

* * *

When I came home that evening I ran up the stairs, threw my bag into my room and went straight for the shower.

I sighed when the hot water finally hit me and I submerged into the comfort of it.

Immediately I felt myself relax as my shoulders slumped, letting go of some of the tension, and the water made its way down my body, lulling me in warmth and soothing me with its lazy, soft splattering sounds.

I hummed, putting my head back and closing my eyes. The water warmed my face and massaged my cheeks as I hugged myself.

Only now did I notice how draining the past few hours had been for me. Quinn hadn't brought it up again, even when we had left the house and walked to our cars together, but her teasing from before was still ringing in my ears.

Just as fast as the water had relaxed me I tensed up again at the memory, breath hitching, and the familiar lump in my throat reappeared, making my lips quiver and my eyes sting.

A few quiet sobs made their way to the surface from deep within me and shook my body. I hugged myself tighter.

_Uuuuh. Ou. Go away…_

The lump tried to strangle me and my tears welled over and mixed with the warm streams of water.

I shook more violently now, head bowed and face screwed up in pain, teeth clenched. I was full on crying. The quiet, painful, gut-wrenching kind of crying that makes you choke and gasp for air.

_No…I can't …I can't! No! GO AWAY!_

I let out a loud wail and threw my head back again, but the feeling didn't go away. It was suffocating me.

Quinn was tiring me out. Her questions, her fucking questions I didn't have the answer to and her knowing looks that made me choke and her fucking – fucking way of boring into me. It was tiring, exhausting. It was bringing me down.

And the worst part was that I was still unable to stop fighting. I knew the answer was there.

I think I knew it all along. And I was sure Quinn knew it and probably Brittany too.

If I just let myself think about it I would know too. But I couldn't.

I couldn't – there was this wall inside my brain or my chest or my stomach that made me wail and cry and writhe and lash out. Everything. _Anything _but think about it.

My head always spun when Quinn touched the subject, when Brittany touched me, or when I touched the point of being too overwhelmed with feelings or alcohol to protect myself. It spun so fast then that I couldn't make out the answer. And I was grateful for that. Grateful and exhausted at the same time.

Because the spinning was exhausting. But I had a feeling that the answer would exhaust me even more…

Exhaustion.

I had calmed down to quiet, soft sobs and sighs, because that was all I had left. My chest wasn't ripping apart anymore and the lump was manageable.

I don't know how long I just stood there under the hot stream of water, arms clenched around myself and waiting for the sobbing to subside.

Eventually I shut off the water and stood shivering inside the shower for a few moments before I stepped out and grabbed my towel from the hanger, wrapping it around me as tightly as possible.

I went into my room, and slumped onto my bed. My eyes were so heavy and I just sat there, sniffling quietly, until I started shivering again. I slowly stood up and dragged myself over to my dresser, taking out my favorite baggy sweatpants and a hoodie and putting them on.

My eyes felt swollen and stung and I just wanted to sleep.

I heard a muffled 'bling' and then a low rhythmic buzzing.

I went over to my bag and got out my phone.

_2 new messages_

The first one was from Brittany. She had apparently texted me while I had been in the shower. I opened it quickly.

(9:06 pm)

_What's wrong Sanny? You seemed… sad today. It's gonna be okay. I promise. Sleep tight…love u!_

I let out a shaky breath. _How does she do that? It's like she can see right through me…_

I looked at my phone again. The second text was from Quinn. I shut my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, before opening it.

(9:47 pm)

_Sorry. Won't push you again. I'm always here, S. I love you._

Tears streamed down my face and I crept under my covers, hugging my phone, until my sobs had gently cradled me to sleep.

* * *

"Thursdays are stupid!" I whined, leaning backwards against my locker and looking at Brittany who was taking out her English book and replacing it with the ones she wouldn't need anymore today.

"Naaaw. Come one, San. That's mean." Brittany cooed, slightly pouting as she glanced at me before closing her locker.

I wasn't sure if she was pouting because she felt bad for _me _or for Thursdays, because I had insulted them.

_Whatever._

I reluctantly pushed myself away from the lockers when Brittany turned away, and hugged my books to my body as we started our walk down the hall.

"No but they are! They suck! We only have _one _class together on Thursdays. _One_!" I repeated angrily for about the tenth time that day, or any Thursday actually.

Brittany didn't say anything. She just pressed her lips together and gave me a sympathetic look.

I continued sulking, cursing Mrs. Cayes who organized the classes at McKinley High, until we got to the classroom. Brittany stopped outside the door and turned to look at me.

"Sooo, pick me up after?" she smiled.

I rolled my eyes and nodded, "Sure."

It was the end of lunch period and Brittany had English while I was about to be bored to death by my History teacher.

Brittany's smile brightened before she was ushered into the classroom by Mr. Littleton.

I turned around and headed towards my class. Two steps into my way I heard Mercedes' voice behind me.

"…so _not _funny. But I still had to laugh, I don't know." She giggled and I stopped walking to let her and whoever she was talking to catch up to me. I looked over my shoulder.

"Oh, hey S." Quinn smiled at me and I blinked, quickly hiding my uneasiness. I hadn't seen her all day. Thursdays really were lame.

I was basically alone during all of my classes. I hadn't minded not having to see Quinn _this_ Thursday though. I needed time to figure out what to say.

Well, bad luck Santana. Time's just run out.

_Well, at least I got Mercedes as a buffer…_

"Hey girl." Mercedes still giggled, arms linked with Quinn.

"Hey." I gave back, syncing my footsteps to theirs. "So, I'm assuming you're swooning over Trouty Mouth?" I revered to what I had just overheard, grinning lightly.

After last night and the text I didn't know how to act around Quinn. My feelings certainly were all over the place. On the one hand I just wanted to hug her and lean on her and on the other hand I wanted to keep a safe distance and avoid talking to her all together.

Mercedes grinned guiltily and I swear she blushed a bit. Quinn leaned forward to look at me around Mercedes and nodded vigorously, mouthing 'Yes, yes she is.'

Mercedes caught her and slapped her arm, making Quinn chuckle. "Quinn!"

I chuckled too and felt immediately more comfortable.

_Alright, okay. This is easy. Girl-talk…_

"Only a little bit." Quinn smirked, eyeing Mercedes playfully, who just shook her head and couldn't keep the smile off her face. "Mmmmhm, sure." I smirked, bumping into Mercedes, making her bump into Quinn.

The three of us started laughing until we were interrupted when Sam and Finn came up to us just outside the history classroom.

"Hey." Finn smiled at us. Quinn and I greeted back distractedly. We were too busy watching the awkward interaction that was taking place between Mercedes and Sam.

They had locked eyes and were just smiling at each other shyly.

_Really? _

I raised my eyebrows and shared an exasperated look with Quinn. She smirked and rolled her eyes.

I laughed inaudibly, shaking my head. "Come oooon." I groaned, chuckling. Leaning forward, I linked my arm with Mercedes', Quinn doing the same on her other side, and the both of us pulled her into the classroom.

"No game." I whispered to Sam as we passed him and he tried to punch my shoulder but I skipped ahead and he missed by an inch.

I turned around and stuck my tongue out at him sisterly as I sat down at my desk in the second row next to Quinn. Mercedes sat down in front of me next to Kurt who was fiddling with his Zebra-broche on his scarf.

Sam flicked my temple before he sat down across the aisle from me. I was about to stand up and slap the back of his head when Mrs. Mulham clapped her hands together and called for quiet.

I settled back down in my seat and narrowed my eyes at him in mock-anger. My giant grin might have given me away though…

When I looked to my other side, Quinn had already taken out her books and was organizing her notes.

"You're such a nerd!" I whispered.

She just grimaced at me and threw her hair back before lining up her pencils.

"Really? OCD much?" I snorted, reaching over to prod one of the pencils out of the neat row.

"Hey!" she swatted at my hand and I retreated it giggling, ducking away as she threw her eraser at me.

"Whow! What's with you always throwing stuff at me?" I laughed out, quickly grabbing the eraser that had landed on my side of the desk before she could take it and chuck it at me again.

She leaned back and eyed my hand carefully, hands ready in front of her stomach, waiting for me to throw it at her. I just played with it, hinting an attack every now and then and chuckling how it made her flinch every time.

I stuck my tongue out at her and wiggled my head and her eraser teasingly, making big eyes.

She huffed and launched at me. "Just – give it – _back!_" she grunted through her teeth, enveloping my upper body as I held it behind my back out of her reach, giggling like a little girl.

Suddenly a crumbled up paper ball hit me scare in the head and soon after the same happened to Quinn. We protested and turned around to face our offenders.

"Cut it out!" Finn and Sam smirked at us, but the smirk quickly vanished when a rough hand slapped both of their backs of their heads.

"OW! DUDE! THE HELL?!" they scowled at Puck who scowled right back at them.

"You _NEVER _break up a chick fight, man! It's in the Bro-Code!" he growled, looking seriously pissed off.

Finn and I rolled our eyes, while Quinn snorted and Sam smirked.

I turned around and flicked Quinn's eraser back towards her over our joined table. She snatched up before it could tumble over the edge and put it back where she had decided it belonged. Next to the pencil row. It looked like military school for stationary supplies.

"Hey, so about tomo-!" Mercedes had just turned around to ask Quinn and me something when another paper ball flew past my ear and hit her in the face. "OW!" she yelped, head jerking back, and Quinn and I looked around to find a wide-eyed Sam grimacing.

"Sorry! Sorry! I was aiming for Satan!" he pleaded.

"That's what they all say." Quinn quietly stated before starting to chuckle heartily. It was probably some inside joke from her church community or something…

I just let my frown be replaced by an entertained smirk as I saw a playful glint in Mercedes' eyes.

She put on her best diva face and flipped her hair back expertly. "So this is how you treat a lady, huh, Mr. Evans?" she questioned, a overly haughty expression lighting up her features.

Sam immediately played along. "No, Ma'm! I'm so sorry Ma'm. Please forgive my childish play!" he screwed up his face apologetically and wrung his hands dramatically in the air.

_God, he would be such an awful actor!_

Kurt turned around in his chair to watch the play too and crossed his arms amusedly.

"The name is Miss Jones." Mercedes flippantly countered and Quinn and I exchanged a smirk, "and I am afraid I won't be partaking in such a hooligan's frivolous fest. You best get a feather to cross out Miss Jones' name off your list for tomorrow's events." She threatened, making Sam actually frown.

And…_pout!_

"Oh my god! It's Pouty Trouty!" I shrieked, falling into a fit of giggles and leaning back into Quinn as I couldn't stay upright at Sam's ridiculously fat pout.

Mercedes escaped a snort before she recomposed herself and turned to face the front of the class room as Quinn, Kurt and I laughed and pointed at the still pouting blond, who was swatting at Finn's finger. Hudson had tried to touch his huge lower lip with an amazed look on his face.

Mrs. Mulham finally realized where the ruckus in her classroom was stemming from and shot us each warning glares. We settled down and she continued rambling about some World War or another.

Sam slid his foot across the floor to gently prod mine. I looked over. "What?" I whispered, still smirking.

He nodded towards Mercedes and slipped me a small note.

I rolled my eyes and passed it on to her, tipping her on the shoulder with it from behind her.

She turned around with a questioning look and I stretched out my hand with the note to her, smirking.

She grinned giddily and opened it quickly to read it. When she had done so, she looked at Sam who started singing under his breath.

**[ watch?v=c5jrf5_vL44 ] **

In my opinion his best impression yet.

Mercedes just nodded at him, blushing as Quinn, Kurt and I each launched at the note at the same time, eventually agreeing on getting close enough to read it together.

_Dear Miss Jones,_

_Will you please do me the honor of accompanying me to my birthday party?_

_Sincer...no__, _Love_,_

_Sam Evans_

"Aaaaww!"

* * *

Trollolo! Whatcha think? A bit of almost everything ;) Review and give me a piece of your mind ;)

Also: yay for Spiritday! Go purple!

Kay, so some info: I got a twitter now...it's not that exciting (yet) but I'd love for anybody who wants to to follow me :) It's ChristySnix

And also I started my own RP. There are still some pretty cool characters left :) Check it out: myforums/ChristinaLacrima/3860840/


	15. Chapter 15

Hello my dear, dear readers. I'm so so so sorry for the late update. Life's been busy ;) But the upside is that since I didn't find the time to write I felt compelled to do _something _and made a concept for the following chapters, so I hope those will be easier for me to write cause I roughly know what's coming. Anyway... enjoy and review please! :D**  
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* * *

**Chapter 15**

_B-R-I-T-T-A-N-Y _

I smiled.

_L-O-V-E-S _

A shiver ran down my spine and I cleared my throat.

_U _

My heartbeat sped up and I swallowed dryly.

_–N-I-C-O-R-N-S_

My face fell for a second and I frowned as I opened my eyes, before quickly shifting in my seat and putting on an indifferent expression.

"Brittany loves unicorns." I said, looking up at my favorite blonde who was sitting to my right and wearing a big grin.

"Oh, Yay! You got it!" she clapped enthusiastically and I immediately missed the feeling of her hand on my thigh.

It was Friday afternoon and we were sitting in the Auditorium with the other Glee girls, waiting for the boys to perform their Beatles song.

Which was basically just a formality anyway as we had swiped the floor with their awestruck faces when we had performed half an hour ago.

_I mean let's be real. The only way they could still beat us would be if they'd have transformed into the actual real life Beatles. And even then…_

Brittany and I were sitting behind the rest of the girls and were spelling out words and sentences on each other's bodies with our fingers.

I mainly wrote on Brittany's back. That was a safe-zone – well, compared to her other 'zones' - and I could stare at her without her noticing. I liked staring at her. It was exciting and soothing at the same time.

Even if it was just the back of her head. And of course her back. She just had something. I don't know, maybe it was cause her body was, like, so athletic or whatever. Anyway… it was interesting to look at her.

_Which is totally normal…loads of people love staring at Brittany. Especially in that dress. _

All seven of us girls were wearing the same dresses. Brittany, Rachel and Quinn in light green, while Mercedes, Tina and I sported them in a dark blood red.

They were our costumes for the performance and since Sugar's rich daddy had sponsored them she was the only one wearing gold. Of course that had annoyed Berry to no end which had in turn caused Snix to rear her hot mess of a head in the changing room. However annoying the actual getting dressed part had been though, the dresses – leaving almost the entire back uncovered - looked hot.

Brittany looked hot.

_So, no. Not at all weird to love staring at her and her to-die-for back muscles._

_And in fact, if Puck does it _one_ more time today he'll have reached the limit I set up for him and get smacked on the head again._

_That's fun every time. His face just doesn't get old. He always looks so shocked and asks me why I'd hit him. Well, just stop the fucking leering and we're cool! Dios Mio!_

Anyway…Britt didn't seem to think too much of safe-zones though and had apparently chosen my thigh to be the perfect spot to spell out her little messages to me. I was happy though.

I mean it was still a bittersweet kind of torture, but before that she had used my neck as her imaginary note sheet and I could have sworn I was going crazy. Imagining all sorts of things…

Like that her fingers suddenly formed a tighter grip to pull me closer to her own face…and…stuff.

"Sanny?" Britt's voice brought me out of my little trance. Only now did I notice that her hand was back on my thigh. And had stopped moving…dangerously high, I might add.

I swallowed thickly.

"Hmm?"

"What is it?" she looked at me expectantly.

"Uum…nothing, I'm fine! I'm just – I'm just tired and bored out of my fucking mind." I quickly stammered.

Her face dropped. "Oh."

My heard skipped a beat.

_Shit! No, that's not what I meant! _

Immediately I felt bad, but before I could tell her that it had been a misunderstanding she asked,

"So you don't wanna play anymore?" I saw the hint of a pout on her pink lips. _Aaaaaw! _

"What? No that's fine. We can play." I reassured her hurriedly and it dawned on me that her first question might have been meant entirely different.

"Could you spell the last word again?" I smiled at her, raising my eyebrows questioningly.

Her grin was wider than Hudson's fat manatee middle and she sat up straighter, her whole face lighting up and brightening the whole room. Or so it seemed to me anyway.

"It was a sentence!" she corrected excitedly and I gestured to my thigh, offering it to her, pressing my lips together in an almost smile.

She bit her lower lip, still smiling, as her eyes wondered down and she began trailing letters on my exposed skin where my dress had ridden up with the lightest touch of her right index finger.

I watched her in awe. Well, not her finger, cause that would be cheating, but her face…and especially her mouth.

She now wore a concentrated look, although the sparkle in her eyes hadn't gone away, and was still playing with her lower lip. Nibbling, gnawing and sucking it as her finger burned into my skin.

_Holy shit! She's so hot! I bet she doesn't even know what she's doing to me when she does that! Seriously, like, I can't stop staring, I can't stop staring! Wait! I have to stop staring! Concentrate, Lopez!_

I had missed the first few letters already when my mind reluctantly pulled its attention back to the game at hand.

_E _

She stroked the length of my thigh with the palm of her hand like she always did to signalize the beginning of a new word.

_S-O_

Another soft stroke of her magical hand.

_H-O-T _

_What?! Hot? Who's hot? E …E what…was that the end of 'are'? Did she mean me? Did she just tell me I'm hot? How should I rea-_

But before I could ramble on in my mind, her hand swept over my skin again, leaving tingles, and she started the next word. Or so I thought.

_What was that? An eight? Huh? Ooooh! AND! It was the 'and'-sign! God, I feel like my ears are ringing…_

Another gentle trail of her warm palm against my thigh.

But this time she didn't stop after one simple sweep. Her hand travelled lower until it reached my knee which she circled playfully with two fingers before dragging the tips of her fingers lightly up my thigh. Higher, and higher, and higher… My heartbeat sounded like someone was playing the drums…

I gripped the edges of my seat and released a shaky breath when she slipped her hand under the hem of my dress and ghosted it towards the top of my thigh.

Now I was the one biting my lip. I was intently staring at Mercedes' weave two rows in front of me to not look down at her wandering hand. It was like walking over a fucking instable high-up bridge. First rule: Don't look down.

I felt her stare at me with a smirk nonetheless.

My legs started trembling the tiniest bit as a wonderful, powerful shiver ran down my spine and goose bumps erupted all over my body. She couldn't have missed it, but apparently she enjoyed making me squirm…

Her digits tickled at the hem of my lace panties for a second and I involuntarily elicited a stifled high-pitched moan which I immediately tried to cover up by clearing my throat. _Shit!_

She chuckled fondly and then, finally, she lowered her hand back down my thigh and began tracing a letter again. Very, _very_ slowly she drew the first pattern. It was a _C_.

The letters _U-T _and_ E _followed over the entire length of my thigh until her hand landed on my knee again where it came to a halt.

My mind was racing.

_C-U-T-E...what does that spell? __C-U-T-E…her freakin' hands! C-U-T-E…uuum. C-U-T-E, C-U-T-E…god, that was so hot! __C-U-T-E…?_

She must have seen the confused look on my face, because after watching me with an amused but highly pleased expression for a few way-too-fast heartbeats, she leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"Cute. You're hot and cute." She smiled at me brightly, eyes sparkling playfully, and kissed my cheek.

She lingered.

And I didn't mind. My entire body was burning up.

There was applause. People clapped. And Brittany – after shooting me another amused smirk – joined in.

_Huh?_

I blinked a few times before realizing it.

The boys had just performed.

_Dammit, Brittany! How the fuck -? Now I missed making fun of them…_

And indeed, it was a sin that nobody had called them out on their ridiculous Beatles wigs –yes, they actually wore them, I can't believe it either - and out fits.

But whataya gonna do…Snix had been out of the office…

Chased away by utter blankness _somehow _combined with thoughts of such sexual content that viewer discretion most certainly was advised...

* * *

"Oh stop the pouting already fish-face! We won fair and square! You just gotta accept that women can do everything better than you guys except peeing while standing." I snapped half annoyed, half playful, flicking at Sam's fat lip.

He jerked his head back and scowled at me.

"Oh you're so full of it, Satan!" Puck growled from behind Sam, picking at his hotdog.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, giving Quinn a look. She just shook her head at Puck and returned her attention back to her conversation with Tina.

We were all sitting around the mall fountain, Puck next to Sam who was sitting next to me with Quinn to my left and Tina beside her, eating hotdogs and drinking sodas and just talking.

It was weird, for the first time all of us just hung out together. There was no reason like Glee club or a party. We just hung out. Well right now it was just Quinn, Puck, Sam, Tina and me.

Brittany, Mercedes, Rachel, Finn, Rory, and Sugar were off somewhere strolling around the mall, Kurt and Blaine were back at the hotdog stand, sharing a hotdog – _barf –_, and Artie and Mike were busy doing something else, I think physical therapy and dance lessons or something. Teen Jesus wasn't _really _one of us yet - In my eyes anyway – so no idea what he was up to. Probably praying or tying himself to a tree or something.

Whatever. I still couldn't get over the fact that we hung out with the Glee kids now. I mean, come on… Finn and Puck used to throw Kurt into dumpsters and Quinn and I used to spread mean rumors about Berry and now look at us!

_Weird weird weird…_

"_Iiiiep!" _I almost twisted my neck as I heard Brittany's squeal and saw her skipping over-excitedly towards me. _I mean us…_

She and Mercedes had gone around the mall to find the last piece of Mercedes' mystery birthday present to Sam. They had been secretive and giggling about it all day and I was getting annoyed.

I crossed my arms and held back a pout. I wasn't used to being left out of the scoop. Especially by Brittany. I had asked her what they were whispering about at least three times today and every time she had just grinned and shrugged childishly. And every time my annoyance had gone up and my mood down.

Brittany came to a stop right in front of me and beamed down at me while Mercedes walked up to the seat next to Sam, shooing Puck away.

I smirked.

_Mercedes' sass is pretty cool. I guess she's the most 'Lima Heights Adjacent' after me…_

_Althooough…Quinn can dish out when she wants to! And when Berry rages it's pretty scary too, although that's mainly because you're afraid her head might explode or your eardrums might commit suicide to escape the torture of having to hear her voice in such high and loud octaves…_

_Whatever…I guess Mercedes is kinda fierce. I respect that. Kudos… _

I tried to direct my attention back to Brittany and looked up at her.

She was still grinning from ear to ear but otherwise made no move to elaborate on her good mood.

I raised my eyebrows questioningly at her.

Her eyes sparkled and she let out another 'iiep' but just shook her head at me, half-discreetly nodding her head at Sam next to me and bouncing lightly on her heels.

I rolled my eyes and let out an annoyed breath which made her pout and stop bouncing.

"Hey Sam," I looked over at Tina as she called for the blonde boy's attention.

"Hm?" he and Puck looked around as well, turning their bodies to be able to see Tina behind Quinn and my backs.

"Mike just texted me that he got held up and is just gonna come straight to the party. He wants to know if he should bring anything." She told him.

I looked over at Sam. He wrinkled his forehead in thought and puckered his lips before slowly shaking his head. "Mmh, nooo, no. I'm all good. I think I got everything covered." He smiled at Tina. "But thanks. When's he gonna show up you think?" he asked.

"Probably around nine or something." Tina answered, already texting Mike back. "He's my ride, so I'll come when he comes, okay?" she added distractedly.

Sam nodded and I just grinned. "Wanky!"

Puck and Mercedes snorted while Sam and Quinn only grinned slightly and Tina just rolled her eyes, blushing.

_What? It was!_

Something tapping at my knee drew my attention away from Tina and I looked over to see Brittany crouching in front of me and staring at my knee, tapping it lightly with her fingers.

I gazed at her hand before frowning slightly when I looked a little higher and saw her expression.

She looked deep in thought and was worrying her lower lip between her teeth.

I quickly checked to see if anybody was paying any attention to us – they weren't – and then bent forwards, closer to Brittany.

My hand came to rest on top of her twitching fingers on my knee and she looked up at me surprised as if she had forgotten I was there.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly, examining her face. She pulled her mouth to the side for a second and seemed to mull over my question carefully.

"I have something to say." I raised my eyebrows at her and she shifted nervously.

When she didn't say anything further though and instead got back to staring at her fingers on my knee, I chuckled,

"Aaaand?" I smiled, lightly drumming on the back of her hand with my fingers to get her attention back.

She squinted at me for a second before smiling sweetly.

"Not yet." She looked at our hands, the small smile still playing on her lips, and squeezed mine, making it tingle, before standing up again and tugging me with her by that hand.

I let out a little squeal and tumbled into an upright position, making her giggle.

"Come on, I wanna walk around for a bit. Sitting is so boring." The blonde smiled a bright smile and looked at me with sparkling, expecting eyes.

I groaned but relented anyway, letting myself be pulled away from the bench in front of the fountain as Brittany told the group at large that we were gonna stroll around a little and probably not see them until the party this evening.

She sang the word 'party' and did a little excited hop which made me smile and let out a quiet, happy chuckle.

_God, stop the fucking smiling! I'm gonna look like a mental patient on drugs!_

Sam and Puck just waved at us distractedly; going right back to their discussion about whether or not telling a dirty joke was a good way to get with girls when they were drunk, totally oblivious to Mercedes' incredulous death glare in-between them.

_Man, Guppy's so lucky. I would have already smacked him over the head. Both of them actually. Hm…maybe I should go over there and- _

But just then Britt tugged at my hand again and we turned to leave.

We got as far as to the first shop when I saw Quinn jump up out of the corner of my eye.

"Hey wait! Can I come? Tina just left for her piano lesson, soo.."

The both of us turned to face her and before I could even think about if I wanted Quinn to tag along or not, Brittany had already skipped over to her and linked their arms.

"Yessss! Oooh! Let's get some cupcakes! And some more cheese! Lord Tubbington wanted me to make another Fondue." She dragged the honey blonde over to where I was still standing about fifteen feet from the fountain.

Brittany seemed to be happily thinking about cheese or LT and Quinn was smirking at her enthusiasm that was so uniquely Brittany – well, and little children and puppies – until she saw my expression.

It probably showed that I had mixed feelings about the three of us hanging out after what had happened the other day at Brittany's.

I wasn't mad at Quinn or anything, not anymore at least, I was just…cautious.

Quinn eyed me a bit apprehensively for a moment, but when I just shrugged my shoulders and fell into pace next to her, she tried to hide a tiny smirk I think I wasn't supposed to see.

_What's she so smug about? Ugh, whatever…_

Apparently encouraged by my lack of resistance, Quinn linked her left arm with my right one so that the three of us were walking in a chain.

I smiled.

_Unholy Trinity back together again!_

"So? Where to?" Quinn asked, checking out the shops we were passing.

Brittany smiled at us. "Well, where do they have the nicest windows?" she asked in her most serious tone, eyeing us both and then shooting me a quick smirk before going back to looking at all the funny shop signs and the weird people.

A grin tugged at my lips and I bowed my head. _Genius!_

"Huh?" Quinn's head turned to look at Brittany, probably frowning in confusion, but the other blonde ignored the questioning stare.

I rolled my eyes.

_How could she _not _get that?_

"Window-shopping, Q!" I murmured exasperatedly and felt Brittany glance at me happily.

It took Quinn a second to catch up, but then she gave me this weird look.

It was, like… curious interest, mixed with surprise and…and adoration?

_Ugh, really? I should so call her out for that…she promised._

Quinn looked at our linked arms, hers and mine, as we were stepping onto the moving staircase and Brittany fell behind us, and smiled slightly.

"That's sweet." She said quietly, and although it might not have made much sense in the context, I understood perfectly fine what she had meant.

I furrowed my eyebrows and was surprised by myself when I didn't tell her off even though I felt a bit annoyed.

I barely reacted at all actually, aside from the gently squeeze I gave her arm.

And staring straight ahead, I just hummed non-committedly.

It's not like I was going soft or anything.

Just…being Quinn's best friend I had noticed something.

Apart from the annoying adoration or whatever it was, I had also heard something else in her voice.

I had even seen it in her half-hidden smile.

Sadness. Just a little hint of it, but sadness nonetheless.

I loved her – Quinn, I mean – so the sadness stung me too.

And maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if the both of us dialed down the 'bitchy' just the tiniest bit.

We might actually find it refreshing.

_I should give that a try…being less bitchy to her. _

In that moment Quinn breathed a near inaudible 'aaaaaw' as I unconsciously held out my hand to Brittany to help her off the moving staircase.

_I don't believe it! Ella es tan perra! No. No, I said I'd dial down the bitchy-ness._

_Just for today though. I'll give it a try, but just for today._

* * *

"Okay, pimple-palooza, listen up. Here's what's gonna happen; as soon as I'm done talking to – sorry – _at _your _un_believably unclean appearance you and your little buddy here, who will by the way have to change his star wars panties by the looks of it, will put up those cute little hoods of yours so that no one else has to suffer through the _immense _torture of looking at that gel-drowned monster you call a hairstyle and scramble the exact opposite way of wherever my two lovely friends here and I choose to go. Got it?"

I smiled mock-sweetly at his zit-covered face and raised my eyebrows expectantly, cocking my head a little.

"Whow! Chill, Mamacita! You got a stick up your ass or something? I was just having a nice conversation with Gwen here and you go all ape shit on me! ", he leaned back, taking a step away from me, and put his arms up in defense, a stupid cocky smirk on his face.

"Excuse me?" Quinn looked even more outraged now than she had done just a second ago.

I snorted, shaking my head at his incredible idiocy, and turned around, grabbing Quinn by the elbow.

Man, this guy really knew how to step in it.

"Come on, let's go." I said to her, rolling my eyes, and tried to drag her towards Brittany who was watching the scene from two feet away.

"No, Santana, wait." She wiggled her arm out of my grip and walked up to the guy and his friend.

"First of all, my name's _Quinn, _not Gwen_, _second of all, practically humping someone in public and groaning 'you're hot, wanna take a ride on the JayJay-train?' is _not _a nice conversation, and thirdly " she looked him up and down in disgust,

"I wouldn't come anywhere _near_ your 'train' if it were the last 'train' on earth." She shot him another death-glare and then whirled around on her heel, her hair flying wildly, and strutted back to where Britt and I were waiting for her.

The ugly ass guy's mouth stood agape and he punched his smaller friend in the shoulder when he started snickering.

I grinned broadly as she linked our arms and energetically pulled us away from them, jaw clenched and lips so tight that they actually looked more like one black line.

"That guy was really rude." Brittany frowned. I grinned at the sweet understatement and Quinn just scoffed and rolled her eyes, still annoyed by the guy's behavior, which made me grin.

Quinn very rarely lost her cool. It usually only happened when Berry was around or when one of the men in her life, like Puck or Finn or Sam or whatever, did a major faux pas and ruined her carefully thought-through life plans.

"What the hell were you doing that made that douche-bag think he could talk to you?" I smirked, trying to wind her up further.

It was quite entertaining to see her fume about something as little as an ugly guy hitting on her. I mean, that one was especially unattractive, but it's not like those kinda things never happened to her. Or all of us, really.

"Nothing!" Quinn exploded, glaring at me. "I was just waiting for you and Brittany to get back from the toilette and reading through some club flyer this girl had handed me and then that guy just came up to me and basically pressed himself against me." She shuddered and looked appalled.

"It was so gross." Quinn grimaced, her mouth contorted downwards.

I just breathed a chuckle and pouted sympathetically, rubbing her arm in comfort. There might possibly have been a tiny taste of mockery somewhere in that gesture but Quinn chose to ignore it.

As we reached the elevators Brittany unlinked her arm from Quinn's and skipped over to one of them to push the 'up' button, before twirling around to us and smiling.

The rainbow-colored koosh ball she had talked me into buying for her was being squished and kneaded in her hands and it made me weirdly squirmy.

It was so distracting that my eyes flickered back to stare at it every few seconds.

The way the koosh ebbed and flowed between her fingers as she massaged it lightly and the way her touch seemed to be so gently but firm at the same time just did something to me. And yes, I was aware that that was a bit creepy.

_God, what's wrong with me? How is this so… _fascinating _to me? I could watch her do that for hours. Isn't that supposed to be soothing or something? I don't feel soothed at all! _

_I feel hot! I mean, I - I feel, you know, I feel agitated or…something. Geez, I'm so fucking weird sometimes!_

I let out an involuntary groan and quickly rolled my head from right to left against my neck to cover it up, feigning tired stiffness, and topped it off with a fake yawn which actually turned into a real one.

_Really? It's only like six o'clock or something! Get it together Lopez, you're not ninety!_

"Alright, ", Quinn began as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. "So what's the plan for tonight? Should I pick you guys up or are you gonna drive there yourselves?" she asked as we stepped into the little metal-covered room.

She pointed at the little button with the number five for Brittany to push, who had been running her fingers lightly over the lot of them, her tongue between her teeth and her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she had tried to remember on which floor Quinn and I had parked our cars.

I thought that over for a second, both blondes turning their heads, looking at me and waiting for my reaction.

"Uuum... I don't know, when were you planning on going there? And when do you wanna drive back home, cause Santana Lopez does _not _leave a party at one in the morning." I said, not hiding the hint of bossy in my tone.

Quinn's expression was between irritated and amused.

"And when exactly did I leave a party at one in the morning? If I can remember correctly _I_ was the one hugging the toilette bowl after Berry's 'get-together'" she snorted as she wiggled her fingers in the air as quotation marks,

"because I had partied a bit too hard." She gave me a pointed look but I think she might have had an internal debate whether or not that was actually something to be proud of or if she should be more embarrassed.

I raised an eyebrow, challenging her statement. "Q, not being able to hold your liquor is _not_ proof of having partied hard." I rolled my eyes and instantly cursed myself for it since that made them run over Brittany and her damn koosh.

I got stuck staring at it for a second before I ripped myself out of the trance and focused my attention on Quinn again.

"Besides, I just meant that…" but I trailed off, realizing that bringing up her parents and her difficult relationship with them might not be such a good idea. I didn't wanna fight again or make her feel bad.

She raised an eyebrow almost daringly, probably guessing what I had been about to say, as Brittany averted her eyes to the little toy in her hands.

Thankfully the elevator came to a halt, giving me the chance to make a big deal of getting off and hopefully distracting her from my unfinished sentence.

There's only so much of a deal you can make out of stepping out of a mall elevator though and after clearing my throat, murmuring a pathetic 'oh, look, that's our floor' and then hurrying onto the fifth floor in front of the other two, I was right back where I had started, having Quinn look at me expectantly.

I sighed. "Pick us up at nine from Britt's?"

Smiling appeased, Quinn walked past me as I held open the door to the car park garage and nodded.

"Alright, but be ready. I don't wanna have to wait for the two of you again." I rolled my eyes at Brittany behind Quinn's back, which made the taller blonde smirk as she bouncily stepped through the door as well, mumbling a quiet 'thanks' and locking eyes with me for just a tiny bit longer than it was required when thanking someone for holding open a door for you.

I stared back at her even after she had suddenly turned around and had to jog to catch up with them a minute later, because a small, heavy afro-American woman accompanied by two children had pushed a stroller with a tiny baby past me while I had just stood there, dazedly rooted to the door I was still holding open.

When I walked up next to them my throat was tight and my heartbeat fast. I kept my eyes on the ground until I remembered to look for my car keys. As I rummaged through my purse I felt my cheeks glow and angry, embarrassed tears forming in my eyes.

I was so confused. I had just gone from feeling impish and teasing Quinn to feeling excited and happy to feeling ashamed and embarrassed. And I didn't know why. I only knew one thing.

_I hate this…_

* * *

I had gotten over my little freak-out pretty quickly and I don't think Brittany or Quinn had noticed anything as we said our goodbyes.

Or at least they didn't comment on it, which – at least in Quinn's case – seemed to proof that she had been oblivious, since she usually wasn't able to hold back from throwing her two cents in as I had unfortunately come to experience in the last few days.

Britt and I were almost ready - she in mouthwateringly tight black leggings with a sinfully short turquoise skin-hugging plain dress that could have passed for a slightly too long shirt and only _just _covered her firm ass, and me in a black dress that went down to the knees, but showed off a _lot _of cleavage and worked as a second skin, leaving not much to the imagination - when the doorbell rang.

"_I'LL GET IT! I'LL GET IT!" _Emily's scream echoed through the hall and we saw her run past Brittany's open bedroom door.

"EMILY, NO! YOU HAVE TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND GET READY FOR BED! IT'S WAY PAST YOUR BED-bedtime." Anna's voice grew steadily louder as she walked after the littlest Pierce until she was right in front of Brittany's room, I heard her sigh exhaustedly and when I looked over my shoulder I saw her pout in a very Brittany-like way which made me grin, before her steps descended down the stairs where I could faintly make out muffled greetings.

"Quinn." Brittany said quietly and I nodded, shooing away Lord Tubbington who was lying on the bed, which wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't for the fact that he was _also _lying on my purse which I had put on the bed earlier.

The cat didn't even stir.

"Shoo! Come on, move your fat ass, Lord T!" I growled quietly, crouching down and poking at his huge belly to get him to move. He only glared at me with lazy eyes before yawning languidly.

_Ugh, he's so doing that _just _to provoke me, I swear!_

I threw my hands up and let them slap back onto my thighs, groaning annoyed, before standing up and grabbing the duvet on my way up, yanking it as hard as I could.

I grunted as I felt the weight of the heavy feline fight against the tug of my arms, but I was stronger and yelped out a triumphant 'Ha!' when the cat meowed irritated and rolled off the bed, sort of surfing my purse, as the both of them slid down the duvet-slide.

I smiled brightly and snatched up my purse energetically, before twirling around and being met by Brittany's blazing blue eyes, one eyebrow raised dangerously high.

_Uh oh! Forgot the 'don't insult Lord Tubbington' rule again…_

"Sorry." I mumbled meekly, with only the tiniest hint of defensiveness.

That made Brittany smile at me sweetly and I smiled back until I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. I looked over to the door to see Quinn quickly wipe a smirk off her face and step inside, unnecessarily knock the open door as she did so.

At the same time Emily peeped around the corner of the door playfully and waved at me from behind Quinn's back until Anna shooed her onwards and into the bathroom to get ready for bed with a stern 'come on, let's go cheeky monkey' .

Brittany whirled around. "Hey, Q!" she chirped, skipping over and pulling Quinn into a bone-crushing hug which made the smaller blonde gasp for air.

"Uuuh, hey, B." Quinn got out after Brittany had let go of her. "You guys good to go?" she asked, inspecting the state of our ready-ness with raised eyebrows.

"Just about." Brittany walked towards me and snatched her blanket up from the floor next to my feet with a playfully chiding expression.

I stuck my tongue out to her and pointed accusingly at LT who was currently sharpening his claws on Brittany's desk leg.

_Wow…haven't seen him work out like that since…I think ever!_

Brittany just shook her head and chuckled, walking over to the desk where she grabbed her own purse with her left hand as the right one reached down to lovingly stroke over Lord Tubbingtons head.

The fat cat immediately started purring and leaning into Brittany's hand. I was amazed that she didn't tip over from the pressure.

_How come he always just scowls at me and cockblocks me but with her he acts all sweet? Pequeño mocoso!_

"Sanny only needs to learn to treat Lord Tubbington with love and respect." Brittany teased, picking up Sam's present from next to the desk and grinning, while Quinn lightly sat down on the bed.

I faked vomiting and strutted over to her little vanity, checking my eye-shadow again.

"Geez, S, you look fine, come on let's just go!" Quinn groaned in her quiet voice.

"Fine?" I glared at her through the mirror.

She rolled her eyes. "Stop being so vain and get moving." She gave back as she stood up purposefully and walked towards the door.

I swallowed down the 'which one of us had plastic surgery' comment and followed her out of the room, Brittany at my heel.

When Quinn had already reached the bottom of the stairs Brittany slowly slid her left hand down my right arm until she could link our pinkies.

She leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"I think you look really hot." She smiled at me genuinely, before her smile turned into a smirk and she pulled her hand away from mine to slap my ass.

I squealed and hopped down two steps, looking back at a giggling Brittany in shock.

_Oh my god! Don't blush, Santana! Don't blush! No! Ay, carajo!_

"Come on, let's goooo!" Quinn shook her head at us exasperatedly as we both stumbled down the last few steps, giggling and squealing playfully, as I tried to get Brittany back and she squirmed away.

Quinn just threw me a look before shoving us through the door, muttering, "Goofballs!" and chuckling lightly as Brittany yelled "BYE MUUUUM!" back into the house and immediately got chided by Mrs. Pierce who appeared at the top of the stairs, one finger in front of her lips to shush her and the other hand shooing us out of the house.

* * *

Okay, so some things: I'm sorry for my bad Spanish...the thing is: I don't speak Spanish...at all...so I had to google what I wanted to say.

It was supposed to be somthing like this:

**Dios mio** - My god!

**Ella es tal perra_ - _**She's such a bitch!**_  
_**

**Pequeno mocoso** - little brat

**ay carajo** - ah, shit!

If anybody who speaks Spanish can tell that that's total bullshit, please tell me. I'd appreciate some help with my Spanish :)

Also: We still need a Rachel for my Roleplay ;) It'd be Faberry. There are many more characters still available like Kurt, Tina, Mike, Sugar, Rory, Finn and so on :) 

Anybody who wants to join, please check it out :

forum/Let-s-Rock-n-ROLEPLAY/120001/

Please review and I promise the next chapter will be updated very soon :)

love'yaaaall!


	16. Chapter 16

Here as promised the quick update :) Party-tiime :) I hope you like it! Tell me what you think in your reviews ;)**  
**

Also: I haven't done one of these in ages so here comes a good old DISCLAIMER: The Characters appesaring in this fic aren't mine and I don't claim them to be ;)

* * *

**Chapter 16**

"Pickle juice! PICKLE JUICE! Puck, c'mon! PICKLE JUUUUUICE!"

"Nuh uh!" Shaking my head violently and holding my hand up, I turned on my heel, wanting to walk back to the front door of Sam's house and get the hell outta there, but a firm hand on my wrist stopped me, turning me back around.

"San, what the hell is it with you trying to walk out of parties before you've even really attended to them lately?" Quinn hissed annoyed over the loud music, frowning at me while Brittany shot me a curious look from behind her.

We had just gotten to the party, Quinn - who was carrying Sam's birthday present from the three of us, - and Brittany filing into the hall before me, but upon hearing that hell-foreboding screech I was already thinking of ways to escape.

I looked at both of them incredulously. "Are you guys serious right now?"  
They just raised their eyebrows questioningly.

"Huh?!" I gestured wildly towards the living room as some random giggling girl pushed past me on her way back from the kitchen with a probably freshly filled red plastic cup in her hand, bumping into my shoulder unceremoniously.

I would have gone all Lima Heights on her ass if I hadn't been distracted by having to explain to my two closest friends why that voice could chase me out of the hottest party of the year in a heartbeat.

_Although I'm not sure I _could _explain it actually…I think it's just a sort of survival-instinct or something…_

"What?" Quinn asked, as Brittany turned her upper body to look into the living room since she was the closest and I saw her eyebrows shoot up and her mouth form a circle in understanding before she gave me a sympathetic pout.

I knew she usually didn't like it when I acted this pissed off by someone for seemingly no reason, but I think she got that I was overreacting a bit simply out of habit and today she seemed fine with it.

Although I thought I saw a hint of amusement and a teasing sparkle in her eyes as she mouthed 'loca baya' and I had to giggle.

_Britt always gets me. Geez, she's like a freakin' mind reader or something. Awesome!_

I smiled at my favorite blonde, thankful for our best-friend-super-telepathic bond or whatever, whereas Quinn obviously hadn't picked up on what I was trying to avoid and thought I was just being a party pooper.

"God, Santana, it's a party, since when are you s-" but Quinn's exasperated exclamation was interrupted by a loud yell.

"GET OFF ME!" we heard Puck's voice boom and seconds later Brittany had to step out of the way as he stumbled into the hall, one extremely drunk Rachel Berry hanging onto his arm.

"You're n't s'posed ta talk!" she chided him, slurring her words. "I shinxed you!"

Quinn looked like she wasn't sure whether to laugh or hide from the insanity – at least that's what _I _read on her face. When she looked at me with a bewildered expression I just raised my eyebrows.

"Yep. That's exactly what I meant." I deadpanned, eyes not leaving Berry who was now trying to pinch Puckerman's lips shut with her fingers. Ferret-head twisted and craned his neck, trying to get his mouth away from her man-hands.

"Mmmph!" he struggled free from her grip. "Fucking hell! HUDSON! HUDSON, GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND OFF MY A- OU!" His eyes widened comically and I'm pretty sure mine and Quinn's did too.

"No way!" I murmured.

"_Did you just _bitch-slap _me?"_ Puck's voice was so high I almost heard the 'oh no you di'int!' come right along.

"No. Talkin'!" Berry wiggled a warning finger in front of Puck's face, almost poking his eye out. Or picking his nose…she was swaying quite a bit.

She had this lazy, drunken half smiling, half frowning expression on her face and I'm sure if Puck hadn't been so stunned – and my guess was, fairly drunk himself – she would have gotten a free seat at the nose doctor's tonight.

"What's going on?" Finn walked into the hall, looking a bit confused between his girlfriend practically jumping up Puck's body to reach his mouth, chanting a very slurry 'jinx pickle juice', and Brittany who was lifting his gorilla arms and ducking under them to rejoin Quinn's and my side of the scenario.

"You're pet munchkin jumped off the wagon and has now leeched itself on to Puckerman." I snorted, deciding that I'd just ignore Berry's latest insanity and go for a drink instead.

I made my way over to the three of them, dragging Brittany along by her hand, and pushed past them with a haughty 's'cuse me' just as Sam came in from the living room as well, asking what we were all doing standing in the hall instead of dancing.

At the word 'dancing' Brittany's face lit up and she stood on her tiptoes, unsuccessfully trying to see into the living room over the heads of the three guys now blocking the way to what seemed to be the main party room. I quickly tugged at her hand to get her attention back.

"Hey," she lowered her eyes to look at me. "We'll dance after I getz ma drink on, deal?" I offered and she smiled brightly and nodded.

When Britt and I reached the kitchen we heard Puck roar, "YOU CAN'T JINX ME! I DIDN'T SAY 'AWESOME' AT THE SAME TIME AS YOU! I DIDN'T SAY IT AT ALL! _IT WAS JUST _YOU_ SAYING IT TWICE!"_

Brittany giggled and I just shook my head, stretching over the table that was stocked with different sized red solo cups and bottles of alcohol, and snatched three little plastic shot glasses off the far end for Quinn, Britt and me.

"How are they all this drunk already?" Quinn asked a bit shocked as she walked into the kitchen and went to grab a bottle of Tequila after she saw what I was doing.

She didn't seem to notice the smug grin that had appeared on my face.

When I had looked over to her as she had come in, I had seen Brittany quickly avert her eyes from staring at my butt and couldn't help but feel a whole lot better about this night than just a few seconds ago, as Brittany blushed big time.

"It's not even ten yet!" Quinn shook her head. Brittany just shrugged her shoulders and hopped onto the counter, dangling her feet and grabbing a lime slice from a small plate behind her. _Probably to distract herself from my hot ass. _

My grin grew bigger.

_I love this dress! It's my new favorite dress! And I love Tequila! Man, I already feel drunk…and I haven't even had my first shot yet…this night is gonna be interesting…_

Brittany bit into the fruit deliciously and grimaced comically as the sour taste filled her mouth. "Uuuuah!" she shuddered and I laughed at her, somehow feeling giddy and excited, while Quinn handed me the golden-brownish booze, her smile crooked as she tried to hide it.

"Well, my guess is, Berry's got the taste for it now and has turned into a not-so-secret drunk, ergo already arriving in somewhat of a state and thus forcing all the other idiots to down their fair share as well so they can cope with her loco!"

I offered my theory matter-of-factly, my chuckling subsiding as I lowered my head to level with the shot glasses in concentration and carefully filled them to the rim, while Brittany started preparing slices of orange, still sitting on the counter, and Quinn rummaged through the cupboards in search for some cinnamon.

Although concentrating to master the art of filling a shot glass without spilling any of the alcohol, my grin didn't leave my face the whole time.

* * *

Four Tequila shots, three strong Lemon Vodkas and a 'Sex on the Beach' later I was comfortably buzzed and dancing with Brittany in the living room.

**[ /watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic ]**

_Hey I just met you and this craaaazy, so here's my number…okay whooow…head spinning. Gotta stop throwing it around…_

_Hey! What the…what's in my mouth? How did _hair _get into my mouth?...WHOSE HAIR IS THAT?...phhl plah…ew…oh yeah…it's mine. From throwing my head around. Should really stop doing that now._

Okay, so maybe I was a bit more _drunk_ than buzzed…whatever.

The party had been quite a lot of fun so far, even though Berry and some people neither of the Glee club members – aside from Sam obviously – even knew were here as well.

Mike and Tina had apparently arrived just as the three of us - Britt, Quinn and I - had downed our first shots, because when we had gotten to the living room a few minutes later, they had just turned around to get themselves a drink too. Well, _water_ in Mike's case since he was the designated driver tonight.

Basically _everybody _in Glee club was here, except for Teen Jesus, Rory and Blaine.

Although a quite tipsy Kurt kept reassuring me that Blaine should be here any second.

_Like I care…_

Porcelain and Chubba the hut weren't fighting anymore, but their frosty politeness towards each other showed that they're feud was yet to be resolved.

About half an hour ago Sam had introduced the new people to Quinn, Brittany and me and explained that he had gotten to know the two guys at the mysterious job he had had over the summer when he had been away with his family.

I had to admit that they weren't too unattractive and wondered if Trouty had finally cracked and done some underwear-modeling.

There was also a girl, Pamela or Patricia or something, who didn't seem to say much. She basically just stood there and watched people.

In fact, she was watching Brittany and me right now. _What's her deal?!_

"Hey, v'you noticed that that girl's been starin' addus?" I turned around from grinding my ass into Brittany's front and leaned closer to her as we danced , jerking my head back to indicate that I was talking about the new girl who was standing by the book shelf that was now located behind me.

Brittany, a little red in the face and biting her lower lip, looked over my shoulder and then quickly back at me, her eyebrows twitching for a second. "No. You wanna go talk to her?" she asked me over the music with an underlining tone in her voice I couldn't identify in my slightly drunken state.

_Huh? What? Why would I wanna talk to that girl? I mean she's pretty but…what? _

"What? No. I just… s'weird." I frowned, getting out of rhythm as the thought of the staring girl preoccupied my mind.

I shook my head once, not helping my dizzy-ness, and tried to match my body's movements to the beat of the song again, but before I could get back into it 'Call me maybe' had come to an end and a totally different song sounded over the speakers.

It was an unusual song-choice for a party. Had been all night. Whoever was playing DJ tonight put on an interesting mix between old and new party-hits and these totally random other songs like the one that was playing right now.

**[ /watch?v=zanZFMqG75o ]**

I had heard it before and it had a nice beat, but the best thing was that Brittany totally let herself get lost in it and snaked and grinded her body onto mine like she was a freaking pole dancer and I was her pole.

_Wanky!_

I grinned, biting my lip in lust, as her eyes slowly and seductively travelled up my body until they met mine.

And then it happened…

Everything just faded out and suddenly the only thing existing was the heart of the song pulsing through my veins and Brittany's hot body transforming into music itself with a flowing lightness to it that reminded me of water and a hypnotizing beat that seemed to make her chest and limps twitch as if of their own accord – no – as if played by a marionette-master.

She was mesmerizing.

I couldn't keep my eyes off of her dancing form and yet somehow they never seemed to leave her piercing blue ones, holding me captive.

She had a fire in them I had never seen before. It was unsettling and burning and I felt like I should back away but I couldn't.

She wouldn't let me.

Her draw wouldn't let me. Yes, she drew me in.

Her hips swaying with the beat, coming closer and closer until they were pressed against me and she could push one of her legs between mine so that it didn't matter that I didn't even _register _the beat of the music anymore and how I was supposed to dance to it, because we moved as one – making my heart beat fast.

_Shit, she's so good at this! She's so hot!_

Her arms that wound their way around my neck, letting goose bumps erupt there despite the heat vibrating around us and her fingers that she entangled in my hair- making my knees go week.

_I can't feel my lips. I'm biting them though, aren't I? Yep, definitely biting them…well the one. The lower one. I can't feel them…hihi. _

_God, she's so beautiful! I want a painting of her over my bed so I can stare at it…but then she wouldn't move! I want a moving painting of her over my bed…I should call Hogwarts…_

Her ice blue eyes that stared into mine so intensely that I swore I could hear the electric charge shooting from hers to mine - making my breathing hitch and go shallow.

_I…she…mierda! I'm fizzing! No…that's just drinks…I'm – I'm…_tingling,_ that's it!_

And finally her own hot breath that hit the side of my mouth and my cheek in uneven waves as she pulled herself closer until we were practically dancing in a messy, sexy hug of our two sweaty, moving bodies – making a shiver run down my spine and my mouth go so dry that it was impossible for me to talk or swallow.

All of those things proved it.

She completely drew me in. Nothing else existed and then I knew one thing…

She had a hold over me nobody else had ever had.

And it scared the shit out of me.

_Help!_

I felt her smile against my cheek and then she grazed her lips down to my pulse point below my right ear.

_Oh god! No no no no no no!_

I quickly unwound my body from hers and stumbled backwards, bumping into someone.

"S-sorry!" I stuttered as I looked around at the person who was holding his hands out to catch me in case I fell over. I was feeling way too dizzy now and was glad for the unknown hand that was holding me strongly by the wrist.

"S'fine. You okay, Santana?" Finn asked, looking at me with a somewhat tipsy but concerned stare.

I nodded and swallowed. He just shrugged his shoulders and let himself be dragged away to keep dancing with Rachel.

_Gotta get outta here!_

"I need s'm fresh air." I mumbled towards Brittany who was still standing in front of me and giving me this weird look. I realized that she was the one keeping me steady by my wrist and as I looked down to where her hand touched me I felt it burn.

"What?" she asked over the music, taking a step towards me and leaning in so that her ear was near my mouth.

_Too close!_

Instead of repeating what I had said I jerked back again and just pointed to where I suspected the door to be.

When she turned her head to look at what I was pointing to, I already started making my way towards the hall, trying to normalize my breathing and get rid of the tight feeling in my stomach. It was starting to crawl through all of my body and it hurt and made me shiver. My heartbeat was erratic.

I pushed through Sam and Mercedes who had been dancing together as well and ignored their questions - that were similar to Finn's - in order to just get the hell off that dance floor.

When I reached the hall I pulled the living room door with me to close it and took a deep steadying breath as I leaned against the wall right next to it. It was dark and cooler out here and I immediately felt less drunk.

_Okay, what just happened?_

I looked around again, hoping Brittany hadn't followed me.

Through the small crack of the door I could see that Sugar, Mercedes and Sam were talking animatedly with her though. Actually rather _at_ her as she seemed to try to get away from them, but for once I was thankful for Berry's clingy persistence that stopped anybody from escaping her, when I saw her join the conversation excitedly.

I turned back around and frowned, taking another deep breath. Slowly I was starting to feel a little nauseous too and pushed myself away from the wall.

_I really _do _need some fresh air…_

Slightly tumbling, I walked over to the front door and opened it, drawing in a surprised breath as the cold night air hit me mercilessly. Immediately a shiver ran down my spine, but I stepped outside anyway, hugging myself tightly to keep at least a little bit of my body warmth.

The porch light flickered on.

"Hey."

I jumped about a foot into the air and whirled around.

Puck was leaning against the wall - one foot propped up against it - and eyed me mildly interested, something that looked like a self-made cigarette dangling from his lips.

I nodded once, "Hey. What are you doing out here? Is that a _joint_?" Frowning, I took a step closer to him and inspected the thing in-between his lips again. It was in fact a joint.

He just grinned and raised his eyebrows.

"Want a hit?" he mumbled, making the joint wobble on his lips.

I wrinkled my forehead.

_Should I? I mean, I've only done it like three or four times before and that was ages ago. It's just one drag, right? And I'm feeling like shit anyway. Maybe it'll take my mind off …things._

I shrugged my shoulders and went towards him. "Sure." I said casually, like I did this sort of thing all the time.

His grin broadened and he handed me the joint, pushing himself away from the wall to meet my hand.

I took it daintily between my left thumb and index finger and put it to my mouth.

Puck relaxed against the wall again as I took my hit, staring at me with a slightly unsettling expression, eyebrows raised, that made me look to the floor.

I felt the smoke fill my mouth and crawl its way down my throat and into my lungs.

As I coughed loudly I almost didn't hear Puck's quiet chuckling.

"Sh-shut up." I coughed, frowning, which only made him laugh even louder.

I handed him back the joint and scowled at him, clearing my throat between two more closed-mouthed coughs, before taking a step back and leaning against the banister.

_Damn! I'm not used to this anymore!_

Puck just stared at me, taking another hit himself, and I felt my lips curl up into a goofy grin without my permission.

Immediately I knew that the marijuana was effecting me already as my posture relaxed a bit and I felt giggly for no reason. Everything just seemed… easier and mushier and softer all of a sudden.

"Wow, you're _really_ not a Smokey, are ya?" Puck smirked at me for a second, before he slowly dragged on the joint again.

I just rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

We stood there in the cold for a bit, me shivering and smiling tiredly, trying not to think of what had happened on the dance floor, before he suddenly walked over to me and offered me the joint again without a word.

I took it just as silently and took another hit.

The second one didn't make me cough as much and after the third one I merely had to clear my throat to get rid of the raspy feeling the marijuana gave me when I inhaled it.

A little while later we were both sitting on the floor with our backs against the wall like Puck had been when I had come out of the house.

We were talking about Teen Jesus and whether he might actually be a real life prophet and laughed every time one of us jerked our hands goofily above our heads to get the porch light to come back on after it had shut off again.

It was a fun game and Puck liked to make silly faces when he wiggled his hands in the air to make me laugh harder. He even shouted at the motion sensor when it didn't register his waving hands right away.

A few minutes later we were in the middle of a totally unrelated giggling fit when something struck me as weird.

"Why are you giggling?" I frowned, clutching the letterman jacket he had given me tighter around my body.

That made Puck laugh so hard that I had to wait a minute before he could respond.

"Ugh, why are you giggling?" I asked again.

_Oh my god! He's totally giggling because he knows I like Brittany…I mean…that I…I….that I make out with her without telling boys about it…or that she made me watch Finding Nemo ten times this year already, or that I wanted to kiss her just now on the dance floor or that think I might be crushing on her and - and he knows how ridiculous that is!_

"B-because you're…" he snorted, pointing at my face.

"I'm _what_?" I hissed heatedly. "Huh?! What do _you _know! I'm not anything! _Anything! _Got it?" I shouted at him and he fell back against the wall with a stunned face, before having another giggling fit.

He was positively crying by now, his voice hoarse and scratchy as he laughed almost soundlessly, only his upper body shaking, and I would have slapped him if I hadn't needed my hand to try and get myself up from the floor.

I didn't wanna be here anymore with him taunting me.

I wanted to go home and crawl up in bed and fall asleep. But before that I wanted to _eat._

_Tengo tanta hambre! And he's such a dick! He doesn't know anything! _

Tears sprang to my eyes as I realized that he must have figured it out somehow since he had just teased me about it.

_How did he find out? _

"Te odio!" I spat at him as I tumbled against the wall, my balance having been thrown off as I had turned to look at him.

"Santana? Puck?" a voice asked tentatively.

Puck looked up at the voice's owner who was apparently standing behind me.

I pressed my palms against the wall and this time I managed to get up as a hand closed around my upper arm and helped me into an upright position. I looked up at the stranger, who wasn't a stranger at all.

"What are you guys doing?" Blaine asked confused, looking from Puck, who had stopped laughing at me and was just leaning against the wall wearing a stupid grin now, to me.

I sniffed and quickly wiped at my tears.

"Nothing!" I cried. "Just get your fucking noses out of my business! It's _my _business! What do you all want from me?" I snatched my arm away from Blaine, confident that I was solid enough on my feet to walk on my own now.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked me bewildered, probably because he had never seen me cry before.

"What did you do?" he turned to Puck and I thought I heard an accusing and even slightly angry tone in his voice.

"_Nothing!" _Puck defended himself instantly. "I didn't do anything! We were just playing Full Auto and then she went all crazy." He chuckled, gesturing towards me.

_What?! I'm not crazy!_

"What? You were playing what?" Blaine asked taken aback.

Puck rolled his eyes. "We were bonging a Buddah. You know…" he imitated smoking the joint that was now gone since he had finished it a little while ago.

"Aah." Blaine nodded once slowly before shaking his head at Puck and scowling. "Why would you do that _here_?" he was actually starting to sound really angry and I felt myself get tired as all of the attention was on Puck now.

I felt so drained that I just leaned my head against the wall behind Blaine and let my eyes droop, only barely making out how Blaine towered over Puck, his hair slightly reflecting the porch light that must have flickered on again at some point.

I snorted. "You have fireflies in your head."

Blaine shot me a weird look before rounding on Puck again.

"You should go home, Puck. Or lie down or something. Just get away from the porch. What if the neighbors saw you? Sam could get into serious trouble!" he scolded.

I saw Puck's eyes grew wide before mine closed sleepily.

"You think they were watching us?" I heard Puck's voice whisper agitated. His voice changed between muffled and clear as my tiredness overpowered me.

Blaine groaned exasperated and I heard some rustling and Puck protesting against something, before suddenly a hand grabbed my arm gently and Blaine's voice spoke from only an inch away.

"Hey Santana, are you okay?"

I opened my eyes and nodded. "Sure." I frowned at him.

_Why is he suddenly so interested in how I am? What's his problem? What does he want from me? I bet he wants to find out my secret too and then laugh at me like Puck and then tell everybody._

At that thought I quickly widened my eyes and looked for Puck to scare him into keeping his mouth shut.

But he wasn't behind Blaine anymore. I looked around the porch. No Puck.

"Where's Puck?" I asked suspiciously.

_Oh my god? He already went in to tell everybody! What if he tells Br-_

"I sent him home." Blaine answered, tugging lightly on my arm as he moved towards the door. "Come on, you're freezing."

At that moment I shivered violently and looked down.

_Didn't I have a jacket on or something? _

"Puck took his letterman jacket back when he left. Thank god he only lives a block away." Blaine said as if he had read my mind and opened the door.

When I stepped inside behind him a cloud of warmth and muffled music enveloped me and I smiled.

"I'm hungry." I remembered and Blaine smirked slightly as he asked me where the kitchen is.

I pointed him in the right direction and then followed him as he made his way towards it.

* * *

"Drink it!"

"But I'm. Not. _Thirsty_! God, did you put gel in your _ears _or something?" I bit back at him.

"Just drink the water, Santana." Kurt sighed.

Blaine had gone to get him after he had gotten me to sit down in the kitchen with two slices of buttered bread and a doughnut he had found in the bread basket on a plate in front of me.

Since I had only had about three or four hits of the joint and had eaten up already, I wasn't feeling high anymore now and having the two boys treat me like a little kid was pissing me off.

"Stop treating me like I'm some drunken moron! I'm fine!" I got up from the kitchen island and grabbed my plate.

"You were giggling about Blaine's hair not ten minutes ago." Kurt deadpanned.

I rolled my eyes and put the plate into the sink. "Well, can you blame me? Have you _seen _your boy-toy's hair_? I _haven't! Because the light that's being reflected by the enormous amounts of gel he puts in there blinded me." I snarled, turning around and leaning against the counter with my arms crossed over my chest.

Blaine looked offended, turning his head to the window to check his reflection, while Kurt just mimicked my position and raised an eyebrow.

"You're high." He said simply.

"Correction. I _was _high. Now I'm fine and you're annoying." My bitchy comment only made him chuckle soundlessly though and I decided this so wasn't how I wanted to spend the rest of the party.

"What time is it?" I asked harshly.

Kurt rolled up his sleeves and showed me his empty wrists with a grin, but Blaine was already answering me, still pouting a bit at my hair-insult.

"About half past midnight."

_Shit! Really? I must have been out on the porch with Puck for about an hour! Hey, why didn't anybody go looking for me? Thanks for nothing, Britt! Crap, I missed Sam's turn! Britt was so looking forward to the three of us giving him our present together…_

My eyebrows furrowed. "I'm going back in." I stated shortly and turned to the door as Kurt just shrugged and went over to finish making his tea and probably console Blaine.

Walking out of the kitchen I realized that I was feeling completely sober now and wondered in what state I might find everybody else in.

The music got louder the nearer I came to the living room door and I internally marveled at the cool architecture of Sam's parents' house again.

When you went inside there were stairs to your right, leading up to the first floor, and to the left was the door to the living room. If you went further along the hall there was a bathroom to your left and the kitchen to your right that lead to the basement.

Straight ahead was another, slightly smaller door that I suspected to be a broom cupboard or something.

From the living room, which was quite big, you could go out into the garden, or turn right and go up another flight of stairs that led to the first floor as well.

_How can they afford such a cool house after being so broke last year that they had to move? Don't get me wrong, I'm kinda glad Guppy's back, I sorta missed him over the summer and all, but still…it's weird. _

_Maybe his dad joined the mafia or something. _I giggled.

_I'll just ask him about it later._

I decided and opened the living room door.

The loud music and party-sounds shocked my quiet-accustomed system for a second and I sucked in a breath as one of the 'underwear-models' almost bumped into me since he had apparently been leaning halfway against the door.

"Sorry, sorry." He apologized, but I just pushed past him, rolling my eyes and huffing.

"Heeeey! Where did _you_ vanish to?" Sam hollered, throwing an arm around my neck and offering me his beer.

I shook my head at the bottle and smiled at him.

"I just needed some fresh air. So, birthday-boy, you're eighteen now!" I 'yay'-ed and wiggled my fingers in the air in mock excitement.

"How does it feel?" I looked up at him, swaying slightly under his weight of which I seemed to be holding up the majority and grinned at his drunken face. He looked kind of cute with his eyes drooping sleepily. Like a lazy, blonde teddy bear or something.

"Good good!" he said enthusiastically, nodding vigorously. It threw my balance off a little and I brought my hand up to his chest to be able to support him better.

"I'm tons wiser now. And sooo much more handsomer!" he joked and grinned goofily.

I laughed soundlessly and tilted my head back to look him in the eyes, nodding slightly.

"Mmhm, I bet." I smirked as I patted him on the chest.

Sam smiled happily and took another swig of his beer before throwing up his left hand that was still draped over my neck and hollering another "Heeeeeey!" as Quinn came up to us.

She just smiled distractedly at Sam before focusing on me.

"Where the hell have you been?" she asked sternly.

I frowned at her, taking offense in her tone, and scoffed. "What? I was just having some fun! It's a party remember?" I threw her own words from earlier back at her.

She scowled at me disbelievingly and shook her head. "You're such a bitch sometimes, Santana. I really didn't think you would do that to her."

"What?!"

_What the fuck is her problem?_

"Uh ooooh!" Sam giggled. "_Cat-fiiight!"_ he yelled, before Mercedes suddenly appeared next to him and dragged him away from us, shaking her head warningly and mumbling something neither he nor I caught.

Quinn didn't seem to care though and just continued staring at me with anger and disappointment.

"Why would you do that? I thought you were coming around!" she attacked me and I had to frown even more, trying to understand her over the loud music.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I swore, throwing my hands up.

Quinn let out a frustrated groan and grabbed my arm, pulling over to one of the book shelves where the music wasn't as deafening.

"Why would you sleep with Puck?" she asked me accusingly. "After everything we talked -or more precisely - _didn't _talk about the last couple of days!"

_What?!_

"Are you high or something?" I was seriously starting to think that she might have 'bonged a Buddah' too as Puck called it.

She just glared at me and shook her head again in that annoying, 'I thought you were better than this' kind of way.

"Don't pretend, Santana. Stop fucking pretending. That's all you ever do. _Pretend." _She scoffed and made to walk away.

I was so beyond angry right now that I had to battle Snix so she wouldn't smack Quinn square in the face. I _did_ grab her arm though and whirled her around again.

"What is your _da_mage? I didn't sleep with Puck and I'm not pretending _anything_!" I shouted at her, glad the music covered up our little scene so no one was paying us any attention.

She looked at me bewildered before raising one eyebrow and crossing her arms defensively.

"Why has nobody seen the two of you for over an hour then?" she asked, convinced that she had caught me now.

I scoffed and shook my head. "Are you serious? You don't see us for a bit and then you immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm banging him? Real nice, Q!" I looked at her offended and disappointed.

It really hurt that she apparently though so little of me.

"You know, Teen Jesus and Rory aren't here at all, you think they're getting it on, too?" I threw heatedly at her.

She almost looked guilty now and unclenched her arms so that they were now hanging uselessly next to her hips.

"Well…what _were _you two up to then? I mean you were with him, right?" she asked.

""Yes, I was with him. But not _with _him with him_." _I made it a point to get that clear. She nodded so I would keep on talking.

"We were just out on the porch and…talked." I shrugged my shoulders, eyeing the books above Quinn's head.

"_Talked? _You guys never just _talk._" Quinn objected suspiciously.

I eyed her angrily but she only cocked an eyebrow.

"We talk! Sometimes. When he's not being a total ass." I defended.

She just kept staring at me though and after a few seconds of glaring at each other I groaned.

"Okay fine, we smoked some weed, okay? He was already doing it when I came out and offered me some. So that's what we were doing for the last hour. Smoking pot. You happy now?" I hissed.

She gaped at me in disbelieve, her eyebrows shooting up and her mouth hanging open. She almost looked comical.

After about two seconds she came out of her mini-stupor and screwed up her face. She shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose between her eyes.

"Santana!" she groaned, before throwing her arms up and letting them slap against her upper thighs as she shot me an exasperated, almost helpless look. Like she didn't know what to do with me anymore.

_I hate that look! My mum gives me that look! I got that look before they made me see the shrink!_

"What?" I gave back defensively. "It's not like you never tried it!" I scowled at her and she rolled her eyes.

"That was _ages _ago and _so _not the point right now." She averted.

"Well, what _is _the point right now then, huh? What's the big problem?" I snarled agitated.

_Why the hell can't everybody just get off my back!_

The music changed to a softer, quieter song and Quinn lowered her voice when she answered me.

"The point is, Santana, that back then we did it for fun. Just to try it out. But now you're doing it cause you don't wanna deal with what's going on!" she leaned forward as she said it and stared into my eyes.

_No!_

I swallowed. I had leaned in too, so I could hear her better, but now I was backing away. Well, my head anyway.

_Lie! Lie!_

"I don't know what you're talking about. Puck and I were just having some fun." I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath. "Look, I really don't wanna fight with you, especially since you're my ride and everything, so can we just let it go and enjoy the party? I'mma get myself something to drink." I said and turned around, ignoring the hushed 'Santana!' Quinn was calling after me as I walked away.

When I was halfway on my way to the kitchen again I looked around for Brittany, but with the two new guys standing to my left and the Hudson tower stomping on Rachel's feet on my right I didn't see anything except sweaty backs and horrible haircuts.

"Ugh!" I pushed through the rest of the crowd, not really caring who it was if it wasn't Brittany, and made my way to the kitchen.

There I poured myself two shots of white Tequila which I downed without salt or limes, and then filled up one of the larger red solo cups with a strong Jagerbomb.

Since Kurt and Blaine had come back into the living room sometime during my 'fight' with Quinn, no judging eyes stopped me from taking a last swig straight from the open Malibu bottle that was offering itself to me on the counter next to the door-less kitchen entrance as I left.

Back in the living room everything seemed to have gone back to normal again. Sam was dancing with Mercedes, Blaine with Kurt, Sugar with Artie, well sort of, and as I walked on I also spotted Finn and Rachel, who were both laughing happily, swaying contently to the music in the far end corner.

I felt a slight nuzz from the alcohol again and started getting whiney.

_Where's Brittany? It's like she's hiding from me or something..._

Quinn was nowhere to be seen either, but I was actually kind of glad about that. I didn't wanna risk her getting in my face about the pot thing again.

Tina was straddling Mike who wasn't wearing a shirt anymore on one of the couches and they were in the middle of a heavy make-out session.

_Jesus! Why does everybody have someone but me? Not fair! ...But good for them…I guess._

When I looked over their heads into the part of the living room that was actually sort of in another room – _Told you his house was cool! – _I saw that one of the 'underwear-models' – Liam or something – was dancing with another girl I had never seen before.

_Hm… She must have come in while I was talking to Quinn or something._

_Whatever…where's Brittany?_

I scanned the rest of the living room and scowled when I found her.

She was leaning against the huge doorframe that separated the two living room areas, a drink in her hand, and was listening intently to some apparently very interesting story the weird 'Big Brother'-girl who had been watching us dance earlier was telling her.

_What the actual fuck?_

* * *

So there we have it! Bad bad Santana! And bad bad Puck for being a bad influence under the influence ;D

Another party exravaganza! And of course we have some Spanish to translate again. I hope I got it right :) If not please, by all means, correct me.

**Loca Baya - **Crazy Berry

**Mierda - **shit

**Tengo tanta hambre - **I'm so hungry

**Te odio! - **I hate you!

And I think that's all. 

No, wait: little explanation. In my story Sam's a senior like most of the rest. It just works better and that way he can interact with them during classes.

Also a shout out to all you awesome reviewers out there! 

Especially my girl BlueBiirdy! and Patricia who hopefully picked up on her dedication in this fanfic. Don't worry, that wasn't all, you'll reappear in the next chapter ;)

Next update on friday.

I'll try and make it a weekly thing from now on :D

As always, thanks for reading and please review and let me know what you thought of this ;)


	17. Chapter 17

Ta daaaa! I actually made the deadline this time! Yay! anyway...you know the drill: Please read, enjoy, and review!

* * *

**Chapter 17**

_Whatever…where's Brittany?_

I scanned the rest of the living room and scowled when I found her.

She was leaning against the huge doorframe that separated the two living room areas, a drink in her hand, and was listening intently to some apparently very interesting story the weird 'Big Brother'-girl who had been watching us dance earlier was telling her.

_What the actual fuck?_

Brittany even threw her head back laughing at one point and I quickly strutted over to them.

"Hey!" I drew their attention to me as I appeared next to Brittany.

"Sanny!" Brittany squealed and hugged me tightly. I narrowed my eyes at the girl over Brittany's shoulder and she gave me a confused look.

_Oh, don't you act all innocent! I know exactly what you're doing, Missy! – Well, what _is _she doing really? She's talking to Brittany. – She's coming_ on_ to her! – How do you know? – She's trying to mahe her laugh! – You do that too! – So not the point right now! - Well, so what? Even if she actually _was _flirting with her… what's it to you? – Well, I …_

_Ugh, whatever!_

"Where did you go? I looked for you _everywhere_!" Brittany asked me, still excited that I was here now.

I could tell she must have had quite a bit to drink as well, because she kept trying to stifle her giggles and missing her straw when she tried to take another sip of her drink, her tongue chasing the straw around the rim of the glass.

_Mmmh…straw…_

_Santana! Focus!_

I blinked and looked up from Brittany's tongue.

_Yep, she's definitely not sober anymore…_

I bit back a grin. She was now pouting at the straw, looking seriously upset. Plus, she apparently hadn't been leaning against the doorframe because it was so comfy. It must have been more as a means to hold her up since she was swaying considerably as she let go of me.

"Just getting some fresh air." I waved off the question and looked between the two girls. "What have you been up to?" I asked Brittany in return, eyeing the other girl.

"Oh, Patricia has just been telling me about this _awe_some gay club in Kentucky she and her girlfriend used to go to! She said she'd take me sometime!" Brittany clapped her hands excitedly and hopped up and down, which made her stagger dangerously and I immediately reached out to grab her, but _Patricia _had already snatched up Brittany's arm and held her tightly.

_What the fuck?! She better get her dirty paws off Brittany _right now!

I clenched my jaw and growled through my teeth with a fake smile, "Oh, has she now? Isn't that nice of her…"

"Yeah, I thought Brittany here might enjoy a night of real fun. Doesn't seem like she's getting a lot of that around here." Patricia smiled and I swear I saw an evil glint in her eyes.

"And what the hell is _that _supposed to mean?" I snarled, fake-politeness thrown to the wind.

My full attention was on the new girl now and shit was about to go down.

She furrowed her brows stupidly. "Um, I just meant that Lima doesn't seem to have any cool night clubs. Especially for gays and lesbians." She said slowly.

My heart pounded furiously in my chest and a cold shiver ran down my spine.

_Who the hell does she think she is?!_

"She's not a … she's not even off age, okay? So you better forget about taking her away to some fancy-ass lesbo-club right now!" I fumed, shooting daggers at Patricia with my eyes.

She raised her eyebrows and studied my expression in surprise, before lifting her chin and smirking knowingly.

"But San! It sounds so much fun! We should totally go there together!" Brittany's whiney tone changed into excitement again.

"What?! No, no way!" I shook my head vehemently at Britt's suggestion.

"Why not? It'll be way cooler than that time we got thrown out of that Pub." She pouted. "I mean that was fun too, but…"

"Yeah, why not, Santana?" Patricia grinned at me.

_What the -!_

"Because! We're not … that's not our scene, Brittany." I gave back lamely.

Brittany looked at me carefully with a cute little scowl on her face. She was trying to understand me. She wasn't the only one…I was trying too.

"Not your _scene?" _Patricia sneered and chuckled humorlessly, before scoffing. "Why? Because _we_ don't smoke pot when we party?" she raised an eyebrow challengingly.

_How the fuck does she know about that?_

"What do you mean?" Brittany asked Patricia confused, but the girl just looked from her to me and gave me a pointed look.

I couldn't believe it! That bitch was totally hanging me out to dry!

_Whatever! Britt won't care!_

"What is she talking about, Sanny?" Brittany narrowed her eyes at me and suddenly I wasn't so sure she wouldn't mind.

I quickly breathed out an uneasy laugh, "Puck had a joint. I only took like two or three hits. So what?" I shrugged one shoulder, scowling with an askew smile, like things were being blown way out of proportion. Which they were, I mean, come on…

_Come on! …Right?!_

For a second however, Brittany actually looked a tiny bit shocked - I swear I saw a smirk appear on Patricia's face - but as quickly as it had come, the shock was replaced by an indifferent expression.

"Oh. That's cool." Brittany just smiled and I mirrored her in relieve. Although a tiny bit of anxiousness still played through my mind. _What was that look?_

Patricia on the other hand wasn't smiling now. She took a big gulp of her drink and glowered at me without Brittany noticing.

"Well, _I _think you would have a lot of fun there." She smiled at Brittany. "I would show you around of course. And I promise, with _me _you won't get thrown out of _anything, _sweetie. " She flirted and winked at her.

She actually _winked _at her!

_And right in front of me, too! Does she have a fucking death wish?!_

My mouth probably hung open for a second before I snapped out of it and chose to do the only thing that seemed to make any sense right now.

Slap that bitch across her stupid, flirting face.

Brittany yelped, jerking back a little and spilling some of her drink. "San!"

Now Patricia's mouth hung wide open and tears of pain and embarrassment welled up in her eyes as she held her hand to her reddening cheek.

"_What the hell was that for_?!" she shouted at me and again only the loud music protected this from becoming a huge scene.

"Oh, don't act like you don't know, you fucking snake!" I spit back, anger and adrenaline pulsing through my veins as I clenched my free hand into a fist to stop it from lashing out again. And to stop my other hand from throwing my drink into her face.

"Aw, is someone getting upset?" she teased in a baby-voice. "You better up her dosage cause this one is completely mental!" she advised Brittany who was standing slightly behind me now as I had stepped between them when I had slapped the skunk.

"Oh it's on, bitch!" I warned in a quiet, barely controlled growl and put my drink down to my feet.

"San, don't!" Brittany cried, quickly putting down her drink as well and grabbing my right arm with both of her hands, pulling me back, when I raised my left hand to smack her again.

I was about to wriggle free and Patricia wisely took a step back, when another pair of hands wrapped around my other arm.

"Santana, calm down!" Quinn hissed into my ear.

"You're crazy!" Patricia scoffed, shaking her head, and then stomped away, throwing a sarcastic 'Good luck!' back at Brittany.

"Mmmmhm! Yeah, that's right! Just walk away!" I hollered after her, earning me a sharp tug from Quinn.

"S!" she was positively staring me down with her stern look now, nostrils flaring and all.

"What? She was being a bitch!" I threw at her, yanking my left arm out of her grip but relaxing the other one in Brittany's.

"Was she?" Quinn asked dubiously, shooting Britt a questioning look.

"Yes, she was!" I said loudly as Brittany answered, "I don't know, I'm not really sure what happened."

Quinn sighed and closed her eyes in exhaustion for a second before shaking her head and looking at the both of us.

"I think it's time for us to leave." She nodded to herself, still eyeing me and Brittany.

I was feeling exhausted again anyway so I just shot her one last glare, before hissing, "Fine!"

Quinn just rolled her eyes before she turned around, saying she'd just quickly say goodbye to Sam and get our purses and that we could wait for her at the car as long as I didn't punch anyone on the way.

When she was gone I felt Brittany loosen her grip around my elbow and trail her hand down until it was in mine.

I squeezed it lightly and after I avoided her concerned and questioning stare for a few seconds she just sighed quietly and leaned her head against my shoulder.

I took a deep breath and felt the tension in my shoulders and neck disappear.

Without another word I led Brittany through the living room, snaking my way through the few still dancing couples , only stopping to hug Mercedes and Sam goodbye, and sighed in relieve as we finally stepped into the cold night air.

"Well that was fun." Quinn grinned slightly, apparently having gotten over her frustration with me, as she walked past us and unlocked her white Lexus SC 430 with the automatic car key, making it beep and flash its indicators from a few feet away.

I just rolled my eyes and got in the backseat of the car with Brittany once we had reached it.

I didn't let go of her hand the whole ride to her house.

* * *

"Hey B, can I borrow these?" I asked in a whisper and held up the light grey baggy sweat pants and the black top I had picked out of her closet.

Brittany peeped around the doorway to her bedroom and nodded, throwing me a quick smile and whispering back 'sure', before vanishing down the hall.

I heard the bathroom door click shut and unzipped my dress slowly, feeling my tired muscles relax as the material loosened around my body.

Exhaustion.

Again.

I sighed and closed my eyes before pulling it over my head and carelessly throwing it over Brittany's desk-chair.

The sweat pants were warm and soft and smelled like her when I tightened them around my hips. My hands stayed in the pockets for a second after I pushed them deep into the two little bags to punch the material inside where it belonged and I bit my lip softly, thinking.

_Crushing. _

I didn't even remember whether I had really told Puck about it or whether I had just thought about it in my mind.

_A crush. _

I was pretty sure though that he had been too high to remember our conversation clearly anyway and didn't worry too much about him thinking stuff about me now or telling people. It wasn't much different than the 'Sex is not dating – Santana and I have sex' – debacle from two years ago anyway. But still…

_I have a crush._

_A crush on Brittany. _

_Great._

Groaning quietly I sat down on the bed and gnawed on the nail of my left thumb before letting my hand fall to the other into my lap and shaking my head.

_What am I supposed to do now? I can't tell her! What if she th-_

When I heard the muffled sounds of the water of the bathroom sink coming on and then off again I took another deep breath, feeling my heart beat loudly, and pulled Brittany's shirt over my head, almost whining at the intensity of her smell as the top grazed my face.

_This is gonna be so hard now! I'll have to… ignore it. I'll have to pretend like nothing has changed! Pretend…I guess Quinn was right after all…_

I heard the bathroom door open and smoothed the shirt down over my stomach.

_Why is this happening to me? _

_And since _when_? I mean, I've always liked her. She's been my best friend since the day I met her the summer before middle school started, but I … I didn't like her like _that, _right? No, I couldn't have. We were only ten…_

_We just had a connection. Like a bond or something. We just clicked. That doesn't mean anything though…_

_But then…we started making out…why? _

_Oh yeah, it was on my birthday. She kissed me because we hugged all the time anyway and kissing just seemed like the next logical step because we were becoming even better friends. It just came naturally…_

_Tons of girls kiss each other though. I mean girls, like best friends…it's no big deal. I guess the sleeping together wasn't _that _normal, but nothing that hasn't happened before…I'm sure there are _some_ girls who try out more than just kissing on each other. _

Her footsteps were soft and even as I heard her walking towards her dark bedroom where I was still sitting on her bed, unmoving and mind spinning. I barely registered them.

_And now it's a crush…_

_But what does that even mean?_

_That I like her? Sure, true. Who wouldn't? She's funny and awesome and the nicest person alive. That I find her attractive? Hello, have you seen her? She's so cute and innocent but freakin' hot at the same time! That I think about her a lot? Well, she's interesting. Different from anybody I know._

_So a crush…_

_It's really nothing more than just the next step. We're becoming closer as friends! Well, I mean I am…I…ugh! No lo se!_

_This is _not_ happening._

The door creaked and I looked up as Brittany sneaked into the room, trying to walk on tip toes even with her fluffy blue and grey dolphin slippers on.

I grinned involuntarily and averted my gaze as she closed the door carefully, probably holding her breath.

When she sat down next to me I looked up at her and my breath hitched. Her blue eyes were staring at me unabashedly and I felt my heart in my throat.

"What?" I asked with a quiet, nervous breath that _almost _sounded like the confident snort I had intended it to be. Almost.

She just looked at me for one more, agonizing moment before smiling the tiniest bit and shaking her head gently.

"Nothing." She whispered before looking back at the bed and then at me. "You don't wanna lie down?"

Thoughts of my newest self-discovery however were swirling around in my head once again and making it near impossible to concentrate on anything else than the mix of trying not to panic, and staring at every oh so small glimpse of her body I could catch without her noticing.

So I was a little preoccupied and had missed her question.

"Huh?" I asked, blinking.

She chuckled quietly and gave me a curious but amused look. "I aaasked if you maybe wanted to… you know, lie down?" She explained extra slowly, mocking me for my air-headedness.

I think under any different circumstances I would have either made a 'wanky' comment or snapped at her playfully, but I was still processing and just rasped a tiny, 'oh, yeah sure, okay', before awkwardly stirring into motion and scooting to the other side of the bed.

I saw her look at me in confusion as I got under the covers and rustled with them unnecessarily to buy myself some more time to deal with the still very much present shock at the whole 'crush'-discovery and to stop my heart from racing.

It didn't really work.

Especially when she kicked off her slippers, one of them flying a few feet and landing in front of the door, and then crawled under the same duvet as me like we always did, her long legs grazing mine before I pulled them up.

I must have looked extremely cool and relaxed, stiffly sitting in her bed with my knees drawn up to my chin.

"What are you doing?" Brittany snorted quietly as she turned around after settling in comfortable on her side. She sat back up as well and since my eyes had adjusted to the darkness even before Brittany had gotten back from the bathroom after I had already gotten ready for bed, I had no trouble making out the way she eyed me.

Studying my face with her head slightly tilted to the side.

"You okay?" she asked softly when I didn't answer, mimicking my posture and resting her chin on her knees as she hugged them loosely to her body.

I swallowed quickly and nodded, looking down to my feet that thankfully were pressing my hands into the mattress. Otherwise I would have probably gnawed on my nail beds again or found some other way of unconsciously displaying my agitated state.

The duvet had slipped off my body and was basically just taunting me and my cold feet now.

All I really wanted was to simply bury myself in the warmth and comfort of it, snuggle up to Brittany, and peacefully go to sleep without having to be afraid that my heart might knock itself out with the furious beats it was throwing around, seemingly making my whole body quiver and definitely making it impossible for me to tune out the thumping in my ears.

But immediately a song sprung into my mind, mercilessly telling me that life didn't always work out the way you wanted it.

**[ watch?v=PkGrkNu6mDg ]**

_Fucking Rolling Stones! Fine! _

_I _need _this to go away! I _need _ everything to go back to normal. I need my best friend back they way we were. Without so much meaning behind _everything.

_Please._

_I need Brittany._

"Hey." Her soft tone and the hand on my arm caught my attention. "You'll hurt yourself when you don't stop thinking so hard." Brittany warned with a slight smile, but I could tell she was getting worried.

I smiled back and forced myself to roll my eyes the way I usually did.

"Haha. I'm just beat, okay." I said and stretched out my legs, shimmying down and under the covers.

I didn't hear a response from Brittany and I didn't look, afraid I might find those questioning – or even worse…_knowing _– eyes stare back at me.

After a minute of quiet however Brittany just scooted down as well and returned to her earlier position, comfortably lying on her side and facing me.

She didn't say anything and neither did I.

I think she knew that I wouldn't know what to say anyway.

Laying next to her on my back it was all I could do not to panic. I could feel her watching me and hear her quiet breathing and I just wanted to be ten again, playing in the park with Quinn and Brittany, just being excited to start middle school and feeling happy that I had made a new friend.

When I heard her breathing change I looked over. She was shifting and turning around so she was facing away from me, ready to fall asleep.

"Good night." I heard her whisper around a yawn and my eyebrows twitched as I felt a lump form in my throat. It was strange.

She hadn't really done anything except turn her body and say goodnight, but I felt like she was distancing herself from me.

Like she was respecting the unspoken wall I had unconsciously hardened around myself.

I knew that I was pushing her away again. I was smart enough and had enough self-knowledge to know that that was what I did. Push people away and shut up while I over-analyzed my thoughts and feelings because, god forbid I might let someone in and they could screw me up even more.

I was getting angry and frustrated with myself. I had always accepted that part of me. Even seen it as strength, but now it seemed like it was one of the things keeping me away from Brittany and I hated it.

Brittany.

She had always found the right balance. Sometimes pushing at my walls and forcing me to talk about stuff that really bothered me or at least let go of my misplaced anger, and at other times she just backed off until it blew over or I came to her and told her about it myself.

But now, for the first time, she was respecting the wall when I didn't want her to.

I didn't want her to respect it. I wanted her to tear at it and break through and hold me like she so often used to and now so often tried.

But it seemed like it was my turn to bring down the wall for a change. And that's why the lump was there, because I knew I wouldn't be able to.

I needed her. I needed her to stand up to me and push and push even when I told her to back away.

Or didn't I?

This wasn't about raging at Charity because my parents were never home, or punching Puckerman because he coincidentally held a talk about dogs in our second year of middle school the day after mine had died.

This was about something way bigger. Way more... connected to _her_.

What would have happened if she had actually come close enough to me to find out about my crush?

I shuddered.

_No! She can't ever find out! It'll pass. I know it will. It has to…_

I sighed quietly.

No matter how much I wanted it to pass, right now it was there. Big and scary and staring me right in the face.

My fucking _crush_ on my best friend, making me want to completely change who I was and just snuggle up to her without reading too much into it.

Thing is… the stuff I would have read into it was true. That's what made it so hard.

I took in her now sleeping form one last time before turning around myself, facing away from her and staring at the bright moon that cast a shadowy picture of the window onto the floor in front of her desk.

My eyes drooped and I thankfully let them close, feeling the weight of my lids press down on them with the promise of a deep, dreamless sleep.

Soon I was drifting in and out of consciousness and right before giving in for good, I felt a gentle arm snake around my waist and a warm body press into mine from behind, shielding me from the scary loneliness in my mind, while a familiar scent and hot even breaths stroked at my neck and cheek, safely lulling me to sleep.

* * *

"No! No, don't get up there, she's still asl-"

"Ugh!" I jerked awake, lifting my sleep-squashed face off a warm pillow, when a big, heavy something fell on my back.

"- the fuck?!" I growled, my voice hoarse from sleep. I heard Brittany giggle and turned around, shielding my eyes from the bright light in the room, and leaned back on my other arm.

When I looked down, two big, unblinking eyes were staring up at me from my belly.

"Freaking sumo-cat!" I yawned, clapping the hand that had shielded my eyes down to cover my mouth instead.

"He was just so excited to see you." Brittany piped in and smiled happily at me when I turned my head to look at her.

She was sitting on the floor in front of the bed, a variety of cat-toys surrounding her. They all looked either like they had come across a very angry tiger or were completely untouched.

I didn't even have to look closely to know that the untouched ones were mainly ones were he'd actually have to move to play with.

Like the fake mouse that was currently running circles around Brittany.

She looked like a kid on Christmas after unpacking all her presents, all smiley and content, and despite my usual crappy morning-mood – especially after a wake-up call like this - I smiled back at her. Just because _aaaaaaaw_!

Her grin broadened and, after picking up a fluffy something that was attached to a string on a stick, she stood up and moved over to the bed to sit next to me.

Bouncing slightly as she crossed her legs Indian style.

I yawned again and prodded LT off my belly, earning myself an angry glare from the fat cat.

I stuck my tongue out at him, but Brittany distracted him quickly as she dangled the fluffy thing that - now that it was closer to me – I thought looked like it once could have meant to be a tiny hamster, in front of his face to get him to chase after it like any other _normal _cat would.

Lord Tubbington however just scowled at it and strutted over to Brittany's lap, his big belly dragging on the mattress.

Brittany didn't seem disappointed or phased at all by his disinterest though and kept playing with the little toy, hurling it around like a pretend helicopter and trying to follow it with her eyes.

I smiled and something tingled inside my stomach. It made me squirmy and reminded me of last night.

_What the hell happened anyway? I smoked pot? Really Santana? How very 'last year Quinn' of you…_

_And what was wrong with that Patricia-girl? Coming on to Brittany like that? I mean, come on. Can you say totally desperate and pathetic? _

"What time is it?" I asked looking around for Brittany's alarm-clock. I read the time off it just as Brittany answered.

"Just past eleven. Mum just came back from the grocery store and she and Emily are gonna start cooking lunch any minute." She went back to watching the thing sore around over her head as she propelled it faster and faster.

I was getting dizzy and looked at her instead. That's when the most important part of yesterday's events hit me.

_I have a crush on Brittany! _

_Fuck._

Thinking about it immediately made my heart beat faster and I was glad the toy hamster was distracting her, or otherwise she would have probably picked up on the slight distress that must have shown on my face.

I swallowed and tried to calm myself down, to find a reason. _Some _sort of explanation why my brain had come up with the _crazy_ idea that I had a crush on my best friend.

I found two.

Number one was pretty easy. It had first manifested itself in my mind when I had been smoking pot with Puck on the porch. Therefore it must have been just one of those silly things you come up with when you're high.

Like that there a fireflies in your friend's head or that you're clearheaded enough to jump off a jungle jim at the playground while drunk and high in the middle of the night. I can tell you from experience, that both of those ideas were ridiculous and just plain wrong.

I liked that explanation quite a lot though. It was simple and anticlimactic once you looked past the fact that I had smoked weed in the first place.

Number two however wasn't so calming.

Because the only other explanation I could come up with for a crazy thought like that was that it was true…that I actually had a crush on Brittany.

And I couldn't think of anything that was _less _calming than that.

"We should do something fun today!"

Brittany's chipper outburst brought me back to reality and I saw her grin at me with an expectant look.

"Yeah, sure. What did you have in mind?" I asked absentmindedly, flicking at the soaring hamster as it flew past my head in front of my eyes.

She grinned even wider as she jerked it out of my reach, still keeping it racing circles round and round, and a childish spark in her eyes.

"I don't know. We could go to the park, or go shopping, or hang out with Quinn, or play with Emily, or watch The Little Mermaid, or make collages, oooor…" she looked down at Lord Tubbington and then across the room, searching for other fun-things to do.

Suddenly her eyes lit up as they fell upon something on her desk.

"Oooooh! We could do a photo-shooting with Lord Tubbington!" she cried out excitedly, letting go of the hamster thingy - which resulted in it going flying across the room and bouncing off the wall - and wiggling her fingers together, a toothy, pleading smile directed at me.

I only considered half of the things she had mentioned fun and spending the whole day trying to find an angle from which we could actually fit _all _of the Cheese Lord into _one _picture frame _definitely _wasn't one of them.

"Ugh! No, I already sacrificed too much time on trying not to fall asleep when we filmed him last month. I swear he's gotta be the laziest, most boring cat alive!" I groaned, eyeing the fat feline as he yawned widely and rubbed his head against Brittany's shirt-covered abs. Her perfect abs…

_Maldito! Eres un gordo y estupido gato! Back off!_

"He's not!" Brittany exclaimed scandalized, holding both of her hands over his ears and looking at me reprimandingly.

"He's super awesome! And what about that time he did the house chores? That's not boring at all! Well...not when a cat does it anyway." She defended and patted his head lovingly, making him twitch with his ears.

I raised an eyebrow. Brittany had called me about three weeks ago, totally ecstatic, and told me that she had just filmed Lord Tubbington doing the dishes. But when I had asked her to show me the video she had said that he had deleted it behind her back because he was so self-conscious about the way he looked in an apron.

_Yeah, right. I'll believe it when I see it._

I disregarded her comment and just rolled my eyes, pulling back the covers and slipping out of bed. "Whatever. Point is, I'm not doing a photo-shoot with him." I said decidedly and stretched my arms over my head, pushing my chest out and making my back crack.

I groaned at the stiff feeling that didn't go away and turned around to face the bed, sighing defetedly when I saw that Brittany was pouting at me.

_Oh come on! No fair!_

Something tingled insie me as I eyed her pleading expression and her big blue eyes, looking up at me through her lashes.

"Okay fine. Do whatever you want, but I'm nothing more than the light assistant today." I pointed a finger at her warningly.

"Yay!" she squealed quietly, waving her two fists in the air at ear-height. I almost died. _How can anybody be this cute?_

Obviously having to hide my emotions – couldn't have her find out about my crush - and not trusting my facial expression to be helpful with that, I turned around quickly and walked over to the door.

I hastily told Brittany I'd go brush my teeth over my shoulder and vanished into the hall without looking back.

As soon as I was in the bathroom and had closed the door, I leaned my back and head against the door, closing my eyes, my heartbeat thumping in my ears.

It seemed like that was all it did lately. Beat way too fast and way too loudly.

* * *

After we had lunch with Brittany's parents and Emily, who kept asking me how much I loved the lasagna she and Mrs. Pierce had made, Brittany and I went back up to her room and I texted Quinn while Brittany got stuff ready for the photo-shooting.

(1:12 pm)

_What's up, bitch? U drive against a tree or something? – S_

I sat down on the bed and watched Brittany rummage in her dresser across the room. A second later my phone dinged and vibrated in my hand.

(1:14 pm)

_Aaaaw. Was someone worried about me? Cute – Q_

I snorted and rolled my eyes as I typed back.

(1: 15)

_Whatever. U wanna hang out 2morrow? – S_

"You think we should do like different seasons or maybe themes? Oooh! Or like different ages? You know stone-age, ice age, Matty's or Patty's or whoever was evil age…" Brittany was smiling at me expectantly as I looked up from my cell phone.

"Uuum…" I tried to recount what she had just said and remembered the gist. "Sure, whatever. I told you I'm fine with anything as long as I'm only the one holding the flash light or desk lamp or whatever." I reminded her, looking back down as my phone called for attention again.

"Awesome." I heard Brittany mumble as I read through Quinn's most recent text.

(1:18 pm)

_Sure. Are you ready to talk now? – Q_

I frowned and hesitated.

_What the hell am I supposed to answer to that? I mean, it's obvious Quinn knows something, or at least thinks she does, but I don't even know what that is. It could be almost anything. Like that Brittany and I make out, or that I, you know, sometimes let myself be persuaded by her to do dorky stuff like watch kids films._

_Okay no, I know it's not that. I know she suspects something about the … _thing.

_But should I really talk to her about this? I mean, I trust her and shit, but I just don't wanna make a big deal out of it when I'll probably have gotten over it in two weeks or something anyway. It's just a silly crush. It doesn't mean anything…_

My fingers hovered over the little buttons of my phone as I tried to decide what to respond.

_Coffee couldn't hurt right? I'll just take Brittany with me, then Quinn won't be able to drill me about anything 'important'._

_Ugh I don't know what to do!_

Before I could break out a sweat over it though, I received another text message.

(1:23 pm)

_Or not…lunch at BreadStix? Bring Brittany? – Q_

I sighed. Partly relieved that Quinn had backed off and given me another choice than to either talk about it or not see her at all. But another part of me was also a tiny bit disappointed. Here had been my chance to hear someone else's thoughts on the… situation…and I had chickened out again.

I noticed that Brittany was looking around the room from her position in front of the drawer on the floor, searching for something.

"What's wrong? What are you looking for?" I asked her, looking around as well as if I could spot the thing she was missing without even knowing what it was just by looking for it.

"Have you seen Lord Tubbington? He didn't come back up with us after lunch, did he?" she pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes, and slowly got up from the carpet.

I looked around again, this time knowing what I was looking for, and noticed the absence of Lord 'Chubbington' as well.

I smirked – _Yes! Good kitty! - _, before quickly putting on a half-hearted sympathetic pout. "Aw, shame. Ah well, I guess we'll have to come up with something else to do after all."

She looked genuinely upset though, so I wiped the fake pout off my face and thought of a way to cheer her up instead.

_I hate it when she looks like that! It just doesn't fit her. She's supposed to be happy all the time._

_Stupid cat! What else could we do that she would think is fun?_

I couldn't think of anything good though, so I just flung a pillow at her with my free hand to get her attention.

It barely grazed her knee – what? It was my right hand, okay? -, but she looked up anyway, a tiny smile almost showing for a second before being overshadowed by her sad face again.

"C'mere." I sighed in a playfully exasperated way and held out my hand to her.

The small smile played around her lips again as she stood up and dragged herself over to the bed, dramatically letting herself fall down next to me with a huff and slumping backwards.

I giggled softly and lay back onto the mattress as well so that we were lying side by side.

For a few seconds, in which I internally contemplated whether or not it would be weird and unusual for me to turn and snuggle up to her, neither of us spoke until Brittany asked quietly, "who are you texting with anyway?"

I was confused for a moment, but then I noticed the phone that was still in my left hand and remembered. I brought it up over both of our heads, my arm stretched out in a ninety degree angle to the bed, and answered that it was Quinn.

"She suggested lunch at BreadStix tomorrow. You cool with that?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the little black device, my tone as soft as hers had been.

I don't know why we had suddenly gone so quiet.

The atmosphere had just changed all of a sudden and it was nice.

Simply lying next to her and doing nothing except for listening to her breathing was nice.

Just knowing she was there…

I felt her nod against the mattress and copied her slowly - more to myself - before replying to Quinn that we'd be there.

Another few moments went by and then her hand wandered over to mine.

My heart sped up – again – and I just hoped she wasn't watching me, because suddenly I was extremely self-conscious about everything.

How did my hair look like, lying on the mattress like that?

Was my make-up smeared at places?

What earrings had I put in this morning?

Did my boobs look flat from that angle?

Yep. You could call it slightly self-conscious. Or in deep distress, whichever works better for you.

All this happened in the blink of an eye and before I could even say 'pathetic' she had already linked her pinkie with mine.

* * *

So what's the verdict? Finally Santana seems to at least SORT OF accept that she might possibly be into her bestest friend Brittany. Well, duuuh! ;)

some Spanish:

**_No lo se! - _**_I don't know!  
_

**_Maldito! Eres un gordo y estupido gato! - _**_Damn it! Stupid, fat cat!  
_

_wow..I think that's actually all of it... and a biiiig shout-out and thanks to my two Spanish helpers: sm2287 and sheashoeaddict  
_

_Also many many thanks to all you readers and reviewers! you rock!  
_

_Please don't be mad at me for making you kinda bitchy, Patricia ;)  
_

_and BlueBiirdy: can't wait for your review, honey ;)  
_

_tell me what you think!  
_

_Thanks :*  
_


	18. Chapter 18

Wow, this one turned out to be pretty long! I hope you'll like it! Defs a lot of stuff happening here, so please read and enjoy!**  
**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

I took in a quiet, shaky breath and swallowed - in my opinion way too loudly – as I felt the tingles and the excitement shoot through my body.

_Oh, sweet shit! I'm really crushing on her, aren't I! _

_So not funny…_

Suddenly Brittany jerked upright and pulled me halfway with her by my pinkie.

A big smile was plastered on her face and I looked at her with wide, slightly suspicious eyes.

"What?" I asked tentatively.

"Turn around." She smirked, pushing at my shoulder to get me to do it.

When I only gave her another questioning look, she rolled her eyes. "Come on, just turn around. I promise I won't do anything super-weird."

I had my doubts but scooted more onto the bed anyway, drawing my right leg up while my left stayed dangling from the side as I turned my body to face away from her.

She wiggled closer until she was sitting in the same position, her right knee touching my lower back.

She cleared her throat and I turned my head halfway to look over my shoulder before she stopped me with a giggly, 'mh mh'- hum.

I raised my eyebrows and closed my eyes, waiting for whatever she was about to do.

I didn't feel or hear anything for a second before something poked me in the back sharp enough to startle me and make me flinch, but not enough to hurt me.

At the same time, Brittany leaned her head closer and whispered in my ear in a creepy high-pitched voice as she continued poking me.

"Seven knives in your back, -"

"What the hell are you doing?" I tried to look at her, but she quickly brought her hands to my jaw and guided my head back to look at the opposite wall.

"Don't! You'll ruin it!" she whined gently.

I couldn't hold back my smirk and chuckled silently. "Sorry. Continue." I recomposed myself, shaking my head, and tried to be as serious about this as she obviously wanted me to be.

"Okay." She said, before clearing her throat again. "Now hold still." I just nodded and let her start again.

For the second time I got poked in the back by her strong fingers and she whispered in that same voice,

"Seven knives in your back, spiders in your hair, -" at this she placed her hands above my hair and let her fingers crawl through it eerily, making me duck my head and pull up my shoulders.

"Blood's dribbling down, -" she rasped in a ghost-like voice and wiggled her fingers from the top of my head down over my neck and shoulders, to my back, imitating streams of blood. I shuddered and felt goose bumps erupt on my arms and neck.

She repeated the last line. "Bloooood's dribbling down, Bloohohoood's dribbling do-DRACULA'S HERE!"

I screamed and jumped as she grabbed my shoulders forcefully without warning and barked into my ear.

For once my heart actually had a good reason to hammer like it was a freakin' crazy drummer on ecstasy and I clutched both of my hands over it, gasping for air.

Brittany was laughing delightedly and smiled at me so big that my angry expression slipped away.

"Don't ever do that again!" I scolded her nevertheless, only half meaning it, and playfully swatted at her arm.

She cringed adorably and bit her lip in a sheepish way.

"Dork." I muttered as I lightly swayed and bumped into her, involuntarily noticing her sweet scent, making her beam brightly.

"Okay, now you do it to me!" she bounced lightly on the bed and shook her hands excitedly.

"Ugh, I don't even know what to do though." I objected feebly, but she wouldn't have it and three tries later I had it down.

She wanted me to do it over and over again, each time squealing delightedly and shivering as my hands ghosted over her skin.

And each time it got harder for me to ignore the urge to dip just a little bit lower and whisper just a little bit sexier and grab her shoulders just a little bit more suggestively.

"Sanny, 'Blood's dribbling down'!" her voice reminded me gently.

I had momentarily zoned out and stared at her exposed neck, completely forgetting what to do with my hands that were absentmindedly resting on her shoulders.

"Oh. Yeah, right." I cleared my throat and resumed where I had left off. When I was done she shuddered happily and then chanted, "Again, again, again!"

"No, Britt, I don't kn-"

"Pleeeeeease?" she pouted over her shoulder, eyes big and blue.

I groaned. "Okay, fine. _One _more time."

"Yay!" she cheered quietly as she turned her back to me again.

_Okay, Santana. Just one more time. Come on…here we go._

I got through half of the little game without further difficulties, but when I wiggled my fingers down like drops of flowing blood, Brittany shuddered violently and her bra-strap slid out from under her shirt and over her bare shoulder.

My eyes were glued to it at once and I couldn't bring myself to look away for a second too long. My motions had caused goose bumps to appear all over Brittany's body and now my eyes wandered up to that same spot on her neck again and before I could stop myself, I was leaning forward.

The instant my lips touched her warm skin I knew that I had made a mistake. That there was no turning back now.

Brittany's breath hitched and I reveled at the sound as I grazed my full lips from her neck to the pulse point behind her ear, making a shudder run down her spine.

A tiny sigh escaped her mouth and that was all it took to stir my hands into motion.

They gently stroked up Brittany's arms, fingernails dragging painfully slow, as I closed my eyes and placed a hot, open-mouthed kiss just below Brittany's left ear.

She shuddered again and this time her sigh was louder.

I felt my own body shake with adrenaline and excitement, my breathing getting erratic in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it, hot puffs of air escaped against her neck.

Her skin tasted sweet and addictive and when I sucked below her ear I couldn't hold back a longing moan.

"San…" Brittany rasped, her voice week and her breaths shallow and fast.

I pressed myself closer to her body, bringing my right leg up so I was kneeling behind her with her between my legs.

I could feel her back and sides heave up and down against me from her heavy breaths as I let my hands travel from her sides to her stomach, meeting in the middle above her belly button and slowly dipping lower.

I needed her so badly. It was like I couldn't breathe and with each second that went by my mind got more and more clouded, obscuring every conscious thought.

Leaving nothing but my desire to be near her, be close to her, in its wake.

Brittany's head tilted back onto my right shoulder as her back arched slightly, pushing her front into my touch, and when she whimpered breathily I shivered, my heart clenching painfully.

I drew in a sharp, high-pitched breath.

It was nothing like I remembered.

Touching her.

Nothing had changed. It was only her and me like always and still everything was different now.

It felt so _right_. Embracing her, kissing her. It felt like nothing could ever come between us again. Like she would be mine forever.

Just for a second though, and then the fear settled in and it made me crazy.

I was so scared that someone would come and try to take it away again. Take _her _away again. From me.

Brittany grunted out a breath of air and I noticed that I was holding on to her tight. Too tight.

My hands pressed against her lower abdomen, over the button of her jeans, my arms clenched against her sides, trying to contain her, to wrap all of her body into my embrace, and my breasts and stomach were pushing against her, forcing her into a slightly bowed position as I cradled her.

Only her head was still tilted backwards and my lips hadn't moved, latching onto her skin like they were my only connection to safety and if I let go, she would slip away.

"Uh S-san…" she moaned quietly, between shaky breaths, and I willed myself to loosen my grip.

I managed to unclench my arms around her, feeling her chest and ribs expand as she drew in a deep breath.

My own breathing was fast when I finally detached my mouth from her neck and I gasped for air as well. My head swirling white hot.

I didn't know what was happening to me. I had no control. My heart hammered so fast I was sure I should have passed out by now and everything was shaking. My hands, my breath, my will.

_What am I doing? This isn't fair to her. She…she…_

"B-britt, I… I –"

But the moment I drew back enough for her to move, she turned around on the bed and wrapped her arms underneath mine and around my back, clinging on to me like I had just clung on to her.

The force knocked me backwards and as I hit the mattress her lips crashed into mine.

We were both panting choppy breaths between desperate kisses and moving carelessly, blindly against each other.

_Feels so good!_

Brittany forced a loud moan from within me when she rolled into my centre passionately and I clenched my legs around her hips, drawing her closer.

She whimpered.

And then her hands were everywhere.

Entangled in my hair, caressing my cheeks, kneading and scratching down my sides, breasts, abs and thighs and I thought I had to be dying.

It had always felt good, making out with her, being touched by her, sleeping with her, but I was way past that point by now.

'Good' didn't even begin to describe what I was experiencing in those moments.

My whole world had been uprooted and turned around, and now I was falling.

I couldn't see where I was, I just felt the rush and the thrill and before I knew it, Brittany had taken off the black top she had lent me to sleep in.

She was gripping my waist forcefully, almost aggressively, as she returned her lips to mine with a desperate growl and pulled my body up into hers, my pulsing core almost meeting hers.

Her hot wet tongue pushed through my gaping mouth and explored with such vigor, it left me breathless.

My entire body was buzzing and I began to feel dizzy, but she didn't back away. She stroked and massaged my tongue inside my mouth until I reflexively reached up to her shoulders and pushed feverishly against her.

She relented and drew back, biting and stretching my lower lip as she did so.

My gasp was loud and painful and I felt my throat and chest burn from the rush of air that was sucked in.

But I had no time to let my brain an lungs fill with oxygen, because Brittany didn't lose a second before she found my pulse point and bit down hard, powerfully rolling her body into mine and clawing at my sides to have something to hold on to and draw friction from.

We moaned in unison and I felt a ripple go through me as she thrust into me again.

The force of her motions pushed me further down the bed and now my hair was falling over the edge, chasing another shot of adrenaline through my veins.

Brittany growled deeply and grazed her teeth down my neck and over my collar bone.

I was gone.

My eyes rolled back into my head and I arched my back, just needing to feel her _more_ but at the same time fearing this animalistic side of her with a strange, exhilarating sense of panic and arousal.

I was gripping at the sheets.

She was so strong, so demanding, and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

She would take me and I would let her, because I wanted nothing more than for her to show me that she needed me too. That she wanted me too.

Like I wanted her.

"P-please, Britt, I – I need –" I panted almost inaudibly, but miraculously she had heard me and trailed back up until she was hovering over me, her strong arms on each side of my head supporting her and her face above mine.

She looked wild. Messy hair, red hot cheeks and swollen lips that huffed out rapid breaths.

But her eyes…the second they locked with mine they turned gentle. Bright, shining blue and piercing, but so gentle it made me wanna cry.

They asked me what I needed and I knew that she would have given me anything in that moment.

I stared at her, paralyzed by shock and overwhelming, indefinable emotions.

_Oh god, oh god, oh god! What am I doing? What should I say to her? I – wh-what just happened? _

"I… I -" I felt panic rise inside my chest and suddenly everything was wrong.

Her body pressing against mine was wrong. My heart, aching and thumping in my ears, was wrong. My desire to tell her something I really shouldn't was so so wrong.

"What?" she asked, her breathing slowly calming down to deep, loud breaths.

She searched my eyes desperately and I felt myself starting to shake underneath her.

She noticed it too. Her brows furrowed and she looked down, eyeing me carefully.

"Wh- Santana? What's wrong?" her voice was shocked and confused and I hated myself.

Why did I always have to screw everything up? She shouldn't be feeling scared right now.

If I had never let it get this far, let our lines get blurred and unrecognizable at times, we would have never slept together in the first place.

Then I would have never felt this tug inside my stomach, this pull inside my chest.

Then I would have never reached out for her whenever I felt bad, using her as safety net and confusing her with my outbursts.

Then I would have never had the chance to mess up and crush on her, leaving our friendship destined to be destroyed.

I needed her now. And I knew she needed me. She had always needed me. But not in that way.

It was all my fault and I had to get out.

"Santana! What is it?" she hushed, leaning down on her elbow to leave enough room for her other hand to delicately brush away the wild strands of hair that were sprawled across my forehead and eyes.

"Tell me." She urged in a whisper, her expression desperate and pleading.

I swallowed - making me wince slightly because my throat was so dry - and did the only thing I was good at.

I diverted.

"Y-your parents." I got out.

She jerked her head back the tiniest bit and just stared at me, brows furrowing even deeper.

"Wh-what?" her voice was high and unstable and I saw how – slowly - the recognition trickled through.

_I'm sorry!_

For a second, hurt and disbelieve manifested themselves before my eyes, and for once I wasn't too blind and resistant to know what she knew. What we both knew.

I was lying to her, using a pathetic excuse and running away.

But she didn't understand! She didn't understand that I was doing it for _her_.

I couldn't lead her on anymore. Not now, that I knew what I was really feeling. Not now that it wasn't just sex anymore for me. I was crushing on her.

I had moved on from that 'friends with benefits' – sort of place we had always been on together.

I had moved on and she was still there.

She didn't understand and I couldn't tell her. It would end our friendship and I couldn't let that happen.

I quickly turned my head away, pushing at her shoulders to let me sit up.

She didn't resist this time, only drawing back until she sat against the headboard.

I sat up and shot a glance at her.

She looked so small.

Her shoulders were slumped and her hands rested uselessly in her lap and she just watched me as I stiffly got up, picked up my shirt, pulled it over my head and then smoothed it down over my belly and hips.

The whole time my eyes darted from hers to anywhere else in the room that _wasn't_ her, and I clenched my jaw, fighting the same tears that I saw shimmering in her eyes.

When I was fully dressed again I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room for a second, looking at my hands for something to do before I was brave enough to really meet her eyes again.

Two blue, glistening orbs were still staring at me and my heart tore apart over and over and over.

"Brittany…" I whispered and my voice broke as a tear rolled down her cheek.

She didn't wipe it away.

I stood immobile for another moment – frozen by confusion, fear, cowardice and god only knows what else - before my legs quickly carried me over to the bed and I sank onto it, pulling her forward and into me.

She sobbed soundlessly as I held her and I wasn't even sure anymore what I was apologizing for when I chanted 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.' into her ear.

Silent tears streamed down my face as I tried to understand what had gone wrong. How did we end up in this mess?

I couldn't figure it out. All I knew was that it hurt.

And that _I_ was hurting _her_ and I didn't know how to stop.

So I guess _that _was what was so wrong and that was what I was sorry for.

Because hurting her would never be right.

* * *

"Are you asleep?" I asked in a low voice.

Brittany and I were still on her bed.

The hug had eventually turned into a cuddle and then I had crawled over to sit next to her with Brittany tugged safely to my side.

And that was how we were still positioned now, with my back resting against the headboard and her head against my chest as I lazily stroked through her hair.

Her head moved against me in a shaking motion before the tiny 'No' slipped from her lips.

I nodded to myself and we fell quiet for another few minutes.

Then she stirred against me and I stopped my hand in her hair, letting it fall to the mattress as she turned her body slightly to look up at me.

I was relieved that her eyes didn't look puffy or red. You could hardly tell she had cried at all.

"I'm a little hungry though." She confessed quietly and a small smile tugged at her mouth.

I smiled back and nodded again. "Me too." I admitted and right on cue my stomach growled.

Brittany laughed softly, her voice a little hoarse, and sat up a little more, scooting back against the headboard herself.

We both rested our heads against the wood, facing each other, and studied the familiar face before us in silence before my stomach growled again.

I rolled my eyes, clutching my hands over it to stop it from making another sound, and Brittany chuckled, shaking her head before pushing away from the board.

"Come on. I hear Lord Tubbington coming down the hall." She directed and held her hand out to me once she was standing in front of the bed.

_Huh?_

I raised an eyebrow confusedly as I let her help me off the bed.

"He's better than any weather-lady when it comes to food. He knows when it's about to be ready even before_ I_ can smell it. And I have a pretty good sense of smell." She explained with a serious face.

I laughed and she beamed at me.

"Well, come on then, miss super-human-smell!" I teased, walking past her.

"I'm starving."

She grinned and followed me out of the room.

I was glad I had spent so many times eating here that the Pierce's didn't even blink anymore when I sat down at the table where a fifth place had already been set for me.

Emily and Mr. Pierce were in the middle of a concentrated discussion about the amount of cheese that was appropriate to put on the pasta and I saw Mrs. Pierce grin and shake her head at Brittany in a conspiratorial kind of way.

Brittany grinned back and snatched the cheese bowl from the middle of the table, unnoticed by her father or sister.

She sprinkled some of it on her own plate before doing the same to mine and I smiled in thanks.

"So, Santana, Brittany tells me you and Quinn have reconciled." Anna Pierce addressed me as she sat down after serving herself last.

I lowered the fork in front of my mouth and shot Brittany a quick look before looking to Mrs. Pierce.

"Um, yeah." I said lamely, not sure what Brittany had told her mum.

"I'm glad. You girls always had such a strong bond. What happened there anyway?" she asked, before taking the first bite.

Emily and her dad had apparently managed to agree after all and the little Pierce's fingers distracted me for a moment as she wiggled them for me to pass her the cheese bowl.

I handed it to her and then concentrated back on Mrs. Pierce.

"To be honest I'm not even really sure what we were fighting about. Just stupid high school stuff I guess. Whatever." I answered half truthful and took a bite myself.

Mrs. Pierce nodded and smiled at her husband in a motherly, 'proud' kind of way.

"Well, I'm happy you cleared it up. I think you girl would have regretted it if you didn't spend your last year of high school together as friends.

I agreed with a hum and then the conversation got directed away from me as Mr. Pierce asked Brittany's mum something about the schedule of the garbage disposal this week, which lead to another discussion.

This time revolving around the appropriateness of 'garbage' – talk at the dinner table. Emily seemed to enjoy that topic quite a lot and contributed by throwing in all the synonyms for garbage she could think of – and she knew astoundingly many for a ten year old.

Brittany and I ate our pasta with tomato sauce in silence and only shot each quick glances and smirks, sharing a mutual amusement at Emily's creativity and Mr. Pierces lack of interest in the matter, while Anna kept shaking her head at her husband and youngest daughter.

Her smile told us that she wasn't really upset though and the mood stayed light and friendly.

After desert Brittany and I helped Mrs. Pierce clear the table and Emily had to finish her homework before she would have to get ready for bed.

"Thanks girls, I'll do the rest." Anna waved us off when I made to start putting the cutlery into the dish washer.

We smiled at her and then went back up to Brittany's room. When we came in I checked the time on the alarm clock.

It was just after seven.

I turned around to face Brittany.

"Well…" I drawled out, rubbing my neck with my left hand, "I guess I'll head back home."

Brittany bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah, your parents will probably wonder where you are." She said, and I raised my eyebrows, almost smirking.

_Yeah right. I don't even remember the last time they were home before nine._

I knew Brittany knew that, but I guess she was feeling as awkward as me and hadn't been able to come up with anything else to respond.

"Rrright." I plopped my lips a few times, making a slight 'popping' noise and turned, looking for anything of mine that might lie around the room.

I spotted my purse on Brittany's desk and my black dress from last night that was still draped over her desk chair.

I looked down on myself and noticed that I was still wearing the black top and grey sweat pants she had given me last night.

"You can borrow them." She said, correctly interpreting my look.

"Thanks." I replied quietly as I walked over and got my stuff.

She was still standing next to the door when I got to her and then it was awkward and quiet again.

We just stood there, neither of us knowing what to say, until Brittany snapped out of it and stepped forward, hugging me gently.

I returned the hug as good as I could with the dress and purse in my hands and immediately felt a little bit better.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Brittany asked when she pulled away.

I smiled at her. "Sure. As long as I don't have to hold Lord Tubbington while you try to put the Elvis Costume on him." I smirked.

Brittany pouted. "Aaaaw! But, Sanny! Don't you think he would look so awesome in that? Just like Stitch!" she smiled enthusiastically.

I just rolled my eyes at her and lightly tapped her on the forehead.

"Forget it. It's me or him." I offered the ultimatum, taking two steps backwards towards the door.

"Fiiine." She sighed exasperatedly, but I saw the hidden smirk play on her lips.

"Good, see you tomorrow then." I waved my purse and shot her a quick wink before turning around and walking out of the room and down the stairs.

"_BYYYE!"_ I heard Emily and Brittany yell at the same time as I opened the front door, and chuckled all the way to the car.

* * *

I had noticed that I had completely forgotten about Quinn's suggestion to go get lunch at BreadStix on Sunday, so when I got home I was just about to text her and ask her when we should meet, but the minute the door fell shut I heard my mum's voice from the living room.

"Santana? Could you come in here for a second?"

I stopped on my way to the stairs and turned to the left. _Oh god, what now?_

I put my phone away and shuffled into the kitchen, which led to the living room.

When I got to the kitchen counter I noticed that my dad was home too, which was unusual as he normally didn't come home before ten on Saturdays and it was only around eight.

Since our kitchen and our living room were two big rooms without a door in between them I could see him leaning against the fire place with a glass of cognac or something in his hand from where I was standing. _What the hell? _

"Is this some kind of family meeting or something?" I asked with a slight snarl. We hadn't sat and talked together in years. Not since my dad got promoted to chief of surgery when I was twelve.

I got how his job was important and stuff, but it would have been nice to at least have him home for dinner every once in a while. Ah well, it was no big deal now. I had gotten used to it and so had my mum. She had gone back to work that same year, saying that I didn't need someone at home with me all the time anymore and that she missed the routine of going to work in the morning.

Being twelve and feeling smothered by everything and everyone – well my parents anyway -, I had been psyched and told her that that was a great idea and that I could totally take care of myself and that I didn't mind if she wanted to work some weekends too.

After a few months, having the house to myself hadn't been so special anymore and after a year I had started to really miss having dinner with both of them together.

But like I said…I had gotten used to it and now I was mainly wondering what might have happened to make them both come home early and want to talk to me.

My dad just gave me a small smile while my mum looked at me disapprovingly from the couch. But a second later she shook her head as if to re-concentrate on something and I thought I saw her sigh.

"Just sit down, Santana. Your father and I want to talk to you about something."

I was beyond confused at this point and frankly a little worried I had done something.

_Oh crab! They totally found my flask! Shit…I should have stored it over at Brittany's! She has way better hiding places. I _would_ have too…if she hadn't been so damn worried Lord T might find it and drink again. I swear sometimes even_ I_ don't get when she's kidding and when not. I mean…he _did _look a little weird that one time and we never found those cigars again I swiped from my dad's study..._

Feeling a little nervous I went over and sat on the left side of the corner couch, so I was facing the both of them.

"Santana," my mother started, and I could see that she was choosing her words carefully.

"…we wanted to talk to you about some of the things that have been going on lately." She said and looked at me with a mixture of a warm smile and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. Was it concern? Or sadness maybe?

I looked between her and my dad and picked at my nails nervously.

"Okay?"

"Mija, your mother and I have noticed some changes in your behavior lately." My dad said and I thought he was smiling but it could have been the light. It was getting dark outside.

I frowned at him confused. _What changes? What the hell are they talking about?_

"Wha-" I started, but my mother put her hand up to signal me I should just listen.

"Honey, you've been very distant with us lately. We feel like we don't even know what's going on in your life anymore." She said, and I could hear a hint of accusation and worry in her voice, while her eyes searched my face before darting over to my dad who was…yeah…definitely smirking now.

_Weird_.

But I was too taken aback to wonder about that right now.

_Are they freakin' serious? _

"_I _have been distant? You're never home, how am _I_ the distant one?" I blurted out and immediately regretted my accusing tone. I had never mentioned having a problem with that to them before and really didn't feel like getting into that right now.

My mum took in a small breath and looked at her folded hands on her lap. I was a little surprised she didn't tell me off for speaking in that tone with them. My dad just nodded slightly at his shoes and twirled the big bellied glass in his hand.

For a second nobody spoke but then my mum looked up at me and asked, "I know we haven't been home much, Mija. But we're still a family. Is there maybe something you want to tell us?"

When she said that, she cocked her head to the side questioningly and I felt my palms start to sweat.

_What is she talking about? Why doesn't she seem mad? And why the hell is my dad smiling like that? It's creeping me out! What could they know? It's not the flask… she would have been way more pissed at me, right? Not to mention my dad. But what is it then? Are they talking about Brittany? I didn't even think they knew she was over here so much…well actually I'm more often at hers, but again, how could they know that? I mean they're never here for Christ's sake! How could they know _anything_? _

I looked over at my dad and he was still smirking at me.

"I – what? I don't know. What do you mean?" I asked carefully, eyeing my dad.

He took a step forward and grinned at me as he sat down next to my mother.

"We know you're not seeing Dr. Lieberman anymore." He said as he leaned forward to put his glass on the coffee table.

_Fuck!_

I took in a sharp breath and bit my lip.

_Oh shit shit shit! _

I couldn't think of anything that would make them less mad at me…but then again, they didn't even seem that angry. I was so fucking confused.

"Oh. I – I'm – he said-" I rambled, but stopped instantly when I heard my dad's giggles.

"Hector!" my mum hissed in his direction. "This is a serious matter."

"I'm sorry honey, but does she really seem depressed to you?" he defended himself, half chuckling half annoyed. "I mean, angry and sarcastic, maybe"

"Excuse me?" I was completely confused and slightly pissed off right now.

My dad just winked at me and continued. "unable to kick her nacho-addiction, definitely," he joked.

I protested. _ I totally don't eat those anymore! Well, okay…sometimes. But Brittany always buys them for our movie nights! I'm totally innocent! _

", but depressed?"

I screwed up my face. "What? I'm not depressed!" I said quickly.

My mum turned back to me and gave me an understanding smile.

"Not depressed, honey. Just a little overwhelmed maybe?" She tried to get me to agree.

I didn't know whether I should be mad at them or laugh out loud since this was just ridiculous. I settled on huffing disbelievingly,

"Mum, I'm not overwhelmed or depressed or anything! I told you! It was just a freakin' accident! I didn't cut my wrist on purpose!" I grunted annoyed.

"See? She's fine." My dad said, patting my mum on the knee but she waved him away and concentrated on me again.

"Yes, I know what you told us, but why did you pretend to go to the psychiatrist then? If you didn't have any problems you could have just told us!"

"I did! I told you it was just an acc-"

"An accident, I know. But if that were true, why didn't Dr. Lieberman tell us that?" my mother interrupted and now she was starting to sound angry.

I shrugged and avoided their eyes.

"I don't know. It just pissed me off that you didn't believe me in the first place so when he said that he thought I was fine I told him I could tell you. He didn't mind. I think he was afraid for his reputation or something. I just…I don't know." I mumbled, still not looking up from the coffee table.

"Santana, didn't you think we would ask him about you? To check in on how you're doing? I have to say I don't understand what your plan was." my dad said, and I was glad he didn't sound mad now too.

I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders again. I hadn't really had a plan. Basically I just wanted to do something to prove to myself that I was right. That my parents really didn't pay attention at all. So much so that they wouldn't even notice they were paying that guy for nothing.

"I don't know. I guess I just didn't think you'd care either way. Maybe I just wanted to see how long it would take you to notice I wasn't even going anymore." I said quietly and felt that familiar lump, that I always got right before I started bawling when I was drunk, reappear in my throat.

_Ugh! No, come on! I don't wanna cry. This sucks! How did they even find out?_

"Oh, honey, but of course we care!" my mum chimed in and when I met her eyes she looked a little hurt but also relieved. I think she finally believed me that it had been an accident and that I hadn't tried to hurt myself.

"Dios mio! Such nonsense!" she said harshly and looked at my dad to back her up.

"Yeah, sweety. Of course we care about you. Just because we aren't home that much and because we don't talk a lot lately doesn't mean we stopped wanting to know what's going on with you."

He had finally stopped smiling. They were both studying my face and they really looked like they meant it.

_Now_ I was _really_ feeling overwhelmed. Here they were, sitting across from me, together, and telling me that they _did_ care and that I was stupid for thinking otherwise.

And I felt a little stupid too. Of course they loved me, they were my parents after all, but I hadn't just been dramatic, had I? I mean they hadn't noticed _so many_ things. That wasn't normal for parents, was it?

_No, it's not. Berry always brags about how much her dads are there for her and support her and stuff and Kurt always whines about how his dad wants to have father-son Friday-night-dinners, especially since he got together with Finn's mum and Brittany almost always has family dinners and movie nights and the weekend before last they even went to the zoo with her little sister. It's not in my head…they don't even ask me how I'm doing anymore._

I was having so many feelings at once. Shame, happiness, relief, but most of all I felt angry.

And every time I got really angry in emotional situations like these I had to cry. Normally I was able to hold back the tears until I was home alone in my room or otherwise on my own, like in the school bathrooms or something, but it didn't look like I could just up and leave right now, so I couldn't hold back any longer.

My eyes started to water and when I looked back up at my parents their faces were distorted by my tears.

"Well, it doesn't _feel_ like you care. You're never home and when you are you're too tired to even ask me how I am." I threw at them and sniffed.

I saw my dad get up and walk over to sit beside me. He put his arm on my back and I tensed up and didn't manage not to shrug it off. I didn't want to push them away when they were finally coming towards me by themselves, but my body still wanted to put its walls up.

Fortunately my dad didn't seem to be offended by that. He just put his hand between us on the couch and I saw him look to my mum from the corner of my eyes.

"Santana, your father and I love you very much, but we both have important jobs that require a lot of time and energy. So, when we get home we're exhausted and most of the time you're not even here." My mum said gently.

_I didn't think they knew I was out! Why haven't they ever said anything? I just thought they assumed I was sleeping._

My dad nodded and added, "Yeah. And we also didn't think you were having such a hard time with us being gone. You never said anything."

I snorted angrily and shook my head. This was exactly what I had been afraid of. Just because I had tried to support them and not said anything, now they could hold it against me and blame me for them not being there.

"So now it's my fault? Just because I didn't tell you that it sucks that we haven't had a family dinner in forever, now you can just blame it on me? Didn't you ever think that maybe it would have been nice to watch a movie together or go to _one_ of my cheerleading performances? Or even Glee club? It's not _my_ responsibility to remind you what a family is supposed to look like!" I replied heatedly and stood up.

"No, of course not! Nobody said it was your fault, Santana." My dad got up too and stood next to me.

I looked at him and felt so frustrated. The tears were still streaming down my face and this was all so wrong. I felt cornered and hurt and betrayed and all of that confused me, because I could tell that they really just wanted to fix it and they didn't mean to attack me at all. So why was I feeling like they were trying to blame it all on me?

_Ugh! I don't wanna talk anymore. I want this talk behind me and everything solved!_

My mum had gotten up and walked around the table to me as well. She and my dad were gently pushing me down on the couch between them and I noticed that I was too exhausted to protest.

I was still crying and now my mum was stroking my hair soothingly and my dad had put his hand on my back again and started to rub calming circles. It felt so comforting and good and I just sat there and cried until I was too tired to cry anymore.

"We're so sorry for neglecting you so much the past few years. We've failed to pay attention and didn't notice how much it was hurting you." My mum apologized quietly.

I just nodded and leaned my head on her shoulder. I felt like a kid again. With my parents on each side, calming me after I had gotten really upset about something.

"I can't promise I will be home more often since my job hasn't changed and people are still idiots who hurt themselves constantly," my dad began and I had to chuckle. "but how about I promise to set aside some father-daughter time to talk when I get home in the evenings or at the weekend?" he smiled at me warmly and squeezed my arm.

I smiled back and nodded again.

"But you don't have to interrogate me about my day or anything!" I said hastily, a little alarmed. My parents chuckled and my dad shook his head.

"You're doomed if you do, and you're doomed if you don't." I frowned at his joke, but was relieved that the hard part of the conversation seemed to be over. And for the first time in years I felt close to my parents again. Just like I used to.

My mum shook her head at us and sighed.

"I think we should all try and see to it that we are more involved in each other's lives again. And I think dinner would be a good start. I know it's a little late, but what do you say?" She smiled at my dad and me and got up to go to the kitchen.

Dad nodded, saying he could eat a whole bear and I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had already eaten at Brittany's house.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" she stopped in her tracks and turned around again.

"Santana, you're grounded."

"What?! Why?" I asked shocked, whirling around on the couch to look at her.

My mum raised an eyebrow at me and said in a stern tone, "Surely, you didn't think you'd get away with lying to us. If your father hadn't called Dr. Lieberman to ask about your progress we would still be paying him! He didn't even know he still received checks from us. The poor guy was very flustered."

"Yeah, right." I mumbled under my breath. "He's probably just mad that now he can't afford his new swimming pool or yacht or something."

"Santana! That's enough. We all agree that this talk was very important, but we still have rules in this house. And not lying to each other is one of them. What you did was very rude and irresponsible and as punishment you are grounded for a month."

"A month?! But mum!" I jumped up from the couch and looked to my dad for support. "Dad, come on."

He got up and reached for his glass. "No, Santana. Your mother and I have discussed this and one month seems appropriate to me."

I groaned and pouted at my mum, but she just shook her head. "I don't want to hear it, Santana. One month, mija. No visitors and no parties. Basta." And with that she turned around and went into the kitchen.

I frowned and my dad leaned in, whispering, "You should thank me. If it were up to your mother it would have been two months and no allowance either." He grinned at me and pecked me on the cheek before saying that he's going into his study to read a little before dinner.

I looked after him as he left the living room.

I really missed him. I'd almost forgotten what it was like having him around. The way he always joked and subtly sided with me and winked at me like everything was a secret just between the two of us.

As a kid I used to love that, when I got a little older I thought it was corny and embarrassing – I think around that time I started rolling my eyes at everything - , but now it felt like I had found a long lost favorite toy. It made me feel at home.

I let out a heavy sigh and dragged myself up into my room.

_What a day!_

* * *

(8:43pm)

_Oh my god, Britt! u'll never guess what happened 2night! My parents were both home and totally busted me on the whole shrink thing! – _San

(8:45pm)

_Oh no! What happened? Were they really mad? How did they find out? R u okay? – _Britt-Britt

(8:48pm)

_Well apparently my dad called the doc to check in on me? Weird right? Anyway so they found out but my dad was just like grinning all the time and my mum was more worried or something that I had problems. But I think she believes me now about that whole wrist thing. – _San

(8:49pm)

_That's not weird. They love u. ur dad is cool __ that's good that ur mum believes u now. So they weren't mad at all? – _Britt-Britt

(8:52pm)

_Yeah I guess. My mum was a little mad at the end…I got grounded __ for a MONTH! __ totally overreacted if u ask me ;) _– San

(8:52pm)

_That sux! Now i don't get 2 c u! :'( but u still go 2 school right? –_Britt-Britt

(8:53pm)

_Haha. Yes I still go 2 school, britt. But yeah…it sucks! –_San

(8:54pm)

_if u tell them ur helping me study? Maybe they'd let u come over? – _Britt-Britt

(8:56pm)

_I don't think so, but I'll ask… sorry__ -_ San

(8:56pm)

_It's okay…at least I'll still c u at school and at glee and at cheerios __ yay! –_Britt-Britt

(8:57pm)

_Yeah __ yay! – _San

(8:58pm)

_Okay cool. C u 2morrow? –_ Britt-Britt

(8:58pm)

_2morrows is Sunday, b. no school… _-San

(8:59pm)

_Oh…right __ okay...call u 2morrow and c u Monday! :* - _Britt-Britt

(8:59pm)

_okay. Tty 2morrow. – _San

* * *

(9:14pm)

_B? –_ San

(9:14pm)

_Yes? –_ Britt-Britt

(9:16pm)

_I 'm sorry about 2day… -_ San

(9:18pm)

_I know. Me 2 –_Britt-Britt

(9:19pm)

_Hey, B?_

(9:20pm)

_Yes?_

(9:22pm)

_I told them i don't like that they don't care… -_ San

(9:23pm)

_! but they do care, san! They love u! what did they say? –_Britt-Britt

(9:25pm)

_Well, they said that 2…but I don't know. I mean they're still never here… -_San

(9:26pm)

…_that doesn't mean they don't care tho. That just means that they have important jobs and that they try 2 handle everything at once but can't –_ Britt-Britt

(9:28pm)

_Ugh whatever… my dad wants 2 talk more and my mum's cooking dinner. Weird –_San

(9:28pm)

_hey, that's cool! Rn't u happy? –_Britt-Britt

(9:29pm)

_Don't know yet… besides…still grounded, happy would be inappropriate ;D –_San

(9:30pm)

_:D happy is never inappropriate :* -_Britt-Britt

(9:34pm)

_:) hey, my mum says dinner's ready…didn't tell her I already ate at urs …gtg –_San

(9:35pm)

_okay :D I'll call u 2morrow! :* -_Britt-Britt

(9:35pm)

_Yep :* -_San

* * *

(11:14pm)

_Thanks, b __ -_San

(11:14pm)

_For what? –_Britt-Britt

(11:16pm)

_For being u ;) –_San

(11:17pm)

_:D wouldn't know who else to be ;) – _Britt-Britt

(11:18pm)

_good night –_San

(11:18pm)

_Good night :* love u –_Britt-Britt

(11:27pm)

_Love u 2 –_San

* * *

Okay, so what do you think? Good? Bad? completely uninteresting and u don't give a shit? ;D 

I think the tiny spanish used in this chapter is understandable. Basically just stuff like 'oh my god' and so on ;D

Please review and tell me what you think.

Next update hopefully next friday :*

Love you guuuuuuys! You're awesome!


	19. Chapter 19

Heya guys. So sorry for the late update. Just didn't get it finished til friday, last week was crazy busy. I'll try to update within a week, but I can't promise anything. **  
**

Hope you'll still enjoy this chapter :D R&R my friends :*

And listen to the songs! They make the chapter that much better :D

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**[ watch?v=jbWQNHy1v3U ]**

I was sitting in my room, on the floor in front of my bed, and kneading Brittany's koosh she had given me today at school.

She had said that she loved playing with it and that it made her happy and that she wanted me to have something to make me happy as long as she couldn't do it. Oh, and that its name was Karl.

I had stared at her and then the colorful koosh in her hand for about two seconds longer than would have been decently embarrassing – making it just down-right creepy – and then this fucking smile had appeared on my face again.

It was there all the time now when I was around her. In every class I had with her, during breaks and free periods, in Glee and even while Sue was torturing us.

I was even catching myself smiling dorky when I walked past her locker, saw a blonde ponytail on TV, or overheard someone talk about water or the ocean. _Yep, I know…what the hell, right? But I can't help it; my mind just instantly jumps to dolphins…_

But I only really realized how fucking ridiculous I was being, today, when my mum had made me do the dishes – _she really gets home earlier now, how lucky am I…_ - and told me to use the kitchen cleaner.

And instead of moaning and whining about it I had just felt this ginormous grin spread across my face, making my mum look at me in bewilderment.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?! It's a fucking _Kitchen Cleaner!_ Why am I smiling about that?_

But of course I knew exactly why that had made me smile. Because I was pathetic and embarrassing and totally crushing on Brittany who had told me that I was as smart as her mum's kitchen cleaner just a few weeks ago.

_I don't even know what that means for god's sake! This is insane!_

And to top it off I was now sitting in my room, kneading that freakin' koosh, and listening to songs that used to make me roll my eyes and wanna puke.

_I'm so screwed…_

I let out a whiny groan and slumped back against the foot of my bed, feeling sorry for myself and trying to balance the koosh on the bridge of my nose after tilting my head back onto the mattress. It didn't work, which made me even more depressed.

_This is so wrong. I'm Santana fucking Lopez! I don't get all mushy and smiley and UGH! _

I threw Karl across the room in frustration and he hit my CD-shelf and fell to the floor with a sad little 'flop'.

Rubbing my eyes and temples with the palms of my open hands, I sighed heavily and pushed away from the bed a bit so I was sitting slightly hunched over my crossed legs, head buried in my hands.

Just when the song changed I heard three soft knocks on my door.

**[ watch?v=QzFuL_RteXc ]**

_Knock knock knock_

"Santana, mi amor? Puedo entrar un segundo?"

„Sure, dad." I said, letting my hands fall away from my face as the door opened.

He was still in his coat so I guessed that he must have just come home from work. I looked over at my alarm clock on my nightstand. _7:47pm_.

_Impressive!_

"Your mother and I are about to go, but I wanted a quick word with you before we do." He said, taking two more steps into my room.

_Oh, that's right! They're going out for dinner tonight. That's another one of those weird things they decided to do now. I don't know, it's just so…normal. Hm. We'll see how long _that_ lasts…_

"Yeah?" I looked at him to go on.

"I heard you want to give Brittany some tutoring lessons?" he asked and walked over to my bed, where he sat down carefully, pulling his coat up a little so it wouldn't stretch.

The second I heard her name I felt excitement rush through my body and tingles dance in my stomach and I had to concentrate not to grin again.

"Yeah, I mean we'd just be studying. We got some tests coming up and she really needs the help. Plus, her parents know I'm grounded so they won't let us have any fun or anything anyway."

I quickly explained, hoping I could convince him to at least make this tiny exception to the 'no friends' rule of my punishment, so I could go over to Brittany's to study or whatever, like she had suggested on Saturday.

He smirked at my eagerness and nodded quickly, putting his hand up, to stop my rambling.

"Sure, sure. _Studying._" His smirk broadened as he drawled out the word sarcastically and for a second my heart stopped.

_Oh my god, why is he smirking? 'Sure sure'? What's _that _supposed to mean? Does he know something? OH MY GOD, DOES HE KNOW ABOUT MY CR-_

"I know that you girls won't be hitting the books none-stop if we let you go over there, but I understand that you miss your friend." He was smiling genuinely at me now.

I let out a tiny breath I hadn't noticed I had been holding.

_Right. Friend. He doesn't know anything. Brittany's just my friend as far as he knows. My _best_ friend. No benefits…_

"And your mother does too, so –"

"So?" I repeated hopeful, face lighting up, and sucked my lips into my mouth.

"So we've decided that you can tutor Brittany two days a week,"

The grin was back.

_Yay! Oh my god, Britt's such a genius! _Of course_ my parents wouldn't hold me back from helping a friend study! God, this is awesome! I can't wait to tell her!_

"_But!-"_ my dad said sternly, with raised eyebrows.

_Uh ooh…_

"…we told Brittany's parents to see to it that you don't spend your time watching movies or sneaking off to the mall." He gave me a warning look. "You're still being punished and even though your mother and I agreed to this, it doesn't mean you're off the hook. You're still grounded and this is simply an exception to help Brittany with her grades, understood?"

"Yessss!" I was still grinning. It was more than I had dared to hope for after my mum's suspicious face on Tuesday when I had first carefully asked her.

Dad smirked at my enthusiasm and shook his head lightly as he got up from my bed.

"No parties." he pointed a finger at me, turning around at the door.

"No parties." I repeated, nodding and rolling my eyes.

"And no other friends over at Brittany's while you're there. We're not agreeing to a study group, Santana."

"Dad! I know, I know. No parties, no friends, no life, no fun, no freedom, no air." I counted off sarcastically, putting on a serious face and trying not to give it away with a grin. I didn't quite pull it off, but my dad played along anyway.

"That's right." He looked extra fierce and like he was angry with me, furrowing his brows and pursing his lips, transforming them into a thin line. "And no food either! It's bread and water from now on, young lady!" he joked with a much better poker face than mine.

I chuckled.

_He's such a kid. I forgot that about him. Total kid-head. Like Brittany…okay and me too sometimes. What does Quinn like to call us? Oh yeah…'goofballs'. He's such a goofball._

"Got it, _Sir_." I grinned.

He dropped his game and grinned at me as well as he stepped out of the room.

"Good. Have a good night, cariño. And don't sleep too late, you've got one more day of school tomorrow before you can relax on a - for once - very quiet weekend."

His smirk was the tiniest bit taunting, but I got over it and just sighed, making him chuckle as he closed the door quietly.

I would have called or texted Brittany right away to let her know, but I knew that she was helping her dad build a tree house for Emily in the garden. They had been working on it for the last three days and had never finished before nine, so I knew I had to wait a bit before I would be able to reach her.

When I heard the front door shut a few minutes later I stood up stiffly and walked over to my desk. Well, actually I more _wobbled. _Because one of my legs had fallen asleep and was tingling like hell.

I touched the little pad on my laptop and the screen lit up again. During the little talk with my dad the music had played out and I double clicked the first song of the playlist again, this time hitting repeat for all twenty-three songs.

_That should last me for the next couple of hours..._

I returned to my previous spot in front of my bed after picking up Karl, and scooted down a little so that my head, which was hooked onto the mattress by my neck, was basically the only thing keeping me from sliding down.

It left me in a not too uncomfortable, semi-lying position and I started throwing Karl the koosh up into the air and catching him again, letting myself bathe in the sad songs and a mix between self-pity and hopeful dreaminess.

**[ watch?v=CMiVeK5zGz8 ]**

_Track 1_

_Artist: Edwin McClain, Title: I'll be _

_Playlist: Crushing on a unicorn_

* * *

"I hate Fridays!"

"I thought you hate Thursdays."

"Yeah, S. You told me Thursdays are cursed and when I pointed out black Friday you gave me a thirty minute lecture about how it – like all bad things – had actually happened on a Thirsday and that I should check my hormone levels to see if I was carrying another lizard baby because I was having the 'pregnancy brain' again."

_Okay, that one was bad. Maybe I should apologize in retrospect..._

"Whatever."

_Not quite…ah well._

"Didn't she once write an 'anti-ode' to Mondays? I personally found it to lack debth and any sign of harmonic challenges whatsoever, not even mentioning the complete disaster she called the melodious line structu-"

"Um, excuse me! Munchkins who write sucky songs about Headbands don't get to have an opinion on my songwriting skills. Who invited you anyway."

"We need an invitation for Geography class? I don't have one, San!"

"No, B. I meant into the conversation. Who invited her into the conversation."

"QUIET!"

I hopped off Brittany's desk and sat down next to her as Mr. Rontee rushed to his place at the fornt of the class room, mumbling to himself and grumpy as ever.

Quinn and Rachel settled down as well, taking the places behind us and of course they both immediately rummaged in their bags to get out their pens and note books.

I rolled my eyes. _Nerds! They're totally the same. They should just get together already or something!_

My eyes widened. _Oh my god! Why am I thinking so gay?! Brittany's totally screwing with my mind..._

I heard quiet giggling and looked over to where it came from.

Two girls near the door were covering their mouths to stifle their laughter as Puck and Sam snuck into the class room - of course over acting - raising their knees almost up to their chins with every step while they crouched down and held their index fingers to their mouths.

Our sixty-something year-old geography teacher didn't notice their late entry as he cleaned 'Andrew sux dick' from the blackboard and I rolled my eyes when the boys winked at Quinn, Brittany and me.

Sam held out his hand to me for a high five as he scooted into his desk across the isle from mine, but I just shook my head at him, grinning, and ignored it.

"Hey, Sanny?" I looked over at Brittany. "Hm?"

"I still don't get it." Brittany leaned over and whispered with a confused frown. "Why do you hate Fridays?"

I couldn't help it. I loved her.

IT! I loved _it_.

I loved that she wanted to know so badly _why _I said, did or feel stuff. It was just a little thing and most people wouldn't even have bothered to ask or maybe not even have noticed, but to Brittany it was a puzzling riddle she wanted to figgure out. Because she wanted to figgure _me _out. Wanted to know me.

My heart jumped at that thought and I smiled.

_No, don't do that, Santana! That's just how she is. She doesn't want anything more than friendship from you! And you don't either! It's just a crush...it'll pass..._

"San?"

"What? Oh! Um, well, Fridays totally suck now cause you guys can all go out and hang out and party and shit and I'm stuck at home alone." I frowned and pouted.

Brittany mimicked my expression, only a little more sympathetic instead of annoyed, and wobbled her head from one side to the other.

I watched her curiously and then my pout turned into a smile.

_She's unbelievable! Like, so random! But in like the best way ever._

Brittany's on the other hand turned into a confused expression.

"Why are you smiling? Are you thinking of unicorns or cats or something?"

I grinned.

_Pretty close…_

"Yeah…_or something._" I said, and chuckled happily, until something crashed down onto my desk unbelievingly loud and made both of us jump and scream. I whirled around.

Mr. Rontee was towering above me, the big black board ruler in his hand, and looking pissed off.

"Jesus!" I wheezed, eyes wide and my hands still clutched over my racing heart.

"Trying to give us a heart attack, Mr. B- uuuh - Rontee?" I asked.

The class sniggered at my 'almost mis-hap'. Mister Rontee's nickname amongst the students was 'Brontee', or more precisely, 'Brontee'-saurus. _You know…because he's ancient?!_

The history teacher hadn't found my smart remark very entertaining though, and I noticed his nostrils were flaring dangerously.

"Miss Lopez!" he snarled in a warning tone. "Be very careful, or one might think you'd do good with a few more hours of education after closing time."

Mr. Rontee raised his eyebrows and looked at me over the rim of his grandpa glasses.

I didn't say anything and just nodded.

Partly, because I knew he wasn't one to joke about that kinda stuff, but mostly, because I was trying very hard not to laugh as I saw that someone had taped a piece of paper saying 'kick me' onto his jacket, when he turned around to walk back to the front of the class.

"Niiice!" Puck hollered in a whisper, standing up and leaning over his desk to fist bump Eric who was sitting diagonally in front of him.

Apparently he had been the one to stick the note to Mr. Rontee's back while he had scolded me.

By now the whole class was laughing more or less quietly, but it looked like Mr. Rontee was either oblivious or just too tired to care as he merely picked up a chalk and started drawing some recipitation diagrams and names of cities onto the black board, telling us to prepare ourselves to assign each diagram to the right city.

I rolled my eyes as Eric stood up, grinning like a moron, and gave little bows all around, pretending to be waving off numerous compliments of fans and shaking people's hands.

Puck and some other jock - who must have been insignificent since I didn't know his name - stretched out their arms in front of themselves and bowed like they were meeting the Queen or praying to Allah or something.

"My, aren't they mature?" Quinn scoffed from behind me. I smirked and shot her an agreeing look.

* * *

"Mr. Schue, don't you think that's a little unfair?" Tina asked, and you could see she was quite angry in her own, quiet way. "I mean, the girls clearly won the Beatles-off, why do the boys get a whole number to themselves at Regionals and we don't?"

"Yeah, that's a total double-standard!" Quinn threw in, her jaw set and her arms crossed. I knew she was pretty pissed off at the Timberlake Wannabe's sexist and biased behavior and I couldn't say I blamed her. This was getting ridiculous.

"Just admit it, Mr. Schue, you don't even care about us. You just wanna see the boys in the spot light, because you still feel like one of them and you need to relive your fifteen minutes of fame vicariously through them to satisfy your creepy stage-fetish. It's pathetic." I scoffed, earning me a frown from Rachel and big eyes from Finn, who were sitting in front of us again.

"Santana!" Mr. Schuester looked like I had kicked his favorite puppy and now he was about to either tell on me to his mummy or throw stones at my cat as revenge.

I didn't let his glare intimidate me however. I had only said the truth. I mean, if even _Tina_ spoke up, he had to see that he was in the wrong here.

"What?! She's right." Quinn backed me up. "That's what you always do. Select your favorites and us others can sway in the background."

He was about to give - what looked like it would have been a very 'understanding but firm' - reply, when Rachel interrupted him, whirling around to scowl at Quinn and me.

"Now, I think that Mr. schuester is very well capable of staying subjective and fair. He's merely trying to do what's best for this entire club, and that is to play by our strengths. Meaning our strongest voices and dancers. We appreciate each and every-"

"Ugh, can it, RuPaul!" I hissed. "I don't wanna hear how much you love youself. It's disgusting and I think you're about one smack on the head away from marrying yourself like Coach."

Rachel didn't even look offended by that…more…like she was deep in thought.

_En serio?! How can anybody be so full of themselves? _

I stared at her incredulously and when she noticed, she raised her eyebrows defensively and flicked her hair over her shoulder as she turned back around to face the front.

"My voice is just as good as yours, and so is Santana's." Mercedes threw at Rachel. "And Mike isn't the only one who can dance, Brittany's moves are fierce." She added, with a diva glare I actually couldn't have done better myself.

"Yeah. Brittz is like the best dancer we've got!" I agreed, and looked over at Brittany who was smiling big at the compliments she was receiving. When she met my eyes I gave her a little wink and she giggled, before she settled on a toothy grin.

It felt like a boost of energy and confidence to me.

"And plus, us girls don't have to worry about Frankenteen screwing up the whole routine and putting someone in the hospital…_again."_

Finn turned in his seat and frowned at me, as did Rachel.

"Uncalled for, Santana!" Mr. Schuester chided.

I just rolled my eyes. "What? It's true!"

Rachel scoffed and shook her head, adressing Mr. Schuester, "Please, let's not waste time humoring Santana with any kind of reaction to her hateful outbursts whatsoever. We all know she can dish it out but she can't take it." She spat viciously, glaring at me, before she haughtily lifted her chin and sat with her back to me once again.

_Oh, no, she di'in't!_

"Excuse me?!" I shouted, jumping up from my chair. Who did she think she was?

I pointed my finger at her face, ready to pounce at her at the next word that would come out of her mouth. "You know what, you selfish littl-"

"Guys, guys…" Mr. Schuester put a hand up, walking around the piano towards us. "Calm down, I'm not saying that the girls won't have their chance to shine as well, but the boys have been working really hard and I think we should give them a chance to show everybody what McKinley fellas are made of." He smiled motiviatingly and I felt my annoyance with him grow inside my stomach.

The boys hadn't yet said anything about this at all and I was pretty sure that it was because they knew we were right, or at least that it was kinda unfair, and because Puck was asleep.

"Ugh, this is bullshit!" I frowned.

And if it hadn't have been for Brittany pouting at me, I would have stormed out.

I didn't need this shit. But, she was, and so I just sat back down, crossing my arms angrily.

Plus, I didn't really have anything better to do on a Friday afternoon now, so I really didn't wanna get kicked out of Glee club.

Mr. Schuester shot me one last warning glare, before he looked at all of us girls.

I looked around too, and noticed that we were all pretty much wearing the same expressions. Either sad and discouraged like Tina, Sugar and Brittany, or mad and angry like Quinn, Mercedes and me. Rachel of course looked stupidly self-important like always.

"Girls, I'm really disappointed." He said in an unbelieving tone. The kind that parents use when they want to get their kids to do something without shouting at them so they wouldn't feel like bad parents.

"This Glee club has been through so much together. We've grown to be a family and I really thought we had better team spirit. But clearly all of you are still only interested in yourselves and can't be happy for your fellow Glee members." He shook his head like he didn't know what he had done wrong and it took all I had in me not to snort loudly and give him a taste of Snix right there.

_I can't even put into words how much I wanna punch him right now…Just to wipe that stupid helpless and confused frown from his face! It makes me sick._

I clenched my jaw and drew in a steadying breath, feeling Quinn twitch beside me with the same kind of adgitation while I heard Mercedes ,who was sitting behind me, throw up her hands, letting them fall to her lap, and scoff disbelievingly, probably shaking her head to Sugar.

Mike was whispering something to Tina, but she wasn't looking at him, her posture defensive as well with her arms draped securely over her chest.

Mr. Schuester sighed at our expressions and then frowned at the white board in concern.

There was only one word on there:

_Regionals._

* * *

It was getting cold out side pretty quickly now, and I was glad I had brought my scarf when Brittany, Mercedes, Tina, Quinn and I walked outside.

Around this time last year, Brittany had told me that it smelled like snow and I had laughed it off since the weather forecast hadn't said anything about it. But in that same night it had snowed and the next morning Brittany was packed up in her hat and her gloves as she waited for me in front of her house. The biggest smile on her face.

It was already late Novemner and I was counting on hearing her say it any day now. This time I would listen to her and prepair my ice proof boots the night before so I wouldn't fall on my ass again like I did last year.

Thankfully no one had seen it except for that one freshmen kid, but I had scared him off easily enough. I think he actually cried.

"I wish he'd let someone else take the lead just _once." _Mercedes sighed.

"Give it up, Wheezy. He'll never put Manhands in the back, he's probably too scared she'd strangle him with those monster paws." I said bitterly.

"Do you think I'll get to dance at all?" Brittany asked sadly next to me.

I frowned even more and cursed Mr. Schuester for making her so sad.

_How the hell does he not realize what he's doing?! He's totally sabotaging any chance we had at winning - not letting the girls perform and overseeing talent like Brittany's. Or mine and Mercedes'._

"If he knows what's good for him." I growled as Tina rubbed soothing circles on Brittany's back, a sympathetic look in her eyes.

"He _has_ to, B! Like Santana said, you're the best dancer we've got." Quinn reassured her and Mercedes and I nodded.

Brittany pursed her mouth and pulled it to one side. "But Mike's, like, totally awesome too." She said quietly, smiling a bit.

She really was amazing. Here I was, feeling sorry for myself and cursing people in my head and she could still compliment the ones who were stealing her spot light.

"I get why he's allowed to dance." She continued. "I just would have loved to dance w_ith _him." She looked to the floor.

Tina smiled at her appreciatively and let her hand fall away from her back.

"I'm sure he'll come around and let you dance with Mike like last year." She said optimistically.

"You think so?" Brittany smiled at Tina hopefully and she nodded earnestly.

I was really starting to like Tina more and more. She wasn't as lame as I had thought she was.

"It won't be as fun as last time though if Sanny's not gonna sing." Brittany said regretfully and pouted at me.

I waved her off. "Eh, it's fine. It's his loss. Let's see if the crowd gives _whale boy_ a standing O." I scoffed and shrugged my shoulders in bitter surrender.

I didn't wanna admit it, but I was kinda tired of having to fight for the spot light all the time. Battling Rachel was bad enough, but now the boys were put above us as well?

_Nuh uh…just count me out._

"San…" Brittany looked at me sadly, her eyebrows slightly dipping down in the middle and her lower lip unconsciously pushed forwards a bit.

I suddenly felt really bad for dragging her down. Like, _really _bad. My stomach got all twisted and I felt all cold inside like I had a major case of the bad conscience.

I mean, how bad was it really? We could still have a good time and maybe even win, right?

I sighed.

"No really, it's okay. I'll have an awesome time watching you dance and belting the really important notes with Mercedes." I grinned, at Brittany and then Mercedes.

I didn't have the slightest clue where this sudden calm and acceptance came from, I just knew that it felt good. Way less exhausting.

So what if I didn't get the lead. It's not like I hadn't seen that coming. And Rachel _did _have quite the voice. _Ugh._

It was just annoying how self-evident it was that she would get the lead. But I guess maybe Mr. Schue was actually just trying to win.

I just wish he'd let us have a go at showing him that we could win it for us too. I really think that Mercedes or me – or maybe a duet with the both of us – would have killed it at Regionals, but I think I got what he was doing.

He was playing it safe.

We had won Sectionals with Rachel three years in a row now and I guess he just didn't wanna take a chance. He was being a scared little dick-head if you asked me, but whatever…

I'd just enjoy this unhoped-for serenity while it lasted, cause I was pretty sure Snix would come out to play eventually. She always did.

"Damn right, giiirl!" Mercedes grinned back and bumped into me playfully. My 'whatever'-menatlity had apparently been contagious.

I grinned back.

_Wait a second…when the hell did we get so friendly that she would bump into me? _

_I guess I did it first when we were talking about her and Trouty last week before class…that's so weird! Why did I do that? Because I wanted to avoid Quinn at the time. …Right?_

I frowned and shook my head at myself. It was like I wasn't even the same person. Being friendly with the Glee nerds, not caring if I get the lead, crushing on Brittany…

No, I was definitely not the Santana Lopez I knew anymore…

_What the fuck is going on? I thought you were supposed to change _gradually _in high school! I didn't change at all and then _wham! _…all in like three weeks or something! This is completely unacceptable! _

_Don't I get a say in who I am anymore at all?_

"Santana?"

"Huh?"

Quinn was standing in front of me, eyebrows raised and a bemused expression on her face.

I noticed that we were standing in front of her car and that Mercedes and Tina were just hugging Brittany goodbye.

"You look like you've seen a ghost or something. Did you suddenly realize nachos dipped in vinegar or chocolate are not a thing?" she chuckled.

"What? Shut up, I was just thinking about something!" I pushed at her arm lightly. "And by the way, yes they are! Everybody eats them like that!" I frowned defensively.

She laughed as she got her car keys out of her purse.

"No, no they really don't. Only you eat them like that. Because you're crazy. Not even Brittany does it." She explained to me mock-patiently.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. You totally don't know what you're missing." I mumbled.

_Okay, so what? I have a weird relationship with Nachos! Get over it!_

"And Britt _does _eat them like that sometimes. She just likes them better with cheese. It's this weird Fondue thing she's got going on." I added, smiling at the memory of our last Nacho-movie night.

It had been about six weeks ago, just before I rejoined the Cheerios.

* * *

"_But what if he gets scared?" Brittany asked worriedly, looking down at the fat cat in her hands._

"_I don't care. He doesn't have to watch it if he's too chicken. But he's _not_ coming onto the bed.I wantz to eat ma Nachos in peace." I insisted and sternly gestured for her to put him down to the floor._

_She pouted for a bit but sat him down anyway, apologizing for my rudeness and offering him her favorite pet-duck as cuddle-buddy for our 'scary-movie-marathon'._

_It was ginormous. Like, almost as big as the Lipid Lord himself._

_He great thing about Brittany however was that she never dwelled on things._

"_Okay," she said, clapping her hands excitedly, "So, have we got everything?" she was squinting at the array of snack food we had prepared on the bed._

_There was a giant bowl of Nachos and two family packs to spare next to the bed. There was a big glass of nutella with two tea spoons, a small bottle of balsamico vinegar, a cereal bowl full of melted cheese and two big soup plates. And a big kitchen towel was spread across the foot of the bed so we wouldn't spill anything on the comforter._

"_Drinks?" I asked, leaning back onto my ankles and hands and checking beside the bed._

"_Oh yeah, forgot those in the kittchen. I'll be right back." Brittany said as she jumped off the bed._

"_Kay, I'll put the movie in." I got up as well. _

"_But don't start it yet!" I heard Brittany shout from the stairs._

_I rolled my eyes. _Of course _I wouldn't start the movie without her._

_I put in the dvd and went over to the desk to check my phone. I had no new messages. _

_Frowning I went over to the bed and sat dow. Ever since Quinn and I didn't really get along or even talk anymore it was like I was a fucking loner. At least that's what you'd think if you'd check my text history. _

_The only texts I ever got now were either from Brittany or from Puck, asking me to come over or sext him or something. _Perv!

"_Whatever." I mumbled to myself, carelessly throwing my phone onto Brittany's night stand. _

_Lord Tubbington meowed and I swear he was like smirking or something. _

"_Did anyone ever tell you that you're the creepiest cat ever?" I said annoyed, scooting back against the headboard and crossing my arms and my legs._

_The cat just whacked his bushy tail against the bed frame, making a deep thumping sound._

_I scowled at him some more for something to do until Brittany came back with a big bottle of water and a big thermos bottle of hot chocolate under each arm._

"_Awesome!" she smiled as she saw the menu of the dvd flickering on the screen of her TV._

_She settled down on the bed, handing me the water to put down on the floor next to me, and wiggled about until she was in a comfortable enough position. _

"_Ready?" I asked, the remote already in my hand._

"_Yep!" she popped her lips on the last letter. I pressed play and started counting in my head._

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..

"_Wait. Pause it!" _

Damn it, so close!

"_I gotta pee." She hastily jumped up from the bed again and almost ran into the oposite hall wall as she skidded out of the room and towards the bathroom._

_I chuckled and shook my head, adjusting the pillow behind my head and reaching forward to get the whole towel of delicious snacks closer to us._

_I folded my legs Indian style so it could all be near enough to reach from our position at the headboard, and opened the nutella glas._

_A nutella covered Nacho was just on its way to my mouth when rittany's yell interrupted me._

"_Hey! No eating before the movie starts." She protested, sitting back down on the bed next to me and taking the Nacho out of my hand._

"_Wh-! But it's already started! We just paused it!" I argued, furrowing my eyebrows at her. _

_It was a very dangerous thing, taking food away from me. Especially Nachos!_

"_That doesn't count though. Someone has to talk first." She explained to me. _

_I screwed up my face. "Nuh uh! What about silent movies or, like, Wall-E? Nobody talks for about half of the movie there." I pointed out and she pursed her lips to the right. _

_I took the chance and went for the Nacho, but she quickly held it out of my reach. "Sanny!" _

"_Britt! Come on, gimme!" I pouted, giving up and slumping back slightly._

_Her hand with _my _Nacho came back to her lap and she shook her head at me sternly._

"_Eeep!" I shrieked. "B, you're gonna spill the nutella!" I wiggled my hands in front of me, eyes growing big, as a tiny drop of nutella was barely balancing on the edge of the nacho, threatening to fall onto the mattress at any moment._

_She looked down and quickly put her pther hand underneath it just in time. _

"_Just wait for, like, three minutes, okay?" she asked, raising her eyebrows._

_I groaned. "Ugh, fine! But you're weird. Just like you're cat." I said sulkily, crossing my arms over my chest again._

_Brittany just sat the Nacho down into my soup plate and smirked at me. " Thanks." She said simply and I had to chuckle._

"_Okay, come on, let's watch this thing then." I rushed, before we'd never get around to it and I'd have to starve to death._

"_Kay, I'm good." She said, sitting back and snuggling closer to me until our arms were touching. _

_I smiled warmly. I liked this. Movie night. It just made me feel good and … I don't know, home-y or something. Whatever…_

"_Comfy?" I side-eyed her, the remote elevated and pointing at the TV, ready to press play._

"_Totally." She smiled, linking our arms._

"_Good." _

_I started the movie._

* * *

_We got through Scary Movie 1 and 2 without any signs of weekness, but ten minutes into the third one I felt my eyelids get heavier and heavier._

_Brittany and I had already eaten most of our snacks and put the rest down onto the floor to have more space on the bed. Somewhere during the second movie Lord Tubbington had jumped onto the bed, but I had let him stay because Brittany had immediately snatched him up and buried her face in his fur._

_By now he was rolled up in a giant hairy ball at the foot of the bed, snoring slightly – _yep, he actually snores – _and Brittany and I were snuggled up under the blanket._

_Her head was resting on my chest and my right arm was securely draped around her waist, holding her close to me and unconsciously squeezing her whenever something on screen startled me. _

_She had been lightly scratching my belly, but now I noticed that she had stopped drawing little patterns on it with her fingernails about three minutes ago._

_I leaned away from her and tried to get a look at her face. I just caught a glimpse of it, but I could see that her eyes were barely open. _

"_Hey…" I whispered. My voice hoarse from tiredness and not speaking much the last few hours. "You wanna go to sleep?" _

_She nodded slowly. _

"_Okay." I said quietly, carefully reaching around her for the remote._

"_-mmh-t are you doin'?" she mumbled almost inaudibly._

"_Turning off the TV so we can sleep." I replied softly, smiling at her. She must have been really tired if she didn't remember just telling me that she wanted to go to sleep._

"_Mh mh." She shook her head the tiniest fraction._

_I frowned. "But you just said-"_

"_-wanna fall 'sleep with it on…" she interrupted with a cute little hint of whining in her voice. _

_I chuckled through my nose at how childish but cute she was being and it made her groan in protest as her head got shaken a bit because it lay on my chest._

"_Alright." I relented, bringing my left arm back to rest just beneath hers on my stomach._

_I arched my back a little to get into a more comfortable position and scooted down with the pillow, not paying attention that I could see the screen anymore. I was gonna fall asleep soon anyway._

_A long yawn escaped me and Brittany snuggled more into me, pressing her nose into my right boob._

_The end of the yawn transformed into a hitch of my breath and I froze for a second._

_This was kinda weird. We had lain like that millions of times but just now it had felt…different._

_I let out the breath I had been holding, careful not to do it too fast so that Brittany wouldn't be disturbed too much, and watched her for a bit._

_Nothing seemed different. And still I felt the urge to keep watching her. Like there was something I was looking for. I just didn't know what that was._

_I frowned at my own weirdness and closed my eyes. _

_It was really warm and comfortable here. With her body so close to mine. _

_I was lying flat on my back and Brittany was curled up into my side, her right arm resting over my stomach as mine held onto her waist, her right leg curled over mine, entangling our legs, her head on my chest, heaving up and down with my breaths just like our hands did on my belly._

"_G'night…" I heard a faint mumble._

"_Good night." I said back in wonder._

_Completely taken by the tingling feeling that had just settled underneath our hands in my stomach and then almost exploded when she dragged her hand down and interlaced our fingers._

What the hell is going on?

* * *

"Yeah, _that's_ what's weird." Quinn smirked.

I was lost for a moment.

_Oh yeah…Fondue-fetish versus Nacho-eccentricity. Whatever, I still think pouring melted cheese onto everything and anything, including chocolate bars and pickles, is just insane. More insane than my little Nacho peculiarity anyway. _

_It's really good, I swear! You just have to pay attention with the vinegar…only reeeally small drops. Awesome nachos are awesome._

"Bye, Santana." Mercedes and Tina waved, taking off towards their own cars, or in Tina's case towards Mike's where her boyfriend was already waiting for her.

"Bye." I called after them distractedly. Brittany walked over to us.

"Sooo…you going home?" she asked with a cute duckface.

"Yeppp" I replied unenthusiatically.

"Need a lift, Britt?" Quinn asked, and Brittany looked at me questioningly.

I sighed. "Yeah, take it. I can't drive you home today. I gotta pick up some stuff for dinner."

Brittany looked honestly said but shrugged. "Okay. Thanks, Q." she added towards Quinn, who smiled at her and waved it off.

"Okay, come on, then. Hop in." she gestured towards the car and Brittany quickly walked over to me and hugged me tightly. I could smell her parfume and it almost made me pass out from the overload of tingles that were attacking my senses.

"Byyye…" she hushed into my ear.

I swallowed and nodded against her shoulder, eyes looking anywhere but Quinn who was probably giving me one of those looks again.

"Yeah, bye." I rasped as Brittany let go off me, throat still dry.

Suddenly the blonde's face lit up. "Oh! But I'll see you tomorrow! YAY!" she smiled brightly and did a little hop, holding onto her bag straps.

"You will?" Quinn asked with a confused frown.

"Yeah, my parents are letting me come over to Brittany's two times a week to help her study." I explained, trying to hide the blush that was creeping up my neck for some reason.

Quinn quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, really?" she asked, a little smirk already firm in place.

"Yeah!" Brittany beamed, still looking at me. "Isn't that totally awesome?"

Quinn and I were still locked in a silent conversation. "Yeah, that's great." She said, eyes not leaving mine.

"Isn't it Santana?" she asked provokingly.

I didn't budge.I knew she wanted some sort of freak out reaction from me or something to have an excuse to make me talk with her again. Well, at least I thinks that's what she wanted.

"Yep. It's great. It was Brittany's idea actually and I think it was brilliant."

Quinn nodded, still smirking.

"Well, then…"

"Mhm."

We looked at each other for another second before Quinn broke the stare and opened her car door.

"Bye, S. See you Monday." She called,as she got into the car and Brittany gave me a last hug before running around the car and getting in on the passenger side.

They both waved at me as they drove by and I waved back.

_Wow…that was…something?_

I walked to my car and unlocked it before I reached it.

When I was inside I pulled my phone out of my pocket to put it onto the passenger seat so it wouldn't bother me during driving, when I saw that I had a new message.

It was from Sam.

I frowned and opened it.

(3:34pm)

_Hey Santana, sorry about Mr. Schue. Mercedes and I were just talking and I think we might have come up with a plan to convince him to give you guys a chance. You in? :D – Sam_

_And things just get more and more interesting…_

* * *

Yeah. So that's it :D 

The parts in the cursive letters are a flashback. Duh ;)

Oh yeah, and btw: I made Sam be a senior as well in my story. I just want to see him interact with the others in the classes :D

And here's this chapter's Spanish:

**Santana, mi amor? Puedo entrar un segundo? – **Santana, my love?Can I come in for a second?

**Cariño - **Sweetheart

**En serio?! – **seriously?!

I hope you liked it and tell me your opinions in your reviews :D 

Sorry for any spelling mistakes! My 'Word' has been annoying and not at all doing what I want it to :(

Until soon, my unicorns!


	20. Chapter 20

Hey guys, I know it's been a while, but life's been really busy the last few weeks. I hope you all had a lovely christmas and didn't party too hard on new year's, cause I know I sure regretted that last drink the next morning ;)**  
**

I'm looking forward to reading all of your reviews this new chapter and hopefully through-out this new year and I'll just be optimistic and blame the lack of reviews on the last one (only three :C) on the busy time of year.

Anyway...hope you enjoy:)

* * *

**Chapter 20**

„Iiiiiieh! S-stop it, B! N-no, I'm s-serioaaaaah-!"

I was squealing and laughing. Wiggling underneath Brittany as I tried my best to escape her tickling fingers, and catapulting all her pillows off the bed in the process.

"S-shh-hh-shhh!" Brittany laughed breathily, her hand grabbing for my only free one. "My mum will come up if you keep squealing like that!" she grinned, pinning me down by putting her entire body and all of her weight onto me in sort of a wrestling position.

"Then stop t-tickling me and get off, you crazy woman!" I got out between muffled giggles, still trying to push her off me.

She didn't budge though and just pressed me against the mattress harder, her upper body sideways sprawled out over mine and her hair falling in my face, making a curtain around us.

She had pink cheeks as she beamed down at me and I was pretty sure mine were glowing as well. Especially after she repositioned herself so she had one leg wrapped around only one of mine, meaning that it was wedged between my thighs, her foot curling around my shin to keep it locked tight.

I suddenly realized that her boobs were pressed against mine and my heart just about exploded. Thank god we were messing around anyway. Otherwise I would have had a hard time explaining that thundering heartbeat to her. Because I was sure she could feel it against her chest.

She didn't mention it though. She just let out a triumphant 'Ha!' when I gave up and stopped trying to get out from under her.

"Fine, I give up! Why do you always have to tickle me?" I frowned playfully, fully aware of how childish I was being but somehow not finding myself able to care much. It was just too much fun, playing around with her like that.

"You know I don't have a chance when you do that! You know all my ticklish spots!" I pouted. It actually was only halfway playful to be honest though. I just hated losing.

Suddenly she shifted and sat up, which left _her_ straddling me across my hips and _me_ trying to keep my mind out of the gutter – at which I was failing miserably -, and looked down at me in mock offense.

"What, me? You started it!" she laughed.

"No, I didn't!" I protested in a high-pitched, scandalized voice, screwing up my face to show her that that was total bullshit. "_You_ started tickling me and practically threw me onto the bed!" I retold the earlier events, pointing an accusing finger at her.

She grabbed my wrist and pinned it down against the mattress next to my shoulder just like my other hand.

"Yeah, but only because _you_ kept throwing Dots at me!" she defended, pushing me harder into the mattress at the word 'you'.

I let out a single huffy laugh. "I just did that cause you kept trying to cheat!" I reminded her, successfully ignoring my somewhat strained voice and playing it off as exhausted from having her weight on me.

It _did _have something to do with her body on mine. Just not that she was too heavy…the thing was just that I couldn't deny how helplessly turned on I was getting by her overpowering me like that.

Brittany seemed totally oblivious to my inner dilemma however and just sat up on top of me, basically grinding into my centre.

_Oh my fucking …she's just…_

She took both of my wrists into her left hand – _What the - ? How tiny are my hands anyway?! Or how big are hers!_ - and stroked the hair out of her face with the other, pushing out her chest, probably to get rid of the stiffness from having sat in a bent over position for a bit.

I was positively drooling by now.

_Holy mother of god, she's so hot! She's _gotta _know what she's doing to me, right? Nobody's _that _sexy without even trying! _

I felt the – by now – very familiar tingles _all over _my body and heat shoot to my centre beneath her.

_Oh shit!_

I clenched my legs together as best as I could with her still sitting on them and ripped my stare away from her boobs and up into her sparkling eyes.

She was smirking.

_Joder! She sooo saw me staring at her tits! Smooth, Lopez. Real smooth._

I had never been so grateful for my Hispanic skin tone. I would have looked like a tomato without it for sure.

"It's just totally unfair! I mean, you had the answers right there!" she giggled letting go of my wrists and picking up a Dot that had apparently somehow found its way onto the bed, throwing it into her mouth and humming happily.

_Yum…_

"That's how tutoring works, honey." I rolled my eyes and sat up. Brittany squealed and quickly threw her arms around my neck so she wouldn't fall backwards.

"Well, I don't like tutoring then." She stated decisively.

I swallowed away the unnerving feeling of having her hold on to me so closely while she was still sitting in my lap, and imitated her tone. "Well, you shouldn't have suggested it then."

She pouted, which immediately drew my eyes to her lips. They were really pink and close and..._delicious looking!_

_Santana!_

"But I wanted to spend time with you." She whined sweetly and when I managed to look up, her eyes were locked on mine.

My breath hitched and I felt my mouth become dry and my heart pound in my chest.

She was looking at me with so much… honesty and… something else I couldn't quite read.

It was absolutely breathtaking.

Her eyes.

As I stared into them I could see so much more than I had ever seen before.

Like for example, I had always noticed that they were a beautiful blue, but I had never seen them change color.

Now they were turning … maybe a little darker and bluer, but also just… fiercer. More intense.

Yeah, definitely more intense.

And the mesmerizing patterns in them weren't immobile either like I had always thought. They flowed and sparkled like water and I watched as her pupils dilated until a powerful black orb drew me in further.

They seemed to be alive and speaking to me and I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I felt the need to figure it out. Like nothing else in life mattered and my only goal was to finally be able to understand what they were trying to tell me.

What she was trying to tell me.

"San, I –"

"Girls, can I come i-? Emily, don't! You have to knock fir -" The door flew open, showing Mrs. Pierce and Emily stood in the doorway, and Brittany and I twitched violently before Brittany hastily tried to scramble off my lap, but we were somehow entangled.

"-st." Anna looked up from shaking her head at Emily, her hand still raised to knock.

"What are you doing?" Emily asked interested, cocking her head to the side as she skipped towards us.

"N-nothing!" Brittany and I stammered simultaneously. We finally managed to slide apart and Brittany got off the bed on one side while I sort of fell off the other.

I jumped into an upright position and cleared my throat.

_Again, smooth…_

"That doesn't look like tutoring to me." Emily sing-sanged as she jumped onto the bed and Brittany shot her a glare while I pushed her head away from me sisterly.

"We were taking a break, dweeb!" I shot at her playfully, grateful that my voice sounded just like it always did. Emily protested, but jumped out of my reach when I tried to push her off the bed. She just stuck her tongue out to me and kept jumping on the mattress.

_Yes! I gotz ma poker face back! Gracias a Dios!_

"Girls, you know the rules! Santana's only allowed over to study, not mess around." Mrs. Pierce scolded us and when I looked up at her, she was raising an eyebrow at me.

Her choice of words gave me a cold chill and I found myself picking at my nails nervously.

'_Mess around'…That totally sounds like she's suggesting that we…but we weren't! We were just…_

_entangled on the bed with her on my lap and her arms around my neck and our faces really close. _

_Like _really_ really close. Like kissing distance kinda close…fuck!_

I shot a look over to Brittany, but she was kind of busy, trying to get Emily off her bed who was giggling and jumping away from Brittany's grabbing hands.

"Em! Get off!" she ordered, but I saw that she couldn't hide a grin and had to smile myself.

"Come on, Emily. We actually have to get back to work." I said in a slightly raised voice over the giggling.

"Yeah right, as if!" she stuck out her tongue again, but jumped off the bed and walked out of the room anyway, stealing one of Brittany's bouncing balls that had been lying on the floor. On her way out she ducked under Mrs. Pierce's arms who was still standing in the doorway.

Anna called after Emily to not bounce the ball indoors because you could hear it through the whole house and it sounded like gun shots, and then put her hand on the doorknob.

"Well, I actually wanted to tell you that your father called, Santana. He said to tell you that your mother wants you home for dinner in about an hour."

I nodded, "Okay, thanks."

I saw that Brittany was chewing her lip when I looked over at her, and when she met my eyes she pouted.

A warm feeling spread inside my chest and stomach.

_She wants me to stay! Yay. I mean, of course she wants me to stay…but still. Yay._ _And that pout…_

"Okay then. Get back to work girls, I don't want to have to tell Dr. Lopez that you weren't playing by the rules." She warned gently and gave us both a look before she closed the door.

"Whow, you're parents are strict." I joked monotonous, slowly turning to face Brittany with a slight smirk on my face.

I noticed that I was trying to lighten the mood even though it wasn't really tense and that I was doing a really pathetic job of it as well.

_Ugh! What's wrong with me?_

That happened sometimes. That I was being awkward like that. I hated it. It made me feel nervous and geeky, but fortunately it only seemed to happen around Brittany and Brittany never seemed to notice. She had never called me out on it anyway.

Brittany just frowned a little bewildered. "But San, _your _parents made up the rules!" she said. It didn't sound defensive though. She was probably just trying to clarify it for me because she thought I was confused.

The corners of my mouth twitched. "Yeah, I know. I was joking, B." I said warmly, the geeky feeling subsiding, as I walked back over to the desk where we had worked on before the whole 'cheating and throwing Dots and tickling' – debacle had happened.

When I had come over this afternoon, we had brought in the desk chair from Emily's room as well so we could sit at Brittany's desk together and I sat back down on it. There wasn't really much space, but I didn't need a lot of room for my notes anyway since it was basically just the answer sheet to the Analysis test I had made up for her.

"Oh, okay." Brittany chirped carelessly and hopped onto her chair as well, spinning twice before stopping herself by grabbing the desk.

"Okay, where were we?" she asked, and I had to chuckle at the serious business face she was pulling which just seemed so out of place after twirling around on a chair.

"I was checking the answers you had so far, while you were trying to cheat the rest of them off my notes." I grinned, leaning back on the chair and grabbing the answer sheet so she couldn't see it.

She flashed me a toothy, 'oops, sorry' – grin that made me breathe a chuckle, and grabbed her pen, placing it on the paper, ready to write.

I let my eyes rest on her as she organized her things and pulled the test paper closer to herself.

"Okaaay…" she mumbled, sucking in her lower lip and her eyebrows dipping down at the bridge of her nose.

She tapped her pencil on the edge of the paper in concentration and then hesitantly started scribbling down some numbers.

"You had almost all of them right by the way." I informed her softly, watching as her face lit up.

"Really?" she asked excited, big eyes snapping up to stare at me.

I nodded and sat up so I could point to the only two mistakes she had made on her test.

"Yeah, you just got these two wrong. You should have solved the _entire_ equation first before substituting it for x. But other than that those are right too." I explained and circled the equations in question.

Brittany stared at me for another second before gazing at the circles and then back up at me again. Her face showed complete disbelief.

"For real? That's all I did wrong?" she asked again.

I bobbed my head twice, smiling at her. "Yep. Told you you could do it."

"Oh my god, San!"

"Uhhh!"

Arms were flying around me and I was being pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

"Can't breathe…" I squeaked breathlessly, my head barely on Britt's right shoulder, being squished between her arm and her cheek.

"You're so awesome!" she cheered into my ear and squeezed me tightly before pulling back and cupping my cheeks, drawing me in for a passionate kiss.

That came so unexpectedly that I was still sucking in a surprised breath through my nose when she was already releasing me again.

"You're awesome." She repeated more quietly and smiled at me brightly.

I smiled back, still a little flustered from the kiss, but rolled my eyes. "B, it wasn't me. That's all you, right there." I told her, shaking my head a little.

Sometimes I didn't know if I should find it adorable or sad that she was so insecure about her school work. I guess both.

I mean, if you thought of it like she was being totally modest then it was definitely sweet and adorable, but when I watched her scribble down the right answer to a question the teacher had asked in class but be too insecure to raise her hand and say it out loud I always felt a painful tug in my stomach.

And a little angry too, at the idiots that called her stupid and made her not believe in herself.

Brittany returned her attention to the paper again, but this time a little smile was playing on her lips and her equations were being written down more confidently.

I smiled as well and looked at my 'Brittany-tutoring' check-list.

Yes, I had actually put a lot of thought into this, even though it had started out being just an excuse to see each other. I really wanted her to do better in school, because I knew that she could and that she needed to know that.

And that's why on the top of my little list stood,

_- Get Britt to stop doubting herself so much/ boost confidence_

* * *

"I never said that!" I protested, switching my cell phone from my right to my left ear and rolling my eyes.

"_It's how she understood it, Santana. Can't you just apologize?"_ Sam's voice came through the phone.

We had been talking more and more lately and I actually didn't hate it. How come I had never found out that we had so much in common when we were dating? I guess I really hadn't been paying too much attention to him.

I mean, it's not like I shared his weird comic book thing - _I still say that Quinn does though! – _or felt the need to change my voice and pretend to be some dead dude or another like he always did, but there were certain aspects and opinions we shared.

Like for example that Nachos ruled – that was actually the one that convinced me that he could be friend-material after all – and that our time was better spent watching Tom Cruise, one of the James Bonds or Vin Diesel total cars and shoot people than have some girl cry on and on about that really hot guy she so wanted but could never have. _We all know that she gets him in the end anyways!_

And also that Mr. Schuester was totally full of it sometimes, which is what we had been discussing most, ever since he had sent me that text about two weeks ago.

Two of the things we _didn't_ see eye to eye on were my humor and my, admittedly sometimes a bit harsh, honesty. He just didn't get me. They all didn't, except for Brittany.

I wasn't trying to be mean or anything, well most of the time I wasn't, not anymore at least. I just called it how I saw it.

And yes, sometimes I saw everybody as idiots and therefore told them so right to their face, but come on, would you rather have people whisper it behind your back?

Having someone tell you what's annoying them, and I mean _you _and not someone else, can be hurtful, but at least that way you can confront them about it or just ignore them. You can _choose _your immediate reaction to it.

Having someone bitch and gossip about you behind your back is way more hurtful and exhausting. At least in my opinion.

If someone had a problem with me I'd want them to just say it. Because I hated hearing gossip about myself and having someone be fake nice to me or passive aggressive only to find out through someone else that they hated my guts at the moment for something I had apparently done.

_No, I'd much rather be able to look them in the eyes when they tell me that they have a problem with me so I can either tell them how many fucks I give or maybe even apologize if I find what they complain about isn't total bullshit. _

So, see? I wasn't totally unreasonable like people always made me out to be.

And this time I actually hadn't meant anything bad when I had said that Mercedes shouldn't sing the high, important note in our secret 'underdogs'-song, we were planning on surprising Mr. Schue with.

"No, I can't, because I didn't mean it in a bad way!" I gave back annoyed. "And why the hell can't Mercedes talk to me about this herself?" I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest as best as I could with one hand still having to hold the phone to my ear.

"_Because she doesn't want to cause trouble when you're all trying to make a bigger point." _He explained and I took in a deep breath.

This was ridiculous.

"Look, I just meant that we need to break out of the drawers Mr. Schue has put us in and Mercedes belting out the impossible note is what she always does. We wanna show him that we can do _more _than what he's been reducing us to, not fall back to the same old roles we always take.

I'm the one who sings out the runs, Mercedes kills the high notes, Quinn sings the soft and tender songs and Tina's just glad if she gets to sing at all. We don't wanna play into that, we gotta get him to stop thinking of us in that way. Right? I mean that _is _what we're trying to do here after all, right?" I prodded with vigor, tired of being accused of only wanting to insult people for the fun of it.

I wasn't even _trying_ to insult her. And usually with Mercedes that wouldn't be a problem anyway, because especially if that was what I was trying to do, she wouldn't even put up with my shit. She'd just fire back or ignore it if she didn't think it was worth fighting over, but she would never just shut up if she really felt hurt by what I had said.

That just wasn't her.

Usually.

But now she was holding back for the 'bigger point'?

_Ugh, that's such crap! Her feistiness was exactly what I always liked about her!_

Sam had been quiet for a moment, probably thinking over what I had just said. And apparently he agreed with me.

"Yeah, okay fine, I get it. But could you still talk to her, please? Cause she's already feeling unappreciated by Mr. Schue and having you do the same to her is ju-"

"I'm not! Oh my god, haven't you been listening? I'm trying to get him to appreciate her _more_! All of us!" I interrupted angrily. Why the hell didn't he get that into his stupid blonde head?

Sam didn't say anything and I just heard an exhausted intake of breath on the other line.

_Yeah right! Like _I'm _the exhausting one right now! Ugh, fuck, sometimes I wish people would still avoid talking to me at all…_

_Okay…not really, but this is still beyond annoying!_

I groaned, "Fine, I'll talk to her. But she better stop acting like a whiney child who's being picked on if she wants us to get our message across, got it? I'm not doing this if I have to deal with sensitive babies."

"Santana…" he started, his tone of voice suggesting that he was about to tell me off for throwing around insults, but I was too tired and annoyed to put up with that, so I cut him off again.

"Nuh uh! You know I'm right, Trouty! And if you weren't lips over heels in love with her we wouldn't even be having this conversation." I sassed, a little smirk playing around the corners of my mouth.

Sam let out a sound of protest, but it seemed like he couldn't or wouldn't come up with a good retort. Wouldn't have been very effective anyway, not since the two of them got together on Tuesday.

I had been a little shocked when both, Sam and Mercedes, had texted me within the hour of it happening.

I really hadn't thought that we had become such good friends that they would feel the need to tell me about this kind of thing, but when I told a squealing Brittany that I already knew when she tried to tell me the good news that evening in our daily phone conversation, she had cheered that it was so awesome that we were all kinda like one big family now.

I didn't really think that _family _was the right term, but she had been so excited and happy that I had just agreed half-heartedly and gone on to discuss the potential consequences of this new development with her.

We had agreed that they would probably be good for each other and that it was about time, and we both were sure that they would get very _very _fat lipped babies.

Unlike Brittany I was pretty sure though that the babies wouldn't be half-brown, half-white. Or one brown and one white. We didn't get into that though, since she had had to get back to help her dad and Emily paint the tree house.

Mr. Pierce and Brittany had finished building it last weekend and I had been pretty impressed by their work when Britt had shown me after our tutoring lesson on Sunday.

It didn't look like one of those average tree houses you always saw in people's gardens, it was bigger and consisted of a tiny little house with two rooms, a window and a small roof-covered patio that overlooked the back yard and had a banister and an actual ladder going down so people could get up easily and wouldn't fall down once they did.

And I said _people_ because as it turned out Brittany was just as excited about it as Emily, so it was a safe bet that the littlest Pierce wouldn't be the only one using it.

Unfortunately that probably meant that Brittany was going to want me to go up there with her.

It wasn't like I was scared of heights or anything, I just didn't appreciate the thrill of feeling the constant possibility of falling to my imminent death as much as others.

For once I was almost glad I was grounded for another week, because that meant that I wasn't allowed to have 'fun' and go up into the tree house.

Brittany had been rather disappointed though when I had pointed that out to her on Sunday, but had said that it would take them a while to really get it ready anyway. With paint and apparently some old furniture her mum had bought at a garage sale specifically to put into the tree house.

I had nodded understandingly and quickly walked back into the house to get ready for our tutoring session.

That had been our third one and since then we had had another yesterday. They were going great. After the first test had gone so well, Brittany hadn't been so insecure anymore and I had started making the tests harder and harder.

She had had some minor set-backs where she had looked like she was about to say that she was too stupid anyway, but we had gotten through it and all in all she was doing well. We had even roughly finished with Analysis and moved on to three-dimensional Geometry in our last lesson.

Brittany was getting good at being more confident in what she did and I was getting better at keeping calm whenever we found Lord Tubbington clawing at my notes again, sometimes ripping little pieces off and chewing on them lazily.

The only thing we were getting worse at was controlling ourselves around each other. Or, to be more precise, our sexual frustration.

I was aware that I had been holding out on Brittany for a suspiciously long time now, always stopping us when we got too close to just ripping our clothes off and not even being able to offer a believable excuse if any, but I just couldn't do it.

I couldn't sleep with her anymore.

Because I knew if I did that, I would be different than before. Act different.

I wasn't exactly sure in what way, if I would close off even _more_ and possibly not even be able to get her off anymore, or if I would maybe suddenly gaze into her eyes and start whispering nice things into her ear while we did it.

Cause that's what I wanted to do now, longed to… but I couldn't.

It would only confuse her and totally not help me get over this stupid crush.

Because I was sure that it had to start getting better soon. I mean, it had been almost three weeks now since I had realized that I had a crush on Brittany and thinking back, I must have had it for a while.

So it had to go away soon, right? It was already dragging on longer than I had expected it to.

I had thought that I would be making gooey eyes at her for about a week and then get over whatever craze I had been in, but it didn't happen like that.

My crush was still here, strong and annoying as ever, and making me do and think the most embarrassing things.

Originally I had decided that I just wouldn't do anything too sexy with her while my body was trying to convince me that I was in…that I _liked _Brittany that way, so as not to feed the crush, but now that it just wouldn't subside I was getting more and more frustrated and horny.

And so was Brittany by the looks of it.

After that awkward semi-hug-almost-kiss-stare-off her mum and Emily had interrupted two weeks ago, Brittany and I had barely been able to keep our hands off each other.

Actually we hadn't really managed to do that… like, at all…

During the second tutoring lesson we had had a heavy make-out session on her desk chair, with me straddling her and almost tipping the chair over from the way I was grinding into her,

after the third one Brittany's dad had almost caught us without our tops on in the kitchen where we had gone to get ourselves a little snack and gotten carried away, but fortunately Emily had called him upstairs to look at her homework before he had really entered, leaving the both of us scrambling for our clothes and very flustered,

and yesterday I had had Brittany down to only her panties on her bed, before I had been able to stop myself and break it off, leaving both of us hot and bothered as I said a hurried goodbye and left to get home and take a cold shower.

This really wasn't working so great, was it…

"_Santana? Hello? Santaaana!" _

Sam's voice brought me back to the present and I felt my cheeks heat up as I cleared my throat and tried to rid my brain of all the mental images that had just flooded into my mind. I really didn't want them in front of my inner eyes while I was having a conversation with Sam.

"What?" I asked, noticing how dry my mouth had become.

"_Where did _you_ just go?"_ he chuckled into my ear.

I frowned and put down Karl the koosh onto the desk, whom I had apparently unconsciously picked up during my zone-out.

"Nowhere!" I snapped, "Your voice is just even _more_ tranquilizing over the phone."

Clenching my jaw, I turned around to look out of the window instead of staring at the tutoring notes that Karl was lying next to now. It hadn't snowed yet, but Brittany said that it wouldn't be long now because her nose had started itching.

"Whow, no need to get bitchy, Santana! Retract the claws, please. I was just saying that I gotta go. But you should call Cedes." He said, and before I could get worked up again, he quickly added, "_Even _if you didn't mean anything by it. Kay?"

Taking in a deep breath, I grumbled back an 'okay' and we said goodbye.

After we had hung up I stood in front of the window for a few seconds, feeling a little uneasy, before I shook it off and sat down at my desk in front of my laptop to finish my English essay I had been working on when Sam's call had interrupted me.

I couldn't concentrate very well though and it took me another hour and a half until I had the required thousand words and was able to send an e-mail containing the finished assignment to Mrs. Marycomb.

For the rest of the evening I put on my 'crushing on a unicorn' playlist again and waited for Brittany to call me like she had said she would once she was done with homework and the last of the tree house painting job.

* * *

"You look like someone kicked your puppy." I noted, flicking at Quinn's light green earmuffs.

She swatted my hand away and glared at me. "Well, it's freaking cold and I'm freezing my butt off here." She crossed her arms over her chest to keep herself warm and started treading from one foot to the other.

I rolled my eyes.

"What?" she hissed.

"Just stop whining! It's annoying the hell out of me!" I snapped at her, zipping my coat up higher and pushing the ends of my dark purple scarf into the collar.

"What's taking her so long?"

I followed Quinn's line of sight to Brittany's front door.

"I don't know, she's probably just feeding Lord Tubbington again or looking for her muffs." I shrugged, steam blowing in front of my mouth as I talked.

Quinn grunted and gripped herself tighter.

"We shouldn't have gotten out of the car!" she grumbled, looking longingly at my car over her shoulder.

"Ugh, Quinn! Just shut up already!" I half-laughed in disbelief at how annoying she was being.

"You're lucky I'm even taking you to school! You can still walk, you know!" I threatened. "And anyway, Brittany said to wait outside. I think she wants to show us something."

Quinn rolled her eyes and mumbled that sounded a hell of a lot like 'whipped' under her breath. I contemplated bitching back but decided to ignore her instead.

She was just in a bad mood and poking an angry bear with a stick wasn't really helpful. _Wow! Listen to me! I'm so grown up._

I was actually a little impressed with myself.

_Brittany would be so proud if she knew _I _was actually the one avoiding trouble in the morning. _

I grinned which made Quinn frown at me.

"What's with you?" she asked sourly.

I just took in an exasperated breath and looked away from her, blowing up my cheeks and widening my eyes mouthing a little 'wow'.

Only because Quinn had had to deal with 'grumpy-morning-me' more times than I could count did I let this slide.

_Only this once though, cause she's really starting to piss me off! I swear I was never this bad. Okay, not often…_

To be fair, she sort of had a reason to be a little short-tempered though.

Not that that made it any less annoying, but I didn't want to start a fight right now.

Quinn had called me about ten minutes before I had to leave the house and told me that her car wasn't working and asked me if I could give her a ride to school.

When I had gotten to her house she had already been in a sour mood and it had gotten worse since then.

Usually Quinn wasn't grumpy in the mornings, but today she didn't stop whining.

I on the other hand was quite content for once, wrapped up in my scarf, hood and coat, wearing my warmest gloves and my new winter boots.

See, yesterday evening on the phone Brittany had warned me that it was going to snow in the night and having learnt from last year's mistake, I had gotten out my gloves and boots that same evening and driven my car into the garage.

And so that's why _I_ was decently warm and cozy, while _Quinn_'s car had gotten snowed in and she was now shivering in the cold because she hadn't been able to find her winter coat and second glove this morning.

Once again Brittany's prediction had been more accurate than the weather-lady's forecast.

"Finally!" Quinn exclaimed, her teeth chattering and her breath choppy.

I looked over to the front door and there stood Brittany, wrapped up in her super soft grey winter coat and her fat rainbow muffs. She was also wearing that cute hood she had bought at the mall last year.

It had little bear ears and two buttons for eyes and was super fluffy and soft and the sides were really long and hung down to her waist. She had shown me that they even had little pockets and I was pretty sure that those were for putting your hands in, but she used them to carry stuff like marshmallows and her unicorn eraser.

She was grinning broadly and waving enthusiastically and gave me the thumbs up when I showed her my warm clothing attire, proudly pointing at my woolen scarf.

"Hey guys, guys look!" she called and waved us over.

Quinn let out a little whine but didn't protest and further when I linked our arms and led her towards Brittany through the snow covered front yard.

"What is it, B?" I asked when we were close enough so I didn't have to shout.

"Look!" she repeated and stepped aside. It took me a second to actually do as she said and look away from her bright eyes and her excited smile. She was so beautiful and I hated that I wanted to reach out and trail my fingers down her slightly pink cheeks just to feel her again. I hated it because it was Brittany, and I couldn't go there with her. Especially not in front of Quinn.

I closed my mouth, which I noticed had apparently hung agape just the tiniest bit, and quickly tore my eyes away from her and onto what she had stepped aside to show us.

Behind her on the last step of the stairs sat Lord Tubbington and both Quinn and I had to snort.

"Oh my god." Quinn said quietly and shook her head.

I grinned and watched as Brittany picked up the fat cat and held his paws away from his very puffy, very cheerful Christmas jumper he had been clawing at in frustration.

I couldn't explain it, but somehow I always got a little gleeful whenever Lord Tubbington seemed to be miserable. Maybe because that cat had cockblocked me more times than I would care to admit. Plus, he always glared at me, like I was annoying him in some way.

"Doesn't he look totally awesome?" she beamed at him and Quinn and I shot each other a quick look.

"Yeah, totally." I said slightly sarcastic as Quinn nodded and hummed agreeing. "Can we go now?"

I ignored her and poked at LT's jumper. It was really puffy and a little itchy as well.

"Where did you get that?" I asked with a little laugh, shaking my head as she gestured if I wanted to hold him.

"I bought it two days ago!" she smiled and put him back down onto the step behind her, probably because he was getting too heavy.

"Where? The XXL-store for cats?" Quinn sneered and Brittany raised her eyebrows and shot me a questioning look.

"She's grumpy." I explained, waving Quinn off.

"Actually I got it from the children's department at Macy's." she answered, waving goodbye to Lord Tubbington and closing the door behind her.

I clenched my jaw so I wouldn't laugh and hummed instead.

Quinn was already ahead of us and led us back to my car, jumping from foot to foot once she got there and groaning in frustration when I took my sweet time to unlock it.

Manually of course. Because it was just more fun that way.

When the doors finally clicked open Quinn shot me a dirty glare and scrambled onto the backseat.

"You're e-evil." She chattered as Brittany and I closed our own doors, taking three tries to buckle herself in because her hands were shaking from the cold.

I just smirked and started the car.

* * *

"Can you hear anything?"

I looked up from my history book that was resting against my elevated knees which I had perched against the edge of Brittany's desk. Brittany was looking at me apprehensively, her eyes bright and her posture alert. Her pen was hovering over her math notes and I noticed that she was almost all the way done with my test and raised my eyebrows, impressed by her speed.

"Huh? No? Why?" I asked, my eyebrows lightly dipping in confusion. I looked over to the door as if I could see whether someone had knocked just by staring at it.

When Brittany didn't answer and the door, weirdly enough, didn't show any obvious sign of having been knocked against, I turned my head back only to see her smiling at me with excitement, a dark sparkle in her eyes.

I hitched an almost inaudible breath. There was no other word for it, Brittany looked…horny.

Immediately my heart rate picked up and I felt it beat rhythmically against the skin over my collar bone notch.

It was powerful but soft at the same time.

My eyes involuntarily dropped from Brittany's dark blue ones to her lips and I shivered, goose bumps erupting along my arms and neck, when I saw her tongue dart out and slowly, _deliberately _slowly, trail over her own lips. First the upper one and then her lower lip got pulled against her teeth by her tongue for a split second - which seemed in slow motion -, before it slid back in the most excruciatingly sexy way.

I heard a tiny moan creep up my throat and escape my mouth before I could even think of stopping it.

Brittany slowly put the pen down, making a show of it, and my eyes followed her movement like in trance.

I felt excited and agitated and my eyes _had to _watch her. _Had to _pick up on every move she made, every _slow, _careful, calculating move, while I stayed immobile, frozen in my seat to her right.

I might have watched too many vampire or animal movies lately, but it felt like I was the prey and she was gonna pounce at me at any second.

That was probably the case though, at least judging by the way her eyes didn't leave my body and the way her breathing seemed to have picked up just like mine.

I swallowed.

"We're alone." It wasn't a question and I didn't expect an answer from her.

She swiveled her desk chair around until her entire body was facing me, her hands draped securely on the arm rests and her face a mix between expectant and amused.

Slowly I shifted from my position. Everything felt stiff from sitting like that for a while and when my legs started to tingle I wasn't sure if it was from excitement or because they had fallen asleep. Probably both.

Brittany didn't move. She just watched me as I mirrored her and sat up in Emily's desk chair, rotating it until we were face to face.

Unlike hers my hands were restless. I rubbed them over my tingling thighs and pushed my shoulders back twice to shake off the self-conscious feeling that had overcome me.

I felt her eyes on me but couldn't meet them.

Why couldn't I meet them?

My heart had taken on its – by now - usual racing thunder and everything in me screamed to calm the fuck down because I was being ridiculous.

Not three months ago, if in this situation, I would have already had stripped Brittany off her clothes and trapped her beneath me on the bed, making her moan and shiver, and secretly raveled at the sound of her panting breaths and sighs and the way she called my name.

Not three months ago _I_ would have been the one coming on to _her_, being flirty and suggestive.

I would have been the calm one, although it wasn't like Brittany had ever freaked out like I was now.

_Because she never liked me the way I like her now. She never had a crush on me. It's always been simple for her…and now I'm screwing everything up._

I twitched when suddenly her hand was on my knee, squeezing it lightly.

"San…" she hushed and when I finally looked up into her eyes I saw that her expression had changed into a soft, soothing one.

For some reason I couldn't tell you for the life of me, _that_ was what did it.

In the blink of an eye I was sitting in her lap, straddling her awkwardly on the desk chair that proved to be more uncomfortable than anticipated, my arms tightly wrapped around her neck and my lips not an inch from hers.

She made a sound of surprise but immediately her arms had snaked around my waist and she was holding me close to her body, protecting me from falling backwards.

She took in a breath in preparation to talk, but I cut her off with a needy kiss.

She hummed into my lips and her fingernails dug into the small of my back, making a shiver run down my spine to meet them.

A rush of feelings came over me, as it all hit me at once. Her touch, her perfect touch, reeling me in, pulling me close; the way her body felt underneath and between my legs; her quiet shallow breaths that sounded like the most wonderful siren song to me, singing of desire and lust; and her smell, sweet and strong and uniquely Brittany.

I felt scared and timid at feeling my own control slip again and my feelings for her take over. And I felt excited, no _exhilarated, _like I had never done anything like this before.

My skin tingled with goose bumps and feelings and I was going crazy trying to figure myself out.

And then I stopped. I stopped concentrating on myself and turned all my attention on Brittany.

And it was a thrill.

She wanted me. I could tell.

I could tell by the way her body reacted when I frantically rolled my hips into hers, grinding her, which made her hips buck up strongly and a moan escape from her mouth.

I relished in it.

I needed to hear it again.

The second moan followed after I sucked her lower lip, thrashing my tongue into her mouth unexpectedly.

And the third one I earned by scratching down both sides of her neck slowly, descending further over her heaving chest to the sides of her breasts and then all the way down her twitching abs until my own pelvis blocked the way to where I knew she wanted my fingers the most.

"San..." she sighed out breathlessly.

I didn't know if she actually had something to say or if she had just had to say my name, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

I wasn't about to let her start speaking when her mouth could be put to so much better use.

Grinning against the soft pink lips, I let my hand dip under the hem of her shirt, riding it up over her tense abdominal muscles.

Her skin was hot and smooth and I trailed my fingers hungrily over every inch of her belly that I could reach. She moaned again and this time it drew its twin from my mouth.

Hastily, desperately she reached down and grabbed the hem of her red shirt, yanking it off her own body in one quick movement.

The second it was discarded off, my eyes dropped to her breasts.

There they were. From my slightly elevated angle I could see the delicious outlines of them as I stared down, feeling a strange kind of excitement shoot through my body.

I would get to touch them, squeeze them, kiss them soon.

I didn't notice that Brittany apparently needed to free them off her bra just as much as I did until the light blue article was being thrown across the room by her right hand.

My eyes shot up for a second, staring into a blizzard of blue, before a hungry growl bubbled up my throat and then I was kissing them.

I held onto Brittany's back, pressing my hot palms strongly against her spine and hips, as she arched into my sweet assault, panting out high-pitched sighs.

My own heart was racing like crazy as I felt hers thump against my lips when I pressed them just above her left breast.

Brittany let out a groan and then, without warning, her body slumped back against the back rest of her chair.

"Mh!" I held on to her waist with both hands, clenching my thighs and calves stronger against her thighs to not lose balance and slide off her altogether.

The second I felt secure enough to move again, trusting that we wouldn't fall off the chair, I moved my wet lips over her left nipple.

It was rock hard and I shivered at the feeling of it pressing against my soft upper lip, before I took it into my mouth and sucked hard.

Brittany's rapid pants were nearing hyperventilation and I felt my panties stick to my pulsing clit as I grinded into her over and over and over, her hands tangling in my hair and clawing at my shoulders frantically while mine had found support on the desk edge behind her chair.

I couldn't form one coherent thought. All I knew was that I needed to feel her, kiss her, touch her, and make her know that she was mine.

My lips found the pulse point beneath her right ear and my breath hitched when I felt her heart thundering against the soft skin.

It was thundering for me.

Slowly my tongue trailed up her slender neck to her ear. I leaned my cheek against hers and just breathed heavy breaths into her ear for a few moments, catching my breath and trying to calm down my swirling thoughts.

As my chest rose and fell against hers, her hands gently slid down my arms until she grabbed around my elbows. It wasn't where she usually put her hands, but somehow I liked the light pressure as she just held my arms like that, her choppy, hot breaths hitting my neck in quick waves.

We had calmed down somewhat and I slowed my hips until I was only rocking into her in slow, languid motions, not the frenzied thrusts they had given just seconds ago.

My heart hammered and I left my eyes closed as I breathed in her familiar scent, lightly dropping my forehead down onto her left shoulder.

Her hands let go of my elbows and started rubbing up and down my back, lightly pushing me into her with every lazy thrust of my pelvic.

Slowly but steadily the pushes became harder again and her hands directed me to go faster, like our quickening breaths.

I drew back my head until our pants mingled between our open mouths and we stared into each other's eyes, chasing our desires higher and higher again.

My eyebrows were twitching as the tingles in my stomach transformed into a throbbing, white-hot knob that spun tighter and tighter whenever our pelvises found friction.

"B-britt…"

I needed her to know. I needed her to tell me it was okay and that she felt it too.

I needed her to safe me or otherwise I knew my heart would strangle me.

But she just let out a moan, furrowing her eyebrows and shaking her head, and captured my lips with hers, her hands pushing me into her more forcefully as her fingernails dug into the soft flesh of my hips.

My tongue begged for hers and she let them meet with passion.

I hungrily closed my lips around the warm muscle and sucked on it, making her moan into my mouth and buck up her hips. It felt amazing. Something about the way it filled up my mouth and still left room for her lips to press to mine in an awkward kiss made it… whole.

I didn't let it go, alternating between sucking and biting it lightly, until she pulled it out of my mouth and desperately gasped for air.

The gasp pushed her naked chest against my clothed one and the feeling of her erect nipples poking into my soft breasts almost made me faint.

My lips were on her neck, ravishing the hot, pulsing skin there, biting, licking, kissing…until…

A car door was being thrown shut under Brittany's window and Emily's voice carried up into the room as she chatted to her parents.

I froze at the same time as Brittany picked up her speed and scrambled to undo my jeans.

She was frantically trying to unbuckle my belt and when I covered her hand to stop her she pushed it away aggressively, brows furrowed and jaw set.

"Britt…"

She shook her head, staring down, unzipping my pants.

I tried to take her hands again but she almost threw me off her lap as she shoved them away again.

"Britt, stop." I told her, my voice soft but also strained.

Everything was a cloudy blur. Everything was…surreal.

The way she practically clawed at me jeans, trying to pull them off with me still sitting on her lap; the way my heart hammered and ached at the same time; the way I now felt numb when seconds before the current running through my body could have illuminated all of Lima.

The incessant tug of Brittany's fingers against the hem of my pants finally made me snap out of it enough to grab her hands forcefully.

"Brittany, stop! They're home, it's over."

She shook her head again, but her hands in mine unclenched.

"No! No…" she whispered out of breath.

I leaned my forehead against hers and closed my eyes, with one ear listening towards the stairs. So far no one had come up.

After a few second I felt Brittany relax. Her shoulders slumped slightly and I heard her choke out a tiny, strangled sound.

Without opening my eyes I released her hands and wrapped my arms around her neck, pushing us close.

She buried her face in my neck and tightened her arms around my back as well.

We sat like that until we heard Emily skip up the stairs.

Untangling myself from her that day was the hardest thing I had ever done.

* * *

So as you can see things are getting pretty serious and by the way Ryan: THAT's what steamy looks like...

Hopefully you all liked this new chapter and have something to say about it :D

Later, cuties :*


	21. Chapter 21

Late late late! So sorry for taking ages to update this. I gotta say I just had a case of the good old writer's block I'm afraid. But I finally managed to finish this chapter and I hope you'll all like it. **  
**

I also wanna thank all of you guys! The last chapter got so many reviews and it made me so so so happy! I hope you still enjoy this chapter as well (even though you had to wait a while) and aren't too cross with me to bless me with your awesome opinions!

R&R my darling ;)

* * *

**Chapter 21**

_Wham._

"Santana, we don't throw doors shut in this house!"

"Ugh, sorry mum."

I ran up the stairs, always taking two steps in one stride, and fled into my room, this time careful not to let the door slam shut behind me.

Letting out a deep breath and dumping my purse carelessly to the side, I leaned against my bedroom door for a second, pressing my eyes closed, before I pushed myself away from it and started pacing a sick looking circle from the window, past my bed, over to my desk and back to the window.

What the hell had I been thinking?

_You didn't think! That's what you were thinking! You let your fucking screwed up hormones take control!_

"Ugh!"

I stopped dead in the middle of my room in front of my bed and buried my head in my hands.

The feeling of Brittany's soft but demanding lips on mine was still leaving them tingling and the image of her naked heaving chest had burnt itself into my mind, making it hard for me to concentrate on anything else than the prickling desire that had my body humming and my heart racing.

"Stupid!" I cursed myself under my breath. I had known that it would be a bad idea to do anything sexy with her while I was still crushing on her, but my body had taken control.

And now, now that I was back home, I was riled up again and freaking out. On the car ride back to my house I had managed to somehow lose all calmness I had gathered at Brittany's and completely panic instead.

What if I hadn't heard the car door slam? Her parents could have caught us! Emily almost had.

Or if they hadn't come home at all…it could have been even worse…I could have slept with Brittany and ruined everything.

For the first time I found myself actually wishing that Rory still lived with Brittany and not with his aunt and cousins who had come to live in America about three months after Boy Irish had.

He had always been a reliable cock-block.

Even Lord Tubbington had disappointed me this afternoon. I hadn't seen his bushy tail once. _Traitor!_

Not that sleeping with Brittany on its own was a bad thing, far from it, but I didn't trust myself in this state.

This confused, emotional state I had been in for way too long now.

I resumed pacing the room and frantically tried to think of a solution to this.

Because I couldn't do this anymore. It was just too hard to stay away from her and not even be able to tell her why I was being distant. Not that she had asked me directly, in fact, she hadn't brought it up at all.

I stopped again and frowned.

Why hadn't she brought it up?

Brittany usually noticed any change in my behavior the second it happened. She was eerie perceptive that way.

But this time she hadn't asked me once why I didn't call her up to ask her to come over for some sweet lady kisses anymore. She hadn't asked about the lack of make-out sessions in the janitor's closet at school and she hadn't said anything about missing my suggestive touches and glances during classes.

_Didn't she notice? Does she not even miss it? _

A tiny part of my mind let my body be flooded with a sudden jolt of sadness and disappointment, before reason took over.

_No, that can't be…not the way she was ready to rip my clothes off the last few tutoring sessions we had. But what is it then? Why isn't she confronting me about it?_

I sat down in front of my bed on my soft, black and red carpet.

Resting my forearms on my tugged up knees, I gently leaned my chin forward onto my left wrist and stared at the small stain that sat on the edge of my carpet ever since Brittany and I had had the brilliant idea of trying out red wine on the floor of my room to celebrate my new carpet.

Shaking my head slightly, I let out a tiny sigh and closed my eyes again.

This was bad.

If I didn't start controlling myself better around her I could end up hurting both of us.

It had been way too close this time.

My heart clenched fearfully when I realized how true that thought really was.

I had almost told her about my crush, had almost spilled all the confusing, 'more than friends' feelings I had for her.

An involuntary shudder ran down my spine and I lifted my head off my arms, leaning back against the bed and taking a deep breath through my nose, as I mentally shook off the image of Brittany's shocked or pitying expression upon telling her I had a big lesbian crush on her.

Lesbian.

My breathing picked up and my mouth went dry. I had never even thought that word out loud in my head before. I didn't like it, it felt wrong, nauseating even.

Lesbian.

I actively shook my head now to get rid of the cold, icy feeling that was creeping up my neck.

No, that was ridiculous.

I stood up and walked out of my room without waiting another second. I had to get out.

"And where do you think _you_'re going, mi amor?" my mum's voice interrupted my power walk towards the front door.

My arm froze in the middle of the air, just having been extended to grab my winter coat.

_Right. Grounded. Fuck._

"Um…" I slowly turned around on the spot and saw her standing in the doorway to the kitchen, both of her hands on her hips and her left eyebrow raised.

"I need some fresh air." I said, faintly noticing the weird tone that laced my voice.

My mum had apparently picked up on it too, because immediately she changed her posture. She took her hands from her hips and tilted her head.

"Are you not feeling well, mija?" she asked, the slightest touch of concern strengthening her accent.

"I'm fine. Just wanted to go for a quick walk." I said, this time consciously trying to rid my voice of the unusual undertone.

She eyed me curiously.

"Please? I'll be back before dad comes home." I promised, staring at her calmly, holding perfectly still despite the inner almost panicky restlessness that was nearly driving me insane.

At least I still had _some _self-control, I noticed grimly as my mum's posture relaxed and she nodded slowly.

"Okay, but take your phone for emergencies." She instructed, her brows furrowing in light concern.

Ever since my dad had told her about a girl that had come into the hospital, having been attacked on her way home from a friend's house only one town over, she didn't like the idea of me being outside after dark, which kinda sucked since it was winter and after dark meant after six.

My dad and I weren't as worried since it had happened in a knowingly 'bad' part of that town and our neighborhood was anything but, but nevertheless we didn't antagonize her on the subject and I always took my cell phone and sometimes even pepper spray when I went out by foot after the sun had already set.

I shot her a quick smile in thanks and patted the left pocket of my cheerleading jacket, indicating that I had it on me.

She nodded again and I hurriedly grabbed the coat and my scarf and left the house without another word.

Even though I had somehow roughly been aware of the time and had registered my mum's worry, I was still somewhat taken by surprise when I was met by complete darkness as I stepped outside the house.

It threw me for a second and I looked up from my feet to orientate myself as my hurried footsteps came to a halt just outside the door, but the urge to keep moving, to get some sort of outlet for my tumbling thoughts, drove me to walk on.

I zipped up my black coat and buried my hands deep inside the warm pockets, drawing up my shoulders as I crossed the short path from our house to the side walk in a light-footed jog.

I came down to a quick, even walking pace and managed to turn two corners before my thoughts caught up with me.

What was I supposed to do?

Had Brittany not cut me off with her kiss, I would have told her. I was sure of it.

I would have told her…well, what exactly?

How would I have explained the tingling, unnerving feelings I couldn't even really make sense of myself?

Would I have said, 'Britt, I think I have a crush on you.' Plain and simple and totally horrifying?

Or would it have come out more like this, 'Britt, I can't stop thinking about you. About what you mean to me.' The truth, but it could be interpreted many different ways.

Or, and this was the worst option I could think of, would it have been down-right word-vomit, along the lines of, 'Britt, I feel all tingly inside whenever you're near me, or whenever I think of you, which is all the time. Everything reminds me of you and I just want you to hold me close and never let me go.'

I actually cringed at that thought and my face contorted into a grimace.

_Oh god, I can never go near her again!_

The panic rose within me and I broke out into a run, desperate to escape the haunting feeling that I was steadily losing control over my own actions.

It took me two blocks and one heart-attack causing dog jumping out at me against one of the gates and barking like mad, scaring the shit out of me, before I had the power to calm myself down.

I fell back into my walking pace and listened to my own breathing and heartbeat return to normal.

_Okay, get it together. You can do this! It's just a crush! Just do it like Finn…_

My mind jumped to the mailman story Quinn had told me about. Apparently it helped Finn distract himself whenever he was about to…arrive early. _Gross._

It wasn't _exactly _where my problem lay, but it was close enough. I needed something to distract me whenever I felt like I was about to spill my feelings to Britt or get too carried away sex wise.

Cause no mailman was gonna stop me once _all_ the clothes were gone. I had _some _self-control…I wasn't a miracle worker.

_No one_ could turn down a naked Brittany, and as I had said, I didn't trust my mind not to start revealing my secrets once we were at it.

So all I had to do was find my mailman.

I wrecked my brain for something powerful enough to tear my attention away from a lust-driven unicorn like I had had it this afternoon, but nothing seemed strong enough.

Not the memory of my cousin stabbing himself in the eye with a pencil, nor the one of my abuela chasing me with a rolling pin after I had eaten all of the dough for our Christmas cookies when I was five.

Not even Quinn's dad's face that time he came home early and found me holding a half-naked Britt's legs up who was trying to stand on her hands against the new wide screen TV, while his daughter was laughing hysterically, on the edge of passing out, draped over the coffee table with her head upside down.

I had never seen anybody radiate so much anger in my life and I was sure if Quinn's mum hadn't been right behind him he would have beaten the crap out of all three of us.

Quinn had never before in any way hinted that her dad might be violent and I still don't think he ever hit her, but in that moment I was dead sure he would.

With Mrs. F looking wide eyed over his shoulder however he had 'only' thrown Brittany and me out and grounded Quinn for life, which turned out to be two and a half months without allowance.

I hadn't stepped one foot inside Quinn's house since that night.

That was a little over two years ago.

I couldn't believe how much had changed since then.

Amongst other things Quinn had gotten pregnant and had a baby, Brittany had dated _Artie _– that name still made me frown – and I had gotten thrown off the Cheerios, rejoined them, and started crushing on my best friend.

And, not to forget, all three of us had joined Glee club.

_Crazy…_

"Hey, Lopez!"

Something small hit my shoulder. I looked up just in time to see the dark shape of Puck fling another small object at me from across the old fence surrounding his garden.

I hadn't even realized I had been coming this direction.

I caught the thing he had been throwing at me and realized that it was a gummy bear.

"Hey Ferret-hea-eeey!"

As I looked up from my hand again another one hit me in the face and I threw my hands up reflexively and tumbled a step back.

"Quit it, Puckerman!" I snarled, but Puck just laughed and threw one in the air, catching it with his mouth.

That's when I heard another voice chuckle.

When I got closer to the fence I spotted a head of blonde hair. Bieberlicious was sitting on the steps leading up to the house.

"Hey Trouty, what are you doing here?" I greeted, giving a half-hearted wave and a nod, before putting both of my hands into my pockets.

Sam lifted his hand and wiggled the thing in it. I furrowed my eyebrows and squinted at it. Even though Sam was sitting right below the porch light it was hard to see what he was holding.

I was about to tell him he should just spit it out, when Puck cleared it up for me.

"Look what Sammy-boy scored!" Puck called enthusiastically and pointed down. His finger directed my eyes at two toy monster trucks, one of which was now moving, zooming back and forth and around Puck's feet quickly.

"Hey!" Puck laughed out as Sam made the little car crash into his leg.

Sam grinned broadly but backed the car away. "My uncle Luis gave them to me and my little brother for our birthdays." He explained even though I hadn't asked. "He works at a toy shop. He's actually the manager."

"Ah." I bobbed up my head once, not really up for feigning interest.

"What are you doing out so late, chica? I thought you were grounded for another week." Puck grinned as he walked over to Sam and sat down next to him.

I scowled at him. "I am. I was just going for a walk and it's none of your damn business."

"Whow! Calm down. I was just making conversation." He chuckled obnoxiously and raised his hands in front of his body like I was totally overreacting.

That pissed me off even more. Puck had this way about him, that _he_ thought was extremely cool, but pretty much everybody else thought was pretentious and annoying.

I personally found it extremely provoking most of the time, so I couldn't hold back an aggressive grunt and my signature eye-roll before turning to leave.

"Hey, come on, Santana." Sam called out and I turned back around, visibly annoyed.

Sam was looking at me expectantly to let it go and come back, ignoring Puck who was looking confused and asking Sam what he had said that had upset me.

With another roll of my eyes I took the few steps back to the fence and leaned against it.

"So what, you're just out here playing with your little toy cars? You came all the way over to Mohawk's house just for that?" I asked with a slight sneer.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, I guess."

I snorted.

"Hey, don't mock it until you've tried it." Puck said defensively and stood up.

He walked over to me and offered me his remote. I only raised my eyebrows. Remote control cars really weren't my thing. See, I wasn't into _lame_ stuff.

But he just held my gaze until I rolled my eyes again and took the remote.

"Fine. So what do I d-_aah_!" I had pushed a little nub on the control and one of the cars had jumped to life and driven full speed against the old apple tree.

Sam chuckled and Puck tried to hold back his laughter as he saw my shocked face.

"Women behind the wheel." He clicked his tongue playfully.

"Haha." I replied humorlessly and went over to the gate. "Shut up and just show me how to work this thing?" I walked to where the little car still had its front pressed against the tree and sat it back next to the other one.

"Kay, come here. The Puck's gonna show you how it's done." Puck waved me over to the light.

I ignored his typical idiocy and directed my footsteps toward the two guys.

As I walked over I noticed that they had actually cleared the snow in the garden so they could play with their toy monster trucks. Boys are such kids.

I sat down one step below Sam and Puck scooted down as well to show me how to control my car.

It wasn't that hard once you had figured out the buttons, even though - as Sam proudly told me - it was apparently an extra complex race car set. Like the newest on the market or something.

Whatever, it turned out to be kinda fun. Especially because my car totally owned Trouty's.

"Oh, come on!" the blonde boy threw up his hands and Puck fist-bumped me again.

I had been racing with them for quite a while and Sam's monster truck had had no chance against mine whatsoever. Although, whenever Puck took Sam's control it was more head to head. Okay, fine, my truck didn't stay on its wheels longer than a minute when Puck was my opponent, but I was getting better at avoiding his hits and attacks.

"We said no side-crashes!" Sam frowned, setting the remote down next to him and picking up his coke instead.

"Oh, boo-hoo." I mocked and rolled my eyes, making my red, flamey monster truck race circles around his black and blue one which was lying helplessly on its back.

"Bro, you're total shit at this!" Puck teased with a light laugh and Sam defended that he had only just gotten it.

"So? She's been killing you and she's only been playing for like an hour." Puck gave back.

A shock ran through my body. "What? Oh, fuck! What time is it?" I jumped up and patted down my coat to see which pocket my phone was in.

I found it and whipped it out. "Don't know, like nine or something?" Sam answered me as I unlocked my phone.

_8:57 pm_

"Shit!" I hissed.

My dad usually came home around nine these days and I had three missed calls from my mum.

"What's going on?" Sam asked almost concerned. But before I could answer Puck was already doing it for me.

"The little Cheerleader is grounded, remember?" he sniggered. "Ou!"

Now Sam was sniggering and Puck was rubbing the back of his head. "See you tomorrow loser!" I called to Sam as I jogged over to the gate and pushed it open hastily, dialing my mum's number.

"Bye Santana." Sam's voice called after me, while Puck just growled.

As I turned the corner I could still hear him complain and ask why he always got hit around the head by girls.

_He should just be grateful it's only his head. Can't do much damage there anyway._

I snorted. That wasn't _really_ true though. Puck was actually not that stupid. He just acted like it sometimes.

"Santana!?" my mum's shrill voice tore me out of my thoughts. I pressed the phone closer to my ear to hear her better over the cold wind that was whooshing past my head as I jogged.

I slowed to a hurried walk.

"Hey mum, I'm sorry, I didn't hear your calls. My phone was still on silent fro-"

"Oh my god, you're okay?! Santana Maria Lopez! You almost gave me a heart attack!" she screeched.

_Oh shit! Middle name..._

"Lo siento, mama! I'm really really sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, I just ran into Puck and Sam an-"

"You said you'd just go for a run, not meet friends! And you were supposed to be home before your dad gets home!" she accused.

"I know, I'm almost there." I kept it short. Longer sentences didn't have a very high survival rate when my mum was this upset.

"Okay. Well, we'll talk about this when you get home. Hurry and be careful." She said a little more calmly.

"Si, mama." I rolled my eyes and hung up. I felt bad for having worried her but she _was _overreacting a bit if you asked me.

I hoped she wouldn't extend my punishment because I had foolishly told her that I had run into the boys.

It wasn't like I had _arranged_ to meet them! I had just run into them.

I sighed as I started jogging again.

* * *

As it turned out my dad had been late as well and had come home just before I did and my parents were wonderfully busy telling each other of their day when I came, so my mum just gave me a quick word about how she had been really worried and I should keep better track of the time next time before I was allowed to go up to my room.

So now I was sitting on my bed, wrapped up in a towel after my shower and dialing Brittany's number for our daily phone call.

I was a bit nervous after how we had left things this afternoon but I didn't want her to think that I was mad or that she had done something wrong. Besides, I really wanted to talk to her. I had gotten so used to our daily conversations since I got grounded and I missed her already.

_Wow. This must be like the mother of all crushes…Jesus!_

I bit my nails anxiously as I waited for her to pick up.

"_Heyyyy!"_ I was greeted by Brittany's happy voice.

I chuckled and lowered my hand away from my mouth, "Hey you. Why so happy?"

"_What do you mean?"_

"You just sound very chipper, Britt." I smiled slightly.

"_I've just been really looking forward to your call." _

I nodded even though she couldn't see it and hummed. My smile had broadened though. She had missed me too.

"_I thought you might not today. Call, I mean." _She said more quietly and I could hear that she was a little insecure about something. That made me frown.

"Of course I'd call. We talk every night, B."

"_Yeah, I know, it's just…" _her voice faded away and I was sure if we were face to face she would be averting her gaze and looking away from me. Probably at her hands or at Lord Tubbington or something.

"Just what?" I asked. I was curious, but also a bit afraid of the answer. Actually way afraid. More like terrified.

Today had been intense and maybe she thought that something had changed. I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want her to start doubting us too. _I_ was doing that already. She needed to stay our silent rock until I had figured things out or until my crush would go away.

Either way…I was afraid she might tell me that she was confused. And for once I needed her not to be, because I was. So terribly confused.

"_Just, you know…you normally call earlier and I thought maybe you had fallen asleep or…or were mad at me or something." _Her voice was so quiet at the end that I almost didn't catch the last part.

Relieve flowed through my body at the same time as my brows furrowed.

"Mad? Why would I be mad at you?" I asked, quickly letting this afternoon's events run through my mind again, not letting myself get caught up in the more sexy parts of it.

I hadn't thought I'd seemed angry. There was nothing I would be mad about.

Actually I don't think I've ever really been mad at her. Even if I got short with her or snapped at her, it had never been her fault. Usually I was angry about something else and she just happened to be there. Because she was always there.

I felt a wave of sadness hit me as I realized that I had been unfairly bitchy to her so many times and had yet never apologized for it. It hurt my heart to think that I caused her to doubt herself and think that she had done something wrong, like she obviously did now.

"_I don't know…" _she murmured. _"Maybe...maybe because I was, you know…I almost got us caught."_

I sighed and my shoulders slumped. "Britt. That wasn't your fault-"

"_I just! I miss you, Sanny. I miss hanging out with you after school and…and I miss…I miss everything." _I heard her sigh and sniffle quietly. "_I just miss you."_

I wanted to reassure her. To tell her that I missed her too. So much. But I couldn't talk. My throat was being strangled by a big lump and my vision was blurry from the unshed tears that were swimming in my eyes.

"_I'm sorry for being so pushy this afternoon, I shouldn't have done that, it was so stup-"_

"Stop!" I got out, although my voice sounded strange and gurgled.

I sniffed and quickly wiped the tears out of my eyes with my right hand.

"Stop it, Britt. You're _not _stupid. It wasn't your fault that we almost got caught and you didn't do anything wrong. I wanted it just as much as you did."

"_But you stopped us. You weren't so…" _

"Out of control? Believe me, I was. I have no idea how I managed to stop. I just…I guess I'm…"

_More terrified of getting caught than you are. More of a coward. Weaker. "_I don't know. I just know that I miss you too. Being grounded sucks." I said, hoping to bring the conversation back to a safer topic.

I think we both knew that I had left some things unsaid, that I had avoided the reality of the mutual 'I miss you's, but neither of us pointed out that being grounded was only part of our issue here.

She was silent for a while and I didn't interrupt it. The quiet sound of her even breaths was somehow calming me down. They soothed me until I felt like everything was going to be okay.

I lay down on my back, holding my towel closed with my free hand and looked up at my ceiling. The small light from my night desk lamp was throwing shapeless shadows on it and I tried to trace their outlines with my tired eyes. It was a game I had always done as a child when I was supposed to go to sleep but couldn't and there was enough light from the hallway to produce shadows on my ceiling.

Most children were scared of the dark, or so everybody said, but I had never been scared of it. Just bored.

Tracing the outlines of shadows had always been soothing to me for as long as I could remember and that hadn't changed until now.

I didn't do it as much anymore, but that was simply because I usually wasn't in a situation where I could do it. Now I went to bed when I was really tired so I would always fall asleep quickly and other times my mind was so busy that I didn't even register the faint shadows on the ceiling as thoughts and worries reeled through my head mercilessly.

Right now would have been such a moment too. But with Brittany's soothing breaths in my ear I felt myself relax and lazily follow the curves and bumps and blurry lines of my imaginary ceiling painting.

"_Ducks can hold their breath fifty minutes under water." _

As I laughed my heart laughed with me and it felt so good.

* * *

"_Why didn't you tell her you didn't have it?"_

"_Oh, I don't know, Britt, maybe cause I didn't want her to tell everybody that I'm seeing a shrink? Ugh!"_

_I was pacing back and forth in front of Brittany's bed, fuming with fury at the injustice._

_Brittany pouted and watched me walk restlessly back and forth from her position on the bed._

_Her hands were in her lap and she unconsciously turned the silver friendship bracelet over and over around her wrist. My eyes flickered to it every few seconds and it gave me an uneasy feeling somehow, which I translated to annoyance._

"_She's such a conniving bitch!" I snapped, feeling my own brows start to quiver from being pulled down into a frown for so long._

"_I'm telling you she was just waiting for an opportunity to tank me and I bet Quinn was the one who told her that bull about me getting a boob job. God, she's unbelievable!" I threw my head back and my hands up and stopped for a second to kick one of Lord Tubbington's toys out of my way. It squeaked and flew against the door with a soft thud._

_Brittany didn't say anything for a minute. She just watched me resume my pacing in silence until I heard her mumble, "But who will tell me which insult is my new nickname now? I'll never know when she's talking to me and then she'll shout at me even more…" _

_I stopped as I heard the fragile and teary tone in Brittany's quiet voice._

_When I turned around to look at her I was shocked to see a tear silently rolling down her cheek. _

_Within a second I was sitting next to her on the bed, soothingly wrapping one arm around her waist._

"_Hey, come on. It won't be that bad. Coach knows you're the best dancer on the squat, she's not _that_ stupid. She won't throw you out or anything." I tried to uplift her spirits, but it didn't really work. She just sniffled and pouted at her hands. She was still fidgeting with the bracelet and I covered her hand with mine to stop her._

_She looked up at me. "But maybe I don't even wanna be on the squad anymore." She said in a slightly whiney tone and I tilted my head and smiled at her sadly. _

"_B, that's complete bullcrap. You love cheerleading." I reminded her gently._

"_It won't be any fun without you." She said quietly, looking deep into my eyes._

_It always freaked me out when she did that, so I looked away and cleared my throat._

_When I spoke it was in a louder voice, not the hushed soft one I had been using. That was getting too intimate._

"_Look, " I started, taking a deep breath through my nose and straightening my back as I patted her hand instead of gently covering it, "it'll be fine. You just go on and I'll maybe watch or something. Besides, you still got Quinn. She didn't get _you _thrown off the team, so she clearly wants you around." I rolled my eyes. _

_Quinn and I weren't really getting along too well at the moment, but even though I'd rather poke my own eye out than be nice to that bitch I knew that this 'fighting' or whatever it was, was something between the two of us. It had nothing to do with Brittany and now that Coach had kicked me off the Cheerios, Quinn was the best choice for her to hang out with._

_Brittany sniffed again. "Do you really think she lied to Coach about your boob job to get you thrown off the squad?" she asked me sadly, her watery eyes staring into mine._

_I was quiet for a bit, but then rolled my eyes and groaned gently. "Noooo. Probably not." _

_I gave in and a tiny smile lit up Brittany's face, instantly making me feel better._

_I really didn't think Quinn was _that _selfish and awful. She wouldn't do that to me. Right?_

_Brittany sighed and leaned her head onto my shoulder. _

"_Hey how about we pop in some Disney movie and I get us Dots and stuff and we just chill tonight?" I suggested, squeezing Brittany's waist encouragingly._

_She nodded against my shoulder and I smiled._

"_Okay then chose a movie and I'll check the kitchen for snacks." I said, shrugging her head off my shoulder with a smirk._

_She smiled back gently and got up._

_When I came back from the kitchen her mood had changed dramatically._

"_Oh my god, San! I just can't decide! I haven't seen this one in ages! –" she lifted a DVD up I expertly recognized as 'Pocahontas', "But this one is soooo awesome! –" her other hand showed me 'The Lion King', "And that one is just so cute!" she exclaimed excitedly and pointed at her third option. 'Bear Brothers'._

_I smiled at her improved mood and sat the snacks – two packets of Dots and a bag of Nachos – down on the bed before walking over to her and kneeling down next to her._

_She was sitting with her legs crossed and looked at me expectantly._

"_Hmm, lemme see…" I took the first two choices from her hands. "Well, you always get upset when Mufasa dies," I said, thoughtfully looking down at the cover before moving my head to take in the two Bears on the other DVD. "-and we watched Bear Brothers two weeks ago, sooo…" I raised my eyebrows and made a duck face._

"_Okay!" she chirped and turned to grab 'Pocahontas'. _

_I smirked softly at her enthusiasm and got up, making myself comfortable on the bed._

_This was far more the real Brittany than the sad-faced girl I had had in my arm not ten minutes ago and I was glad she was so resilient to anything that brought her usually chipper self down. Like a child but just uniquely 'Brittany' somehow._

_A minute later I had switched off the lights and Brittany was snuggled up to my side, pressing play._

_We watched the movie in silence for a bit until she giggled and I absent-mindedly turned my head to look at her._

_Her eyes were bright and small from the huge, adoring smile she was wearing. She wore that smile whenever she found something cute. Like the ducks at the park or any kind of cartoon animal like now. Sometimes even _I_ got that look from her. It always made me feel happy but embarrassed at the same time._

_I unconsciously watched her. The way her chest rose and fell with her calm even breaths, the way the corners of her mouth and her eyebrows twitched sometimes along with what was happening on the screen, the way the soft light of the TV flickered over the skin of her face, neck and cleavage. It was all so… enticing. _

_I suddenly grinned lustfully and leaned over, placing my soft lips on her neck decisively as my warm hand covered her abs._

_She twitched adorably and let out a soft, surprised breath._

_I could feel her pulse and breathing pick up immediately and smirked even wider at the effect I had on her. My lips passionately engulfed her sweet skin and I sucked, humming out deeply against her neck._

_Brittany moaned quietly and the covers underneath us rustled as I moved until my body was covering the side of hers, my left hand stretched out onto the soft pillow next to her right shoulder while my other forearm was pressed into the mattress to hold my own body up a little._

_As my left knee pushed her legs open a high pitched sound escaped her mouth between choppy breaths and her body twitched in anticipation._

_I liked making her body twitch like that. It made me feel in control and also very sexy._

_I bit down sexily on the crook of her neck and then trailed my tongue up to her ear. I could feel the goose bumps on her skin as I licked and they made a jolt of excitement race through my body._

_My left hand lifted off the pillow and cupped the side of her face instead as my body weight shifted more onto my right supporting arm and my lips moved to capture hers._

_Feeling her fast shallow breaths against my moist lips was intoxicating and I quickly pushed my tongue into her mouth that had been slightly open, just waiting for me to claim it._

_She moaned into my mouth and I rocked my leg against her centre, rolling my body onto hers._

_Her body reacted instinctively and soon we were both grinding into each other fast and frantic, the movie playing behind us, long forgotten._

_Her kisses tasted so damn good. _

_Her warm, demanding tongue dancing with mine made me wet at my core and her desperate hands clutching to my back made me pant and sigh softly against her lips._

_Sleeping with boys was fine, but when they came it never gave me the satisfaction I got from only Brittany's quiet moans and pants. They were just suck a sweet sound that I wanted to hear them again and again, like I was in some sort of delirium. It was like a drug to me._

_Brittany's version of 'Toxic' came into my mind and when I had thought I'd been turned on then, I was definitely down-right dripping now._

_The feeling of Brittany's left leg pushing up into my crotch drew a wanting grunt from my lips and I couldn't wait any longer. I had to have her. Now!_

_Hastily I withdrew my hand that had been massaging her abs under her shirt, and traced it down to pull down her Cheerios skirt and spanks. _

_Brittany complied quickly by lifting up her hips to allow me to pull them off her and I did._

_As soon as I had discarded of the red and white items of clothing I returned my hands to her stomach where her shirt had ridden up and reattached my lips to her neck._

_Her skin was hot all over and touching her rock hard, defined abs made my fingers tingle incredibly, as I bit down on her smooth neck hungrily – making Brittany's breath hitch – and then sucked the soft skin into my mouth until it bruised._

_Somewhere in the back of my head a voice was shouting at me._

'_Shit! Shouldn't have done that! Ah, what the hell…she'll just have to wear a scarf or say it was someone else.'_

_I pushed it aside and traced my hands higher up Brittany's stomach, enjoying how her abs twitched in response to my touch. I couldn't get enough of it and I could have done it all night long._

_But her hands were tugging at my shirt and she hummed demandingly between heavy breaths._

_I reluctantly pulled back enough for her to get my skin tight Cheerios top off my body – probably not to be worn for a while -, before I dove for her lips again._

_The few dark strands of my hair that had come loose from my tight ponytail framed our faces and tickled at her cheeks and temples as we kissed deeply. Her soft lips pressed into mine and our tongues battled, running over each other's lips in untamed haste._

_I captured her lower lip with both of mine and sucked and bit passionately, while my pelvic pushed down into hers._

_It was fast and rough like always and still I needed it to be faster and…without distractions._

_Without distractions like Brittany's soft touches and her warm smiles._

_What was she doing? _

_My stomach dipped as I caught her gaze at me again and I grunted in annoyance, my hands both reaching up to hold her head in place as I thrashed my tongue into her mouth possessively._

_With furrowed brows and closed eyes I kissed her until we both gasped for air and her fingers dug deeply into my bare shoulder blades._

_During our heated foreplay our bodies had slid further down the headboard so that Brittany was now lying properly down on the bed with me on top of her._

"_Mh!" I growled against her mouth demandingly as my hand pressed against the dip between her shoulder blades. She arched her back for me and I expertly undid the clasp of her bra, leaving the light pink item loose enough so I could rip it away from her heaving chest easily._

_The sight of her beautiful perky breasts actually made me stop and stare for a second and I could hear my heartbeat thundering in my ears._

_I could see that her cute, pink nipples were rock hard and the areolas around them were wrinkled in arousal. I moaned quietly before taking one into my hot mouth as the other was being massaged by my left hand._

_Brittany arched her back as another moan filled the dark room and I pushed my knee into her centre._

_She whimpered softly and the sound stirred my driven need to show her how good I could make her feel even more._

_I sucked on her nipple forcefully – drawing my name from her lips in a weak breath - before releasing it with a pop and moving up to grin at her mischievously as my left hand travelled lower, dragging my fingernails over her twitching abs, her belly button and towards the hem of her panties._

_Brittany's hips bucked up impatiently and I clicked my tongue in amusement at her neediness._

"_Uh uh uh…are we a little impatient?" I teased with an evil smirk, before biting down on her neck sexily and not moving my hand any further._

_Her hips bucked up again, stronger this time, and she nodded frantically. "Y-yes!" she got out quickly between gasps and as I lifted my head up again I marveled at the pure lust I could read in her eyes and the beautiful bright pink glow of her cheeks._

_I smirked and wiggled my fingers against her panties._

_Her hips bucked up again and she frowned up at me._

"_Saaan!" she pouted, chest still heaving fast._

_I chuckled lightly and then pushed my hand under the thin material without another warning. _

_The wetness that greeted me there was indescribable and I could feel my own juices pooling at my centre._

_Her groan was long and sexual and her head bent back in pleasure as my fingers started rubbing up and down against her already swollen clit. I quickly averted my gaze from her lust filled expression and stared at the mattress next to her ear instead, picking up my pace._

_My thundering heartbeat and her rapid high-pitched sighs and moans rang in my ears and I gripped at her arm to get more leverage, my fingers pleasuring her frantically._

_Her hot breaths that hit the sensitive skin on my neck and shoulders in quick, uneven waves made goose bumps erupt all over and I felt my nipples harden against the material of my bra._

_I lowered my body over hers a little so that our breasts touched. Even though mine were still clothed, the feeling of her nipples flicking over mine in the frantic pace my hand set, elicited a low moan from my throat and a shiver ran down my spine._

_Brittany was so wet that my fingers against her made the most delicious sounds and I could tell that I wasn't the only one getting aroused by them, as Brittany's breathing got choppy and broken – announcing her oncoming high – sooner than usual._

_Her right hand was entangled in me hair and cupped the back of my neck, scratching my scalp lightly and almost desperately holding me close, as her left one fumbled against my ribs, every now and then digging in her fingernails, accompanied by twitches of her body and little outcries whenever my manipulations on her pulsing clit hit the exact right spot._

_She was close to the edge. I could tell by the way her muscle contractions grew stronger and more frequent by the second and how she had started panting out indiscernible words and sounds._

_I clenched my teeth onto her protruding left collar bone and shifted slightly, pushing my index and middle finger deep inside of her, earning a loud yell followed by even faster breaths and moans._

_Her hips were now almost constantly lifted of the bed to give us more friction – only falling back onto the mattress every few seconds when her legs and back got too weak to hold her up – and she humped into my hand, making it slam against her._

_I fought the urge to look up into her face, knowing from experience that her ecstatic, vulnerable expression would make my heart clench uncomfortably, and bit down harder instead._

_It didn't seem like she even registered my teeth digging into her flesh however, as her left hand flew from my naked ribs and onto the mattress powerfully to give her something more stable to hold on to then my rocking body, and her right hand tugged on my hair sharply._

_Her moans so close to my ear made me close my eyes and I gave it my all as I fastened my pace even more, easily pumping in and out of her wet sex and all the while keeping my thumb on her clit, circling it frantically._

_I knew the exact moment it happened. The exact moment her orgasm hit her. And it hit her hard._

_She screamed out a loud, strangled cry and her back arched up at the same time as her head was thrown back into the pillow, building a beautiful arc from the top of her head to her hips which were pushing into the mattress hard._

_My teeth had slipped from her collar bone at the intense convulsion, allowing me to gasp in a few deep, high pitched breaths as she clamped down on my fingers strongly. _

_I felt her hot inner walls pulsate around them in orgasmic pleasure and heard her heart hammer almost frighteningly fast, amplified by the absence of the previous heavy breathing as her lungs and throat were frozen in the high._

_Finally she gasped in a much needed breath and her body slumped back down onto the mattress, powerless._

_Her sex unclenched a bit and I slowly slid my wet fingers out of her, giving her a few aftershocks as they grazed against her over-sensitive bundle of nerves._

_I wiped them on the sheets next to her hips as I lifted myself slightly off of her in order to lie down next to her._

_Both of us were panting as we came down and I stared at the ceiling, already fearing the after-sex hollowness I knew would come crawling up my body any second now. _

_And as if on command my stomach started tingling and my heart's frantic beats echoed with pain as my eyebrows twitched at the bridge of my nose and a lump appeared in my throat. _

_I hated this part. It was the part where my mind ran over every second of the act, not in joyous memory, but in overanalyzing, terrifying paranoia._

_Had I really done it again? Slept with my best friend? A girl? Had I really put my fingers inside her to pleasure her? Made her scream my name? Made Brittany scream my name? Innocent Brittany?_

_The lump in my throat hardened and it was painful to swallow. _

_Why? Why couldn't I just stop? _

_I felt dirty and wrong, and despite the fact that I wasn't in the least prude or shy about sex, I felt ashamed._

_I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, willing my head to shut up and my body to just feel good for once._

_It didn't work. _

_The mattress dipped slightly as Brittany shifted and then I felt an arm snake over my stomach, as she cuddled close to me._

_She tried lifting her head onto my chest, but I quickly turned my body to face away from her._

_It was a reflex, a desperate attempt to escape any reminder of what I had done. Of what _we_ had done, but she snuggled up to my body anyway, ignoring my unspoken wall, and burying her face in my back._

_Her warm breaths against my neck made me shiver and she quickly reached down with her right hand and pulled up the covers we had apparently kicked to the foot of the bed. As she did so she placed her other hand gently against my back, almost like a placeholder until the arm that was just getting the covers could curl around me again. Like she needed to be touching me in some way. _

_I think she could feel my inner desire to run away and had to try and make me stay somehow._

_I stayed._

_This time._

_But as soon as I felt her breathing even out and her body relax against mine, I couldn't hold on any longer. _

_My façade crumbled away and my shoulders shook at the silent sobs, lonely tears ruthlessly making their way over the bridge of my nose and my cheeks to pool onto the pillow below my head._

_Everything ached. _

_What I didn't know was _why_…_

* * *

"Sanny?"_  
_

"Hm? Oh, sorry." I shook my head, getting rid of the last echoes of that night, and looked up from my tray.

"You okay?" Quinn eyed me curiously from across the table.

I frowned, sitting up straighter. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired."

It wasn't the most creative lie, but it wasn't completely false either. I _did_ feel awfully drained.

"The bell just rang." Brittany informed me and from her tone I gathered that somebody had already told me.

I nodded and got up, grabbing my tray. Quinn and Brittany had gotten up as well and were now walking beside me. From the corner of my eyes I saw Quinn staer at me. "You haven't touched your food, are you sure you're okay?" she asked, raising her eyebrow. I could clearly hear something else but concern ring in her voice but didn't pay it any attention. I just watched Brittany skip to the Tray-disposal corner and shrugged. "Not that hungry."

Apparently my weird change in eating habits and my unusual taciturnity intrigued Quinn however, so when she made to speak again I stopped and turned to look at her.

"Look, I just didn't sleep very well and now I have a headache which makes this food even less appealing than it already is. Now can we please drop it and get back to class so I can get this day over with?" I snapped, much more back to my old self.

Quinn wasn't impressed though and just stared at me for another second with her left eyebrow raised before shrugging. "For now."

She walked on and I inwardly sighed as I followed her to drop off my uneaten lunch as well.

Brittany rejoined us and smiled brightly, linking her pinkie with mine as we walked off towards maths.

I faintly registered the tingling sensation her touch revived in me, but was too weary about the unwelcome flashback I had just had.

It had made my stomach churn and nausiating guilt had reared its ugly head inside my chest as I had so vividly been thrown back to that memory.

Ever since that last 'almost-something' Brittany and I had had a week ago, my mind had been bombarding me with flashbacks and guilt-ridden, confusing dreams along the lines of this flashback.

I tried to clear my head from the images of a heartbroken looking Brittany, lying behind my cold-shouldered body, that were now infiltrating my thoughts, I really tried, but only when Brittany's warm hand lightly tugged on mine, was my attention shifted onto her instead.

As I looked up into her sparkling blue eyes I was greeted by a warm smile and beaming expression. "Only one more day left!" she yayed in an excited whisper, and squeezed my pinkie.

I managed a smile in return and nodded.

She was right. Only one more day then it would finally be saturday again and I would regain my freedom.

As much as I couldn't wait not to be grounded any more though, I was also nervous about it. What would happen once Brittany and I were able to hang out all the time again?

I sighed inwardly as I walked into the choir room.

_I guess I'll have to think of something. I gotta get over that stupid crush this weekend! If I don't, who knows what will happen..._

* * *

Ooooh! Gettn closer!_  
_

As you probably all already figured out, the cursive indicates a flashback ;D

Spanish:

**Mi amor** _- My love_

**Lo siento** -_I'm sorry_**  
**

**Si, mama** -_Yes, mum_**  
**

Big shoutout to all my amazing reviewers! You guys can't even believe how much your little messages mean to me! Thank you all so so so much!_  
_

I hope you liked this chapter and have something to say about it :D

Bye, my lovelies :*


	22. Chapter 22

Hey guys! I know, it's been SUCH a long time since last updated and I'm SO SO sorry! I had the mother of all writer's blocks and then life also happened and uuugh! But I finally finished the next chapter and I hope some of you out there are still excited to read it :)

Please enjoy and tell me what you think :)

* * *

**Chapter 22**

Sunday morning. Sunday freakin' morning.

I groaned and rolled to my side to glance at the alarm clock on my night stand.

_7:53 am_

"God, come on…" I whined as I threw myself back into my previous position facing the ceiling.

Staring at it, more like it, like I had done most of the night.

I hadn't slept at all. Not five minutes of fucking sleep. And not five minutes had passed in which I hadn't thought of Brittany.

Not since my parents had officially lifted my punishment last night over the dinner table.

I was free now. Free to go to a stupid party, get drunk and spill about my crush to everyone. Free to say 'yes' whenever Britt asked me if I wanted to come to hers after school. Free to go over there, to _her _house, and make a complete fool of myself.

Yep. I was free to really live out my fucking crush that hadn't gone away despite my desperate efforts and an hour of staring at a picture of a topless Ryan Reynolds last night which gave me absolutely nothing and I only ended up reading and re-reading Brittany's Facebook page.

Fuck.

I was free to royally screw up our friendship and my social status and with those, my life. Yay…

I lay there, staring at my ceiling for another hour, trying to come up with something I could really have to do today that would be a good excuse I could use to tell Brittany why I couldn't come over, until my phone dinged.

I patted around the bed, lifting my still running laptop and last year's yearbook – I had tried to find some guy I could project my crush onto, but _man_, the guys in this school were ugly! – until I finally felt it vibrate against my thumb.

I snatched it up from under the corner of my blanket and scooted back a little.

Sitting up against the headboard, I unlocked the screen and stroked the hair away from my face. It was a new message from Quinn.

I furrowed my eyebrows and checked the time again. It was still only five past nine in the morning, why the hell was she up?

A little confused and worried I opened the text.

_(9:03 am)_

_Morning sunshine ;) Soooo…free, huh? Already freaking out or hasn't it hit you yet? My grandpa is dragging me to church, but I'll be home around noon. Want to talk? – Q_

After reading the text for the third time my heart rate was still not completely back to normal.

"I hate you…" I grumbled to Quinn's smiley picture on my phone, before letting out a frustrated whiny noise and slumping back a little, pressing my stinging eyes closed for a second.

_Why the fuck does she know _everything? _I mean…you know, not _everything, _but still. I can't talk to her about it! …right? I mean…_

I opened my eyes and thought. Why couldn't I talk to Quinn about my crush? I mean, who was I kidding? She clearly already knew and I obviously wasn't in any way close to getting rid of those feelings or finding some other magical way of solving the problem.

I smiled involuntarily.

_Mmh…'magical'…Brittany loves magic! It's so beautiful how she still believes in it…I wish I could take her to Disney Land, she never got to go and she would absolutely love it. Maybe we can go there someday. But the real one in Paris. And we'll rent a hotel room from which we can see the Eiffel tower and the way it sparkles at night. It'd make her eyes sparkle even more when I'd stare into them and then I'd lean over and…FUCK!_

My body jolted upright and my jaw clenched as did my hands around the phone I was still holding.

"Stop it!" I hissed through gritted teeth, my throat closing up for about the hundredth time this week.

It was getting ridiculous. Like it wasn't enough that I couldn't seem to form a normal thought around her anymore, now I was picturing us in freakin' _Paris _together? Paris, as in the most romantic city ever? Great.

_Mhm, Santana, that should knock that crush right outta ya…_

I let out an annoyed breath and yanked back my covers as I jumped out of bed.

_I need help!_

My left thumb flew over the little buttons on my phone as I clumsily tried to dress myself with my right hand.

_(9:19 am)_

_I'll pick u up in front of the church in 2 hours. – S_

Two hours. What should I do for two hours to distract myself?

I sighed and went downstairs, looking for my running shoes.

* * *

"Okay. I got my Latte, you got your coffee, Snix chased those guys out of these good seats and we're sitting comfortably next to the radiator, now spill, Lopez." Quinn smirked at me, draping her green easy slouch hat over the heater.

I shot her a glare, before sitting down myself and setting down my hot Lima Beans cup with more ferocity than necessary.

"Fine!" I checked if anybody was near us. "I have a crush on Brittany, satisfied now?" I said in a strained whisper, my heart racing frantically and my hand twitching as I brushed away a lose strand of slightly damp hair behind my ear.

It had been snowing lightly and silently outside all weekend long, transforming Lima into an almost magical place, with white covered houses and muffled sounds.

Quinn grinned at me victoriously as she leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest in slow motion. "Well, well, well, you're finally admitting it. Took you only about forever." She scoffed.

_What? She makes it sound like I've been crushing on her for ages. That's bullshit. I've only just been crushing on her for…well…I don't know, but not forever._

Instead of calming down, my heart pulled into overdrive and I froze, bobbing my head back and frowning at her.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I snapped. "Don't act like this is a big deal. I'm only telling you this so you stop bugging me, but if you need to make this into something it's not-"

Quinn drew in an exasperated breath and was, by the looks of it, trying to suppress rolling her eyes.

"What?!" I hissed, my fingernails digging into my palms as I clenched my fists to keep myself from fidgeting. I knew this had been a bad idea. She was reacting all wrong!

"Never mind. Just tell me what you're gonna do about it." Quinn asked, leaning forward to grab her coffee cup and then resuming her relaxed position, encircling the warm drink holder with both hands to warm them up.

I was still upset and fighting the urge to jump up and just leave, but her almost-bored body language made me calm down a bit despite her prying words.

They seemed prying to _me_ anyway.

I just stared at her, evaluating her motives for her interest in me and my feelings for Brittany, but when she just looked back over her cup she was now carefully sipping from, I managed to get my anxiety a little under control.

"I don't know." I finally answered her question, looking at my cup as I reached for it, and almost not hearing myself as a couple walked by our table, laughing carelessly.

Quinn had heard me though, or otherwise anticipated my answer since she didn't ask me to repeat it. This time she was the one giving me a reading look.

I almost sighed as I wrapped my hands around my cup as well, only now that the warmth spread over to my fingers and palms realizing that I was really cold.

"Have you talked to her about it?" she asked. But before I could reply she had answered herself. "Of course not. ", she let out a sigh.

"Hey!" I protested, slightly offended that she had just assumed I hadn't.

"Well am I wrong?" she challenged, raising one perfectly arched eyebrow.

I suppressed the childish urge to stick out my tongue to her and just ground my teeth. "No." I grumbled out, but immediately rushed to defend myself. "But, come on, what am I gonna say. 'Hey Brittany, you know how we do stuff? Yah, well I want more.'" I scoffed, before realizing what I had just said and what it sounded like.

My eyes widened and I shook my head somewhat panicky, trying to take that last bit back, surprised and shocked at what my unconscious had formed into words without my permission. It hadn't even been what I had meant to say.

"I mean, of course I don't want_ more_, I just…ugh, you know what I mean. Whatever, it just proves my point that I can't talk to her about it, cause it'll come out all wrong." I frowned.

"Actually," Quinn interrupted me, "I think that came out exactly right." She gave me a look I honestly couldn't interpret.

"What? But it sounded like I wanted to date her." I pointed out.

When Quinn just raised her eyebrows at me and let her head sink a tiny bit to give me a certain look, my face fell and I grimaced.

"No. That's bullshit, Q, come on! I do _not _want to date her_." _I blurted out louder than I had meant and immediately readjusted my volume to match our very private conversation.

_This is exactly why I didn't want to tell anyone about this. Because nobody gets it. It's just a crush. I knew she would overreact like that._

"This is exactly why I kept telling you to drop it. You're getting it all wrong!" I hissed, glaring at her.

Quinn seemed unimpressed by my hostile tone and expression. "Am I?" she simply gave back.

"Ugh! Yes!" I threw my hands up as I heavily let my body slump back in my chair.

"I don't think I am, but okay, I'll humor you." She leaned forward and placed her cup on the table. Instead of resuming her previous relaxed stance however, she stayed like that, with her elbows on the table and her eyes boring into me.

"So you've got this harmless but persistent crush on Brittany and you can't get rid of it, right?"

I suspiciously narrowed my eyes at her and nodded slowly. "Yeah..?"

She nodded her head once as I confirmed her assessment, "Right, and you get defensive when anybody thinks that it's more than that. –"

I opened my mouth to defend myself but she didn't let me get a word in edgewise, raising her hand to silence me before I had even spoken, which earned her an annoyed huff from me. I crossed my arms as she went on.

"And! And you can't stop thinking about her all the time whether she's there or not. Plus, you dig her body." She finished with the ghost of a satisfied smirk playing around her lips as she leaned back a little, dragging her hands on the table until they reached the edge and tucking up her chin, giving her a slightly haughty look.

Like a debate club candidate, cocky after having won against a particularly arrogant opponent.

And I felt like that opponent. Angry and put into place.

Because she was right. And somehow that made me furious.

"So what? That's the definition of a crush." I pointed out in an exhausted voice, ignoring the flaring alarm bells that were going off inside my head, reminding me that that statement wasn't one hundred per cent correct.

Quinn's knowing smile and her little breathy laugh as she slightly shook her head at me infuriated me even more.

"You know what? This was a mistake. I knew you wouldn't get it." I snapped and made to get up but Quinn was faster, freezing me to the spot as she slammed her open palm down on the table, making me flinch and the plastic menu holder on it clatter, causing a few people to eye us interestedly.

"No, _you _don't get it, Santana." She snapped, and the growl in her voice surprised me so much that I sat back down, staring at her after checking that the nosy Lima Beans customers were minding their own business again.

They were, after I shot them some warning glares, and I refocused my attention on Quinn who had a fire in her eyes I – until now – had only seen whenever she had been fighting for the position as Cheerios captain or when she had gone crazy and tried to get her baby back.

But she didn't seem crazy now. Just insistent and intense and maybe a little desperate to get her point across. No, not desperate. Dead set.

"What you're feeling for Brittany isn't going away because it's neither new nor wrong. It just is how it is and the sooner you accept that the sooner you'll finally be able to dig yourself out of this hole you insist on being stuck in and actually be happy for once." She spat the words at me in a harsh whisper and I was frankly too stunned to protest.

"God, S! I mean, I get that you need time to come to terms with what you're feeling, but it's like waiting for Ross and Rachel to realize that they're gonna end up together. And that took ten freaking seasons, not counting the years before the show even started when Ross was already completely in love with her." She ranted, shaking her head as she got off track.

"Point is, I'm here to help you get over yourself and fucking go for it, so would you cut the crap and meet me halfway here?!" she hissed, the annoyance and frustration in her voice practically palpable.

At this point I wasn't even sure what the hell we were talking about anymore. Was she trying to tell me to talk to her more, or to talk to Brittany, or to re-watch all ten seasons of Friends with her?

Because the only other possibility was that she was comparing my relationship with Brittany with Ross and Rachel's from Friends because she thought they were alike. And even though they were off more than on over the years, everybody knew they were each other's lobsters. I mean, destined to be together.

Which Brittany and I clearly weren't. Except as best friends. Maybe best friends with benefits.

I let out a frustrated groan.

_What the hell? So confused!_

So what was she trying to say? It couldn't be the lobster thing. She knew us better than that.

But what was it then? All I knew was that once I had time to sort through my jumbled up mind and dissect this conversation, I would probably agree with whatever point she was trying to make. I think. Something about it just seemed too scary not to be right.

But I didn't want to go through it all again on my own. Every time I did that I either ended up panicked or even more confused.

My head was twisting and starting to hurt from being bombarded with all this… whatever it was, and that was when I decided that, if I had to have this conversation, I at least wanted to come out wiser at the other end.

"You lost me." I deadpanned, shaking my head and narrowing my eyes at her in an effort to sift through her speech and find the gist.

"_Santana!"_ Quinn yelled and I was absolutely certain that she was about one shrug away from either crying or throwing a chair.

"Alright, alright, fine!" I quickly surrendered, lifting my arms up to show that I wasn't playing around to annoy her.

"I'm sorry, I just… I'm not sure I get what you're trying to say." I said half apologetic, half defensive.

She took in a deep, steadying breath and I saw her jaw tense as she closed her eyes for a second, deliberately relaxing her hands which had been grabbing the table.

"Do I really have to spell it out for you?" she asked in a slow, controlled voice.

I swallowed. I had a feeling I didn't want her to spell it out for me.

We stared into each other's eyes and after a few seconds hers softened.

Her eyebrows dipped slightly in the middle, showing sympathy, and she sighed, shaking her head lightly, before she softly spoke.

"You're in love with her, San."

…

So it _was_ the lobster thing after all.

Huh…

* * *

'Am not' and 'shut up' didn't even seem like real phrases to me anymore. I had repeated them so many times in the last hour that they merely sounded like weird noises to me now. Just some letters, randomly thrown together, without any meaning.

And yet, these few words held the one meaning I wanted to get across the most.

_I'm not in love with Brittany. I'm not in love with Brittany. I'm not in love with Brittany._

Looking at her as I lay next to her on my bed, I was pretty sure Quinn felt the same for the words 'Yes you are' and 'You're unbelievable'.

She looked tired and worn out. Her eyes were closed and her breathing slow and even and I was starting to think she had fallen asleep when she opened her mouth to talk.

"Thanks by the way."

I frowned. "For what?" I asked, still looking at her. She hadn't opened her eyes.

"For meeting with me and telling me about your crush. I know that took a lot of courage." At that she turned her head and looked at me. Her eyes were so honest and her expression was soft and caring.

My stomach tingled.

Not in the way it did when I thought about Brittany, but in a comfortable, calming way.

I looked up at the ceiling and shrugged. "Didn't look like you were gonna give up on tormenting me about it, so.." I eyed her out of the corner of my eyes.

That wasn't exactly what I had wanted to say. I had wanted to tell her that she was my best friend. Well, after Brittany of course, but Brittany sort of didn't count in this situation when it was about telling this particular secret.

I had wanted to tell her that I trusted her and that she was the only one I felt comfortable enough with to share my feelings.

I had wanted to tell her that this had been keeping me up at night, driving me crazy, and that I just had to get it out.

I had wanted to tell her that I had needed her. That I would have been stuck not talking about it even longer if she hadn't pushed me so hard and that I was thankful.

That was obviously not exactly what came out, but there you go…classic Santana.

It didn't matter though. Because, even with my complete incompetence to say what I actually felt or thought, Quinn seemed to know exactly what was lying just beyond those shallow, avoiding words.

She just smiled, as if I had said all those sweet things instead, and turned her head back to look up.

After a minute I broke the silence again.

"Thank you."

"Anytime, S. Anytime."

I sighed as the soft music playing in the background lulled us into a comfortable slumber.

**[ watch?v=MKJ2DBmjuEk ]**

* * *

"S! San, wake up! Ugh, god, how can anybody sleep this deep?!"

I was about to open my eyes and complain about the noise when my body got shifted and a second later I landed on the floor. Hard.

"What the fuck!?" I cursed in a rough voice, trying to finger my hair out of my face and mouth, feeling my hip start to throb painfully where it had crashed into the floor.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Fabray?" I glared angrily at her once I had freed my line of vision again, now using my hands to push myself into a sitting position next to my bed from which Quinn was looking down at me.

She had a grin on her face and shrugged as she scooted off the bed and extended her hand to help me up.

"You didn't give me any other choice." She defended lamely as I grabbed the offered hand begrudgingly. "I've been trying to wake you up for like ten minutes."

Once I was on my feet again, groaning, I yanked my hand out of hers and pushed her shoulder. She lost her balance a little and almost fell sideways onto the mattress but caught herself, balancing on one foot and turning her upper body away from me, giggling.

"So? You could have shaken me or, I don't know, just fucking let me sleep!" I hissed, energetically bunching my hair up into a high ponytail and tying it with one of the scrunchies around my wrist.

My voice cracked from sleep-hazy rasp to its normal state at the last word and I cleared my throat.

Quinn just raised her eyebrows at me, now facing me again, leaning her calves against the mattress and crossing her arms under her boobs. "I _did_ shake you and it's three o'clock in the afternoon."

I let out an exasperated growl but glanced over at the nightstand to check if she was right.

Yep, my alarm clock confirmed it. We had had a cosy afternoon nap on a Sunday.

_Aren't we just the wildest party girls you'll ever meet…_

I sighed and went over to my purse which was resting on my desk chair. I got out my phone and checked the display.

Five new messages.

The first one was from Brittany.

_(2:04 pm)_

_Hey Sanny __ What r u doing right now? Do you wanna come over and help me wash Ella's hair? – B_

"Who's Ella?" Quinn's voice asked from next to my ear and I jumped, my hand flying to cover my racing heart.

"Fuck!"

"Sorry. Who's Ella?"

My breathing and heart rate calmed down and I returned my eyes to the message as I went back to my inbox to check if any of the other messages were from her as well.

"Her unicorn hair circlet. It needs a lot of care." I answered absentmindedly as I opened the second message. It was from Brittany again.

_(2:15 pm)_

_I guess it's more like a mane. Or a Mohawk? Or maybe a MoMane? Or a MaHawk? I'm gonna text Puck and ask him about it. – B_

Quinn chuckled behind me. "I bet he loved that. Being asked his expert opinion about unicorn hair."

I snorted once, imagining Brittany's text to Puck and his screwed up face as he read it. I agreed with Quinn. He probably wasn't too pleased to be considered the expert on this particular subject.

And sure enough the next text was from Puck.

"This oughta be good…" I grinned, opening it, but instantly bobbed my head back in surprise while Quinn broke out into laughter behind me.

"Conditioner and olive oil?" I quoted part of the text, which - on the whole - implied that he and Brittany had been conversing about unicorn hair treatment for quite a while until either Brittany's phone had died or she hadn't replied for some other reason and he had sent this text to me instead, telling me to pass it on to her.

I frowned wide-eyed at the insanity of those two discussing this topic in a serious manner, before looking over my shoulder at Quinn, hoping to exchange a look of confusion and amusement with her, but giving up on that at once, as she was quite busy trying to contain her giggles and failing miserably, her face turning somewhat red, before another laugh burst out and she faced away from me to get a grip on herself.

I shook my head and stared at the text one more time before going back to the inbox.

The forth text was from Sam and I groaned before opening it.

"Ugh, if this is about Mercedes' complex about what I said again, I'mma kill Bieberlicious. I fucking explained to her that I didn't mean it like that about three times already." I grumbled, but relaxed as I read through it.

He was merely asking if I wanted to come over to his later to play with his toy monster trucks again. He didn't say it, but I was pretty sure he was hoping that if he practiced enough with me he would be able to beat Puck at some point.

I grinned and replied that I would think about it and get back to him.

By the time I had sent the text and gone back to check the last message, Quinn had gotten her giggles under control and was looking over my shoulder again.

"Why is Mike texting you?" she asked and I just shrugged my shoulders. I had no idea why he was texting me. I only had his number in case we needed to practice some routines for glee club or something. And because somehow everybody had everybody's number in glee club for some reason.

"Dunno." I said as I opened the text and we read through it together.

Apparently Mike was throwing Tina a surprise birthday party next Friday and after checking her own phone, Quinn saw that he had texted her as well and we concluded that it had been a mass text to all the glee clubbers as it was exactly the same word for word.

"Isn't that cute of him." She murmured and I had to laugh at her sour demeanor.

"Wow. Only seventeen and already bitter." I clicked my tongue and shook my head with a 'sympathetic' pout.

"And since when are _you_ all for other people's happiness, miss sunshine?" she asked with a provoking snort.

I exasperatedly blew out a little air and rolled my eyes. She was right I guess. Usually I was more annoyed at the prospect of watching a couple be all lovey-dovey and I had actually feared having to go to a party soon, but somehow I didn't mind Mike and Tina as much as I did – let's say – Finn and Rachel or Blaine and Kurt.

Might have something to do with the fact that they usually weren't as overly smoochy towards each other anymore. I mean it seemed like they had been a couple for ages already. They didn't break out in cute spontaneous tickle fights like 'Klaine' or fought about everything and anything like Rachel and Finn.

Tina and Mike were more…mellow, I guess. Just more relaxed and comfortable.

It just didn't upset me as much.

"I'm not 'all for it'." I said. "But they're not as annoying as Rachel and Finn for example, so...whatever." I shrugged and flipped back to Brittany's first text to finally reply.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. It just sucks being single these days. I'm starting to think I'm gonna have to go solo to my own senior prom." Quinn sighed and I heard her slump onto my bed behind my back.

I turned around to face her but kept my head down, concentrating on the phone, leaning my hip leisurely against my desk.

"Come on, Q. I'm sure you'll be able to scare some unsuspecting junior into going with you. Or wait!" I looked up with a grin. "Don't you have a cousin?"

I ducked just in time to avoid the pillow she flung at me, which knocked one of my scented candles of the desk, and chuckled at her glare.

"Well, who are _you _going with?" she spit and the grin fell from my lips.

My stomach tightened uncomfortably and I returned my eyes to the phone in my hands.

Brittany's name glared up at me from the little bright display and my brows furrowed as my jaw clenched and my eyes started stinging.

I heard the mattress shift as Quinn probably sat up. The change in height from where her voice was coming from when she spoke next confirmed that she wasn't lying down anymore.

"I'm sorry. That was a low blow." She groaned, but I shook my head before she could go on.

"No, no it's fine. You're right. I _don't_ have anybody to go to prom with yet. But there's still plenty of time. If all else fails I can always make Puck take me." I shrugged, putting on a careless front, trying to convince not only Quinn that this wasn't affecting me in a very disconcerting way.

And trying to distract myself from the fact that Brittany's name had been the first one to come to mind when thinking about Prom. Which was ridiculous for so many reasons.

But nonetheless, my mind was now being filled with images of Brittany in a beautiful formfitting dress, twirling and laughing on the dance floor, and flinging her arms around me after I hand her the perfect corsage.

My insides tingled and I turned around so Quinn wouldn't see my face because I wasn't sure if it wouldn't betray my inner turmoil.

"It's okay, San." Quinn's soft and quiet voice carried over to me, but I didn't react. I couldn't. Any kind of reaction would have given me away.

Would have shown how agitated and flighty I felt.

I just needed a second to get it together.

For a moment I was afraid Quinn might stand up and come over or try to talk about it some more, but fortunately she didn't move either.

She seemed to understand me better than I gave her credit for sometimes.

The only thing she did was repeat the soothing words again in an even quieter voice.

"It's okay."

What was okay though? She knew I wanted to take Brittany to prom, didn't she. I mean, I didn't want to take her like…_take her_ take her, I just… I couldn't imagine having fun with anyone as much as I would with Brittany. That was all.

"She's just a good dancer." I shrugged, staring down at the blinking line that still waited for me to formulate a text to send to Brittany.

I didn't bother explaining what or who I was talking about any further. We both knew only too well.

"She definitely is." Quinn agreed and I was sure if I turned around she'd be wearing a small smile.

I didn't turn around though. I just nodded. Too long and too slowly for it to be a normal, agreeing nod, but what the hell, it calmed me.

And once I felt my stomach settle I loosened my grip on my phone. I had been holding it in a death grip and now had to stretch my fingers in order to get rid of the stiff feeling it had produced, before I could finally start typing in the first words of my answer to Brittany.

I felt bad for cancelling on her but I wasn't sure how to deal with it all yet. Especially today after my long and unnerving talk with Quinn.

The words still rang in my ears. 'You're in love with her, San.'

I wasn't though! I wasn't in love with Brittany. Yes, I had a crush on her. A big one, but a crush isn't love. Ask anyone.

I knew Quinn didn't believe me. She had tried to make me say she was right for over an hour. But I wouldn't do it.

_Ugh, why does everybody always think they know me better than I know myself? It's fucking annoying. _

I sent the text, apologizing to Brittany for taking so long to reply and for having to turn her down today because I already had other plans. It wasn't even really a lie. I mean, I was with Quinn right now and later I'd go over to Sam's house. I was legit busy today and it made me feel just a little better.

Then I remembered Puck's message to Brittany and added it to the text as well.

Once I had pressed 'send' I turned around and took in a big breath. It was time to do something else than talk about uncomfortable things and sleep. I needed to get active.

"Alright! So what now? You gotta go to bible-study-group or do you have time to hang out some more?" I joked, grinning at Quinn who was still sitting on the edge of my bed.

When I had turned around I had caught a glimpse of a pair of sympathetic, almost worried eyes staring at me, but at my words they rolled up as Quinn groaned.

"That's getting old, Santana." She dropped her head the tiniest bit and raised her eyebrows in an exasperated manner.

She was referring to my habit of teasing her about all the times she had pretended to be so much into church and so chaste and religious.

I just smiled and shrugged. "I don't know, I still think of your chastity club speech whenever I'm sad. Cheers me up every time." I chuckled and imitated a very high pitched version of Quinn's voice. "'If the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry.'"

As I burst out into laughter again at the memory I only heard Quinn's playful growl and a second later she was pushing my head down and trying to lock me in a weird wrestling pose.

My laughter grew louder and shrill as I struggled against her grip and tried to fight off her right hand which was balled up into a fist and rubbing the top of my head like the boys in the old movies always did.

"Stop! _Ma weeeave!_" I imitated Mercedes this time, giggling hysterically, and Quinn laughed as well and let go off me.

"I am _not _that weird anymore. And besides, I only did the whole chastity club thing to get on coach Sylvester's good side and be on top. Plus, let's not forget that you were in it too! In fact, if I remember correctly you were the one who suggested the balloon thing in the first place." She pointed an accusing finger at me.

I was still giggling silently and pressed my lips together to stifle it before I replied. "I only suggested the balloon game cause it was more fun than writing out our favorite bible passages. That was so annoying that I actually sat down and googled 'religion friendly' games for about two hours so I wouldn't have to sit through another one of those boring chastity meetings."

Quinn looked actually surprised.

I had never told her that before and I'm sure she was now starting to wonder how many times I had played her when she was top bitch. It was quite a few times, if I may say so myself and I grinned proudly.

"But you sounded so excited when you told me about that game!" she said a little incredulously. "You said it's interactive and will get the others to see how fast things can happen that shouldn't." she remembered the speech I had given her when I had suggested the balloon game almost three years ago.

I shrugged and smirked smugly. "Face it, Fabray. Even when you were HBIC I was still the one pulling the strings. You were nothing but a puppet in my masterful hands." I said in an eery voice and wiggled my fingers in front of her face.

She craned her face away and swatted at my hands, looking actually annoyed.

I laughed and went over to the desk to pick up the pillow she had thrown at me earlier. I loved pushing her buttons. It was so fun. Especially when it was about something she was proud of. She always got defensive and creased her forehead and it just made me chuckle.

As I suspected she didn't simply let it go.

"Shut up, I was not! That one might have gotten past me, but it was only because I didn't really care what happened in that club anyway." She claimed, watching me as I walked past her with a grin and put the pillow back on my bed.

I didn't say anything and took my time smoothing out the covers just to annoy her further. I never smoothed out my covers. I was messy and she knew that.

When she let out a huff my grin grew. I was still standing with my back to her and I could practically sense her frustration and how she tried to not explode.

Her inner struggle slowly gnawing at her.

It was hilarious.

"I was totally in control!" she finally burst out, throwing her hands in the air and actually stomping her foot.

I couldn't hold back. I turned around and doubled over with laughter.

"Oh my god! Do you even hear yourself? Dominatrix much?" I said once I could halfway speak again.

She wasn't amused and crossed her arms over her chest as she turned away from me and towards the door. "Real mature, Santana!" she spat over her shoulder and I managed to get my laughter down to giggles.

"Aaaw, poor Quinnie." I teased, raising my voice a little so she would hear me as she stalked down the stairs.

I giggled quietly as I went to grab both of our purses and followed her downstairs.

When I got to the last step my dad was just coming out of the living room and looked up at me. "What's with her?" he asked, pointing over his shoulder where I could see Quinn leaning against the kitchen island, arms still crossed and face tense, while my mum threw her questioning looks every now and then from in front of the sink where she was washing the dishes.

I grinned. "I just burst a bubble for her."

My dad opened his mouth to word a silent 'ah' and then walked past me up the stairs.

He was usually very calm around people even when they fought, but something about Quinn had always made him comically squirmy. I think he was intimidated by her.

He used to say to me that he had never seen a more eerily calm and collected six year old in all his life and that her smile was like the one that those creepy sunshine demon kids in old horror movies always wore before you turn around and they eat your brains or axe you in your sleep.

_Oh my god! I totally know where I get my hatred of horror movies now! My dad's a total wuss!_

I shook my head, momentarily surprised by that thought, and then continued my walk into the kitchen. I threw mine and Quinn's purse onto the kitchen island and said 'hey' to my mum before poking Quinn, who was still ignoring me, in the shoulder.

"Come on Pouty McControl, let's go get you a new scarf." I smiled.

She shrugged my finger away and scowled at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be such a baby. I'm right and you know it. Now get over it and let's go!"

Quinn didn't move for another second but when I leaned in to poke her again she twisted out of my reach and uncrossed her arms with a sigh. "Fine!" she gave in and snatched up her purse.

I took mine and smiled at her brightly.

She squinted her eyes at me, but I could tell by the tiny curl of the left corner of her mouth that she was over it and just pretending to still be mad.

I blew her a kiss and she laughed, before linking her arm with mine.

_I love our friendship sometimes!_

As we walked out of the kitchen I waved to my mum over our shoulder. "Bye! I'll be home whenever, cause I'm freeee!" I sing-sanged.

"_You still have a curfew!" _my mum reminded me, yelling after us as we put on our coats and hats and opened the front door to be greeted with the cold fresh air of winter.

* * *

"Think fast!" I yelled and threw the pack of chips at Sam that I had bought for him at the gas station when Quinn and I had stopped to get gas on our way home.

He jerked and yelped in surprise as the pack hit him in the face which made me snort. "Ou!" he grumbled quietly and I chuckled as I opened the gate.

"I said think _fast._" I grinned, stepping over the two monster trucks on my way to the porch.

Like last time at Puck's, Sam was sat on the front porch in front of his house with one remote control in his hand. The other one was on the step next to him and the toy cars were already waiting for us on the lawn.

Around the time when Quinn and I had come home from the mall and started our unplanned nap this afternoon, it had stopped snowing, and the white flakes that had been piling up layer over gauzy layer since friday had slowly but surely melted away again despite the cold, so the ground - except for the occasional white patch on the side of the roads or against the trunk of a tree - was free of snow at least.

But it was still fucking freezing.

"It's dark, I didn't see it." He defended, opening the pack and taking out a few chips before holding it out to me so I could take some as well as I sat down next to him.

I just shook my head and shivered a little. "Are we seriously gonna do this outside?" I asked, pulling my shoulders up with my hands still in my coat pockets to keep them warm.

He shrugged. "My mum doesn't allow them inside the house."

"But it's so damn cold!" I whined, shuddering again.

Quinn and I had been inside the warm mall all afternoon and then in the almost equally as warm car, so when I had gotten out of my Prius after parking it behind Sam's dad's car and into the wintery cold, my body had immediately started to shiver, not expecting the drop in temperature. Which was horrible from the car to outside, but even since the early afternoon when we had driven to the mall it had gotten way colder.

Sam shrugged again. "We don't have to play with them. We could do something else. Maybe just watch a movie or something."

His words were said casually, but there was an underlining tone in his voice that made me look closer at his expression. He was looking down at the chips in his hand and I thought he looked thoughtful. Maybe even a little sad.

I didn't like asking people if they were okay when they obviously weren't. It was stupid. But I also didn't like asking people why they were sad, because they might tell me and I would have to deal with their problems and that was also stupid. I had enough problems of my own and I was almost one hundred per cent sure that mine were worse.

On the other hand, hearing about Sam's boring troubles might distract me from Brittany who was again constantly on my mind. Especially since she had texted me back about one and a half hours ago and it was clear that she was sad I wasn't coming.

I hated that. I hated that she was sad and I hated it even more that it was because of me.

But I just needed one more day to figure stuff out. Just one more day. And anyway…I had plans with Sam.

I returned my attention to him and his still unchanged expression. Obviously something was up because I hadn't even replied to his suggestions of seeing a movie instead and it seemed like he hadn't even noticed.

I sighed quietly.

"What's going on?" I asked bluntly. If I was gonna do this, I wasn't gonna beat around the bush.

Sam looked up at me and frowned, but when he opened his mouth I cut him off.

"And don't say it's nothing, cause there's obviously something bothering you, so spit it out before I turn into an icicle." I said demandingly.

He closed his guppy mouth and just looked at me for a few seconds, probably trying to decide whether he should tell me or not.

Apparently he deemed me trustworthy or whatever because he then put the remote down next to him and started to explain his long face.

He told me that his parents were fighting all the time lately and that it was hard on him but especially his little brother and sister. He said that they were starting to try to avoid the house by going extra slow on their way home from school or drinking heaps of juice so they have to go to the bathroom a lot where they don't have to listen to the shouting.

I felt pretty bad for him. That really didn't sound like fun and it's always more complicated when you have to look out for someone else as well, but I was still surprised that he had told me in the first place.

Yes, we had gotten closer the last few weeks, but this seemed like a very sensitive topic and I wondered how many people he had told and why I was one of them.

As we got up to collect the toy trucks and go inside – I had finally been able to convince him – I asked him if he had told Mercedes all of this.

"Yeah, sure I have. And it's been really great talking to her about it, but I just…I don't know, it still doesn't fix it, you know?"

We walked up the porch steps side by side and I frowned.

"And you think I'll be able to come up with a solution?" I asked, hoping he wasn't expecting me to tell him some miracle way to solve his problem because I had no freaking idea what to do in this situation.

Fortunately though, he shook his head and smiled sadly. "Of course not." He said as he opened the door for me. "But you asked.." he shrugged. "So I answered."

I nodded and then sighed as the door fell shut behind us and the warmth of the house surrounded me like I'd imagine the hug of a bear would feel like.

After dumping the toy monster trucks and their remotes at the bottom of the stairs to presumably take them up to his room later, Sam led me to the kitchen where we each got ourselves a drink – he chose a coke whereas I made myself a cup of tea to warm up – and then sat down at the kitchen table.

Their kitchen was actually cozier than I remembered from his birthday party, but then again, I wasn't really paying attention to the interior decorations of the house that night, was I.

All the cupboards were painted in a soft, creamy white and the chairs all had different colored cushions on the seats. They also had those baskets that you could hang up, but instead of fruit or something of that kind, there were comic books stacked in them, making it look like they might fall down from the weight of the various, shiny covered books.

"Are all of those yours?" I asked him, pointing to the nearest basket.

"Yep. Well, most of them. Stevie's gotten into them as well recently." He smiled slightly and I thought it was the smile of an older brother who was happy and proud to have something so important to him in common with his little brother. It was sweet somehow.

I lifted my blue cup to my mouth with both hands and blew lightly to cool off my tea a little, before taking a sip.

It was just cool enough not to burn my tongue and I hummed as the warm liquid made its way down my throat.

"So how are things going with you and Mercedes?" I asked after another big gulp, watching Sam over the rim of my cup.

His fat lips almost involuntarily curled into a warm smile and I felt a pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach at the happiness that was so obvious on his face.

"It's going really good." He said, looking over at me. "We just talk a lot and she always laughs at my impressions." He grinned proudly.

I snorted. "Don't get too cocky, those are pity laughs, my fish-lipped friend." I smirked and brought the cup of tea to my lips again.

He just smiled back at me shook his head the tiniest bit. "Whatever, Santana." He grinned and I was happy that he hadn't taken offense at my little comment. People got way too worked up about the things I said anyway. It was nice that Sam was apparently getting over that.

"Well, I'm glad that you two fina-" I started but the ringing of my cell phone interrupted me. It was Brittany's ring tone.

I set down the cup onto the table and reached down to lift the right side of my coat, which was hanging over my chair, up so I could get the phone out of my pocket.

Sam watched me as I answered and I turned m body slightly sidewise in a reflexive need to create some sort of privacy.

"Hey B, what's up?" I asked in a casual happy voice, while my heart beat annoyed the crap out of me.

It felt like I had just run up five flights of stairs. Why? Why the hell did it feel like I had just run up five flights of stairs, goddammit?

"_Hey, Sanny. I just wanted to ask if you wanted to come by tomorrow after school? We could do another tutoring lesson before the big test on Wednesday and you could check out the tree house."_

I crossed my legs and rested my right elbow on my left knee, making my hair fall down to cover the side of my face from Sam's view as I absentmindedly played with my dark locks. My left hand held the little phone to my ear.

"Um, yeah, I guess. I mean, it's not like I have to be home after school anymore." I said, my voice wavering between fake excitement and hesitation as I tried my best to not show how nervous I suddenly felt.

Which was very nervous. So nervous that my stomach fluttered and I started gnawing on my lower lip.

I heard Sam's chair scoot back and saw him stand up from the corers of my peripheral vision through my curtain of hair and watched him go over to the refrigerator where he got out the bottle of coke to refill his glass.

"_Awesome!" _Brittany cheered on the other end of the line and I thought I heard her hop on the mattress of her bed.

"Yeah, hey, but I gotta go. I'm still at Sam's, so.." I trailed off, not entirely sure why I had added that last part. Brittany knew that I was hanging out with Sam. I had already told her that in the text earlier this afternoon.

"_Sure." _She said brightly and I could imagine her happy smile. _"Are you gonna pick me up tomorrow morning?" _she asked, and this time I was sure I heard the mattress shift as she probably lied down on her back. Either that or Lord Tubbington had jumped onto it, the fatty.

"Sure." I answered back with a slight smile.

"_Okay cool, so see you tomorrow then." _She said happily and I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Britt. G'night."

"_Good night, Sanny. Lord Tubbington says good night too."_

I suppressed a doubtful snort as Sam sat back down and then hung up the phone with another 'bye'.

"What's she up to?" Sam asked as I pocketed my phone and returned my hands to the now fairly cold tea.

"Nothing much. She just asked me to come over to tutor her tomorrow." I shrugged. "Oh, and show me the tree house." I added with a little scowl.

His eyebrows arched up as he drank. He swallowed loudly and put down his glass. "Brittany's got a tree house? Since when?" he asked interestedly.

I furrowed my eyebrows.

_How did he know that she didn't used to have one?_

"Her dad and she just built it for her little sister." I informed him, but then had to ask. "How did you know the tree house is new?"

"We rehearsed some stuff for Glee club at her house once and she didn't have one then, I remember cause I was thinking how perfect that tree would be for one." He said, picking on a lose thread that had come undone on the hem of his right sleeve.

Again, I held back a snort.

I was being really good today and I was starting to wonder if I might be getting a cold.

Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. At least then I would get some more time to get over my crush or figure out how not to act like an idiot around Brittany.

Either way it would have to happen tonight, so I could stay home tomorrow.

_Fat chance. You never get sick when you want to. You only get sick when there's a concert you really wanna see or the school holidays just started. Maybe Britt's right and god really is an evil dwarf._

"Well, that'll be fun then." Sam smiled. "I love tree houses."

I grimaced again, but my face was halfway hidden as I downed the last of my tea, so Sam didn't see and therefore didn't comment on why I didn't like tree houses.

"But why did they build it _now?_ I mean, isn't it kinda stupid to do it when it's so cold outside and snowing and stuff?" he remarked and I glared at him.

I hated the word stupid. It was just one of those words that made me irrationally angry no matter what context it was said in.

"It was not stupid." I bit a little more feisty than was necessary and Sam immediately looked surprised, but almost as fast his surprise turned into an apologetic look and he nodded, showing me that he understood that that word wasn't okay, which made me calm down and I shrugged.

"They just thought that this way they wouldn't be spending the nice, warm summer days working. They rather wanted to do it on days they'd usually spend inside." I explained and smiled a little, because, seriously, Britt was just a genius.

* * *

So, what did you think? Is Santana gonna embarrass herself in front of Brittany? Or is she gonna crack and finally fess up to her feelings? 

I hope you liked the chapter and throw some thoughts on it my way :D

Thanks for reading and hopefully hopefully I'll have the next chapter for you soon!

ALSO: I finally got a **TUMBLR! **it's called: **_ofdreamcatchersandangels_** . tumblr . com


	23. Chapter 23

Hello my darlings :) I hope you're all well and happy? If not maybe a little brittana can lift your mood.

Enjoy and please take the time to leave me a little comment :D thaaaaanksh :*

* * *

**Chapter 23**

"...and then he sulked for like three hours somewhere, but when he showed up in my room again, he didn't have it with him, so of course I checked the fridge first, but it wasn't in there, but then I remembered that I heard the tab go in the bathroom, so I went in and found it in the sink. It was a little wet but it still works."

I parked the car in front of the school and smiled slightly, finally looking over at Brittany who was grinning at me, obviously very proud of herself. The bubbly blonde had just spent the entire ride from her house - where I had picked her up as promised - to school recounting the story of why she hadn't texted Puck back yesterday.

Apparently – so Britt had told me with a concerned and slightly guilty look in her eyes - Lord Tubbington had gotten jealous of all the attention Stella the unicorn hair circlet had been getting from Brittany and Puck, so he had stolen Brittany's cell phone and hidden it in the bathroom sink.

I wasn't sure what should have worried me more, the fact that Brittany was in all seriousness telling me that Lord Tubbington was purposefully hiding her things because of a human emotion, or the fact that I wasn't one hundred per cent convinced that he wasn't doing exactly that.

_What can I say? That cat is weird_.

"Did you tell him off?" I asked, twisting in my seat to get my big black purse from the back seat. Brittany's backpack was resting down by her feet.

She shook her head. "No. Well..." now she was wiggling it from left to right, the little white and turquoise fluffy pompom on top of her warm bobble hat bouncing about. "Kinda. You know, like, I said that he shouldn't have hidden the phone from me and stuff, but then I told him that I was sorry he felt abandoned and I tried to make it up to him, but he just ignored me." She pouted slightly. "He didn't even look at me this morning." Her voice trailed off in the end, discouraged by her cat's silent treatment, and I found myself pouting along with her.

"Aw, Brittz, I'm sorry. He'll come around." I told her in a convinced tone, but she was just staring at her hands in her lap which were holding the black leathery straps to her backpack, which was resting at her feet. "Anyway, he shouldn't be so possessive of you." I reasoned, but felt a chill run down my spine when a thought struck me.

_I'm just as possessive over her. Well, I mean I don't hide her stuff and don't show it, but I totally get wanting to have her all to myself._

_It's official. I'm going crazy. I'm relating to the alleged possessiveness of a cat…Awesome…_

I sighed, too quiet for Brittany to hear, and gave her a small smile.

She was biting her lower lip and looked up from her lap. When she saw my smile she smiled as well and shrugged her shoulders a few times, shaking off the mood.

"Yeah, well, anyway, Puck didn't answer anymore after that." She thought for a second until an idea apparently flashed through her mind. "Does he have a pet? Maybe it got jealous too…" she mused, a little frown line appearing on her forehead.

I held in a chuckle. I was pretty sure Puck had re-read his texts and gotten scared for his manhood or some shit and that was why he wasn't texting her back anymore.

On the other hand, I would have never thought he'd react like that in the first place, so what did I know?

I pressed my lips together and drew in a breath, pulling the hood of my black winter coat up over my head to protect me from the cold I was about to step out into. The fur framing it was soft against my cheeks as I pulled the key out of the ignition and put it into the little inside compartment of my purse. "No idea. Whatever, come on, time to go."

I grabbed the handle and opened the car door.

It had snowed all night again and this time the temperature had dropped enough for it to actually stay, so the whole world was covered in a giant white blanket.

When I stepped out of my snuggly warm car I groaned quietly at the freezing temperature, the snow making a muffled scrunching noise under my shoes.

The school parking lot was quite busy as anybody who had the means - a car – preferred not to freeze to death on their way to school. Even the 'green-teens' as we called them, this clique of junior tree huggers, had apparently given up on their beliefs and magically conjured up a car to drive to school in.

To be fair, they _did _appear to have carpooled though. _Clown_-carpooled to be exact, meaning that I could see six of them crawling out of a tiny blue Fiat 500.

_I guess they really do stick to their 'saving the planet' thing. Huh…maybe if I had will power like that I'd be going over to some hot guy's place this afternoon and not Brittany's…_

The sound of the passenger door closing drew my attention back to the blonde and I gave her an only _slightly_ tight smile over the roof of the car.

But then she gave me this big grin. All sparkly eyes and her white teeth showing like she was a million bucks and her nose scrunched up so cute and my half-hearted smile just slipped away as a shaky breath blew over my lips.

_She's so beautiful._

While she walked over to me, going around the front of my Prius, I could only watch her, stare at her, frozen to the spot and my heart pounding.

My eyes involuntarily devoured her, trying to take in every movement, memorizing every line on her face, every breath on her lips which transformed into a thick, white cloud in the cold winter air, as she strode towards me.

Time seemed to slow down as I watched her cover the distance between us – elegant, graceful, so full of life and almost unbearably sexy – and still I was taken by surprise when she suddenly stood before me. Close enough to touch.

I blinked.

She just stood there, silently smiling at me and I was at a complete loss as to what to do. It was like my brain had frozen or melted or both, making me forget how to act in a normal encounter with another human being. But then again…nothing about us was normal, was it?

Any words I might have tried to say got stuck in my throat as I noticed the little flecks of white glinting in her breathtakingly blue eyes and the darker ring that framed her irises, giving them that drawing power I had never been able to escape.

As I stared, the catlike shape of her eyes narrowed just the tiniest bit. Her smile had broadened and her cheeks were now tinted in a soft pink.

Whether from the cold or something else, I couldn't tell, as my glance swept over them and then dropped a little lower.

Her lips looked soft and inviting and I wanted to feel them so badly against me. Anywhere. Wanted to lean forward. Just an inch. I'd just have to lean in an _inch_ and then they'd be mine.

They parted slightly and another white cloud sneaked its way into the air. Gentle and almost shy it seemed.

"I'm glad you're coming over today. I've missed you. Hanging out with you."

My skin prickled like I had fallen naked into an icy lake, only not as painful. Not painful at all actually. Just…intense. I nodded along with her whisper.

_Yeah. Me too._

_Oh god, so much!_

My left hand twitched, desperate to reach for her, and I had no control at all, as it slowly rose higher to cup her face.

I didn't even really notice it though. No. That wasn't true. I noticed. It made tingles run up and down my spine as I felt my hand move closer to her.

In a second I would be touching her.

But despite the power that lay beneath the urge to show her this protective and gentle gesture, the power that moved my hand without any conscious consent of mine, it was still ghost like.

It was second nature to me in that moment. Instinct.

And yet…

I was so unbelievably aware of the action, but I couldn't stop it.

My hand was at the height of our shoulders, well _my_ shoulders, which didn't quite reach hers, since she was taller than me, and halfway between her body and mine. Our eyes never left the other's and it seemed like we were alone in the parking lot. Alone in Lima. Alone in this world. This magical, snow covered, Disney-like world.

But of course we weren't.

"Hey girls!" Rachel's chipper voice carried over to us and we both flinched, my hand jerking away from Brittany, balling up in a tense fist next to my hip.

My heart raced like crazy as I looked over Brittany's left shoulder to see the small brunette energetically strutting the last few feet toward us, her hair, that fell down from under her bright red Parisian slouch hat, whipping in waves over her shoulders and behind her.

The angle from which she was coming at us prevented the brunette from having seen my hand desperately reach up to stroke across Brittany's skin, but that still didn't help me relax.

I must have looked like someone had just slapped me, because Rachel's facial expression changed from a happy one to a concerned one the instant she was close enough to really see me.

"What's wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost." She said, stopping next to Brittany and me, who I could see biting her lip out of the corner of my eyes. She seemed to be a bit thrown as well.

_Good. At least I didn't completely imagine that moment that just happened between us. _

_Or did I?_

_What if she had just been about to ask me why I was staring at her like a lunatic?_

_Oh god…what if-_

"You're not getting sick, are you?" Rachel gave me a stern once-over. "Santana, now is _not_ the time to be dropping the ball. We can't afford _anyone_ out of the game right now! Regionals are just around the corner!"

The immensely annoying, stressed-out, even high-pitched tone her voice had taken up during her rant was the best way to shake me out of my Brittany-induced stupor, and my deer-in-the-headlights expression morphed into a scowl in a matter of seconds.

"Excuse me?" I said slowly in a quiet voice, narrowing my eyes at her. This girl had some nerve, coming up to us, interrupting us, and then accusing me of endangering our chances at Regionals in the most obnoxious, rude way.

Rachel didn't look impressed by my warning glare however, or maybe she was just too caught up in her self-centered world to even notice.

"Santana! I don't think you understand how _import-_"

"Your voice is disturbing. What does your usual shampoo smell like?"

Rachel and I both dropped our little stand-off to stare at Brittany, who was leaning closer to Rachel to sniff her hair.

"Wh-hey!" the brunette protested, craning her head back to put some distance between herself and Brittany's nose.

My heart did a little jolt as I watched the blonde lean back, looking innocent and thoughtful.

_There really is nobody like her. She's special. God, how can she be so perfect? _

"Hey ladies, what's going on here?" Quinn's voice drew my attention away from Brittany.

"Hey Quinn!" Brittany greeted the other blonde happily, who joined our little group that was still situated next to my car. As Brittany drew her into a hug, Quinn gave me a questioning and amused look, one eyebrow arched and a one-sided grin directed at me.

I just shrugged with a smile. Britt's deadpanned interruption – although a complete mystery to me - had erased all of my hostile feelings towards Rachel and I didn't even mind that the diva was now rolling her eyes at the hugging blondes.

What did she expect? That she could insult and belittle us all day long and still get warm hugs and kisses? Some people might feel bad for Rachel not having any real friends, but not me. She brought it on herself.

Granted, she wasn't as bad anymore as she used to be, but I still wouldn't invite her for a girls night in.

"I was just explaining the importance of staying focused and healthy so close to Regionals to Santana, who doesn't seem to care too much about our upcoming performance." Rachel told Quinn before directing her stare back at me. "Honestly, don't I remember correctly that you once said Glee is the best part of your day?" she scowled at me and I felt a loaded insult bubbling angrily up my throat, but before I could throw it at her Quinn spoke up.

"Well, I think Regionals is important to all of us." She pointedly looked at Rachel and then at me. Clearly she wasn't in the mood to watch me tear Berry apart this early on a Monday morning.

_Fine. There's always another time._

When neither Rachel nor I said another word she shared a smile with Brittany and then furrowed her brows in amusement.

"So, did I just see you sniff Rachel's hair, B?"

Brittany nodded twice. "Mhm, I was checking if she was using a different shampoo because she was so annoyed with something."

"I wasn't annoyed, I was merely conc-"

"Shut it, dwarf!" I hissed, glaring at the brunette. Her eyes sparkled angrily for a second and she opened her mouth for what without a doubt would have been a very long rant, but Quinn held her hand up in front of Rachel and gave her a look I didn't understand.

I almost dropped my jaw when Rachel immediately shut her mouth, only crossing her arms over her chest, but not uttering another word.

_What the hell just happened?_

I stared at Rachel for another second before giving Quinn an incredulous look. The blonde didn't notice though, her attention was already back on Brittany.

"Why would a new shampoo have anything to do with Rachel's mood?" she asked.

I was only half listening to Brittany's answer. I still couldn't believe what I had just seen. Staring at Rachel's profile I tried to figure out what Quinn's look could have meant. And how it could have changed Rachel's usual demeanor.

Looking at her now, I noticed that she seemed different. Her brows were furrowed just the tiniest bit and she was secretly biting her lower lip. I don't think she even noticed it. She looked… worried. No, maybe not worried. Confused?

I couldn't really say for sure what that look on her face meant, but it was definitely not her typical, self-involved expression I had grown used to over the years.

Suddenly Rachel twitched as Quinn 'aaawed' loudly which startled me as well.

When I tore my gaze away from Rachel, Quinn and Brittany were looking at me. Brittany smiled a little shyly, almost apologetically, and Quinn…

"That's so sweet." She said. Her voice soft but teasing at the same time.

"Huh?"

Rachel had apparently caught on to the conversation or at least pretended to as all three of them were looking at me now.

"You get annoyed when Britt changes her shampoo?" Quinn asked, giving me a weird look, her head tilting a fraction.

_What?!_

My eyes jumped to Brittany's and I could practically _hear_ the air sizzle around my head as my cheeks and ears heated up instantly.

_Why would she tell her that? I don't get annoyed when she changes her- okay yeah, maybe I do, but I mean come on, it totally messes with her scent! Brittany's not supposed to smell like chocolate or cranberries. Brittany's supposed to smell like Brittany. Just Brittany and a hint of her Lime and Strawberry shampoo which doesn't smell like anything really, but makes her hair smell really good anyway. _

_How would she even know that? I never said anything!_

Brittany's eyes searched mine and I had to actively control my breathing so nobody would see it quickening. Unfortunately the cold gave me away as white clouds of breath hurriedly escaped my dry mouth.

_Shit! Talk to cover it up! TALK!_

"I…uh…I-"

"Is that the new scarf?" Rachel interrupted quickly and all of our eyes were drawn to Quinn's new white scarf she and I had bought the day before at the mall. Rachel was playing with one of the little pompoms that were dangling from it and looking at Quinn expectantly.

Quinn looked taken aback and furrowed her eyebrows. "Uh, yeah." She answered simply, glancing at me for a second before returning her eyes to Rachel.

My heart was still hammering loudly but I for a second I forgot why.

_Did Berry just save my ass from having to come up with an answer to distract them? What the fuck is going on? _

I stared at Rachel incredulously, but she seemed to actively avoid looking at me as she let go of the scarf which she had been fingering until now.

"It's nice." She smiled up at Quinn and I almost doubled back at the look on the taller girl's face. Quinn seemed flustered.

_Huh? But…it's Quinn! She never gets flustered that easily. Especially not by _Rachel. _Okay, someone fucking update me right now! What the hell did I miss? Didn't we just joke about Rachel and Finn yesterday at the mall? This is too weird!_

I eyed Quinn a little closer and caught her fidgeting. One glove covered hand was lightly rubbing up and down her own thigh, as she cleared her throat and said 'thanks'. She even briefly looked down to her feet and then up at Rachel again before looking over at me.

Internally I was shaking my head to clear my mind but on the outside only the slight raise of my left eyebrow indicated that this situation seemed rather odd to me.

Quinn's eyes were still a little restless and she looked over at Brittany next to her and was about to speak when there was a loud yelp followed by an equally as loud, if muffled, thud.

The four of us turned around just in time to see Artie's schoolbag slide across the road between the rows of parked cars and vanish behind a blue Pick-up truck about twenty feet from where we were standing.

"Oh my god, Artie!" Quinn gasped and was the first one off to help him with Rachel, Britt and me at her heel. The boy's wheelchair had apparently slipped on a patch of ice and had tipped over sideways which meant that Artie was now helplessly lying on the frozen floor, one arm trapped under the metal bar of his right wheel and groaning weakly.

As we got closer I thought it looked like he might have hit his head too because his woolen hat had slid off the side of his head that was pressed against the dirty ground and he still hadn't really moved.

I felt an unfamiliar serge of worry towards the bespectacled glee member. Usually I didn't feel much for him that wasn't tainted with anger and loathing, but now I caught myself hoping he wasn't hurt and rushing towards him.

Quinn was the first one to get to him and she immediately knelt down next to his head, carefully placing a hand on his shoulder, while Rachel hurried off to make sure that no car was gonna come this way and run us all over.

"Artie? Are you okay?" the blonde leaned her head down near his face, her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

He groaned again and when he slowly turned his head so he was facing the sky instead of the ground, I could see a big bloody scratch on his right cheek just below his eye. His glasses were broken on that side too and I leaned over the wheel in front of me from where I stood on the left side of his tipped over chair, to get a closer look at him and to make sure a splinter hadn't gotten loose and threatened to stab his eyeball. I was glad to see that, despite it being broken, the glass remained inside the rims.

Brittany was right next to me and wore a worried expression similar to Quinn's. She reached forward and tried to heave the chair, including the boy inside, upwards and the right way around again.

Quinn quickly caught on and together the three of us managed to right Artie until he sat straight in his chair again, ignoring his mumbled protests.

Luckily the wheeler didn't seem broken or anything, although Artie kind of did.

"Thanks, you guys." He said a little quietly and I could totally understand his expression. He felt embarrassed and annoyed that he had needed help and damn if I wasn't the first to admit that needing help felt shitty than who was.

I guess that was something Artie and I had in common. We both resented needing help, although admittedly, his situation was worse than mine since his need for help was so very obvious in moments like this and I bet it was painful to not be able to hide it.

I could always pretend that I was fine but he couldn't when he was literally lying on the floor, unable to get himself up without help.

"How's your head?" I asked, roughly brushing some dirt and muddy snow off his shoulders before grabbing his hat and shaking it harshly next to my hip.

He shrugged his shoulders and winced. "Fine. Pounding a little." Quinn was about to tenderly touch his cheek to check his wound but he jerked his head away, his hand pushing hers back towards her.

"Don't, I'm fine." He insisted, a grim expression on his face. I was glad to see that he didn't shed any tears even though it looked like they were fighting to overcome him. I don't know if I could have handled him crying right now. Or ever.

I looked over at Brittany and saw a hurt look in her eyes. Hurt and disappointed.

I leaned closer to her. "What's the matter?" I asked quietly while Quinn handed Artie a tissue from her purse to press to his wound.

Brittany's eyes shifted to mine. "People make me sad sometimes." She answered just as quietly and I instinctively looked around.

As my eyes travelled over our peers I thought I understood what she was talking about. Some of the people who had witnessed the accident looked a little worried, but most just walked on by us, ignoring their hurt fellow student, and some even laughed or snickered.

"Little shits!" I cursed quietly and pressed closer to Brittany until the lengths of our arms were touching. I don't know whether it was to reassure her, or me, but the second I got close to her like that I felt a little better.

I turned around and handed Artie his hat back. I would have just pulled it onto his head, but I had a feeling he would have hated that so I just gave to him and he carefully pulled it on himself.

"Hey! You okay, man?" Britt and I looked around and saw Finn and Mike jogging towards us. Mike was carrying Artie's backpack and they both had their eyes trained on Artie's face.

Artie just nodded this time and took the bag from Mike's hands without a word.

"Guys," Rachel came to us from my right, looking flushed and a little out of breath. "Some of the junior jocks demand to drive to their parking spaces. I told them the street was temporarily closed until further notice but they just called me some names I do not feel like repeating." She frowned. "They were very rude." She added in a murmur.

"Okay, let's go." Quinn said and grabbed the handles of Artie's chair without asking.

As we pushed him towards school none of us said a word and there was a weird tension in the air. I quietly wondered how Artie handled it all. I had never really spent much time thinking about what it meant to be practically chained to a chair twenty-four-seven, but now I recognized for the first time how hard it must be.

I didn't know if _I_ could deal with being dependent on other people like that and I found myself secretly impressed that Artie wasn't more angry or depressed.

Or was he? Was there something going on that none of us saw? That he didn't _let _any of us see?

I studied the small part of his face I could see from my position diagonally behind the wheelchair Quinn was pushing through the first corridor and wasn't sure what I was looking for.

Maybe some sign of sleepless nights or bitten back fury at the injustice. Because, however much I didn't like Artie for reasons mainly concerning his past relationship with Brittany, he still definitely didn't deserve this. I don't think anyone did.

Well, maybe murderers and rapists, but not normal people. Normal people didn't deserve that and Artie was actually a good guy most of the time.

I decided to keep a closer eye to him from now on, watch him a little better, to make sure he wasn't suicidal or some shit.

"Quinn, really, I can roll myself." Artie insisted as we all turned another corner, his voice still a little cold.

Quinn hesitated a moment but then let go as he wanted. She stepped in front of him though, and smiled that motivating smile she had perfected long before Coach had made her captain of the Cheerios. Unlike when she commanded the cheerleaders however, there also was a hint of kindness on her lips, making them seem soft and her expression caring as well as uplifting.

"Okay, Artie, but I want you to get that looked at by the nurse."

When Artie made to protest she interrupted him, holding a hand up. "I _know _your fine and it's not as bad as it looks. Just…please? It's not for you. It would make us – _me _feel better, okay?" she declined her head a little bit, tilting it to the side as she looked at him.

After a moment, in which they just stared into each other's eyes, he nodded. "Yeah okay. I'll get it checked out."

"I can take you." Finn offered softly and Artie complied. He looked worn out and for a second I felt the need to go with them as the two boys made their way away from us and towards the nurse's office, Finn walking slightly behind Artie who was wheeling himself now.

But a second later I shook off the feeling, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I had enough things to worry about. Artie's boo boo wasn't one of them.

"What's wrong?" Brittany's soft voice next to my ear startled me.

I jerked my head to face her and was met by a pair of caring, blue eyes.

"Hm?"

"You were frowning." Brittany said as Quinn, Rachel and Mike began to move down the hall again, Brittany and I falling into step behind them.

I shook my head. "Nothing. I was just thinking." I gave back, not sure I wanted Brittany to know what it was I had been thinking about.

She mustered my face in silence for a second as we passed the girl's bathroom where two freshmen girls just pushed open the door giggling conspiratorially. "It's not fair, is it?" she asked resigned, her lips pressing together lightly in regret.

_Huh?_

I frowned.

"Artie. That his legs don't work like ours. It's not fair and it makes me frowny and sad too."

We stopped in front of our lockers while the other three moved on to theirs a little further down the hall on the opposite side.

Brittany started turning the little dials on her locker padlock, but I just stood there and stared at her.

How? Just how did she know what I was thinking? Had my temporary concern about Artie shown _that _clearly on my face? _No, it couldn't have. I have an awesome poker face. And I was just thinking about it anyway. I wasn't really upset or anything. So how does she do it?_

A warm feeling slowly spread through my body. It wasn't sudden or breath-taking, it just slowly but surely made its way through my veins and cells until it had filled every last corner of my bad and all I could feel was this comfortable, unbelievingly soothing warmth.

I finally got what Brittany meant when she sometimes said that she felt like she was stuffed with marshmallows. It sort of felt like that, only tinglier.

It felt good. It felt really, really good and I smiled. I smiled so big.

* * *

"And just what do you think gives you the right to be out of uniform?"

Brittany and I whirled around.

We had just been carrying our treys to the disposal trolley when Coach Sylvester's unmistakable command voice cut through the air like a knife.

"It's optional for seniors." I answered cooly.

Ever since I had rejoined the Cheerios I didn't seem to have the same unconditional loyalty to the squad, or at least not to our inhuman Coach.

And I called her 'inhuman' because ninety-nine per cent of the time she acted like she didn't know what human decency was.

Sue's eyes glinted furiously and a muscle in her prominent jaw jumped as she towered over us.

"Excuse me?" she growled dangerously and I felt Brittany glance at me.

I didn't exactly know _why _I had chosen not to wear my uniform today, but it just hadn't felt right. The uniform had always been an aid to help me show the rest of the student body who I was.

But I wasn't just a cheerleader anymore. Of course I never had been, but now it somehow felt very important to show it. That I wasn't just one of Sue's minions. That I was me. Simply and truly me.

"You heard me. Maybe you should spend less time plotting how to best insult everyone around you, and instead get your grandma glasses and read through the school code again. Now if you'll excuse us, we have class. See you on Wednesday in practice." I said calmly, and before Coach could explode, I had turned around, put my trey down, and walked out of the cafeteria, Brittany right behind me.

* * *

_I love her hair. It's so shiny and blonde and ugh! It's just so perfect. But, god I wish it wouldn't hide her neck. I love her neck. And her jaw! Like, that jaw bone at the end, almost next to her ear. God, I really wanna bite her there. Not hard, just nibble. Okay, maybe a little hard. I love it when she jerks her hips up and biting her there would probably make her do that. Why have I never done that? Maybe I could do that today after school. I'm sure she'd let me… mmmh…but what would that lead to…_

I swallowed dryly as my mind's inner eye swept over Brittany's naked body, the image of which was usually safely stored away in the corners of my brain that were reserved for Brittany memories.

But it seemed like the mind-Brittany didn't wanna stay in the dark corners. She wanted to be everywhere, consuming my thoughts and my body and my soul.

And she was. Brittany was everywhere inside of me and I couldn't stop it. Couldn't stop her from taking me over.

_I'm so mental._

The ringing of the bell jerked me out of my thoughts and I blinked a few times before looking around me a little disoriented.

Next to me Brittany was gathering up her stuff and shoving it into her backpack, a soft smile on her lips as she retrieved Karl the Koosh from the side pocket and gently stroked him over her cheeks and mouth.

I had given it back to her this morning when I had picked her up, since I wasn't grounded anymore and therefore didn't have a reason to keep it, and had instantly regretted it. The second Brittany's fingers had closed around the colorful toy I had remembered how distracting that could be. Her. With the koosh.

Someone cleared their throat to my left and I looked up.

Quinn was looking down at me, her books in her arms and a smirk on her face. "Coming?"

"What? Y-yeah, sure!" I said in a defensive tone, turning away from her to quickly push my unopened notebook into my purse.

Brittany was already at the front of the class, chatting with Mercedes as they walked towards the door, but before they had reached it, Brittany stopped and turned around. She found me and waved me over.

I quickly hauled my purse off the table while Quinn shimmied elegantly around it, not able to completely suppress a throaty chuckle. I ignored it and hurried past her to catch up with Brittany who was still waiting for me at the door.

_Who cares if Quinn finds my crush amusing. Nothing I can do about it anyway. _

"You gonna come over right away?" Brittany asked hopefully when I opened the door for her.

Mercedes and the other students had already left and only Quinn, Brittany, me and the teacher, who was tiredly sorting papers on the desk, remained in the class room. And stoner Brad who was apparently too high to get up from his chair.

I smiled and nodded, pushing away the uneasy feeling and just trying to look forward to having a whole afternoon to hang out with Brittany again without having to pretend to study _all _of the time_. _

I knew that that would eventually mean that I'd have to deal with the crush situation, but I would burn that bridge once I got to it.

"Hey guys, wait a second." Quinn spoke up from behind us as the door fell closed.

The halls were buzzing with students excited to be done with school for the day and Brittany and I stopped and turned around so we could hear what Quinn wanted over the rustling noises.

"Do you wanna chip in for a present for Tina?" she asked, stepping closer to us, to let two boys pass behind her, before moving back again.

Brittany nodded while I asked, "What are we getting her?"

Quinn shrugged her shoulders. "Mercedes , Artie and I are working on a good idea. You in?"

"Sure." I agreed and Brittany smiled and nodded once more, adding, "Totally."

"Cool. I'll text you your share when we know what we're getting her." Quinn smiled, looking down and wrapping the long end of her scarf around herself. "Oh, and if _you _come up with anything good, let one of us know, okay? It's harder than expected once we ruled out Artie's suggestion of fake blood juice and a warm winter cover for her coffin. I think he took the Figgins scare too seriously." She shook her head with a soft grin.

Brittany giggled and I scoffed as the three of us started off towards our lockers to make the last book exchange of the day.

Ten minutes later Quinn was waving goodbye to us as she drove off and Brittany and I got into my car.

It had snowed while we had been in school and I carefully steered the car through the slippery snow mess on the way to Brittany's. Like this morning the car ride was filled with Brittany's cheery chatting and aside from paying attention on the road I let my mind wander.

The snow would probably get me out of having to go up to the tree house and I thanked the lord for inventing winter. I also thanked him – or her, you never know – for making Brittany's voice so immensely enjoyable. I could have spent hours listening to her. She could even have been talking about killing baby animals and eating them and I still wouldn't have cared. Not that that would ever happen.

Right now she was telling me something about how kangaroos had it so good cause their hands would never get cold because they could use their pouches as hand warmer-mitten thingies and that she thought they probably also carried groceries in there, cause she would if she had a pouch like that.

The left corner of my mouth lifted up as she became quiet. I knew she was thinking about why she had never seen a picture of a kangaroo warming its hands in its pouch and I waited for her to realize it.

It took her only a second and I held back a cute giggle as Brittany drew in a sharp breath when it came to her.

I loved that moment where she figured something out and I briefly chanced a look at her to see her face light up.

It was beautiful. The way her eyes sparkled, her eyebrows raised high up on her forehead, creating a few lines on the skin just under her hairline, and how her mouth was just slightly open, astonished at having solved another of her self-made mysteries.

"Oh, but they don't _have _winter! It's never cold where they are, right, Sanny?" she burst out excitedly.

_Okay, so sometimes she gets it wrong. She's still a genius. I mean, what she's saying is basically what the fashion people were probably thinking about when they invented those pouches for your hands on hoodies and stuff._

I looked back at the road as I answered.

"I don't know, B. They mainly live in Australia I think and they _do_ have snow there sometimes as far as I know. But I don't think they need to warm up their paws or whatever. I mean, they have, like, fur and stuff, right? Not all animals have kittens like LT." I frowned slightly at Brittany's made-up word.

Her short version of 'kitty mittens' just made me think of a bunch of little Lord Tubbingtons rolling around Brittany's living room. All wearing little mittens like the ones Brittany and her grandma had knitted for Lord Tubbington last year.

One cat with human clothing was definitely more than enough for me.

"Oh yeah." Brittany hummed. "Well I don't think they go shopping either. But if they did, they totally wouldn't need to carry the stuff they buy." She reasoned and I nodded my agreement as I slowly parked the car in front of the Pierce's garage.

As I shut off the engine I looked up at the familiar building.

I had always loved Brittany's family's house. It wasn't as big as Quinn's or my house, but it wasn't too small either. I especially loved how homey and comfortable it was with its garden all around and the colonial style of the house. I had never felt so welcomed anywhere as I did in Brittany's home.

That, of course, had a lot to do with the people living in it. Brittany's parents had always treated me like I was one of their daughters and it felt amazing. Even Emily seemed to love having me over, despite the fact that I often stole her big sister away from her. It's not that we didn't want to play with Emily, and we often did – taking her to the zoo or to see a movie at the cinema – but most of the time Brittany and I preferred to be alone. Nevertheless, I loved how the Pierce's included me.

I didn't know why it was so important to me, that they liked me, but from the first time I had come over to Brittany's house, in the summer before Middle School, I had prayed that they would accept me as Brittany's friend. It somehow had always seemed essential to me, to have their blessing.

The sound of Brittany's car door closing brought my wandering thoughts to a halt and I refocused on the present.

I took the keys out of the ignition and grabbed my bag before following Brittany through the snow.

Before stepping inside the house Brittany and I made sure to stomp as much snow as possible off our shoes so we wouldn't make a mess on the floor, and then quickly slipped into the entrance hall, fleeing from the cold.

As soon as the door had closed behind us we could hear various Pierce's acknowledging our presence.

Brittany's dad called a chipper 'hello, angels' from down the hall where I expected him to sit in his arm chair in the living room, reading his paper, while her mum Anna apparently included our arrival into an already ongoing conversation with Emily as we heard her saying, "..well, now you can ask them yourself."

And, indeed, a second later the littlest Pierce appeared in the doorway leading to the living room, gripping the wooden frame as she playfully dangled herself in an almost ninety degree angle from it, her mid-length blond hair freely flowing towards the ground.

"Can you guys play with me up in the tree house later?" she asked instead of a hello.

Brittany, who had already shed her coat, gloves, scarf and hat, and placed them on the hanger by the door, walked towards her little sister and nodded. "Yeah, sure! I wanted to show it to San anyway."

I sucked my lips into my mouth as my stomach did a little flip.

_Mierda! _

Feeling suddenly a little colder, I hung my own coat next to Brittany's and followed the two blondes into the living room, where Brittany had already propped her hip up onto the armrests of her dad's armchair and kissed him on the cheek.

Emily was happily jumping back to the long table, on which it looked like she was doing her homework, and Anna was standing to my right, ironing some shirts on a portable iron table.

"Hey, Mrs P, Mr. P." I smiled at Brittany's mum before giving Mr. Pierce one of my cool 'gangsta' head nods to make him chuckle as always.

Rob Pierce loved teasing me about my 'ghetto ways' sometimes, which I didn't mind since I mostly just acted 'hood' for show anyway, and it had become sort of a personal joke between the two of us.

"Hi, sweetie." Anna smiled back warmly. "Are you girls hungry? Rob brought home some delicious apple crumble from that cute little bakery that just opened next to the store." She offered.

Robert Pierce had been a high class lawyer for a top-notch law firm ever since he graduated Summa Cum Laude from Yale until about six years ago, when he had suddenly decided that it wasn't really what he wanted to do and had spontaneously quit his job to open up an antique store instead.

His wife had always stood behind him and had fully supported his choice and within a year his new business had bloomed. Now everybody in Lima knew about 'The days of Yore' or 'Bobby's yore store' as his most loyal customers and friends called it.

In fact, the store was doing so well, that Rob had hired a few employees and gained the freedom to go home early or take a day off whenever he felt like it.

Just like me he didn't care too much for Mondays, so he usually spent the better part of the first day of the week at home, reading, or working on the garden, or trying his hand at another novel.

Mr. Pierce's novels were a passion of his. He often spent hours bent over his 'creation' folder and scribbled down page after page, telling stories of brave pirates or driven archeologists discovering live dinosaurs, or friendly tigers making friends with mice.

When Emily was younger he used to read parts of his stories to her for bedtime and Britt and me would secretly listen at the door and enjoy the voices and accents he gave his characters.

I smiled as I remembered those days, sitting in the hall with Brittany with our ears pressed to Emily's bedroom door, and gazed at the blonde.

"No, thanks, mum. San and I wanted to study a bit for the test on Wednesday. But maybe later?" she gave me a questioning look.

I quickly fished for the topic of the conversation, found it – apple crumble - and then nodded. "Yeah, later would be great."

Anna promised to save us some and bring it up to us in about an hour and a half. Britt and I thanked her again and excused ourselves to her room.

* * *

"Ugh, my brain's all fuzzy." Brittany moaned, letting her head hang over the too short back rest of her sister's desk chair we had borrowed again, and closing her eyes.

She in front of her notes and two open books, one of her legs drawn up so her foot rested just on the edge of the seat and her left arm was propped up on her knee. The light wooden table looked like you would expect a journalist's work place to look like. Chaotic and cramped with papers, pens and eraser residue.

The corner of my mouth twitched. She had been refusing to take a break ever since we started studying almost one and a half hours ago and for Brittany to concentrate for that long must have been a new record.

I was so proud of her for being so determined and working so hard to get her grades up and I knew she could do it. She was the smartest person I knew. Even though other people always thought she wasn't, because she only saw the good in people and believed in fairy tales and magic.

But I knew. I knew that she just had to believe in herself again. And then she'd fly.

My heart clenched. She looked tired. Tired and a little messy, with her hair in a sloppy bun and blonde streaks stubbornly hanging into her eyes and framing her face. Her cheeks had a pink glow as well, and still, she looked so cute. But then again, she was always cute.

She was cute when she was mumbling to herself, trying to solve a problem; when she was gnawing her lower lip or the pencil in concentration; when she was running her hands through her hair, or when she gave a little sigh of exhaustion like now.

And that's why I had – yet again – spent most of our tutoring time together staring at her, tracing the shadows on her face and the glow of her skin with my eager eyes, mesmerized by her beauty.

"Want me to rub your shoulders? Work out a few knots?"

The words had left my mouth before I could stop them and I wasn't sure if I even wanted to stop them anyway.

Brittany opened her eyes and turned her tilted back head to look at me. Even though she was tired her blue eyes still held that sparkle that always made my heart skip a beat.

And as she gazed into my eyes, it did. It skipped a beat before seemingly trying to make up for it by racing faster than could be healthy and I didn't move a muscle. Terrified and excited for her response at the same time.

"I would love that, Sanny." She said in a quiet voice, almost shy, as if she wasn't sure of something. She gave me a smile however and I remembered this morning when we had stood together in the school parking lot, our bodies so close, they were almost touching. And how I had wanted to reach out for her so badly then.

And I still did. I always did.

It was like I was drawn to her and it didn't make any sense and I didn't know why, but whenever I wasn't touching her I felt…scared and a little empty. But when we _did _touch it was everything. It was like I touched her for the first time, touched a_nyone _for the first time. Like my body was waking up, still tingling but overwhelmed by sensations more real than I could have ever hoped for.

I moved then. Because I had to.

Slowly I stood up from my chair, noticing how insecure I felt on my shaky legs. I put my own pencil down on top of the table and fisted my hands at my sides, feeling my short nails digging into my hot palms.

My eyes never left hers.

There was only a foot between us. I took a step and then another, painfully aware of the thumping of my heart, chasing my blood through every ounce of my body, setting all my nerve endings on fire.

When I was behind her chair, Brittany turned her head forward and our eye contact broke, leaving me standing behind her, a nervous wreck.

I swallowed dryly as I looked down at her neck. Since her hair was in a bun it was exposed to me, as if inviting me to stroke it, massage it, kiss it.

I took a breath and relaxed my hands. My heart hammered as my fingers lifted up and brushed against her skin on the curves on either side of her neck.

She shivered and goose bumps erupted on the soft skin. My heart sped up.

I took another tiny step forward until my front almost touched the back of her chair, and gently cupped her neck with my hands on either side.

As I slowly pulled them down the length of her neck, the heels of my palms lightly but surely pressing into her warm skin, I heard her sigh, making her shoulders drop faintly.

I licked my lips and retrieved my path by letting my thumbs knead up the inviting expanse of her neck in circles.

Another sigh.

"Oh god…"

Her strangled murmur shot a jolt of excitement through me and my legs shook as I felt my clit pulse underneath the tight material of my panties and dark black skinny jeans.

I traced my hands back down and then began massaging her shoulders, sometimes dipping a little lower to press my thumbs against her back, rubbing down the insides of her shoulder blades.

I saw and heard when her breathing picked up as I repeated my movements and when she moaned quietly, I felt my nipples harden under my maroon top and open black short jacket.

The material of Brittany's Cheerios top annoyed me. I wanted to feel her skin under my fingertips, wanted to feel the warmth, the softness, the familiarity.

_Knock knock._

"Girls?"

I hadn't thought my heart could take any more trauma, but as I heard the short knocks and then Brittany's mum's voice as the door opened, I swear it doubled its speed.

Brittany and I had both jumped and one of us had even given a little squeal – I wasn't sure who – but Anna acted like nothing was out of the ordinary when she came inside with a smile and placed a plate with two pieces of apple crumble and two small forks onto the desk. And maybe it wasn't unusual. Maybe she was used to her daughter and her best friend looking like they had just seen a ghost whenever she interrupted them without warning. Maybe she didn't think anything of it anymore

I hoped against my better judgment that that was true.

"Thanks, mum." Brittany's voice was quiet but I was sure that nobody but me could detect the little tremor in it.

My jaw twitched "Yeah, thank you Mrs. P." I followed Brittany's example and Anna just smiled wider and then walked back out the door after praising us for studying so hard.

The whole time her mum had been in here, Brittany and I had remained eerily still, not moving from our positions, my hands still on her shoulders.

I realized my breathing was deep so I blinked once and relaxed my hands.

"Oh god, I'm sorry." I gasped as I saw that my fingernails had left little marks on the expanse of Brittany's neck. Apparently I had been holding her in a vice grip since we had been interrupted.

"Huh?" she looked up at me, her eyes seeming a little lost and confused.

I lightly brushed the fingers of my right hand over the red, crescent shaped impressions.

"I didn't mean to grip you so hard." I murmured, my voice barely a whisper.

She twitched as my hand ghosted over her and my heart clenched. "Does it hurt?"

When she just shook her head, I let out a shaky breath in relief. "Didn't even feel it." She mumbled, looking to her still propped up knee.

A moment passed before I moved away from her, sensing the uncomfortable awkwardness in the air.

I sat back down on the chair and took the plate, sliding it towards her with shaky fingers.

Wordlessly, she took one of the forks and dug out an edge of the apple crumble piece closest to her.

I only hesitated a second before doing the same.

My heart was still beating fast and my mind spun dizzyingly, but I didn't say anything while we ate. I didn't know _what _to say.

"Thanks for the massage." Brittany said when she put her fork down after she had finished her portion.

I snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure you're completely relaxed now." My voice sounded strong but a little grumpy.

But when she laughed I couldn't help but grin as well and once again I was surprised how fast we could get back to normal.

Or more close to normal anyway.

Just then Brittany's cell phone dinged, announcing an incoming message, and she put her foot down and leaned forward to grab it from under one of the books.

I tried not to look when she held it up but the name on the display practically jumped out at me.

"Patricia?" I frowned, a bad feeling creeping up my spine.

_Where have I heard that name before? Patricia…Patr-…NO WAY!_

"The one from Sam's party? That girl that came on to you?" I asked harshly. My voice louder than I had intended it to be.

Brittany met my eyes with a look I couldn't read.

"Yeah." She shrugged her shoulders. "We've been texting. She's probably asking about going out again."

It was like a bucket of ice had been dumped over my head and the freezing water now made its way down over my skin, into my body and inside my soul until there was nothing left but pain and everything inside me screamed.

* * *

Uh oooh! Seems like San's gonna have to fight for her girl. 

So what do you guys think? Will she flip? And what will Britt's reaction be? And wtf was Brittany doing, writing to her anyway?! :D questions, questions, questions :D

Hope you liked it and leave me a review ;)

also: shout out to my girl bluebiirdy. you're the best, hon. 

she's an awesome writer too! Check out her stories!

kaykay, that'S it from me :) til soon, my darlings.


	24. Chapter 24

My dearest, sweet, patient readers :) I present to you, chapter 24. It'll be full of emotions and frustrations and I hope you'll read and review to let me knew what you all think about it.

* * *

**Chapter 24**

"The one from the party? That girl that came on to you?" I asked harshly. My voice louder than I had intended it to be.

Brittany met my eyes with a look I couldn't read.

"Yeah." She shrugged her shoulders. "We've been texting. She's probably asking about going out again."

It was like a bucket of ice had been dumped over my head and the freezing water now made its way down over my skin, into my body and inside my soul until there was nothing left but pain and everything inside me screamed.

I jumped up off the desk chair. I couldn't sit still. If I sat there any longer I'd suffocate. Or worse…cry.

This was all so wrong! How could she do that to me? Why would she…

_I don't understand!_

My throat felt like I had a huge bolder stuck in it and my hands were shaking slightly, so I balled them into fists and crossed my arms under my boobs.

I heard Brittany's chair swivel around and turned from my position on the other side of the room next to the bed.

_How did I get over here?_

When I met her eyes it came crushing down. The little bit of self-control I had left, just disappeard when I looked at her. She just looked so… not Brittany. Her eyes weren't apologetic or concerned. They were just…calm and almost cold and if it would have been anybody else I would have said calculating.

It shocked me so much that it just all came bursting out of me.

"_What the hell are you doing_? You _know _what a bitch she was to me at that party! You know that she's bad news!" It would have been classified as yelling if my voice hadn't been shaking so much.

That pissed me off even more. It wasn't supposed to shake. I couldn't have it shaking right now when talking was so important.

I wound my arms tighter around myself and my fingernails dug deeper into my palms.

Brittany remained silent.

"She's unbelievable, you know?" I spat and began pacing from one side of the room to the other but without ever crossing the space between the foot of the bed and the wall that separated me from the blonde. My eyes flickered over everything else. Everything but Brittany.

"I don't want you hanging with that…that…"

_Girlfriend-stealer?_

"that _concha!" _I hissed. "Quién se cree que es, esa maldita puta! La voy a matar! _Unbelievable!" _

"San…"

"No Britt, you don't understand!" I abruptly stopped just next to Brittany's dresser and glared at her. She _had _to understand! She _had _to get that Particia wasn't good for her. Wasn't _right _for her.

Brittany just looked back at me. Still calm, but now her arms were crossed over her chest as well, as she eyed me steadily. I resumed pacing.

"She's bad news! God, I can't even believe she had the nerve to text you! I mean, doesn't sh-"

"Stop."

"-she get that you don't want anything from her? Wasn't what happened at the party, wasn't that enough for her?"

"_Stop it."_

"She doesn't even live here! What the hell is her plan? Move? Ask you to move?" I chuckled humorlessly, wrapped up in the different, horrifying scenarios that were mercilessly playing through my mind.

_Someone's gonna take her away. Someone's gonna come along and take her from me. And I can't stop it. _

I gritted my teeth as pain struck my body and willed Particia's face from my memory. It didn't work. I still saw Brittany going with her. Going away and leaving me behind.

The panic threatened to swallow me.

" And what if you say no? Is she just gonna kidnap you and-"

"_STOP IT, JUST STOP!" _

I whirled around. "WHAT?!"

"Stop doing that!" Brittany's body was rigid in the seat.

"Doing what?" I snapped. "She's…she was…you.."

"I what? _She _what?" a strain in her voice she shook her head. "You never react like that when Quinn's the one getting hit on or talked to or-"

"Yah, well, Quinn can take care of herself." I defended, raising one shoulder as I tilting my head in defiance.

Brittany stared at me for a second and then said with a raised eyebrow, "And I can't?" the little streaks of hair surrounding her head seemed to shimmer and fizz with energy.

"That's not what I meant." I said evasively.

"Yeah, I know. I know exactly what that _really _was about." She frowned and her lower lip pushed forward unconsciously.

"What?"

"It's not about whether or not I can take care of myself at all, is it?" Brittany said slowly, like she was prodding for a reaction.

_What?_

I shook my head and scoffed. This was bullshit.

"Whatever. She's just _using _you to piss me off! She's …you can't trust her! She's not a good person! She- "

"Actually, she's really sweet." Brittany interrupted cooly, slightly leaning back in her chair, arms still crossed and eyes still watching me.

"Wh- _no! _No, Britt she's _not!" _I almost howled in desperation. My arms flew forward out of their tight lock around my body and a dry sob – or groan - escaped me.

_Why don't you get that?! UGH!_

It felt like my body was about to implode, and my hands feverishly ran through my hair. She needed to understand!

"Not everybody's good, Brittany! Some people are just liars and cheaters and...just… _bad! __Hay gente mala en el mundo! _Why don't you get that?"

For the first time Brittany's posture changed and there was a flicker of pain in her eyes before she bowed her head, avoiding my eyes.

My racing heart stopped.

_Shit._

"Britt, that's not what I meant." I hastily said, ice running through my body. My thighs twitched as I wanted to go over there and look her in the eyes and tell her that she wasn't stupid. Of course she wasn't! But before I could move she looked up again, tears and anger in her eyes.

"I know exactly what you meant!" she said in a quiet but sharp voice which tore at my heart even more than if she had shouted at me.

Her jaw was set and her eyes accusing and then she stood up. Slowly.

Somehow it felt like the quiet before the storm and I couldn't do anything but watch her and wait for what was coming.

I half feared she would throw me out, she looked so furious. But when she came closer I could see the helplessness beneath the anger and for a second I wondered what she was thinking before she started talking.

"I know exactly why you hate her so much, San." Her voice was the opposite of her face. It was caring and strong, while her face showed wild desperation and hurt.

I swallowed painfully around the throbbing bolder, suddenly finding myself without a voice.

"I know why you don't like Artie or always glare at Puck whenever he comes on to me."

My breathing doubled as my heart rate sped up.

_Shut up!_

She took another step towards me and now we were only an arm's length apart.

"I know." She said with conviction. "I know why your body hums when I hug you-"

I began shaking my head, feeling like my insides were crying, running. But I was trapped in a nightmare where my voice betrayed me. Eluded me.

_SHUT UP!_

"or why you smile when I smile-"

I shook my head harder. "S-shut up." It was barely a whisper. A terrified, trembling whisper and Brittany ignored it.

"or why you carried me home _five__ miles _when I twisted my ankle when we were twelve. Or why-"

"SHUT UP! Just..just shut up!" My chest was heaving up and down so fast it felt like my entire body was swaying, and maybe it was. Because I felt dizzy and faint and so so scared.

"Why are you doing this?!" I cried feebly and felt the tears spill over my eyes and chase each other down my cheeks.

Brittany's voice was full of pain and tears swam in her eyes, making them seem big and pleading and I wished I could look away to ease the pain but I couldn't.

"Because I can't do it anymore! I can't be the only one knowing what's going on. I'm never the only one knowing something. You always explained stuff to _me. _And I don't like knowing it when you don't know it with me. It was always you and me. So please, can't you just see it too?" It was a strangled sob and now her lower lip shook so violently and her face contorted in anguish as she reached out one hand to touch my arm. "San..."

"_No!" _I yanked my arm away and stumbled a step backwards, panic controlling my body where my brain just screamed.

"That's bullshit! I don't- I'm not…" my head still moved from left to right as if in trance as I took another step backwards. I was gonna faint, or scream.

_Run!_

But I shook my head even harder.

_No…No I can't run away from this. It'll never end. No…I…calm down. I just have to calm down. _

I pressed me eyes closed and tried to get my breathing under control, praying that Brittany wouldn't touch me.

I needed to calm down so I could explain.

_I'm not in love with her. I'm not. I'm not in love with her._

When I felt like I could speak again without hyperventilating I opened my eyes. Brittany hadn't moved. She was still standing there, two steps away from me, and waited. I had never seen her eyes so wild, her entire body seemed like it was vibrating and I don't think she even noticed the tear that was making its lonely way down her left cheek.

For a second it drew all of my attention, that single tear.

It was everything that was wrong with this. Everything that was wrong with me. Because Brittany was crying and that should never be.

So I had to step away now. I'd only hurt her more if I kept on pretending that I could make her happy. Because it couldn't be me. I couldn't be the one for her.

_When did this happen? I thought Brittany didn't like me like that. I thought I was the only one crushing. But she is too. The things she's saying…I'm not crazy. There's something there. _

_But I can't lead her on. I can't be what she needs me to be. Because it can't be love. It just can't. And once she realizes that it'll all be too late and we won't be able to go back. _

_I can't lose her as my friend._

_I just can't…_

"It's not like that." I managed to choke out and after clearing my voice I felt more confident that it wouldn't waver again. "It's not."

My heart was still racing but apart from that I felt calm. No, not calm…numb.

At my words her face fell and it was like I could literally see all the air, all the fight, leave her body, making her seem smaller than I had ever seen her.

But I couldn't care about that now. I couldn't care about my heart which tried to rip itself from my chest to go to her, comfort her.

"You're my best friend, Brittany." My words sounded hollow, lifeless, even though her name burned on my tongue like acid. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

Brittany flinched. "Hurt." She repeated in a tiny voice, her eyes disbelieving. The tears now flowed freely and again I tried to look away but I couldn't.

"Hurt?" she tilted her head a little as her voice grew stronger.

"Yes. I don't want anybody to hurt you."

I twitched when she laughed then. A cold, humorless bark of a laugh. I watched her as she turned her back to me and threaded both of her hands through her hair, chuckling quietly. It was a heart-freezing sound, hearing Brittany laugh without meaning it. I didn't think I had ever heard that before.

I didn't dare move. I couldn't.

_What's going on?_

Her shoulders shook from the silent laughter and suddenly she spun around and flew towards me.

I flinched but before she reached me, crashed into me, she stopped. Her face not two inches away from mine.

"So you're my best friend?" she asked, but I didn't respond. It didn't feel like a question that really required an answer.

"Who are you trying to protect me from, Santana? Patricia?" the girl's name sounded accusing on her tongue. She knew this wasn't ultimately about her, but I couldn't let go of that pretence yet. I couldn't tell her, even though we both knew, that it was me I was trying to protect her from.

Because the thing was, she knew who. But she didn't know why.

I swallowed, looking up into her eyes, and nodded. She nodded with me but it wasn't in agreement.

"Yeah, okay. Then explain one thing to me, San." Her eyes flickered between both of mine. "If that's all there is between us…" her eyes seemed to scream, the tears continuing to run silently down her face, as her voice broke. "Then why does it hurt so much?"

I couldn't give her the answer. I couldn't tell her why it felt like my body was ripping apart inside and bleeding so much I thought I should be drowning in it. I couldn't, because I didn't know.

We stood there - within reach of each other - and just cried.

It hurt. My entire body hurt from not touching her. I needed to so badly. Needed to feel her, gather her up in my arms, hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. But I couldn't. Because it wasn't. Nothing was okay.

"I gotta go." I tried to say, but I couldn't speak so it merely came out as another suffocating whimper as I mouthed the words.

She shook her head. "Don't. Please, San…" the whispered plea shot through me like electricity, but it couldn't wake me.

Nothing can wake the dead.

* * *

"Santana? Mi amor? Where the hell have you been?"

The voice sounded familiar. And also a little scared. A second later hands were cupping my face, lifting my chin so I would look someone in the eyes. My mum. She seemed far away.

"Dios mio!" I faintly registered the worry in her face as I got pulled forward and into something soft.

"What happened to you?" her voice was muffled.

I felt myself being moved again and then I was sitting. "I was so worried! When I called Brittany's house Mrs. Pierce said you had left hours ago and that you were really upset."

_Brittany. _

My heart spat out some more blood I didn't know was left. But the pain was dull and I had no more tears to cry. They had all been shed.

"Where have you been?" the question stirred something in me.

_Where _have _I been? _

I remembered crying. But where? _Ah. Right._

"Car." My throat hurt and the word came out raspy and hoarse.

"Your car? Where did you go?"

I shook my head. I didn't know. I hadn't gone anywhere I thought. I just remembered sitting in the car, and crying.

"I think…I think I just parked somewhere." I got out quietly. My eyes stung from not blinking for too long and I lifted my left hand to rub the pain away from them. My arm felt like it was made out of lead and it took a great effort to raise it up to my face.

"Ay, mi hija, what happened? Did you and Brittany have a fight?" my mum's hand was rubbing up and down my back and I gently swayed with it.

_Brittany._

The dull pain throbbed.

I drew in a sharp breath and flinched at the pain. Whether it came from the name, my aching lungs or my sore throat I wasn't sure. Probably all three.

"I…I just wanna go to bed." I decided brokenly and willed my body to stand up. After a few seconds it complied. My mother said something but I didn't understand her and I didn't care. I turned around and walked towards the hallway.

My movements were jerky and stiff and it felt like it took me two hours to walk up the stairs.

But still, when I closed my bedroom door behind me, I couldn't remember getting there. I staggered to my bed, for the last few steps feeling like I wouldn't be able to breathe until I felt it beneath me, and then let myself fall.

I landed on my front but didn't care.

Having my face pressed into the mattress - no air, no light - felt right somehow. It matched what was inside me. The despair, the emptiness.

And then I screamed. I screamed into the mattress and when I couldn't scream anymore I cried, faintly wondering where the tears came from and if I would shrivel up soon without any water left in me.

_Or maybe I'll just cry blood. _

I didn't care either way though, but nevertheless my lungs screamed for oxygen, so, with a strangling howl and grunt, I rolled onto my side and breathed in.

* * *

Something was hurting. It was a different kind of pain than the one occupying the rest of my body and I moaned weakly.

I realized it was my arm that was pulsating painfully underneath my body and I rolled onto my back, immediately feeling the blood rush back in, temporarily intensifying the pain.

I didn't know how long I had lain there, curled up on my bed. It had already been dark when I came home, so it must have been evening or night. I felt extremely disoriented and without any sense of time. It was still dark and I didn't think I had slept, let alone through an entire day without my mum coming in, so I guessed it must still be the night between Monday and Tuesday.

There was a sound.

_My phone._

My phone had made a sound.

_Someone's calling me. _

…

_Brittany..._

_Brittany!_

I was kneeling in front of my purse next to the door, rustling through it.

_Brittany!_

I found the vibrating, illuminated phone and snatched it out of the purse, heart hammering. Then I froze.

_Oh god, I can't talk to her!_

Shaky hands dropped my phone and it quieted. For a second nothing moved, nothing made a sound except for my labored breathing.

Then the phone jumped to life again, vibrating and giving another sound. Only one though, and then it lay still once more.

_Text!_

I hesitated a second before picking it up. _What if she never wants to see me again? What if she hates me? God, she should hate me. I hate myself. _

I clenched my jaw against the pain that was beginning to throb harder again and then I pressed a button and the display lit up.

_7 new text messages and 4 missed calls._

I noticed that I was trembling all over as my heart thundered in my ears.

As if they weren't mine, I saw fingers move to open the inbox.

_Quinn_

_Quinn_

_Quinn_

_Quinn_

_Quinn_

_Quinn_

_Quinn_

I didn't know what I was feeling. Disappointment? Relief? Grieve?

Numbly I opened one message after another.

(18.12pm)

_So? How did the studying go? ;) –Q_

(18.43pm)

_S? Come on, tell me! Or are you too 'busy'? :D – Q_

(20.08pm)

_Santana, come on, what's going on? Did you guys talk? – Q_

(20.34pm)

_Are you okay? – Q_

(21.40pm)

_Pick up the damn phone! What happened with Brittany? I can't reach her either! – Q_

(22.57pm)

_Damn it, Lopez! Come on, I'm getting worried. – Q_

I was just about to check if all four calls had been from her when another text came in.

(23.06pm)

_That's it. I'm coming over. –Q_

I pressed 'reply' and typed three words.

_Don't. I'm fine._

But I wasn't. And I wasn't sure I would ever be fine again. Brittany was gone. I knew she was gone. She had given me one last chance but I couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. I couldn't lie to her. Because I couldn't be in love with her. I just couldn't.

And yet…that pain I felt. That unbearable, mind-numbing, gagging pain. Was it what losing a friend felt like?

_No._

I knew it wasn't. Because when I had thought I'd lost Quinn as my friend it had hurt. Badly. But nowhere near this. This was agony. This was torture. This was all my fault.

And then my eyes fell onto something.

They fell onto a little note that must have spilled from my purse during my hasty search for my phone.

The note was old and crumbled and folded to be really really small. It was _her _note. The one I always carried with me wherever I went.

With shaky fingers I picked it up from the floor just in front of my right knee and unfolded it.

In the dim moonlight shining in through my window I read the worn little words that seemed like from a lifetime ago.

_I know._

The words swam in front of my eyes as renewed tears filled my vision.

It had been the third week of middle school when Brittany and I had been exchanging little notes during class.

* * *

"_Stop passing notes!" Quinn hissed in a whisper, her eyes never leaving the front of the class._

_I looked at her with amusement and snorted. "Since when are you so up-tight?"_

_Quinn and I had always been the wild ones in elementary school, always making trouble and doing whatever we wanted instead of listening to the teacher. We'd still always gotten good grades though, because we had taken the tests seriously enough, if nothing else._

"_Since our future depends on our behavior in school." She gave back shortly, still not looking at me._

_I chuckled. "It's _middle _school!" I pointed out, rolling my eyes as I leaned back in my chair._

"_Shush!" Quinn finally turned and frowned at me before concentrating back on the teacher._

_I blew out a sort of laugh through my nose and shook my head, smirking._

Thank god I have Brittany now. That would have totally sucked trash if I had been all alone with nerd Quinn in middle school. Who knew she was such a goodie-two-shoes.

_I glanced over to the blonde on my right side. Brittany had been listening to our conversation but hadn't said anything. She rarely said anything at all except for when she was alone with me. I think she was nervous about talking to other people. Sometimes some of the things she said were a little…weird. _

_I thought she was awesome and funny though, but I had seen her get teased once before and got why she kept quiet a lot._

_I had kicked that kid with the weird Afro in the balls when he had teased her however and Puck had punched him right in the face. _

_Puck was awesome too. I knew him about as long as I knew Quinn and the three of us always used to hang out. _

_But lately we didn't see him as much anymore. He had this new friend, Tim, or Finn or something and the two seemed to really get along. He was freakishly tall, that new guy, and I kept seeing him over at Puck's when I walked my dog Snickers and passed his house._

_Whatever. If he was too busy for us now I didn't care. I mean, it's not like I couldn't live without him. Besides, Quinn and I were busy hanging out with Brittany anyway. Ever since we had met the blonde a few weeks ago we always did stuff together, the three of us. _

_I smirked, glancing at Quinn, and then unfolded the note Brittany had passed me before Quinn had gotten annoyed._

'_what's your favorite skittles color? like I mean the taste?_

_I grinned. What a random question. My last note had been what she wanted to do over the weekend._

_I raised my eyebrows at her, broad smile still on my face. "What about the weekend, Britt?"_

_She looked blankly at me. "Huh?" Her blue eyes stared unblinking._

"_Um…" _Whow…god, her eyes! So…blue!

"_Um, the…my note?" I stretched out my arm over our a-joining table and tapped my right index finger on the little white piece of unfolded paper in front of her._

"_Oh!" she took it and read it again, before smiling sheepishly as she bent down low over another small note, writing quickly._

_As I waited for her to pass it to me I glanced down at the Skittles note again and thought about my answer. _

_Green, I decided, as Brittany slid her finished message to me._

'_we could build a fort! my mum bought some new big pillows and I got a new blanket! we lost my old one in the move __'_

_I automatically pouted at her sad smiley and turned the note over to reply._

'_That sux. But cool that u got new ones now. But isn't building a fort like for kids? I like green Skittles btw'_

_When I folded the note I felt something smack my left arm._

"_Hey!" I hissed, but before I could properly turn around to glare at Quinn, our teacher whose name I kept forgetting was towering over Brittany's and my desk._

"_What's going on here," She glanced at the self made name plate in front of me. "Miss Lopez?" _

_Hurriedly I tried to grab the pile of notes that were littering my desk, but the scowling middle-aged woman had already snatched them._

"_I will have no disruptions in my class room. Is that understood? This isn't elementary school anymore." she tilted her head and looked over her old-fashioned glasses, giving first me and then Britt a hard glare._

_Brittany just smiled and nodded shyly but sweetly. I looked back at the teacher who had an eyebrow raised at my silence, and then rolled my eyes, but nodded as well._

"_Alright then." Mrs. Whatsherface cracked a little smile and turned back to the front._

_I frowned. She had taken all of our notes._

_Looking over, I saw that Quinn had a satisfied smile on her face._

"_What?!" I snapped, jerkily crossing my arms over my chest as I slouched back in my chair._

_The girl gave an irritating shrug. "Tried to warn you." She said haughtily and I had to concentrate really hard not to smack across on the back of her stupid head._

_Instead I decided to ignore her because I had a note to re-write._

_I sat up straight again and leaned forward._

_This time however, I pretended to be scribbling in my notebook – making Quinn silently groan and shake her head - and waited for the teacher to turn her back to us, before passing my answer to Britt under the table._

_She looked surprised when I gently tabbed her knee with the note, but beamed and made to lift it onto the desk. _

_I quickly covered her hand with mine and whispered, "No! Under the table!"_

_She formed a silent. 'Oh!' and nodded enthusiastically, doing as I had told her to._

_When she bounced a little in her chair after reading it, I almost couldn't hold back a snort and quickly averted my eyes, just waiting for her answer and hoping she wouldn't do it too obvious. _

_Apparently she was as sneaky about it as me though, because before I had the time to copy two sentences from the blackboard, I felt something light land in my lap._

_I blindly unfolded it before subtly lowering my gaze._

'_yay! mine's red! so we can share __ I don't know if forts are only for kids. I thought we were kids? I love forts. they're fun.'_

_I looked over at her. She was smiling so big it was ridiculous and she still seemed a little bouncy and excited._

_I rolled my eyes again, but this time in an endearing way, and scribbled back._

'_Kay we can build a fort.'_

_This time when I checked the front, the teacher was busy talking to this girl named Rachel who always seemed to have a question, which annoyed me quite a lot. But she sat in the other corner of the room, so I felt safe to just pass Brittany the note._

_As soon as she had read it I heard her whisper-squeal, "Sweet!" and chuckled._

_The next note I got from Brittany was in such tiny writing that I almost couldn't read it. I squinted my eyes at it and bowed my head closer to it._

'_can't wait!' I felt my pulse quicken. Next to the narrow words was a bright red heart. _

_Quinn and I always wrote each other hearts as well after messages or in letters or when we used to draw on each other or the street with chalk, but somehow it seemed different with Brittany. _

_I quickly jerked my head up, remembering to keep an eye out for the teacher. But she was still busy with that girl and didn't pay any attention to me, so I ripped another piece of paper from my note book as soundlessly as possible and scribbled in neat handwriting, 'me neither.'_

_I only hesitated for a second before placing a heart after the note as well. It turned out a little sloppy cause my hands seemed to tremble a little for some reason and I frowned, glancing if Britt had already seen. _

_She hadn't though, being preoccupied with trying to catch up with copying the stuff on the black board into her notebook, and I hastily rubbed out the ugly heart and carefully drew a new one._

_Leaning back, I scrutinized my work._

Yeah. That's better.

_I nodded in approval and folded the note. As I nervously pushed it over to Brittany, I bit my lower lip._

_The blonde looked up from the book and smiled before even opening the note. I watched her carefully as she read it and felt myself relax when her smile only grew. Then she looked at me, her eyes sparkling, and I felt really happy._

_Even though there was nothing on the other side of my note, she didn't turn it over to write her answer and for a split second I was disappointed that she wouldn't reply at all anymore as she just put the little piece of paper into her trouser pocket._

_But as soon as she had done that she tore another piece of paper from her notes._

_I straightened up a bit, picking my nails, as I watched the purple pen fly over white._

_This time Brittany didn't bother folding the note and rather just handed it to me._

_I locked eyes with her for a second – or was it longer? – before pulling my hand away from where her fingers were still touching it. The note trembled a bit in my hands as I read._

'_thank you'_

_I frowned and turned to Brittany. "For what?" I asked in a whisper._

_She grinned big and then held her hand out to me. I gave her the note back and she scribbled something on the back before giving it back to me._

'_for giving me your heart of course' It said. And then there was another heart and a smiley behind it. Again, my heart sped up._

"_What? I … that's not what that means." I said quickly and then ducked my head when I realized that I had forgotten to watch my volume. Out of the corners of my eyes I could see Quinn glaring disapprovingly at me again, but the teacher still had her back to us like before._

_Another note was passed to me and I read it under the table while my ears felt like they were burning._

'_sure it does. that's why people draw hearts. to give them to other people.' _

_I read the note again. _Where was I when people decided that's what drawing a heart means?

_I was still frowning when I scribbled back. I wasn't exactly angry but I didn't like the turn this little conversation had taken._

_It made me feel all tingly and weird inside._

_I passed the badly written note and Brittany read it over her lap._

'_Well you wrote a heart to me first.'_

_As the blonde's eyes moved over my words I waited for her to shake her head, maybe laugh, and explain herself. I would have._

_But she just smiled and took another piece from her notebook. _

_She seemed to take a lot longer with this one and I started to become a little antsy when she finally passed it, with her teeth still showing between her curled up pink lips._

_I glanced to the front of the class one last time before looking down at the small note in my hands._

_There were only two words there. 'I know'_

_I stared. And even though my heart was still hammering and the tingling feeling inside me remained, I had to grin._

_I didn't really register the renewed slaps on my arm from Quinn, and when the teacher towered over me once more, I didn't react much at all except for swiftly hiding the little note inside one of the pockets of my skirt._

_Not even when Mrs. Whatsherface made me stand in the corner for the rest of the lesson did my smile falter._

_Brittany had given me her heart and somehow that just felt so damn good._

* * *

A watery sob escaped me and I pressed the old little note to my chest, right over my heart.

It was a shallow attempt to heal it, for what good could this tiny little piece of paper possibly do, when my heart was ripping open and spilling over and swallowing me whole.

My body shook as the tears ran and ran, and somehow, through my aching chest, my burning lungs and my closed off throat, the words escaped.

"Fuck, I'm in love with her."

As soon as I had said it out loud the pain eased. Only for a second though, before I realized what I had done today.

And then I was lying in the dark, my cheek pressed to the floor just before my knees. My back was bent forwards, sheltering both of my hands, that were clutching at my chest, cradling the note as if it were the only thing keeping me from splitting apart. From being sucked into despair and eaten alive.

The howl that escaped me sounded animalistic and raw and somewhere in the back of my pounding mind I hoped against hope that somehow, someway, Brittany would hear it.

And that she would know again, like she once did, like I did now, that I had given my heart to her a long time ago.

* * *

I hadn't slept at all. Of course I hadn't. Who would sleep when they constantly felt like puking or clawing their own eyes out or punching something really hard.

I hadn't done any of those things. I had only lain there, first on the floor and then back in my bed, and had let the pain ripple through me, forcing dry sobs and burning tears and desperate groans from within me.

Getting back into my bed had taken more strength than carrying Brittany home those five miles.

Brittany.

My mind kept coming back to her.

No, that wasn't true. Actually, it never left her. But that at least was nothing new by now. What was new, however, was the panic that came with thinking about her. It wasn't the old oh-no-I-can't-be-feeling-this-for-her panic, it was a new kind of panic. Way worse.

It was the panic of knowing that I had closed the door on us. That she had seen us and that I had walked away from her when she had asked me to stay. When she had _needed _me to stay.

How could I ever take that back? How could she ever forgive me?

I had thought back to all that had happened between us these past seven years since we had met in the park and with each memory that replayed in my mind it became more and more obvious to me how blind I had been.

How could I not have noticed that Brittany had been the most important person in my life since the minute I laid eyes on her? How could I not have noticed that without her I felt wrong and incomplete?

I loved her. I loved her so much, I couldn't breathe. I loved her with all my heart, but what did that mean?

I sat up – slowly, stiffly – and took in a deep breath. My room was dark and quiet and as I looked at my bedside alarm clock I saw that it was almost six in the morning. Leaning back against the cold headboard I shuddered and stretched out my left arm to pull up the blanket to cover me. I fit it over both shoulders until I was all wrapped up in it and then I encircled my legs with my arms and rested my chin on my knees.

I loved my best friend. Brittany. But I didn't just love her, I was _in love _with her.

I didn't question why, there where hundreds of reasons that would make anybody fall in love with Brittany, not the least that she was perfect in every way. She was beautiful and smart and loving and extraordinary and I didn't know what to do with myself, I longer for her so much.

But I wasn't just in love with my amazing, quirky best friend, Brittany. I was in love with a girl.

Brittany was a girl, and loving her would make me…a lesbian.

I tensed.

I _knew _that loving a girl wasn't wrong, I _knew _that being gay or lesbian wasn't a sin – love could never be a sin, I _knew _that nobody could tell me who to love, in my head I _knew _all that.

But I also knew what kind of people were out there in the world, people who were prejudiced and hateful and ignorant, and with a jolt of horrifying guilt I realized that I was one of these people.

My heart raced as I felt sick to my stomach again and I shook as I flashed back to all those times I had thrown hateful and demeaning words at Kurt or had made hurtful jokes about his and Blaine's relationship.

_Oh my god! What the hell is wrong with me?_

My eyes stared unblinkingly at my fists which were bunching up the black blanket that covered my shins and I had never, ever in my life wished that I was someone else as much as I did right in that moment.

How could I have done that to them? How could I be the very person I was afraid of the most?

I disgusted myself and I felt my throat close up once more as the tears started to well over again. I wanted to hurt myself for being so stupid, for being so fucking stupid and monstrous.

_No! Stop it!_

No. Enough. Hurting myself wasn't the answer, and neither was feeling bad for myself and wallowing in my mistakes and the mess they had created.

The only thing I could do now was change.

And telling Brittany I loved her would be the first thing I would do.

* * *

Thanks for reading you guys and I hope you have an opinion on this chapter and share it with me :)  


**The Spanish:**

_concha! - _cunt!_  
_

_Quién se cree que es, esa maldita puta! - _Who does she think she is, that fucking bitch!

_ La voy a matar - _I'm gonna kill her

_Hay gente mala en el mundo -_ There are bad people in the world

_mi amor - _my love

_dios mio - _my god

_ay, mi hija - _oh, honey (oh, my daughter)

Hope you're all doing well after the finale and let's just celebrate that Brittana will always be endgame in out hearts. I'm with you all, my darlings :*

Next chapter coming soon, don't you worry.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25, my dear friends :) 

Read, enjoy and review.

* * *

**Chapter 25**

When I checked the clock on my nightstand again it showed that it was 6:32 am.

_Should I pick her up? Would she even open the door?_

As if bitten by a snake, I sat up straight in my bed, suddenly gripped by fear, which simultaneously brought about a boost of energy.

I was going to tell her, but I needed a plan. I had fucked up big time and I had to do it right.

Nervously gnawing on my lower lip, I tried to shake the wariness and eyelid-dropping tiredness off, and come up with a fool-proof plan of how to confess my love to Brittany after all the things I had said and done the day before. I crossed my legs Indian style under the blanket and thought.

_I can't pick her up. She'll never want to get into a car with me right now, right? I mean…I don't know. How would that even go? I don't want to tell her in the morning when we have to rush and I don't want to do it in the car either when I can't even look at her or touch her or anything._

My skin tingled at the thought of running my fingertips along her jaw line or down her arms until I could entwine my hands with hers, but I had to concentrate on other things, more important things – things that _should_,of course_,_ ideally _lead_ to some sort of touching – and so I took a deep breath and tore my mind away from the images.

_No, I can't pick her up! But how will she get to school? Is she expecting me to pick her up? Fuck! Okay…I'll just drive by her house later than usual on my way to school and check if she's still there._

_God, I hope she isn't expecting me to pick her up…although that might mean she forgives me…_

_No…No, I can't face her yet. No, she'll ask her dad to drop her off on his way to work. _

_Either way, I can't talk to her in the morning. I need to do it somewhere else. But when? _

I quickly went through my lesson plan for Tuesdays in my head. Brittany and I would have Maths and Geography together today, but that just meant that we'd see each other. In the middle of class was hardly the right place to have a conversation like that. Not with all the students and the teacher around us and, plus, we'd have to whisper or pass notes and that was just wrong for what I intended to tell her.

So, that was a definite 'no' to talking to her about it during class.

_Could we skip? _

I imagined trying to convince Brittany to skip class with me and wasn't too happy with the outcomes I came up with.

She would either say no – assuming she'd talk to me at all – or ask me why and I couldn't answer that in a crowded hallway with people listening in and staring at me and the pressure of getting to class. I was already nervous enough as it was.

It couldn't happen during school then.

_Should I tell her during lunch break? But what if she doesn't wanna see me alone then either? I can't tell her in front of our_ _friends and again – there'll be loads of other students there, and it's none of their business_!_ It's something way too personal and I can't deal with them right now, I just want _her _to know. I just want to talk to her alone! Fuck!_

I groaned, but then I remembered something and my body jolted into an alert position, head and back building a straight line as if hanging on marionette strings. I pulled my right hand away from my mouth, where I had unconsciously been biting my thumb nail, and it froze in mid-air, as I recalled Mr. Schuester's end-of-lesson speech from last week.

After we had basically laughed off his idea of talking about Sectionals instead of Regionals – _I mean, come on, we got this! -_ he had shaken his head and given us that look. I hated that look. When he looked at us like that, I knew that he was about to say how disappointed or worried he is and that we all needed to do an assignment to reset our priorities or whatever.

And that was exactly what he had said. He'd said that he'd talked with Miss Pillsbury about it, and that they both agreed that we, the Glee clubbers, weren't taking Sectionals seriously enough.

I mean, what did he want from us anyway? After all, _he _had been the one to come bursting into the choir room about a month or so ago, all excited and shit, and telling us that, since we had done so brilliantly at Nationals last year – even though we had lost –, he thought that we should gather some confidence and concentrate on Regionals instead of Sectionals like we usually did. I mean he'd even held a freaking lesson about Regionals and everything.

He'd said that Sectionals would be a piece of cake for us and I must say, that I agreed with him on that. Sectionals had never been a problem for us, unless we found that we didn't have enough members to compete in the first pace, but that wasn't an issue at the moment.

Anyway, so last week he had completely recounted his speech about thinking ahead and had told us in his serious voice – which annoyed the crap out of me – that we shouldn't get too comfortable and too cocky and that we needed to focus on getting through Sectionals first, which would already be in two weeks.

I frowned and shook my head as I still felt the lingering annoyance from his lack of continuity and his constant 'in deep thoughts' look that was even more horrible than Finn's gassy 'I'm such a good guy' face.

Ignoring the bitterness that threatened to come up as I thought of Mr. Schuester and his unfairness when choosing assignments and lead singers, I thought back to the end of his rant.

As the bell had rung to signal the end of the lesson, Mr. Butt-chin had announced that he wanted to see us pick it up a notch and that he was gonna take a leaf out of Coach's book and make us come to additional, mandatory Glee club rehearsals on Tuesday afternoons as well as the usual Friday ones.

So, I'd see Brittany in the Glee club meeting today after school.

But how would that be better than normal lessons? Of course, not having anybody but the Gleeks around would help, but I still didn't want to talk about this with her in public.

_At least it'll be quieter in the halls by then. Maybe I could catch her before she goes into the choir room and just sort of pull her away if she refuses to talk to me at first. Yeah, I could just drag her into the girls bathroom and lock the door and make her listen to what I have to say._

What _did _I have to say, though?

I felt another surge of panic race through my body, which made my blood feel icy and caused me to reflexively reach out and pull the blanket closer to my chest, as I realized that telling Brittany I loved her – that I was _in _love with her – would mean that I'd actually have to put it into words and say it out loud. In front of her. With her, like, right there.

_Oh shit! How can I tell her? How can I say that I love her without sounding like a complete idiot and asshole. I basically told her the opposite yesterday. Well, not the _opposite _opposite - I didn't tell her I hate her – but I made it pretty clear that I don't like her like that. _

_Fuck, why am I such a coward? Such a stupid, slow coward that it took me this long to figure it out?_

_What if this is it? What if yesterday was the last straw and it's too late now? _

My chest tightened painfully and it was hard to breathe. The air just wouldn't come from my aching lungs, smoothly up through my closed off throat. Instead the breaths that escaped my lips were halting and shallow and so very dizzying.

_What if she _never _wants to talk to me again? What if she doesn't even look at me anymore?_

A strangled little sound dropped into the quiet room and just hung there, taunting me, and feeding the fire of anguish and fear that raged within me.

_Oh my god! Or what if she didn't take our fight that bad, but only because she doesn't feel anything for me! What if I'm just making all of this up in my head! I mean, how did she _really _react yesterday? Was it really that bad? Was she crying?_

I tried to remember what Brittany had said. What _I _had said. But the heart-squashing panic and the disarming power of the merciless 'what if's were too overwhelming. They consumed me until I couldn't clearly recall the memories of yesterday afternoon in Brittany's bed room at all.

I just remembered pain and despair. But just because my heart had broken, didn't mean that Brittany's had too.

Had she really been as affected by our fight as I had been, or had I just made up the tears and the dismay and disappointment in her beautiful blue eyes?

I buried my face in my palms and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes.

What was I gonna do?

_Well, now that I finally know, I can't _not _tell her. Whether she will feel the same way or not, I have to tell her I love her. I can't go on pretending. _

As the deep sigh reverberated around my body, a calmness settled inside me and my tight muscles relaxed, my hands falling away from my face.

It was out of my hands. I couldn't control whether she loved me or not and that hurt and scared me, but I couldn't do anything about it. The only thing I could do was tell her how I felt and hope to god or whatever that she felt the same way about me.

_I'll do it during Glee today. I'll make her come with me and listen to me and then I'll know. Then I'll finally know if there could be …_something _for us. If I can ever be happy again. I just need to know. Yeah…_ _I just need to know._

With a last deep breath, I slowly pulled aside the comforting, warm blanket and stepped out of my bed.

I shivered at the chilly cold that winter brought into my room, and crouched down to find my purple furry slippers. Sometime during my sleepless night I had taken off my socks and changed from my school clothes into my largest jumper which I had pulled on over a plain long-sleeved black shirt, and my Cheerios sweat pants.

My current 'outfit' had mercifully warmed up under the blanket and I was dreading having to take these cuddly ones off to put on some normal clothes which would undoubtedly be cold as fuck.

So I just grabbed my fuzzy slippers from under my bed and stepped into them, enjoying the moment as my feet immediately felt warmer now that I wasn't standing on the cold floor barefooted anymore. That'd have to be enough for now.

I'd just go down and make a pot of coffee before doing anything else, otherwise I wouldn't even make it to school. You do _not _want to see Santana Lopez without coffee after an emotionally scarring, sleepless night, and I would sure as hell not be driving in my current state.

I crept out of my room, through the completely quiet first floor hall and down the stairs.

_Coffee first, confess undying love later…_

* * *

Brittany's house had been dark when I had driven by, my heart thumping mercilessly, and I had almost been disappointed that she hadn't waited for me.

Even though I hadn't really expected her to after everything, this time it hurt to be right.

For the rest of the ride to school I had gone over my game plan for this afternoon, purposefully avoiding thinking about how I would handle seeing Brittany all day and not say anything to her, and in all likelihood not have her say anything to me either.

It had only worked to a certain degree and the closer I got to school the more nervous I felt about having to face her.

Now I was sitting in my car, the parking lot around me emptying, as I gnawed on my lip and willed my hands to stop shaking.

Why did I have to have my first lesson of the day with her?

Why couldn't I just have one more hour without seeing her?

It was all so complicated. On the one hand the prospect of seeing her, hearing her soft, gentle voice and being close to her, left me a nervous wreck, stomach twisting painfully with dread at the silent-treatment I might receive. But on the other hand, like always, even those short few hours from when I had walked out of her bedroom yesterday afternoon until when I would see her again any minute now, were already too long and my body, my soul longed to be with her again. See her, talk to her, just feel her presence…_anything_.

Only now that I had admitted my feelings for her to myself, did I realize that being without her had always worn on me. Whenever I left her after school or after hanging out with her I felt this emptiness. This scary emptiness like something wasn't right.

I had apparently been repressing that feeling for most of the years I had known her, but now it was like I was constantly reliving those days since I had first met Brittany and with each time a new feeling was added into my memory. A feeling I hadn't let myself feel then, but could clearly recall having had deep inside me now.

It was bizarre and more than a little frightening. How could one person hold so much power over me?

A faint thud made me jump and my eyes focused on my surroundings. I found myself almost completely alone in the school parking lot, except for the usual tardy students who were just now hurrying towards the main entrance, and the two or three juniors who were simply too cool to be on time and were instead leisurely leaning against the dark of the school building wall that was covered in darkness as if they didn't have anywhere to be.

A small smile flickered across my face as I remembered that Brittany and I had been just like them every now and then not too long ago. We, too, had taken some pride in provoking a frown on our teachers' faces when we casually strolled into the classroom five minutes after the bell had started the lesson. Or maybe I had been the only one somewhat enjoying it and Brittany had just tagged along for my sake.

There were so many things Brittany seemed to have done just for me in these last few years, and that was what finally gave me the strength to get out of the car and walk up to the school, avoiding the last remaining patches of dirty snow.

She wouldn't shut me out. Not completely. There would be some way I could get through the day and then I would somehow get her to listen to me.

All couldn't be lost when our connection had been so strong from the very start.

There was something there on both sides. I was sure of it.

I just hoped that would be enough.

* * *

"You're late, Miss Lopez!" Mr. Melton growled, obviously annoyed, when I rushed into the classroom.

I mumbled a mindless apology, my eyes already sweeping the room for Brittany.

At first I thought she wasn't there when I saw that the chair next to the one I usually occupied was empty, and my heart stuttered as did my step.

But then my gaze ran over the back of the class and there she sat, head bowed low – probably to avoid any eye contact with me – while stoner Brett stared at her as if he was trying to control her mind.

"_Miss Lopez!"_

I whipped my head around at the teacher's hiss.

"Huh?"

"Sit. Down." He growled darkly and I could tell from his twitching jaw bone that it wasn't the first time he had ordered me to do so.

I swallowed down my initial shock and quietly wound my way towards my own chair that now looked rather lonely.

It was no wonder that I couldn't concentrate at all for the rest of the math lesson.

Not when I thought I felt Brittany staring at me from behind, and not when I was so very busy trying my damnedest not to catch a glimpse of her or her empty chair.

Time seemed to have slowed down tremendously and for the last few minutes before the bell rang I couldn't hold back from fidgeting in my seat like a five-year-old at dinner.

Finally the teacher excused us just as the bell chimed and all around me students groaned relieved and pushed themselves out of their chairs.

For a second I was frozen, not sure what I was supposed to do now, and acutely aware of the fact that Brittany must be about to walk past me at any moment.

My ears strained to listen for her voice as I swiftly pushed my school utensils into my purse. Instead of Brittany however, I heard someone call her name.

Reflexively I turned around, but I could hardly get a glimpse of her before she and some guy I didn't know the name of pushed past me. They were out of the class room before I could even really comprehend what had happened.

"_Son of a bitch!" _I hissed under my breath. I quickly stumbled around my desk and made to go after them but then I suddenly stopped.

This wasn't the plan. I wasn't supposed to talk to her now, it would never work out the way I wanted it to. I was too riled up already and I hadn't even said hello to her yet, let alone that I loved her…

With great effort, I took in a deep breath and managed to calm myself down. With deliberately slow steps I walked out of the class room and towards my next class of the day.

One and a half hours without Brittany. I sighed. This was gonna be a long day.

* * *

English was nothing short of torture.

I kept zoning out and going over what I wanted to say to Brittany and how she might react.

I tried not to freak myself out too much, I really did, but every now and then I wasn't able to suppress the dreadful images of Brittany with a cold or –even worse – disgusted expression in her eyes as I confessed my love to her.

I knew I shouldn't be thinking like that, lest I psych myself out so much that I'd chicken out, but the images kept popping into my head despite my best efforts.

So, yes. English was sheer torture and Kurt's questioning looks were just about as helpful as Sam's whispered impressions of Robin Williams in Jumanji. When the lesson finally ended, a fine layer of sweat covered the skin on my forehead and cleavage.

_Shit, shit, shit._

_Come on, one more class then I can duck out for lunch and get some fresh air. Oh, jesus isn't it supposed to be December?_

Discretely wiping a pearl of sweat from the top of my right eye brow, I stood up and followed my fellow students out of the room.

"Hold on a minute, Miss Lopez." Mrs. Marycomb's voice held me back.

I suppressed a moan as I turned around, frowning when one of the tall jocks knocked past me on his way out.

"What?" I asked, trying to keep my tone polite despite the uneasiness I felt.

The middle aged teacher and I were now alone in the room with only the distant chatter and noises from the busy hallways in the background as the door closed after the last of my fellow students.

She didn't seem disturbed by my briskness though and merely settled her hip against the front desk, folding her arms over her chest and eyeing me steadily.

"You haven't taken any notes." She stated. I would have been more alarmed, but her calm deliverance defused the potential reprimand behind the words.

Nevertheless, I was unsure how to react so I stayed quiet.

She waited another minute, but when I still didn't respond she drew in a breath and tilted her head. "Are you having problems?"

"What? No. I'm doing fine. I'll catch up, I-"

"I'm not talking about problems in my class, you've been doing quite well so far, Miss Lopez, I'm talking about 'real' problems." She smirked slightly as my surprise must have shown on my face. "I know very well that most of what happens in these classrooms as well as outside these halls in all of your lives has nothing to do with academics." She added quietly.

"I also know that if one of my best students doesn't even bother opening her notebook when we're discussing Literary Fiction, a topic I know for a fact she's more than good at, something is off. Am I right?"

My jaw clenched.

_It's none of her business! What the hell?!_

"I'm fine." I said coldly. I wasn't used to teachers poking around in my private , except for Mr. Schuester or Coach, but this whole situation was different. This wasn't Glee club. And this wasn't about some stupid Glist or me spying for Coach. This was about Brittany. Or, to be more precise, my feelings for her. And those I would _not _be discussing with my English teacher. Not a chance in hell.

Mrs. Marycomb's expression didn't waver however. In fact, her impenetrable stare pierced through me almost as easily as my mother's could and for a second I lost my composure and swallowed thickly.

"Santana." Her quiet voice wasn't pushy but somehow it made the rest of my resolve crumble.

"Look, I'm dealing with it, okay?" the slight panic in my voice must have startled her, because the lightly auburn haired woman across from me raised her eyebrows and I saw concern shimmering in her dark, green eyes.

"It's nothing bad." I hastily added, afraid she might think I was victim of a bad home situation.

_God, that's the _last _thing I need right now! Getting sent to some guidance councelor - well, Miss Pillsbury – and having her investigating my relationship with my parents._

Restlessly, I shifted from one leg to another, pulling my purse further up my shoulder. I was acutely aware of the quieting out in the hallways and felt myself itching to go to the next class. Geography. Where I would see Brittany again.

"Sant-"

"Mrs. Marycomb, it's really nice that you are worried or whatever, but I'm fine. I was just a little distracted today, it happens." I took a quick breath to get myself under control and the biting tone out of my words. "It won't happen again." _It won't because I'll sort this out with Brittany _today. _And if not…_

"I gotta go to class." I turned on the spot and walked away from her. As I reached for the door handle she cleared her throat.

Looking back over my shoulder, I saw that she had pushed off the table and was now walking around it to gather her things, her expression once more professional and distant. "Just see to it that you copy today's notes from someone. And, Miss Lopez," she looked up, her eyes as piercing as before. "if I notice you being distracted again I'll assume you'll come and talk to me about that thing you can handle all by yourself."

I thought I saw the ghost of a smirk on her lips, but I didn't take the time to think about it. I just nodded and pushed open the door, before taking up a jog down the deserted hallway towards my last class before lunch. Geography with Brittany.

* * *

Unlike Mr. Melton this morning, Mr. Rontee didn't even pay me any attention as I slipped into the classroom and swiftly wound my way to my seat in the second row.

I wasn't surprised that Brittany's chair next to me was empty again, but it stung nonetheless.

No matter if we had been fighting or not, Brittany had _never _avoided me like this before.

I wanted to look around to see where she was, but I resisted the temptation. It would only make it harder for me to concentrate.

As it turned out, though, Brittany was sitting only three chairs to my right, which I found out when Mr. Rontee told Puck off for talking during class. I had turned to see my Mohawk friend and just caught him leaning away from Brittany who he'd apparently been in a concentrated conversation with.

Very much uncharacteristically for him, Puck had merely apologized to the old teacher and had leaned back in his chair, eyeing Brittany silently. For a brief second Brittany's eyes had met mine, but she had immediately looked away. Before she could avert her gaze however, I had read insecurity and pain in her eyes, and it had torn at my heart.

Pulse thumping thickly in my throat, I had turned back to face the front, and I was still staring at some insignificant spot over the blackboard now, trying to calm down my rapid heartbeat.

A soft touch on my left arm made me jump.

"San, what happened?"

It wasn't the first time that day that Quinn had tried to get me to talk about what had happened between Brittany and me the day before, but I wasn't about to tell her. She had caught me on my way to English this morning, a concerned look on her face, and asked if I was okay.

I wasn't, but I had a feeling that wasn't really the question. The question was way more complicated and I had avoided telling her then by drawing Artie into the conversation and directing it to the topic of Tina's birthday present which was still to be thought of and bought.

Quinn had let it go then, because she had had no other choice, but apparently she wasn't done trying.

"Nothing." I gave back in a whisper, frowning inwardly, as I detected the light tremor in my voice.

_Damn it! What the fuck is happening to my self-control?!_

"San." Quinn said in a tone that made me hear 'stop bullshitting me' instead.

I met her hazel eyes. They were challenging like always, but also so very gentle. I let out a small breath.

"We had a fight." I said even quieter. When she just raised her eyebrows for me to continue, I sighed. "I can't tell you here. It's just…" my eyes jumped to the teacher for a second, but he was busy. "I'm in- I…"

_No! You can't say that here! You can't say that now! Brittany needs to be the first one to hear it!_

I gasped quietly as the wave of emotions ran through me without warning. Fear, surprise, anguish, pain.

Quinn's fingers tightened around my lower arm. "What? What is it?" her voice carried through in an urgent whisper, hazel eyes jumping between both of mine.

"I need to talk to her later. Can you help me? I need…I…can you somehow get her to meet me –" my mind was racing. "- in the locker room. During, well, _instead of _Glee?"

My concentration was now solely focused on her and I studied her reaction worriedly, my hands balling to fists on the table.

_Please! Please help me with this!_

She scrutinized me carefully. "San, what-"

"Please, Quinn."

Quinn nodded slowly. "Yes. Yeah, of course." She slid her hand down my arm to cover mine. "I'll get her there." She nodded again and squeezed my hand.

I wanted to thank her but my throat was closed and I didn't want to start crying in the middle of Geography. And I was pretty close to tears right at that moment.

For the rest of the lesson Quinn distracted me from thinking too much about Brittany by pointing out spelling mistakes on the blackboard and whispering little comments in my ear as we watched a short movie about seagulls or something at the end of the lesson.

We hadn't done things like that since the beginning of middle school, mostly because Quinn had become somewhat of a nerd.

I smiled as she snorted when a fat guy with an Irish accent rambled on about the importance of keeping our oceans clean of oil. "Well maybe he shouldn't be throwing his burger wrappers in there either." She hissed into my ear, nodding her head to the right hand side of the screen.

I chuckled when I spotted a McDonald's wrapper lazily floating by on the greenish water in the background. In the previous scene we had seen the guy just finishing a cheeseburger before turning around to the interviewer. "Hypocrit." Quinn and I whispered in unison and then glanced at one another with a smirk.

It felt good to just shut off my mind to anything other than Quinn's quiet familiar voice in my ear and her warm shoulder against mine, but of course it couldn't last, and way too soon the bell announced lunch break. Mr. Rontee turned off the projector and switched on the lights. Several students groaned at the sudden brightness and one even hissed like a vampire which elicited some chuckles.

The grey haired teacher directed Sam to open the curtains and then read off the homework for next week from his little brown note book.

Quinn stretched and took in a deep breath before turning to me.

"So, you wanna sneak out for some lunch?"

The way she said it didn't indicate that she was asking as a favor to me. She made it sound like it was the most normal thing to do for the two of us, which – lately – it wasn't unfortunately. I was grateful for the sentiment but hesitated. I needed to go over what I was going to say to Brittany. I needed to get some air.

Suddenly I felt really hot again and it was getting a little harder to breathe.

_Calm down. Just…maybe it'll be good if I don't think about it too much. If I think about it all during lunch I might back out._

"Yeah, sounds good." I nodded and she gave me a quick smile before gathering her things.

We were almost down the hall when Mercedes' voice called for us.

"Hey Quinn, Santana. Wait for a second."

Quinn and I turned around and my heart stuttered. Brittany, Mercedes and Sugar were walking towards us.

My eyes immediately found Brittany's but again she averted her gaze, staring at her shoes instead as the girls stopped in front of us.

"Tina's gonna meet us in a minute. We were thinking that we could do the Underdog thing today." Mercedes informed us darkly.

I felt Quinn glance at me, but I still couldn't look away from Brittany. Brittany's hidden face, her blonde, slightly messy hair, her long fingers that curled around her books which she was hugging protectively against her chest. Brittany.

"Today? I thought it was planned for after Sectionals since the set list is already set for it anyway. He wouldn't change it now." Quinn remarked, a slight hint of bitterness in her tone.

"Yeah I know, but Tina and I thought that he would pay more attention now because it's taking away time from our Sectionals rehearsal and that's gotta tell him how serious we are about this if we risk wasting a lesson to get our point across." The dark skinned girl explained.

Out of the corners of my eyes I saw Quinn wobble her head in thought. "Yeah…I guess. Well, do you wanna go over it again, or-"

"That was the plan." Tina jogged the last few steps towards us, a little out of breath. "Sorry, the teacher let us out late." She apologized towards Mercedes.

"Um.." Quinn's eyes lingered on me again.

"Actually, Q and I were just about to take off and grab some lunch." I said. My voice showed no sign of distress but my heart hammered relentlessly as my gaze still rested on Brittany.

She had barely moved since they had walked up to us, but now her head jerked up.

Her lips parted, but before she could ask, Sugar cut in.

"You're not allowed off school grounds during lunch period."

I just gave her a dirty look, which made her widen her eyes, but quickly focused on Brittany again. Without moving my gaze from the blonde, I went on, unperturbed by Sugar's interruption.

"Any problem with that, _Mercedes_?"

"Uh- well, yeah." The girl said slowly. "We kinda need you with this, girl." She chuckled, confused as to why I wouldn't jump at the idea.

"Well, I'm going out for lunch. I know my parts by heart and so does Quinn. If you wanna do it today I don't care, but we're leaving." I said way more calmly than I felt.

"Sant-"

"Nah, it's okay, Tina. I think they'll be fine." Mercedes' voice carried a hint of an undertone but I didn't pay any attention. Brittany was staring at me. For the first time since what felt like ever, her blue eyes were gazing right into mine. Searching.

"We'll be back in time for Glee." Quinn stated in a quiet voice that unsurprisingly didn't leave any room for argument despite the low volume.

That was one of the many things that made Quinn so good at being a leader. At being the Cheerios captain. She didn't have to raise her voice to assert dominance. Although, she certainly preferred it with the cheerleaders. But she didn't _need _to. Her voice, her expression, if she wanted to, everything about her exuded an air of confidence and authority that could set a sudden finality to the words she said. Hardly anyone ever dared to go against her when she sounded like that and right now I was extremely grateful for it.

As expected, Mercedes just said 'okay', while Tina shrugged only slightly annoyed.

_Where are you going with her?_

I saw the question in Brittany's eyes. I saw how she struggled to understand. But I didn't answer. I didn't want to give anything away. If I started talking _now _I'd have to explain it all. And I wasn't ready because this wasn't going according to plan. This feeling wasn't supposed to be gluing me to the spot, her eyes weren't supposed to be gazing into mine, her presence wasn't supposed to hold me captive.

A hand gently wound around my elbow and finally, with all my strength, I turned around and let Quinn lead me outside, away from school, away from Brittany, into the snowy parking lot.

* * *

"Ugh! I _hate _winter!"

Quinn drove her car with snail speed as we came back to school, meaning that ants could have easily passed us if they could survive in this cold, and cursed colorfully as an ice patch at the parking lot entrance made the car slither for a second before she got it back under control.

"This is crazy! Why isn't anybody salting the streets?"

Stress lines were apparent on the blonde's forehead and her knuckles stood out white against the steering wheel as she cramped her hands around it so hard.

I wasn't feeling too good about the dangerously slippery roads either, but I wasn't sure whether my nausea came from that or the fact that in less than fifteen minutes I'd have to face Brittany. If all went as planned. Either way, my adrenaline was pumping heavily through my system, and when Quinn turned a particularly narrow corner, navigating between a silver Mercedes and a pick-up truck, I grabbed on to the little latch above my door with a wince.

Both of us were beyond glad and relieved when Quinn's car was safely back in its original parking spot three spaces down from mine.

Quinn blew out a deep sigh and I let go of the handle and leaned against the cold window, looking over at her.

"That was fucking scary!" I admitted, letting out a shaky breath I hadn't noticed I was holding.

"Yeah!" Quinn nodded, looking a little shaken. "I am _not _driving home in this weather." She decided, eyes wide and still staring out of the front window.

The way to BreadStix had been fine, but once we had gotten back into the car after our lunch, it had been crazy. It was almost like a snowstorm now and the streets had not only been deadly slippery from the ice but also barely visible through the furiously dancing snowflakes.

We sat next to each other in silence until Quinn finally leaned back in her seat and slowly turned to look at me. For a minute neither of us said a word, until…

"You ready?"

I hadn't told Quinn _exactly _what had happened the day before, simply because it was all too confusing and painful to describe, but she had understood what it was about. Of course she had, she had been bugging me about it for weeks. I had told her that I had figured it out. That I needed to talk to her now. I hadn't said the words. I hadn't said 'I'm in love with her'. But I didn't need to. Quinn knew. I was sure of it. And to my great surprise and immense relief, I didn't care.

So then Quinn had helped me come up with a plan to talk to Brittany. The words would be mine, she couldn't help me with those, but she would make sure Brittany would get to hear them.

I hesitated only a second before drawing in a deep breath and nodding.

"Yeah. I'm ready."

Her face softened with an encouraging smile that bathed me in warmth and calmed my racing heart just the tiniest bit.

Wordlessly we stepped out into the freezing cold, the wind whipping snow around our ducked heads as we hunched over, hugging our winter coats to ourselves, and jogged towards the entrance.

* * *

The cheerleading locker room was cold since Coach never put on the heating to 'strengthen our immune systems', but that wasn't the reason why I was shaking.

It hadn't even been two minutes since I had sat down on one of the benches that split the aisle between the rows of red lockers and I was already nervous as fuck.

So nervous in fact, that I squealed when I heard a slight swoosh behind me.

Jerking around, I noticed that one of the little top windows was cracked open. _Seriously?!_ _Why the hell would anybody open a window in this ice age like winter we got going on?_ Swiftly I got up and strode over to where the long staff was fixed onto the wall right next to the window.

With trembling hands I got it down from its hooks and lifted it to close the window.

It shut with a screeching noise and a thud and the dark sound reverberated loudly in the otherwise quiet locker room.

_What if she's not coming? What if she doesn't believe Quinn?_

Quinn was supposed to convince Brittany that Coach Sylvester was looking for her and had ordered Quinn to pass it on to Brittany that she was to meet her in the locker room immediately.

_But what if she comes but then leaves once she sees me?_

My lip started trembling so I caught it between my teeth.

_What if she just shouts at me and runs out? Oh god! Or what if she hears me out and THEN runs out? What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if-_

The white wall I was still facing swam before my eyes and I could hear my own ragged breathing.

"Shit." I hissed shakily.

"Santana?"

My heart stopped as I whirled around.

Brittany.

Brittany stood halfway hidden behind a locker just past the doorway. Both of her hands were cramped around one of the straps of her backpack that hung heavily off her right shoulder and her face displayed shock.

_Good. Shock. Not anger or hatred or pain. Just shock._

_For now…_

I took a step towards her and noticed that I was still carrying the iron pole. I contemplated turning around and hanging it back on the wall but I didn't want to turn my back on her. If I looked away she might run.

So I stared.

"I…did the Coach ask for you too?" her quiet voice was magnified by the deserted locker room acoustic and bounced off the walls and the metal lockers almost like an echo.

I swallowed. "No. It's…she's not coming."

Brittany's brows furrowed. "But Quinn said-"

"Quinn made it up so you'd come here."

She still looked confused and my heart seemed to try its best to beat loud and fast enough so Brittany would hear it through the silence.

"Why?"

"Because-" my eyes flickered sideways for a second before looking at her again. _God, she's so beautiful. Even now, when she clearly hasn't slept well and with her pony tail all messy, she's still breathtaking._

"Because I wanted to talk to you. I…I _need _to..." I took another step and now I was standing next to the bench I had sat on just a few minutes ago, only four feet away from Brittany. My heart stuttered to a halt as I detected the faintest twitch in her left leg, her expression flighty. _Don't! Please don't leave me now, I still have to tell you! _As if making up for its missed beat, my heart was quickly racing faster than I ever remembered it beating and I wondered if I would pass out soon. "-to tell you something. I need to explain."

Now Brittany was the one averting her gaze, dropping her eyes to the floor.

When she spoke it was so quiet I almost didn't understand the words. "Tell me what?"

_This is it! Tell her!_

"I…Britt, I'm so sorry about yesterday." My voice was strained and quiet, the importance of the words weighing it down to almost a whisper. I felt stupid with the pole in my hands but at the same time it gave me something to hold on to. And I did. I held the pole so hard in my grasp that I could feel the metal pressing through my skin and against the bones of my palm. Somehow it gave me strength and when I spoke again my words were clearer and stronger.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't- I don't even know what happened. I just…I…"

"You panicked." Her eyes met mine and a surge of relief flooded through me as her soft voice stroked me like a warm caress. She understood. She didn't hate me and she understood. Her blue eyes were so gentle, so deep, but there was a shadow. Fear. Doubt.

I shuddered when I realized that_ I_ was the one who had put that shadow there.

Desperate now, desperate to heal her, to heal _us_, I carelessly leaned the staff against the row of lockers to my left, deaf to the metallic clatter, and took another two steps towards her.

_I'm sorry! _

"I did. I panicked and I was stu- wrong." I bit my lip again. _I love you. _

Her lower lip began to tremble and her eyes filled up with tears. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand seeing her like this. So small, so afraid.

"Brittany, I was wrong, so wrong, and you were right. There _is _something between us. Something special and I see it now, I do!"

The hope in her eyes almost killed me. How did I deserve someone looking at me like that? How did I deserve _her _looking at me like that_? _How could I ever be the person she saw when she took in every bit of me and at the same time offered herself to me so openly.

Tears streamed down my face and as my knees began to shake from the terrifying hope that gripped my heart, I uttered the only words that mattered.

"Brittany, I love you!"

I had finally said them. The words that could be my salvation, and yet, they didn't seem enough. They'd never be enough to tell her what I felt for her.

She began to shake, her shoulders, her legs, her everything.

"B-britt?" Was my heartbeat gone completely or just too fast to detect? I couldn't catch a breath.

_What? What is it?_

As something closed around my throat, I watched the tears that spilled over her angelic face and froze at the heart-wrenching sob escaping her quivering lips. She shook her head. At first I thought it was just because all of her was shaking, but then I saw that she was shaking her head. Strongly, relentlessly shaking her head.

"No?" I didn't understand. "Wh-"

_What? No? No, what!? God, no. No, no! Please, don't say you don't love me back, please!_

She was still shaking her head, the hope having vanished from her watery eyes, disappeared behind a new curtain of despair.

_What's going on? No, _please!

"Brittany.." it was only a gasp. A breathless gasp as she turned away. Turned her back on me.

_No, no, no, This can't be happening! No, no, no, no …_

"NO!" my hand closed around her wrist and then we were face to face again.

Panic.

I couldn't talk.

Panic!

_Brittany!_

Was I breathing? My head felt light, nonexistent.

Her face was so close to mine and I could _feel _her trembling. I could _feel _her?

"Oh god! I'm s-so sorry." I stuttered, letting go of her arms and staggering away from her. I had pinned her against the wall next to the door. Trapped her, so she wouldn't leave me.

_Please don't leave me!_

Her tears and heart-breaking sobs were slicing through me like a knife.

Brittany's back was pressed against the wall and her face was contorted in agony.

_Oh god! _

My eyes raked over her in horror, my hands shaking violently as I dropped my gaze to them, speechless.

"B-brittany, I- I'm so sorry. Wh-" my own sobs closed off my throat and made it hard to talk.

_Wh-I don't understand! HELP!_

It hurt so bad.

"Wh-what is it? Why…why…I don't understand." By now we were both full on crying and it was just all wrong. So, so wrong.

I reached out to her, but flinched when I saw her press herself harder against the wall.

"Did I hurt you?" my voice was shaky, but now the tears ran in silence. I wasn't sobbing anymore. I was frozen. Frozen deep from within. Frozen in the very core of me, my soul.

_I can't have hurt her. Oh god, please don't let me have hurt her._

My every nerve was on high alert and searing as I watched for her reaction. _Please, please…_

Slowly she shook her head again. "N-no."

The word was so small but an indescribable weight lifted off me. I hadn't hurt her. I could have never forgiven myself. But she was still _hurting._

"Then please. _Please, _tell me what's wrong!"

This time I didn't stop as I reached out to her. The step was made before I thought about it and then her soft skin prickled under my fingertips.

I curled my left hand gently around her wrist.

"Please!" I whispered, tasting the salt of my own tears in the plea.

When our eyes met it was like a storm came upon me. Not a storm like the snowy one raging outside, a hurricane of emotions.

The deep blue threatened to swallow me and I felt my whole body ache to give in to it, to sink into it, drown in it.

"I'm scared."

A cry fell from my lips and then I was falling. Falling, but flying, into her, my arms around her neck, my body pressed to hers. My lips trying to still the fear, trying to erase the words that had burst from her soul to mine, ripping it apart and healing it at the same time.

_I love you. I love you. No! No, don't be afraid! I love you!_

"I love you, Brittany. I _love_ you." The words were barely audible but they could have been silent, because they didn't need to be said aloud when I laid them, gratefully, from my lips to hers.

Giving her my heart.

Again.

Everything awakened as if rising from a century-long slumber.

My every cell and nerve-ending was on fire as her arms wound around my waist, pulling me impossibly closer and still not close enough.

"Brittany. Brittany…" her name was a benediction on my lips; that were her lips. Because I didn't know where I ended and Brittany began and, really, it was just the same, for I was hers. Had always been.

My body rose with every gasping breath she took, there, against the locker room wall, five feet away from the place where I had felt it all. Pain, longing, desire, shame.

The longest moments, endless minutes, I had spent in this locker room, cursing myself for peeking, chancing a glance, for daring to _want _to look at her. All of her.

This was the place where my fears had screamed the loudest and my self-hatred had burned the brightest for so long.

This was the place where I had never forgiven myself for longing. Craving.

Now, in her arms, with her heart so close to mine, the pain and the suffering were merely distant echoes of the past. Almost entirely foreign to the thrill, the symphony that was playing through my body. Carrying me higher and higher until I was soaring.

I didn't push her against the wall this time. I didn't need to. She was staying, she was here.

We were swaying on the spot, glued together by a passion I had thought could never be. By longing and love.

I was finally home.

It could have been minutes later or hours - I neither knew nor cared - when our feverish kisses slowed down to breathless whispers of swollen lips against swollen lips.

Finally it was enough just to hold her tight. As tight as I could, with our foreheads pressed together and our labored breaths mingling.

I didn't open my eyes until I heard her sigh. Only then, I slowly lifted my heavy lids to sink into the awaiting bluer-than-blue orbs.

My already shaky breath caught at what I saw in them. Trust, incredulity, happiness, but most of all…

"I love you, too, Santana."

My heart leapt, leapt right to hers, leaving me disoriented and tingly from the euphoria that spread through me like a current along an electrical rod.

Brittany loved me. Brittany Susan Pierce, the sweetest, most caring, funniest, most interesting girl in the world had said that she loved me.

It had only been a few minutes. A few minutes since my world had changed. But still, it felt so right now, that I couldn't believe that all this time I hadn't know.

When now it was like I had never known anything else.

Because loving Brittany was the only truth. As real and simple as the sun rising every day, my breath coming and going like the tides and my heart beating steadily inside my chest.

Brittany was the truth. And how could I not have known that I loved her.

Deep in my soul, my essence, I loved her.

* * *

And here we are. There will be a little outro soon, but i'm afraid we've come to the end of this story :)

It's been amazing and interesting and wonderful writing this story and i am so grateful to all of you :*

Who ever is interested, There will be a **Sequel **:) yay! :D

after all...this is really just the beginning ;)

have an amazing time my lovelies!

Love, Christy 


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